


Double Trouble (It's Gonna Be Ok)

by kjm126316



Category: Misfits (TV 2009), The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Twins, Angst, Angst and Humor, Canonical Character Death, Child Abuse, Crossover, Drug Use, Everyone Needs A Hug, Gen, How Do I Tag, Humor, Hurt/Comfort, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, I wrote this instead of doing my classwork, It's just a mixed bag of cats TBH, Klaus Hargreeves Needs A Hug, Literary References & Allusions, Mentions of Prostitution, Nathan is his own warning, Past Child Abuse, Reginald Hargreeves' A+ Parenting, So much angst, Spoilers, TW:, There is a Halloween Special, This gets very very very sad, Updates Thursdays, Will add tags as I go, You Have Been Warned, so many spoilers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-16
Updated: 2019-11-15
Packaged: 2020-03-06 14:36:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 27
Words: 111,887
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18853045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kjm126316/pseuds/kjm126316
Summary: On the twelfth hour of the first day of October, 1989, 43 women around the world gave birth simultaneously. This was unusual only in the fact that none of these women had been pregnant when the day first began.Eccentric billionaire Reginald Hargreeves resolved to find and adopt as many of these children as he could.He got 8 of them.Picture yourself, when you're getting old…(Currently on hiatus; see last chapter for details, but never fear- I will come back, I promise. Just might take me a minute.)





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Four and Seven](https://archiveofourown.org/works/18735508) by [s0ng_0f_st0rms](https://archiveofourown.org/users/s0ng_0f_st0rms/pseuds/s0ng_0f_st0rms). 



**On October 1, 1989, 43 women around the world gave birth simultaneously. This was unusual only in the fact that none of these women had been pregnant when the day first began.**

Eccentric billionaire Reginald Hargreeves resolved to find and adopt as many of these children as he could.

He got 8 of them.

_Picture yourself, when you're getting old…_

In a household of eight children there was the good chance of twins. In this particular household, there was but one set- Numbers 4 and 8, or, as they preferred to be called, Klaus and Nathan, respectively.

_Sat by the fireside, a-pondering on,_

For identical twins, their powers were rather… different. Juxtaposed, you could say, for the younger, Nathan, was immortal, and the elder, Klaus, could see ghosts. 

_Picture book, pictures of your mama, taken by your papa, a long time ago,_

The episode with which it had been discovered that Nathan- or Eight, as he was called in this period of time- couldn't die was a rather traumatic one for all those involved. Having taken a nasty spill down the stairs, Eight only realized he was dead when Four (Klaus) screamed in pure horror at the unnatural angle his neck was bent at.

This of course caused Eight to start screaming as well, not that the other siblings could hear him.

_Picture book, of people with each other, to prove they love each other, a long time ago,_

Reginald Hargreeves, the children's adopted 'father' had no misgivings about the situation other than losing an 'asset.' When he expressed this sentiment, it took Six and Five holding a tiny, 5 year-old Four back to stop him from pummeling his father, tears streaming from his eyes. 

"You bastard!" He screamed, scrabbling at the hands that withheld him. "You- you-" More tears fell from his eyes. "Bring him back! BRING HIM BACK!" Reginald regarded the child with cruel disdain.

"Stop this foolishness at once, Number Four," he commanded. "You have an hour to get ready for the funeral."

Five and Six dragged their sobbing sibling away. Four didn't seem to notice, too busy yelling at his father to 'bring him back, please _please_ bring him back…"

_Na na na, na na na, na na na, na na na,_

The funeral was small, and lackluster. Reginald didn't even bother to show up.

It was just Four, his siblings, his robot mother, and Pogo. 

Oh, and the ghost of his brother, who was by his side, even in death.

"Cheer up, Four!" Eight's ghost said for what felt like the millionth time in a desperate attempt to console his inconsolable twin. "I'm right here, it's like nothing changed!" Four didn't respond. He just kept staring blankly at the patch of turned dirt, underneath which his brother rested.

_Picture book, picture book,_

Eventually numbers one through seven left, leaving Four to his lonesome. Unsurprisingly, Reginald himself eventually came out and dragged Four inside.

_Pictures of you, in your birthday suit,_

The next few weeks passed by in a blur. Their sixth birthday came and went. Four didn't care, because Eight wasn't there to celebrate with them.

Well. Not physically, at least.

You see, Number Eight was possibly more stubborn than Number Five, at times, and this stubbornness usually manifested itself whenever Four was concerned- Eight was quite protective of his older twin.

Case in point, Eight was glued to Four's side, much like when he was alive.

It was for this reason that when Eight started fading, Four saw.

_You sat in the sun, on a hot afternoon,_

At first, Four hadn't been paying attention. It was a gap from Eight that caught his attention, and when he looked up it was to see his twin rapidly fading before his eyes.

"Four- Four, I feel weird," the ghost said. "Four, what's going on?"

By the time the younger twin opened his mouth to reply, Eight was gone.

_Picture book, your mama and your papa, and fat old Uncle Charlie out cruising with their friends,_

Four freaked. 

"EIGHT!" He screamed. "EIGHT, COME BACK!"

There wasn't a reply, but Six did burst into the room with all the grace a six year old could manage, so there was that.

"What? What?" He panted, then balked at the tears streaming from Four's eyes.

"Eight is gone!" He cried. "I could see him one minute, and then the next I couldn't, EIGHT COME BACK- mmft!"

Six glared at him from where he had his hand clamped around Four's mouth; "Shhh, he'll hear you!" There was no questioning who 'he' was. 

Six sat back and tried to think. 

_Picture book, a holiday in August, outside a bed and breakfast in sunny Southend,_

"Do you want to go… check his grave?"

_Picture book, when you were just a baby, those days when you were happy, a long time ago,_

"... Yeah, ok."

_Na, na, na, na, na na, na, na, na, na, na na,_

Together, numbers Four and Six creeped out of the house late at night to go check on Eight's grave.

What they found shocked them.

_Picture book, picture book_

"Do you… do you hear that?" Four asked, face pale with horror. Six nodded, face also incredibly pale.

"Yelling? Yeah, sort of. Come on, let's dig him up."

_Picture book, picture book._

After much huffing and wheezing, they finally had Eight's coffin out of the ground, where, said yelling was much louder. Four choked on a sob, scrabbling for the edges of the coffin because; "he's alive, Six, help me, please, he's alive-"

"Number Four! Number Six! What are you doing?" 

Six and Four froze like deer in headlights. After exchanging panicked looks with each other ("what do we do?" "I don't know, this was your idea-!") they slowly rotated on their heels to come face to face with a furious Reginald Hargreeves. 

"D-Dad-"

"Eight is alive!" Four proclaimed. "He's alive, we can hear him!" Reginald frowned.

"Don't be ridiculous, Number Four, dead men don't… speak…" 

Reginald's frown deepened when he too, heard the yelling from inside the coffin, and without any further ado he stormed over to said coffin, pushed aside his children (never mind that they nearly fell in Eight's grave) and, much to the collective shock of everyone there, proceeded to pull the lid off with his own two hands.

(This was unusual only in the fact that Reginald wasn't one to get his hands dirty, and ripping open the coffin of his recently deceased 'child' definitely counted as getting one's hands dirty.)

But lo and behold, the minute the lid was removed Number Eight surged upwards with a gasp, chest heaving. Reginald barely had enough time to get out of the way and even then Eight still headbutted him on the nose.

Normally that kind of behavior would warrant them a cane to their hands, but Reginald just stared at Eight in amazement as he sobbed into Four's arms.

"Immortality," he whispered. "Incredible."

And thus, their fates were sealed.

_Picture book, pictures of your mama, taken by your papa a long time ago… a long time ago._


	2. The Beginning: Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein there's nightmares, mausoleums, fighting, and Klaus talks to a ghost at his brother's insistence

**On the 1 of October, 1999, eight siblings had their tenth birthday. This was unusual only in the fact that they had all received a rather odd thing in the guise of a present- a name.**

Their android mother, Grace, was the one who named them, under strict orders from Reginald to "name seven of them."

It was exceedingly obvious who would be left out- poor Number Seven, who had no powers.

But much to the collective surprise of numbers one through 8, Grace skipped Number Five and moved right onto Number Six.

"Mum, you forgot Five," One, now Luther said immediately. Grace paused momentarily before turning to Number One with a smile.

"No, sweetheart. Five didn't want a name; so Number Seven gets his instead." She explained pleasantly. Down the line, Number Seven sucked in a breath, something akin to excitement on her features. It was washed out, as all emotions were with Seven, but it was there. Privately, Nathan wondered why exactly his sister was so apathetic, but there was a small voice in his head, screaming that she hadn't always been that way. 

Five, on the other hand, looked unbearably smug, but that was quite a common expression for him, so nobody batted an eye. It was quite in character of him, too- only Five would think to bend the rules like that. Nathan was begrudgingly impressed.

Grace went down the line, giving names to each and every child (excluding Five.) One became Luther, Two, Diego, Three, Allison, Four, Klaus, Six, Ben, Seven, Vanya, and Eight, Nathan.

Nathan and Klaus were enamored with their names, and called each other by name almost excessively, much to the ire of everyone around them.

"Nathan, brother mine, could you be a dear and pass the salt please, Nathan?"

"Of course, Klaus, brother mine, here is the salt, Klaus-"

"No talking at the table!"

Both twins shut up abruptly at that, but wore shit-eating grins throughout all of dinner.

~~~

Klaus hated the mausoleum. 

Reginald thought the mausoleum was the only way Klaus could get over his fear of the dead.

Together, it wasn't the greatest combination.

"Number Four! Stop this incessant struggling at once!" Reginald snapped, one hand clasped around Klaus' bicep.

Klaus struggled valiantly; "I'm not Klaus!" He cried. "I'm Nathan, you prick!" Reginald paused and glowered at the child, scrutinizing him carefully.

He didn't fall for it; "Enough of your nonsense, Number Four," he said waspishly and began pulling Klaus towards the mausoleum with renewed vigor. "You must get over this ridiculous fear of yours!"

Klaus didn't stop struggling, and nor did he stop claiming he was his twin, not until the steel doors of the mausoleum slammed shut.

Klaus quickly picked himself up off the dirty floor and threw himself at the door, banging his fists against it and begging to be let out.

"I'm not afraid anymore!" He screamed, finally giving up on pretending to be his twin. "Let me out, PLEASE!" 

"Six hours, Number Four!" Reginald shouted back, uncaring of the duress Klaus was under. "Six hours, and then we'll see how you're doing!"

Reginald left, then, paying no heed as Klaus' screams steadily grew louder and more hysterical, but the minute the sound of his car's engine faded away, there was silence.

And Number Eight, more commonly known as Nathan, sat victoriously in the middle of the mausoleum, having successfully fooled Sir Reginald Hargreeves.

"Take that, you bastard," he whispered into the dark.

 

~~~

Of course, the twins weren't always successful.

"Number Eight! Why do you insist on disrupting your brother's training?" 

Nathan glared heatedly at Reginald; "Fuck your training!" He spat. "It's killing him!" Reginald pursed his lips.

"Stop your insolence at once, Number Eight! Number Four needs to get over his fear of ghosts!" Nathan struggled to his feet- Reginald had knocked him to the ground with his cane earlier, and his knee was throbbing in time with his heartbeat.

"But this isn't a good way to go about it! Klaus, he-"

"Enough!" Reginald snapped. "This has gone on long enough, Number Eight!"

"Let go of me!" Nathan snarled when Reginald grabbed his arm and started dragging him away. "Let me go, you twat!"

For all Nathan struggled, he never broke out of Reginald's grip, because he was a scrawny 12 year old, and Reginald wasn't. 

They passed Klaus on the way, and the look on his twin's face made Nathan's struggles increase. If he could just break out- maybe stand next to Klaus, he'd never be able to tell the difference-

"Number Eight! Cease your squirming at once!"

So Reginald hadn't noticed Klaus, then. Ok, good. Nathan could work with this- if Klaus would go hide, maybe Nathan would have enough time to think of a plan.

Klaus seemed to be thinking the same thing, as after nodding once to Nathan, he turned on his heel and fled.

Number Eight turned his attention back to Reginald; "Let go of me, you motherfucker-"

"Language, Number Eight!" Reginald snapped. "Three hours in the cupboard!" That gave Nathan pause, before his brain caught up with what Reginald was saying, and his struggles increased.

"NO!" He screamed. "LET ME GO, YOU PRICK! I'M NOT- YOU CAN'T FUCKING MAKE ME, LET ME GO!"

Reginald didn't respond, and all too soon Nathan found himself facing the cupboard in question. 

He wouldn't beg though. He would never let this bastard have the satisfaction of knowing he'd broken him.

He didn't beg when Reginald shoved him in the closet.

He didn't beg when Reginald told him 'three hours, Number Eight.'

He didn't beg when the door swung shut.

He didn't beg when the walls immediately contracted.

He didn't beg when his head went dizzy and his lungs started screaming for oxygen except _there wasn't any oxygen because he was in a coffin and he had been buried alive and he was going to be stuck down here forever, perpetually dying and reviving, forever choking to death because there wasn't any oxygen-_

Nathan didn't beg because he had passed out.

~~~

When Reginald came to get him exactly three hours later, Nathan was dead asleep. There were tear tracks on his face, and he was curled around himself so tight it was likely his muscles would be sore.

All in all, he looked like he'd had a rough time.

"Get up, Number Eight, I don't have time for your foolishness." Reginald said sharply, poking Nathan with his cane. 

Number Eight wearily lifted his head. He felt like he was a million miles away from his body, and all his limbs felt like lead. 

"What?" His voice was quiet and not altogether there, but Reginald didn't seem to care.

"Get up. We will continue this training tomorrow. Dinner is in an hour."

Nathan stumbled to his feet, leaning heavily on the wall for support. His mind was foggy, but he had enough sense to ask; "Where's Klaus?" Reginald fixed him with an icy stare.

"Number Four is training, Number Eight," he said, then checked his watch. "Dinner is now in 56 minutes. I suggest you go get ready."

Nathan glared at his father hatefully for a minute before storming away- well, as much as he could storm since he felt like he was underwater.

He took a pit stop outside Five's room; Knock knock knock. "Five." Knock knock knock. "Five." Knock knock knock. "Five." Knock knock knock. "Five-"

The door flew open, to reveal the irritated brother in question.

"What the hell do you want, Nathan?" He snapped. Nathan leaned against the doorway.

"Klaus is in the mausoleum," he said quietly, and Five's frown deepened. "He's going to miss dinner and he's been in there for upwards of four hours, I think. Just- feed him? Please?"

Five regarded him for a moment, then said; "Fine. It'll have to be after dinner and training, when Dad is in his office." Nathan nodded.

"That's cool," he said, then stumbled off towards his bedroom. "Thanks, Five."

Five watched him go for a minute, before calling out to him; "Nathan?" Number Eight whirled around gracelessly.

"Yeah?"

"Get some sleep, ok?" Five said in a shocking show of concern. "You look like shit. I'll wake you up before dinner." Nathan blinked at him for a moment, before shrugging.

"Sure." He said drowsily, then staggered into the room opposite Klaus'.

He wasn't even awake long enough to feel his head hit the pillow.

~~~

Nathan felt like he was floating all throughout dinner. 

Just as promised, Five had woken him up with ten minutes to spare before dinner, but Nathan was starting to wish Five had just let him sleep, consequences be damned. His head was pounding, and he couldn't focus on anything for the life of him- he just wasn't there.

The voice of Herr Carleson droned on and on and on in the background- it made a surprisingly good lullaby, and if Nathan had been more present, he would have been greatly disturbed by the thought. 

The rules of dinner were simple: wait for Reginald, and don't speak. Dinner was precisely thirty minutes- if you weren't finished by then, though luck.

Nathan wasn't hungry, but he ate a few carrots at the quiet instance of his siblings.

After dinner, there was special training for one of them, and general training for the rest of them. It worked out great since there were seven of them and seven days of the week, but Nathan wished more than anything that they could just have a break for once. 

They got lucky though; "I have urgent paperwork to fill out," Reginald said after dinner. "So there will be no training. I expect you all to use this free time constructively and learn something."

Haha, 'learn something.' As if. Nathan was going straight to bed- he was dead tired.

Hehe, 'dead tired.' As if he could be dead, he was immortal!

"Nathan, please go to bed," Five said tiredly, and with a start Number Eight realized he'd spoken aloud.

He made a lazy salute; "Aye aye captain," he said. "Don't forget to feed Klaus, alright?" Five sighed.

"Yes, Nathan," he said. "Goodnight."

~~~

Eight dreamed of tight, enclosed spaces, and woke up gasping for air.

Jesus, he hadn't dreamed about the coffin for a long time. It happened a lot when he was younger, during which he would go running to his twin for comfort in the odd hours of the morning, but Reginald put a stop to that rather quickly.

It hadn't stopped them- Klaus still came to Nathan when he had nightmares of the mausoleum, when he needed a heartbeat in his ear and Nathan still went to Klaus on the odd times it felt like the walls were closing in on him. The only thing that changed was the frequency, and how close either twin stuck to the shadows.

Given that Nathan was only filling up what felt like 10% of his lungs with air, he figured this would be a good time to go bother his brother.

Except… Klaus was probably still in the mausoleum. 

Fuck.

Nathan knew what Reginald was like; it wasn't enough to just punish him, no, he had to punish both of them. It was quite likely Klaus was still stuck in that thrice-damned crypt, hands clamped over his ears as he screamed for the spirits to leave him alone-

"Fuck it," Nathan whispered, then shakily pulled himself from bed and padded across the floor.

The door made a creaky noise as he nudged it open, and he froze at that; would Reginald hear? It had never happened before, what if-

Nathan took a deep breath. You're overreacting, he told himself as he crossed the hallway after shutting his door.

Eight and Four had rooms across from each other, by virtue of eight being the product of four by two. It certainly made these nighttime excursions much easier- a hop, a skip, and a jump and Nathan was standing outside Klaus' room.

There was light shining out from under the door, which surprised Nathan. Dull light like this meant the fairy lights were on, and if the fairy lights were on it meant that Klaus was in, and if Klaus was in it meant that he was no longer in the mausoleum, obviously.

Despite himself, Nathan was almost impressed with Reginald in a sick sort of way. Kinda like; "wow I can't believe my abusive asshat of a father decided not to torture my twin for the remainder of the night, damn."

It was very, very sad.

When Nathan cracked open the door a small bit, he was concerned to see that Klaus was still awake. He was sat by the wall, marker in hand as he scribbled furiously. Judging by his slumped posture, he'd been here a while.

Nathan hesitated before calling out softly; "Klaus?"

His attempt at not startling his brother worked not-so-brilliantly, as even at his quiet tone Klaus gasped loudly and whirled around, eyes wide and scared.

He relaxed when he saw that it was his twin and not father, but only just; "Christ on a cracker, Nathan!" He hissed. He sounded exhausted. "Don't fucking sneak up on me like that!" Nathan shuffled his feet wearily.

"Sorry," he mumbled softly. Klaus' frown deepened and he pulled himself off the floor with visible effort.

"No, no, you're ok," he said, then cocked his head to the side. "What's wrong?"

Nathan deflected, as he was prone to do; "What are you writing?" Klaus stole a weary look at the wall.

"I wish I knew," he muttered, then turned his attention back to his twin. "Nightmares?" 

Nathan shuddered. "How'd you know?" He asked, and Klaus gave him a wry grin.

"I'd recognize that haunted look anywhere," he said, then plopped backwards on his bed and patted the spot next to him. "Care to regale me with the horrors?"

"You're covered in dirt," Nathan complained, but fell in place next to Klaus anyways. He waited a moment before talking. "Dad- Reginald- Bitchy McShitface-" Klaus snorted.

"He locked me in the cupboard again," Nathan mumbled, and in an instant Klaus' mirth was gone.

"Fuck," he said, which was very appropriate, given the circumstances.

Nathan shrugged; "Could have been a lot worse," he muttered. "I only got three hours, and I slept through most of it. How long did he lock you in that fucking crypt?" Klaus flinched, but didn't hide away.

"You were passed out through most of it, you mean," he deflected, and Nathan narrowed his eyes. He'd come here for comfort from his brother, but damn it all if he'd let Klaus suffer in silence.

"Klaus. How. Long." The necroscope sighed.

"Six or seven hours; I lost count," he said quietly, sounding exhausted and hollow, and like he would rather be anywhere else than on this mortal plane, and Nathan raised an eyebrow.

"You mean to tell me you kept track of the time?"

It was inappropriately timed and they both knew it, but it was Nathan's way of coping. Cover up the hurt with snark. Klaus did it too, to a lesser extent- he was more of a 'divert-your-attention" kind of guy when it came to hiding problems.

Either way, it drew something akin to a laugh from Klaus; "No, honestly, I didn't. I just covered my ears in a desperate attempt to block out the screams and hoped my eardrums popped before my sanity did."

They were both quiet for a moment, then Nathan spoke up; "Can I stay here tonight?"

Klaus didn't hesitate before nodding, then sighed before looking down at himself; "Fuck, I'm covered in graveyard dirt," he muttered, then pulled himself to his feet. "Sit tight, let me find my PJs…"

Nathan made himself at home on the edge of Klaus' bed- one wrong move and he'd tumble to the floor. "I think the mausoleum look is a great one, personally," he said, voice drowsy. He yawned. "Really brings out the horror in your eyes." Klaus scoffed before pulling his pyjama top out from a pile.

"Thanks, I'll be sure to remember it for my next interview," he drawled, then pulled his shirt off over his head.

Nathan's eyes immediately zeroed in on the pale scratches going across left and right all up and down Klaus's arms, and in an instant he was wide awake again.

"Klaus, what the fuck happened to your arms?" He asked, and Klaus froze.

"N-Nothing." He said, voice high, and Nathan sat up straight.

"Don't lie, Klaus, please," he begged, and Klaus sighed.

"It's kind of a funny story, actually," he said after a beat of silence, voice trembling something fierce. "Turns out I c-can make ghosts cor-corporeal. I was trying to make them go away- see if this stupid power of mine is good for anything, but I- I accidentally made them real... They, uh… th-they like to scratch. And bite, but none h-had any teeth left." He smiled brokenly. "Dad was so fucking pleased with the results he let me out 4 hours early."

"Jesus Christ, Klaus," Nathan muttered, not hesitating before standing up and crossing the room in three short strides to wrap his arms around his twin. Klaus was shaking, badly. 

That was all it took, and before long Nathan had an armload of sobbing Klaus.

Klaus, like most of the more emotional ones in the family, was a quiet crier. You had to be, if you lived under Reginald Hargreeves' roof, because tears were weakness, and weakness was not tolerated.

Sometimes, Nathan really hated his father.

"It's gonna be ok," Nathan promised as he gently rocked his twin back and forth. "It's gonna be ok."

(From an early age, both twins had reached an unspoken agreement to never use the phrase 'it's ok' when comforting one another, because that was a lie. But, 'it's gonna be ok' is a promise, and twins don't break promises, which is another rule.)

Eventually Klaus calmed down enough to start breathing properly again, and Nathan pulled away.

"Come on, get dressed, I'm tired," he said, and Klaus yawned before nodding and finally pulling his pyjamas on.

A short while later, both twins were tucked in in Klaus' too-small bed. Klaus was pressed against the wall (to ground him, to distract him from the ghosts) and Nathan was teetering on the edge (to remind him that he wasn't in a coffin, that there weren't any walls boxing him in.)

Klaus left the fairy lights on, at Nathan's request and his own insistence, and soon both twins were asleep, content, for now, in the blissfulness that came from being unconscious.

~~~

Nathan slept like the dead. Klaus slept like… not like the dead.

Which was why it was Klaus who heard the footsteps coming down the hall and immediately shoved his younger twin under the covers, much to his irritated chagrin. 

"Klaus! What the fuck-"

"Shh!" Klaus hissed. "Someone's coming!"

Sure enough, there was a knock at the door. Seconds later, it swung open to reveal Grace standing before them. She smiled pleasantly, like she did every morning, and said; "Breakfast is in half an hour, Klaus." 

Klaus nodded frantically in an attempt to look innocent. All it served to do was make it look like he was on the verge of a mental breakdown, but Grace let go of the matter nonetheless and shut the door.

Nathan sat bolt upright as soon as she was gone. His hair was a mess, and his eyes were wide and panicked.

"Mum will sound the alarm if I'm not in my room!" He said, and Klaus paled.

"Fuck- damn that paranoid, bitter old man," Klaus muttered. "I think we'd know if you'd been kidnapped!" Nathan nodded. He'd started chewing his lip sometime in the last few minutes, and it was a bloody mess.

"Just, uh- make a run for it, bro," Klaus suggested finally. "I'll cover for you." Nathan nodded.

"Welcome to life in the Hargreeves household," he joked, then quickly sprinted across the room, across the hall, and into his own room. Klaus waited to hear Grace's reprimanding voice, reminding Nathan that they weren't to share rooms, but luckily his ears were met with silence- Grace hadn't spotted him.

A short while later found all eight Hargreeves standing around the breakfast table, waiting for Reginald. He always took at least fifteen minutes to show up- Klaus thought he did it on purpose, just to make them wait.

When Reginald did show up, breakfast was commenced. It was a silent affair, as it always was, broken only by asks for milk and the like.

Eventually Reginald put down his silverware, and numbers 1 through 8 immediately followed suit. Reginald regarded them for a moment before speaking.

"I received a telegram today," he announced. "M. Mourier has asked that the Umbrella Academy keep watch over his museum, as he is expecting a rather valuable painting to be shipped there and is worried for its safety. You will guard all entrances and exits until the deal is done. Dismissed."

The Umbrella Academy all nodded once, in sync, then simultaneously stood up and made for the bedrooms to get their masks.

"Nathan! What did you do with my mask?" Klaus shouted when he couldn't find said mask under his desk where he'd left it. Across the hall, Nathan shouted back; "I didn't do anything with your mask! Why do you always blame me?"

"Because nobody else would bother!"

There was a beat of silence, then Klaus' mask flew through his open door along with a cry of 'touché' from Nathan.

Klaus rolled his eyes, but put his mask on and ran downstairs to join his siblings anyways.

All the numbers were there, and they were all wearing the masks. (Excluding Vanya, of course.) Reginald looked over them once to make sure their masks and ties were straight, then nodded once and lead them outside.

The museum in question wasn't too far from the academy, so they walked. They garnered a lot of attention though, which reinforced Nathan's belief that the masks made them look 'like wankers, Klaus, honestly would it be so bad if the masks went missing-'

"Best behavior, Number Eight." 

Nathan threw his hands in the air; "Why the hell am I the one singled out?" He complained.

"Number Eight! Silence!" Klaus stuck a fist in his mouth to keep from laughing at the offended look on his twin's face, but schooled his expression when Reginald's gaze passed over him.

Together, the nine of them walked into the museum. It was incredibly early, so there was hardly anyone around, just some older folk and a class or two, but the museum was open. Reginald fixed the numbers with a glare and in an instant they were standing in a numerical line. 

"M. Hargreeves! A pleasure to meet you at last!" 

A rather pudgy but kind-looking man walked out of the door on the opposite end of the room. He spoke with what Klaus identified as a French accent, but what made Nathan laugh was the monocle on his eye. He nudged Klaus and muttered that he and Reginald should exchange notes.

"M. Mourier, the pleasure is all mine," Reginald said pleasantly, and Klaus made a face. Lying bastard.

M. Mourier peered around Reginald and frowned at the children standing behind him; "Ehm, M. Hargreeves, why are there-" he did a quick headcount. "Seven children standing behind you?" Reginald smiled.

"This, M. Mourier, is the Umbrella Academy."

M. Mourier was silent for a moment as he took in this new development. When he spoke, his voice was indignant and rather ticked.

"M. Hargreeves, you promised me trained individuals-"

"And they are," Reginald interrupted him smoothly. "Please, M. Mourier, I assure you these children are more than qualified. If you are not satisfied with the results, a full refund is in order."

Klaus was smart enough to hear the hidden order directed at them: "don't screw up, I don't want to pay this man a penny."

No pressure.

M. Mourier did not look convinced- and could you blame him, really? We're talking about schoolchildren, here- "No." He said. Reginald sighed.

"Do reconsider, M. Mourier," he said. "This is a spectacular offer." M. Mourier didn't budge, and Reginald sighed.

"Very well. Good luck finding another group on such short notice."

He turned to walk away, and M. Mourier hesitated before crying out; "Wait!" Reginald paused.

"Yes?" M. Mourier wrung his hands.

"I- If your 'Umbrella Academy' fails, you owe me twice the painting's worth." 

Reginald grinned, and shook the man's hand. "But of course," he agreed, then turned to the Umbrella Academy in question. He glared heatedly at them, and with a start Luther snapped into 'Number One, I am the leader' mode.

"Ok. Two, you're on the balcony- bird's eye view, alright? Three, main entrance- in the event anyone gets by, ask them to turn around, yeah? Four, Five, east and west entrances respectively. Six, you're by the main entrance. And Eight… you're with Four." 

Nathan rolled his eyes; "We have names, you know." He snarked, unimpressed. Klaus sighed and looped his arm through his twin's.

"Come on, brother dear," he muttered. "Another riveting day of doing fuck all." He yawned and popped his knuckles. "Jeez, if I'd known good ol' Number One was going to sentence us to watchdog duty, I'd have slept in." Nathan peered at him sideways.

"Would you rather have to deal with thieves?" He asked, unusually insightful for once, and Klaus frowned as he thought about it.

"Not really," he admitted. "Come on- I can feel One glaring at us."

With that said, the twins hurried to the East entrance. Truth be told, Nathan didn't think they'd get to see any action either- Luther had an uncanny ability to place them in positions where they did, in Klaus' words, fuck all.

But that was ok, really- whenever Nathan was involved in the action, he usually wound up being a human shield, since he couldn't die.

(It was still traumatic.)

"I'm bored," Nathan announced not five minutes later. He was lying across the floor with his feet planted on the wall- terribly unprofessional, Number Eight. He could almost hear Reginald's voice in his head.

Klaus peered at him from where he was slouched against the wall. "If Dad sees you like that he'll be pissed," he said wryly, mirroring his twin's thoughts. Nathan shrugged.

"What's the worst he can do?" He asks. "If he kills me, big whoop, I'll just come back anyways."

They both pointedly ignored the elephant in the room. 

Nathan sighed and stared up at the ceiling wistfully. "Hey, Klaus?"

"Yeah, Nate?"

"If you could have any other power, what would it be?"

"Invisibility," he answered immediately. "That way, I could hide and Dad would never be able to find me." Nathan raised an eyebrow.

"Thought about it a lot?" He asked, and Klaus gave him a deadpan stare.

"What do you think?" He asked rhetorically. "What other power would you have?"

"I'd have the ability to time travel," Nathan replied near-instantly. "I'd go to the past and make sure he never adopts us." Klaus grinned a little.

"Now who's thought about it a lot?" He teased, then exhaled wearily. "That's good. Much smarter than mine; that could solve all my- our, problems." Nathan shrugged.

"I dunno man, you could cause a lot of chaos with invisibility," he said. "Think about it, you could trip Reginald at every corner, spike his shampoo with hair remover, hell, you could even sneak out and he'd never know! The possibilities are endless…" Klaus hummed.

"I have a weird talent for developing powers, maybe I've got invisibility too," he said. "That would be lovely… certainly better than this stupid necromancy. Ghosts everywhere, Jesus Christ." Nathan tilted his head back to peer at his twin.

"Are there any here?" He asked, and Klaus snorted. 

"Yeah, there's one over by the janitor's closet over there," he said, pointing. Nathan looked out of habit, but of course he didn't see anything. "I don't think he realizes he's dead." Nathan frowned.

"Poor blighted," he mumbled, then nudged his twin. "Hey! I've got an idea!"

"And just like that, I'm terrified," Klaus drawled, but looked down at Nathan anyways. "What's up?"

"I think you should try to talk to the ghost," his twin prompted, and Klaus immediately shook his head.

"No, no, hear me out!" Nathan insisted. "Dad always has you practice with ghosts that are angry and vengeance-filled, right? AKA mausoleum horrors." Klaus nodded dubiously.

"Right…"

"And those ghosts always scare the shit out of you, right?" Klaus fixed him with an unimpressed glare.

"Where are you going with this, Nathan?" He asked finally. Nathan grinned.

"Theres a ghost right here- but going from the faces you're not making, he hasn't been brutally murdered or anything! He sounds like a peaceful bloke, maybe he'll let you talk to him or something!" 

Klaus was quiet for a moment, then shook his head.

"I don't want to," he said, and Nathan groaned.

"Come on man, you could be like Harry Keogh from the Necroscope!" Klaus snorted.

"I am not nearly cool enough to be Harry Keogh," he said, then sighed. "Alright, sit tight for a minute." 

He took a deep breath before turning towards (presumably) towards the ghost.

"Hey!" He called. "Yeah, you. Yeah, no shit. Listen, buddy, I hate to break it to you, but you're dead." There was a beat of silence, then Klaus rolled his eyes. "How the hell would I know? You're not riddled with bullet holes or anything, but you look old as balls, so maybe you went peacefully?" He shrugged. "I dunno, man. Say, why the hell are you doing this boring janitor stuff anyways? You've got your whole life ahead of you- err, sorry, sorry. I mean, you've got no obligations, what's stopping you from seeing the world? Meeting a pretty lady ghost?" His eyebrows went to his hairline in surprise. "Oh, you like guys? Hey, that's cool, my man. Whatever floats your boat." There was another beat of silence, then Klaus barked out a laugh. "Well, good luck then."

He fell silent, then, and turned to Nathan. "Well?" He asked. "I talked to a ghost, are you happy now?" Nathan tilted his head back to look at his twin.

"Yes." 

Klaus sighed and rolled his eyes fondly, then tensed up when screams reached his ears.

"Shit."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well theres a whopping 5K words. Told you the chapters were going to get longer from here on out.  
> Also I lowkey almost forgot to update this but it's fine a headache won't stop me.  
> Also sidenote- Harry Keogh is from a book called The Necroscope (yes I did refer to Klaus as a necroscope as well shut up it's fine) that was published sometime in the eighties. It's a good read, I highly recommend it.


	3. The Beginning: Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein Klaus does good, the twins get donuts, a plan is hatched, and somewhere along the line karma pays Ol' Reggie a rather painful visit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for drug usage.
> 
> Fun fact: I didnt realize I had this chapter edited and it was such a pleasant surprise discovering it was.
> 
> A little shorter than last chapter by about 500 words, but this is slightly more normal for me; last chapter was weirdly long- don't expect many 5,000+ word chapters in the future.

**On a blustery autumn day near the end of September, 2002, two twin boys where in a museum when the sound of screams reached their ears. Their reaction was unusual only in the fact that instead of running away from the sounds of danger, they ran towards it.**

"Christ, why do things always go wrong when we're on the job?" Klaus complained as they ran towards the main room.

"Because the universe just loves telling us to stick it up the ass," Nathan grumbled, then skidded to a stop in the main room. "Ah, fuck it."

Currently, their siblings were battling ten or so other guys, all with guns. Diego was picking them off from the balcony, and Allison was rumoring them left and right.

But Diego's aim steadily worsened the more strain he was under, and Allison didn't have time to think up clever rumors. And given that Five was trying to help Ben keep the Horrors contained- now was not the time for them to be set loose- they were a little outnumbered.

Nathan sighed. "I fucking hate my life," he muttered as he ran into the fray to help his siblings, Klaus on his heels.

The addition of two other able bodies quickly turned the tide of the fight, and they were able to beat the other guys back without too much trouble.

The problem came when Nathan took a bullet that was meant for Allison and slumped to the floor, dead.

Allison cursed; "Eight is down!" She shouted. "Klaus! You're up! Get him outta here!"

Across the room, Klaus huffed and rolled his eyes; "Come _on_ Nate!" He grumbled, but still dragged his twin's body out of the fray.

The fight was over rather quickly after that; the robbers seemed shaken up by the fact that they'd killed someone (if Klaus had to guess he'd wager none of these guys came here to murder what looked like schoolchildren) and the Umbrella Academy took advantage of that shock with ruthless efficiency. 

Soon enough they had the robbers tied up and leaning against numerous columns. The room was a mess; the walls were riddled with bullet holes and there was blood across the floor.

But, the painting hadn't been stolen. There was that, at least.

Reginald was furious when they got home, and backhanded Luther so hard he stumbled.

"What were you thinking, Number One?" He roared. "Thanks to your shoddy leadership skills, you botched the entire operation!" Luther hung his head.

"And Number Two! Your accuracy was abysmal; were you aiming for your siblings, or the enemy?" Diego clenched his jaw.

"Number Three, I expected better of you. If you want to achieve anything in your life, you need to learn to control your rumors!" Allison also turned her eyes to the floor.

"Number Four…" Reginald trailed off, and Klaus tensed, preparing himself for the worst. "You could have done much worse. At least you pulled Number Eight's body from the battle."

Shock flooded Klaus' systems. He never got praise from his father, and that- that- he did good. 

But his siblings were all glaring at him, ill wishes in their eyes, and Klaus hunched his shoulders. 

If he did good, then why did he feel so awful?

"Number Five. I am greatly disappointed in you- wasting your time, coddling Number Six- shame on you."

Unlike his siblings, Five held his head up high and looked Reginald straight in the eye as he was berated. That was Five for you, defiant to a fault.

Reginald moved onto Ben next, and just stared at him is disdain for a moment before speaking. "Never, in all my life, have I been so disappointed by one person. Harness the control needed to tame your Horrors, Number Six, before they take ahold of you."

Ben ducked his head, tears shining in his eyes. Beside him, Nathan frowned and took his hand in his.

"And Number Eight…" Reginald regarded Nathan for a moment. Like his brother, Five, Nathan stood strong in front of Reginald with a will not yet broken. He looked almost bored to be there, and it was only his tight grip on Ben's hand that gave away how pissed he truly was.

"A good job. Sacrificing yourself for the sake of the mission, very good indeed. And your comeback time, while it could use some work, was nowhere near as bad as it was last time. Good job." 

Nathan seemed floored by the praise. His eyes were wide, and his face was flushed. Unlike Klaus, he didn't seem to care when his siblings (mostly Luther, Diego, and Allison) started shooting him dirty looks. 

Klaus wished he had his twin's ability to not be bothered by anything, to stand tall against the glares from his siblings and the cutting words from Reginald. Nothing bothered Nathan, it was incredible.

"Well fuck me sideways, that actually turned out pretty ok," Nathan said as they climbed the stairs a short while later. "I mean, numbers One through Three look like they want to kill us, but Two's always got a bit of a murdery theme going on, and One's got a stick up his ass anyways, and-"

"Nathan," Klaus cut across him tiredly. "Please stop." Nathan stared at his twin in surprise.

"What's wrong with you?" He asked. "You got off scot-free; no mausoleum time for you." Klaus sighed.

"I just…" Klaus groaned and dug the heels of his palms into his eyes. "Did you see the way the others looked at me? I-I'm not supposed to be praised, it's not normal. They know it, I know it-"

"Jesus Christ, Klaus." Nathan stopped his twin and knocked on his head. "Hello! Is there a brain in there?" He shook his head. "The others are stupid. Well, numbers one through three to be specific, but that's besides the point- fuck them, ok? You're just as deserving of praise as the rest of them. You may not get it as often, but that's just because you don't bend over backwards to please Reggie. You did good today, Klaus. Just be happy about it."

Klaus didn't look convinced, and Nathan sighed loudly.

"Christ, Klaus," he said, then abruptly sat down- in the middle of the hallway.

"Nathan! What are you doing?" Klaus asked, eyes wide. Nathan glowered at his twin.

"Protesting." Klaus' eyes were getting progressively wider.

"What?"

"Your large-as-fuck masochistic streak," Nathan replied, then shook his head. "Honestly, Klaus. I, for one, am happy you're not going to be locked in the mausoleum for fuck knows how long at that prick's sadistic whims."

"What?" Nathan rolled his eyes.

"For sharing genes with a world-class genius with me, you are remarkably dim-witted sometimes." Klaus scowled.

"You're just as stupid as me, stupid." 

"Exactly. And I'm a motherfucking genius, so I can't figure out why you're thinking out of your ass here." Klaus stared at him openmouthed for a moment, then sank to the floor across him.

"What do you want from me, Nathan?"

"Just be happy that you didn't get in trouble for once. Jesus. It's not like our siblings will do anything, really- Diego's thirsting over the role of Number One too much to risk it, Allison can't get her head out of her ass long enough to see that that's an option, and Luther. Whoo boy, he's got a daddy kink a mile wide-" Klaus choked.

"Nathan!" The younger twin grinned widely.

"What?" He asked. "I'm just tryna tell the truth!" Klaus shook his head, but he was laughing.

"Christ on a cracker, Nathan," he said. "Come on, we've got like three hours of free time now- wanna go hit up Griddy's?" 

"Say you're proud of yourself and that you did good and that you deserve the praise, first." Klaus rolled his eyes.

"How old are you?" He asked.

"I turn thirteen near the end of the year." Nathan replied, grinning cheekily. Klaus scoffed and rolled his eyes before sighing.

"Fine," he grumbled. "I, Klaus Hargreeves, am proud of myself, and I did good. And I deserve the praise," he added after prompting from Nathan. 

His twin grinned, and finally got up off the floor; "Much better," he said, then popped his vertebrae. "Come on, let's get donuts."

Klaus nodded in agreement, then deflated as a thought struck him.

"Five isn't around to blink us there, though…" he said, and Nathan rolled his eyes. 

"We don't need that jumpy bastard to get us some donuts," he grumbled, then ran into Klaus' room.

He stopped at the window; "Ta-Da!" He said, gesturing to the rickety fire escape with a flourish. Klaus stared at it dubiously. 

"Will it hold our weight?" Nathan snorted.

"Please. We both weigh less than ninety pounds soaking wet. It'll hold." Nathan opened the window, then stepped out onto the fire escape. "See?"

Klaus frowned, but followed his brother; "And you're sure Dad won't catch this on the security camera?"

"Yeah. This area is out of sight anyways- I don't think he thinks escape would occur to us." 

"Then he's stupider than I thought."

"Of course he is, Klaus, he's Reginald Hargreeves. Come on, let's get donuts."

~~~

"Nathan, come on!" Klaus hissed as his brother reviewed his donut options again. "You've been looking at donuts for 10 minutes, hurry it up!" Nathan waved him away, annoyed.

"You can't rush a good choice, brother dear," he muttered. "And I've only got enough for two donuts, so this choice has to count." Klaus rolled his eyes.

"Did you steal this from Five, or Dad?" He asked, and Nathan rocked back and forth on his heels.

"Luther, actually," he said, surprising his twin. "Did you know Dad gave him an allowance? 'Cause I sure as hell didn't." Klaus scowled at the floor.

"Of course Number One has an allowance," he muttered. "The golden boy, always perfect. Does what he's told, down to the letter. Such a dick."

"U-Um, excuse me, boys," both of them looked up to see them friendly waitress who was serving them. She looked intensely uncomfortable. "I'm- if you don't buy something, I'm afraid you'll have to leave." Nathan waved her concerns away.

"No, no, we're cool," he said. "Raspberry-filled jelly donut, please?" Klaus groaned and rolled his eyes with an effort that honestly kind of scared and impressed Nathan.

"You spend so long deciding on a donut, and then you get that one," he muttered. 

"Hey! What's wrong with a jelly-filled?" Nathan defended his choice.

Klaus threw up his hands; "Absolutely nothing! But when you spend ten hours picking a donut only to go with the exact same one you got last time, you just start wondering." Nathan scowled at the floor, ears a light pink.

"That'll come to 7:50$, boys," the waitress said, and Nathan's face fell as he checked his change.

"Ah fuck," he muttered, then nudged his twin. "We're fifty cents short." Klaus cursed in German.

"Ok, um," Klaus twisted his hands together. "Can you put mine back? We, uh, we don't have enough."

"No, put mine back. I'm the one who didn't steal enough change."

"No, I'm older, put mine back."

"You're older by like two minutes, shut up."

"Yeah, well, I still came into the world first."

"Yes, and I'm sure the hoard of angels that was there to greet you promptly burst into tears and fled when they laid eyes upon your ugly mug."

"Boys!" The waitress interrupted them. She looked unfathomably tired and uncomfortable, but oddly fond as well? "It's only fifty cents, boys. Water under the bridge." 

"Oh," Klaus blinked up at her stupidly. "Thank you?"

The waitress chuckled; "No problem, deary. Now, run along."

Nathan and Klaus nodded once, then grabbed their respective donuts and ran outside.

"She was nice," Klaus commented. "But then again, anyone is nice when they don't lock you in a mausoleum or shoot you dirty looks, so maybe I'm biased."

Nathan was quiet. When Klaus peered over at him, he had that look in his eyes that meant he was thinking up a crazy plan.

"Nate, you've got that look in your eyes that says you're thinking up another hair-brained scheme. As your twin, you're legally obligated to tell me what it is-"

"Let's leave." Klaus blinked.

"What?" Nathan turned to look at him.

"Let's leave. When we're 18, let's buy some plane tickets or some shit and get the F outta dodge." Klaus was quiet as he munched on his donut.

"This is sudden," he commented. "What brought this on?" Nathan shrugged and took a big bite of his donut, smearing raspberry jelly across his cheeks.

"I dunno. Just pure, mindless rebellion, I guess," he said, then sighed and set his donut down, as if it suddenly didn't taste too good. "Well, actually, I've been thinking about it for a while- since your 24 hour stint in the mausoleum, actually." 

Nathan wasn't sure if it was possibly for someone to pale and flush at the same time, but Klaus managed it.

"Yeah, that was a good time," he muttered. "Did my eardrums pop that time? I can't remember." 

"Yeah. Mum had a skin graft ready. Do you remember now? You wouldn't let anyone touch you, and you just kept screaming…" Klaus shifted his weight.

"You have a memory for torture, brother dear," he muttered, then polished off his donut. "Alright, let's make a pact. As soon as we turn 18, we'll leave this shithole for good." Nathan nodded, and the two shook on it.

~~~

Klaus could always tell when Reginald had killed Nathan with some new and exciting method the night before because he wouldn't show up for breakfast the day of.

Reginald's working theory was that if Nathan had been killed by something once, when he was killed by it again, he'd be less woozy and disoriented the second time than he was the first.

As far as Klaus could tell, Reginald had stuck to poisons and gases, mainly- cyanide, rat poison, and carbon monoxide. Nathan had come back each time, but he kept missing breakfast because Reginald let him sleep in. Klaus had been jealous at first, but that was before he realized the only reason his twin got to sleep so long was because he had been brutally murdered the night before.

Klaus would always try very hard to keep his head down, to not draw attention to himself on these days so Reginald would pay him no mind and he'd be able to sneak bits of food up for Nathan after breakfast.

9 outta 10 times it worked.

Today was one of those times.

"Nathan?" Klaus whispered as he pushed open the door to his twin's room. "Nathan? It's Klaus, I brought food."

Across the room, the Nathan-shaped lump in the bed slept soundly, uncaring that its brother was here with the sustenance it so dearly needed.

Klaus sighed and walked across the room. After setting the breakfast down on Nathan's bedside table, he gently shook his twin awake; "Nathan, come on, I've got breakfast."

The younger brother shifted and groaned, then looked up at Klaus with bleary eyes; "Whaddya do?" 

His voice was horrible and grisly and made a weird gurgling noise. Klaus winced at the sound. "Jesus, what the hell did he do to you?" 

"Slit m' thro't."

Klaus froze. "What?" Nathan nodded and burrowed further into his blankets, appearing not to have heard his twin.

"Mhmm," he replied drowsily. "I'ma eat later… t'red…" 

Within seconds he was fast asleep again.

Klaus stared at his twin openmouthed. He'd known Reginald killed Nathan on a weekly basis, usually two or three times each go, but, as mentioned before, his preferred method was poison- never before had he done something that would leave Nathan with a scar.

(And scar he did- an ugly thing, right across his throat in a horrifying pink. It faded as he got older, but to Klaus it always stood out like a sore thumb.)

It was at that moment Klaus realized more than anything that they needed to get the hell out of there.

~~~

A year later, Five disappeared.

It threw a wrench in their already dysfunctional family, and things started splintering.

Reginald came down harder on them- Nathan was killed thirteen different ways in a week, Klaus spent more time in the mausoleum than not, and Ben was opening a rift to another dimension via his stomach every other day it seemed.

(Strangely enough, it was the numbers at the end of the spectrum that received the brunt of his attention.)

Not only, but their siblings started pestering Klaus to summon Five.

Not that they needed to. Nathan knew his brother had been trying to summon Number Five since the day he disappeared, but to no avail.

Some, like Vanya and Ben, took this as good news, that Five was still alive somewhere, likely prospering in the future like he'd always wanted to. Others, like Luther, instead believed Klaus to be lying to them.

(The twins weren't stupid. However mad they got, they couldn't blame Luther. His denial was so strong is was sickening.)

Everything came to a head when Nathan came to bother his brother and instead found him smoking an exceptionally foul-smelling cigarette.

"Jesus, Klaus," Nathan waved away the smoke. "What in the fine fresh hell did you kill and then light up?" By the window, Klaus snorted.

"It's a joint, dumbnut," he said. "It's supposed to smell like this." He held it in Nathan's direction. "Want to try?"

Nathan hesitated for a moment, before accepting the joint from his brother. "Just like a cigarette?" He asked, and Klaus nodded.

"Just like a cigarette," he confirmed. "Smoke it by the window, though, Dad'll throw me in the mausoleum if he finds out I've got this." Nathan nodded once then clamored over to the window across from his twin and inhaled.

He held it for a moment, then released it out the window; "Less foul-tasting than I would've expected," he commented, turning the burning joint over in his hand. "Kinda like burnt paper with a hint of skunk spray." He shrugged. "Where'd you get it?" Klaus made grabby hands at the joint and Nathan passed it back.

"From a dealer down the street," he answered. "Sold one of Dad's trinkets to get the money." Nathan frowned.

"Why bother?" He asked. "You've got a pack of cigarettes in your sock drawer, why waste money on this?" Klaus snorted.

"Because, brother dear, this-" he waved the joint around. "-Makes the ghosts go away." Nathan's eyes widened.

"Holy shit, really?" He asked. Klaus nodded, a lazy grin on his face. 

"Yeah," he said. "Makes the mausoleum a whole lot bearable, let me tell you." Nathan nodded, then his grin faltered.

"Hey, we're- we're still packing up outta here when we're 18, right?" He asked, and Klaus nodded.

"'Course. The mausoleum might be better, but it's still horrible. And I don't appreciate being woken up at the asscrack of dawn, either." Klaus flicked some ash off his blunt. "Why?" Nathan shifted his weight.

"Just wanted to make sure," he muttered, and Klaus turned to give him his full attention.

"Hey, bro, come on. I may be high, but I can still tell when something's bugging you." Nathan sighed.

"It's stupid," he tried. Klaus rolled his eyes.

"I'm the epitome of stupid, nothing you say could possibly faze me." He said, and Nathan snorted a laugh.

"Very true," he agreed, then sighed. "I guess- I dunno, Dad's been killing me a lot more than usual, and since Five disappeared I guess I just wondered- what if we- you- don't live to see 18?" Klaus frowned at his twin and snuffed his joint out on his windowsill. 

"That's dark," he commented. "And I'm the guy who communes with the dead." Nathan glowered at him.

"Klaus."

"Sorry, sorry," the elder brother sighed. "I'm not gonna die. I promise. God would probably kick me out if I did."

"As if you'd ever make it to heaven." Klaus barked out a laugh.

"Jeez, tell me how you really feel," he teased. "Here I am trying to reassure you like the good big brother I am, and you've already done my job for me!" Nathan grinned cheekily.

"No, I'm just a really good actor," he said, and Klaus' gaze softened.

"Nate. I promise you. I won't die. We'll leave together and go to… England, or some shit. Maybe Ireland- I love Irish accents." Nathan snorted.

"I do a great Irish accent," he said, in an Irish accent. Klaus flopped back against his bed dramatically.

"And yet you refuse to teach me," he said. "Betrayed by my own brother, oh woe is me!" Nathan laughed and gently shoved his brother.

"Oh, shut up," he said, then lapsed into silence. "Hey, Klaus?"

"Yeah?" 

"Thanks."

~~~

Over the years, Klaus kept his promise. He didn't die- though there were a few close calls.

Instead, Ben died, and Klaus started spiraling out of control.

He fell into harder and harder drugs. He was gone for days at a time, and when he came back it was only to steal stuff to pawn or briefly say hello to his brother. Occasionally he'd crash there, but only occasionally. 

Nathan began mourning the dream two naïve twelve year-olds had thought of and built up shields of mockery and sarcasm.

~~~

On the eve of their 18th birthday, Nathan stood before a suitcase, thoughts a whirling mess in his head.

He still wanted to leave, to get as far away from Reginald as was humanly possible, but he was so, so conflicted. Klaus had disappeared earlier in the week and they'd promised each other- promised- that they'd escape together.

Because that's what it was, at this point. They weren't leaving, they were escaping. It wasn't a choice- it was the only option they had left. Klaus was spiraling further and further, and Nathan overheard his father earlier talking about dismembering him for another test.

It was do or die.

So, it was with a heavy heart that Nathan began packing. He'd- He'd try to find Klaus, he would, honest, but he needed to get out while he still could. Staying just wasn't an option anymore.

At around half past 11, there was a noise outside the door and Nathan froze. He'd finished packing, but he had no time to hide the tiny suitcase he'd smuggled in three months ago for this very reason- if Reginald came in, all his plans would fall down around his ears.

"Ohhh Nathan! Brother dear! It's meeeeee! Did you forget our little deal- mmpf!" Nathan glared at his brother, heart hammering an erratic tempo in his chest.

"Are you mentally deficient?" He hissed. "Speak a bit louder, I don't think Dad heard you!" Klaus only raised an eyebrow, and a minute later Nathan withdrew his hand with a disgusted exclamation- Klaus had licked his palm.

"Oh, you fucking wanker, that's fucking disgusting!" He grumbled, then wiped his hand on his brother's shirt. "What are you doing here?"

Klaus' eyebrow rose higher; "Remember our plan? Tomorrow's our eighteenth, or did you forget?"

Klaus had a- a way of talking. Light and airy and almost musical in a way, but incredibly sad, too, like he was on the verge of a mental breakdown at all times. (As far as Nathan was concerned, that was a byproduct of the mausoleum.)

"Our plan- eighteenth- wait, you remembered?" Nathan asked incredulously, and Klaus snorted.

"Why wouldn't I?" He asked, then peered behind his brother. He raised his eyebrows tellingly at the suitcase; "It seems you didn't forget either, brother dear." He frowned. "What, did you think I wouldn't show?" Nathan threw his hands in the air.

"Honestly, yeah!" He replied. "You're never home, and- well, let's be real, your memory is nowhere near what it used to be- you tend to lose the plot a little, brother dear." Klaus scowled.

"I would never forget our plan, Nathan," he said heatedly. "In fact, I've been saving up money for two plane tickets for the past three months- mind you, it wasn't easy because hello, I wanted to spend it on drugs, but I did it." 

Nathan was struck speechless; "Then, all those times you went out-"

"Yep," Klaus leaned against the doorframe. "Not to get high- though that did happen along the way, funnily enough- but to get money for a plane ticket or two." He shook his head. "But thanks for believing in me, bro, does wonders for my self-esteem."

He turned to leave and Nathan surged forward, grabbing ahold of his arm. "Klaus, please," he begged. "You can't blame me, alright? We never talk anymore, how the hell was I supposed go know what you were getting up to?" 

"Maybe you were supposed to trust that I wouldn't forget my promise to you!"

"God dammit, Klaus!" Nathan stamped his foot, uncaring of who heard him. "I've watched you fucking spiral for over a year now, getting worse and worse- it's like you fucking gave up! Hell, I was starting to give up on it- a naïve idea by two naïve little boys desperate to find somewhere they could call home! It was a fucking pipe dream, Klaus!" 

"And yet here you are!" Klaus bellowed, officially pissed. "Packing up in the dead of night, yeah you really gave up on it!"

"I'm packing because I'm fucking _scared,_ Klaus!" Nathan shouted. "Do you wanna know what I heard Dad telling Pogo earlier? He wants to fucking dismember me- cut me up and then see if I'll regrow limbs like a fucking lizard or some shit!" He giggled a little hysterically. "I mean, Jesus Christ! It must be a kink of his; he probably gets his rocks off by killing a kid every other day, theres no other explanation for why he'd do it!"

By now they were thunderously loud; the rest of the Umbrella Academy- excluding Luther; the guy slept like a rock- had left their bedrooms to watch the twins shout at each other, eyes wide. It was unheard of; Nathan and Klaus always got along swimmingly, they never argued.

This- This was new. And a little scary.

"At least you can turn your power off!" Klaus screamed. "You can just choose not to die-"

"'Choose not to die?'" Nathan echoed, anger clear in his tone. "' _Choose not to die?'_ What the everloving fuck, Klaus?! I don't get to choose not to die, Reginald kills me every other day to see how long I can go before coming back to life!"

"I'm surrounded by the dead all the time!" Klaus yelled. "Constantly, without fail! Theres one over by Diego, now, she's missing half her face! And theres one by Allison too, he keeps making lewd comments at me _and_ her! And it doesn't fucking stop! Day in, day out, they just constantly fucking yell at me!"

"NUMBER EIGHT, NUMBER FOUR, WHAT IN GOD'S NAME ARE YOU DOING?"

Without missing a beat, Nathan and Klaus both rotated on their heels, shouted a course of "SHUT UP, DAD!" and socked Reginald square on the nose.


	4. The Beginning: Part Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein the twins make their getaway, Nathan is Nathan, and the twins have a cake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Super later chapter I'm sorry guys.  
> Cant remember if theres any TWs for this chapter because it's late (like it's nearly midnight man I'm tired) but I think it's good  
> Also not beta read because again I left this to the last minute like a derp  
> Also sorry this one is short  
> Also yeah just read it

**On the 30th of September, 2007, two identical twins of 17 stared at each other in pure, unadulterated shock. This was unusual only in the fact that the reason for their shock lay at their feet, out cold.**

"Y-Y-You just- you p-punched Dad."

Diego is the first to break the silence- and with it comes his stutter, which was how both twins knew tensions were running high. 

"We fucking knocked him out is what we did, Jesus. I wonder if this is what he meant when he told us to 'apply ourselves.'" Nathan said shakily, then ran a hand though his hair. "Jesus Christ, he's gonna fucking kill us-"

"No, he's not." Allison's determined voice breaks through Nathan's would-be ramble. "Because by the time he wakes up, you two are going to be on a plane far, far away from here." Nathan and Klaus exchanged glances.

"We are?" Klaus asked, uncertainty clear in his tone. Nathan reflected a similar sentiment, and Allison nodded.

"You are," she confirmed, then turned to Klaus. "Go pack," she instructed him. "Diego, go with him. Make sure he brings the important shit."

Diego nodded once then followed Klaus to his room, looking slightly shell-shocked by the turn of events. Allison turned to Nathan; "You ok?"

"Why are you helping us?" He asked in lieu of an answer. Allison sighed.

"Because anyone with a pair of eyes could see that staying here is killing you both," she replied tiredly. "Klaus is falling into the harder drugs, and you just… you don't care anymore. Nothing phases you. The sooner the two of you get out, the better off-"

"Allison… what's goin' on?"

Allison paled. Slowly, she rotated on the spot to look at Luther, who was still half-asleep.

"Luther…" she trailed off as Luther noticed their unconscious father on the floor, and his eyes went wide.

"Oh my God," he gasped, then fell into a crouch next to their father. "Dad! Dad, can you hear me?" He looked up at Allison desperately. "What happened?" Nathan sighed and stepped forward.

"Klaus and I punched him," he said tiredly, and Luther's jaw dropped.

"Why?" He asked, and Nathan snapped.

"Because he was going to dismember me tomorrow!" He snarled, surprising Luther and Allison with the venom in his voice. "Because he was going to lock Klaus in the mausoleum again, and I know there's no drug possible that can drown those bastards out- I've heard him scream! Day in, day out, begging for them to leave him alone!" 

Nathan glared at the two of them, chest heaving. "We had a plan," he spat. "We came up with it when we were twelve years old to leave this hellhole!" He pointed at Reginald with a shaking finger. "I'm not letting him hold us back! We're fucking _leaving-"_

"Alright," Luther said quietly. 

"What?" Nathan snapped, and Luther gave him an irritated glare.

"Alright," he repeated, louder. "We'll help you." 

Nathan and Allison were stunned into silence.

"Wha- but you're Dad's golden boy!" Nathan cried. "You're like Reginald 2.0, you're not supposed to help us escape, you're supposed to lock us in our rooms and cackle about how we'll never leave!" Luther looked a bit sick.

"I… Jesus, Nathan, is that what you really think of me?" He asked, faltering when Nathan nodded, unabashed. "I… fuck, Nathan, you're my brother. I know you're immortal, but you were talking about Dad dismembering you…" he swallowed. "I don't know what Klaus' deal with the mausoleum is, but I don't think even you could come back from being dismembered."

Nathan stared at him, jaw agape. Luther shifted his weight, uncomfortable.

"Well?" He demanded. "Say something!" 

Nathan managed half a smile; "I guess there is a heart in there after all," he managed, then turned away to hurriedly wipe at his eyes.

"What do we do about Dad?" He asked once his eyes were- mostly- dry. "We can't just leave him here, and personally, I don't want to be in this country when he wakes up." Luther sighed, but it was Allison who spoke.

"We'll Rumor him," she said, and Nathan's jaw dropped.

"Jesus," he said. "I think I'm a bad influence." 

"Shut up, Nathan," Luther said tiredly, then turned to Allison. "Are you sure about this?" Allison nodded.

"Yep," she said. Luther still looked troubled.

"Choose your words carefully," he said. Allison gave him an irritated look.

"I know how my rumors work, Luther," she snapped, then took a deep breath and looked to their father.

"I heard a rumor," she began. The air and her voice distorted with the power from the rumor. "I heard a rumor, that you wouldn't wake up until Nathan and Klaus were in another country." 

Reginald's eyes briefly glowed gold under his eyelids. 

The three of them were silent for a moment, then Nathan spoke; "Is it done?" He asked in a voice barely above a whisper. Allison swallowed.

"I.. yeah," she replied shakily. "Yeah, it's done." Nathan nodded, then ran his hands through his hair a few times.

"God, this is fucking crazy," he muttered, then turned back to his siblings. "Ok, um, how much does a plane ticket cost?"

Allison shrugged helplessly. "It depends on where you're going," she said. "Don't tell us," she added quickly when Nathan opened his mouth. "The less people who know, the safer you'll be." 

Nathan nodded, then turned to Luther. The blond balked; "What?" He asked. Nathan tried for a grin.

"Do you happen to know where old Reggie's safe is?"

~~~

"You know, he's going to be able to tell it was you who broke open the safe."

Luther glared at Nathan from where he was holding the door to the safe, ripped from its hinges. "Do you want the money or not?" Nathan snorted.

"God, you'd be terrible as a cashier in a robbery; 'do you want the cash or not?'" Nathan mocked. Luther colored a rather impressive shade of flaming lobster. 

"Just take the money and go," he said. Nathan laughed again and started shoveling money into his rucksack.

"Well hey now, don't take it all," Luther said, panicked. Nathan rolled his eyes.

"Luther, I refuse to believe this is his only safe," he deadpanned. "A man like Reginald is going to have multiple safes hidden all over the house… and given that this is the one you know about, I'm willing to bet it's the least well-stocked." 

Poor Luther looked like he'd been sucker-punched in the gut. Nathan guessed he'd had a lot of revelations tonight.

"Think you've got enough?" Luther asked. Nathan shook his rucksack, causing a fee bills to flutter to the ground. He picked them up and shoved them in his pockets.

"Hopefully," he said. "We can… I guess we can come back if we don't have enough… I mean, Allison's rumor should hold, right?" 

Luther nodded, but he looked troubled. 

"I'd still move quickly, though, if I were you," he advised, and Nathan nodded.

"Oh, believe me, I plan to," he said, then cocked his head back; "HEY! KLAUS! ARE YOU DONE?"

Luther flinched and clamped his hands over his ears; "Nathan!" He hissed. "What are you doing? Dad will… hear you…" he trailed off as he remembered the rules of Allison's Rumor. Nathan grinned widely.

"Theres literally no rules," he said ruefully, then thought about it. "At least until Klaus and I are outta country. So if you want to T-bag the bastard, do it sooner rather than later." Luther choked.

"Nathan!" He scolded his curly-haired brother, who only grinned cheekily and waltzed out of Reginald's office with a smile.

They met Klaus, Diego, and Allison in the foyer. There was a moment of silence, before Allison tried for a smile; "Good luck?" Nathan snorted.

"I love how unsure you sound," he said. "Awkward sibling goodbye hugs?" Allison nodded, then blinked tears out of her eyes and wrapped Nathan up in a bone-crushing hug.

"Look after him," she whispered in his ear. Nathan didn't have to ask who.

"Tell Vanya I'm sorry we left without saying goodbye," he said after hugging his two other siblings. Allison's eyes went wide.

"Oh, fuck," she whispered. "I forgot- her pills make her so tired, I thought-" she closed her eyes. "Nevermind. You two need to get out of here."

Nathan looked at Klaus. Klaus looked at Nathan.

"Bereit für ein Missgeschick?" Klaus asked. Nathan blinked.

"I've got no idea what that means, but sure!" He replied, then turned around to wave goodbye to his family. "Bye everyone!"

Then, they stepped out the door and into the night.

~~~

"Um, two plane tickets to… England?" Klaus looked over at Nathan, who shrugged.

"Sure, why not." He replied. Klaus turned back to the clerk behind the counter.

"England," he confirmed. The clerk raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything about Klaus' indecision. 

"How old are you two?" He asked instead, and Nathan craned his neck to peer at the clock behind him.

"Um… we turned 18 about ten minutes ago," he said, and the guys head jerked up.

"Oh, shit, um, happy birthday?" He said, then went back to his forms. "Um, that'll come to about 868$."

Nathan cursed and shrugged off his rucksack. "Hang on, hang on," he muttered as he rifled through it. The clerks eyes went wide as he stacked a few bills on the countertop. "Do you take cash?"

"Uh, yeah," the clerk replied, then hesitantly held a bill up to the light. He swallowed when the bill passed the test. "Um, sir… where did you get this?"

Nathan's eyes widened, and he exchanged a look with Klaus. Shit. They hadn't thought this far ahead.

"Um… our Dad gave it to us," Klaus said at length. "He wants us… out. Of the house."

The clerk narrowed his eyes at Klaus' feeble lie. "Sir, I'm going to have to call security-"

"Its legit!" Nathan yelped. "Our father is a businessman- it wouldnt fit in our wallets! I know it looks bad, mate, but we were rushed! We didn't wanna miss our flight!" The clerk raised an eyebrow.

"At 12:10 AM?" He asked. Nathan pinwheeled his arms.

"He gets airsick!" He blurted, pointing at his twin. "Let me tell you, its fucking disgusting! He goes all green, and starts groaning, and then he just fucking- vomit everywhere! It's like a goddamned waterfall, and it just doesn't fucking end! I'll tell you what, though, mate, sometimes it's projectile- like a goddamned missile! The ceiling was fucking covered in puke-"

"Alright!" The clerk interrupted the brunet, looking rather green in the face. "You can have the flight, just please stop talking about vomit." Nathan grinned cheekily and grabbed the two tickets the clerk handed to him.

"Toodles!" He said, giving a trademark two-finger salute as he and Klaus walked away.

"'Projectile vomit?'" He asked in an undertone, then shook his head. "Christ, Nathan." Nathan slung his arms across his twin's shoulders.

"Hey, it got us on the plane, didn't it?" He asked as they boarded said plane. "Just- don't actually vomit." Klaus snorted but didn't say anything as they collapsed in two random seats.

They were both silent for a moment, then Klaus spoke up; "This is fucking nuts." Nathan nodded in agreement.

"'Bout sums it up," he said, twisting around in his seat in an attempt to get comfortable. He fell back with a defeated huff. "These seats are going to ruin me, though. How long do we have to stay here?" Klaus shrugged.

"Don't know," he admitted, then cursed when he noticed the 'no smoking' sign near the door. "Ah, fuck me. This is gonna be a long flight."

And a long flight it was.

8\. Hours. Of pure misery. Nathan and Klaus were quite tall, with boundless energy to boot, so sitting still was a nightmare. Klaus entertained himself by staring out the window and counting stars, whereas Nathan was content to flirt with the flight attendants.

“She’s cute,” Klaus commented after a blonde flight attendant left. Nathan leaned out of his seat to size her up.

“She is,” he agreed, then peered at his brother sideways. “I thought you swung the other way, though.” Klaus shrugged.

“Gender is a construct enforced on us by society,” he said dramatically. “If a girl’s hot, a girl’s hot. Six one half, dozen the other.” Nathan nodded sagely and went back to checking out the flight attendants.

“So what should we do once we land?” He asked after a second later, because no silence could ever wage a war with Nathan Hargreeves and win. “I mean, I don’t know about you, but I’m craving a bed- I’ve been up since six this morning.”

“Weak; I’ve been up since 5:30,” Klaus teased, then sobered up. "We need to stop by the supermarket." Nathan gave him a weird look.

"I swear to God, your appetite strikes at the weirdest fucking times when you smoke pot-"

"No!" Klaus rolled his eyes and slugged his twin on the arm. "We need to get a cake. And candles. For our birthday."

Nathan fell silent. Then-

“You don’t think we’re too old for it?” Klaus snorted.

“When are you too old for birthday cake?” He asked. “I mean, it probably won’t hold a candle to Mom’s, but it will also likely kill me by the time I’m thirty, so I’d like to eat the whole damn thing. Hey!” Excited, Klaus grasped Nathan’s arm. “Since Luther’s not here to eat 3 fourths of the damn thing, we can half half a cake each!” Nathan cracked half a grin.

“It would be pretty awesome not to have to share with those wankers...” he agreed. “But we have to get vanilla. Diego always wanted chocolate, and since he’s Mom’s favourite, we always wound up with chocolate. I want something different, a real ‘fuck you’ to Dad and the rest of them.” Klaus fell silent.  
“The rest of them too?” He asked quietly, and Nathan sighed before leaning back in his chair, jovial mood forgotten.

“No, not the rest of them,” he mumbled, then ran a hand over his face. “Christ, is it weird that I miss them? Like, if we were at the Academy, we wouldn’t be seeing them anyways, but I miss them anyways.” Klaus nodded in agreement.

“I get what you mean,” he said quietly, then paled. “Christ, we have no way of getting in contact with them- no phone, no email, no nothing.” Nathan paled as the implications of that statement hit him.

“Fuck- wait, what do you think Dad- Reginald, is going to do to them when he wakes up?” He asked. Scenarios were running through his head, each more horrific than the last. “Christ, maybe we shouldn’t have left.” Klaus shook his head.

“No, no, think about this logically, Nate,” he said, though it sounded more like he was trying to convince himself, rather than his twin- “They’ve got Luther on their side, Reggie’s golden boy. And they’ve all got superpowers- useful superpowers, not stupid ones like ours. They’ll be fine.” Nathan chewed his lip.

“I hope you’re right,” he mumbled, then called out to one of the flight attendants; “How long ‘til we land, love?” The flight attendant blushed and gave him a small smile.

“Six hours.” She answered, and Nathan groaned and let his head hit the back of his chair.  
A long flight, indeed.

~~~

“Ok, if you could have any accent other than the one you have now, what would it be?” Nathan thought about it.

“Irish. You know this,” he said around a mouthful of vanilla birthday cake. “What about you?” Klaus thought about it.

“Either Irish, like you, or...” Klaus shrugged. “I dunno.” Nathan hummed and spat out a birthday candle.

“I feel like I’m about to pop like a balloon,” he announced. “It’s been like 24 hours since I woke up, too. I can see sound, bro.” Klaus snorted.

“Think that might be the alcohol talking,” he drawled, then tipped a beer bottle in his twin’s direction. “Cheers, mate.” Nathan clinked his bottle with his own.

“We need to find a place to sleep,” he muttered after taking a drink. “I feel like I’m about to pass out.”

“Please don’t,” Klaus replied. “I’ve got noodle arms, there’s like no way I’ll be able to carry you.” Nathan rolled his eyes.

“Good to know you’ve got my back,” he said, then sobered up. “How much money do we have?” Klaus grabbed his twin’s rucksack, opened it, then whistled.

“A lot, but it’s all useless until we exchange it,” he said, and Nathan groaned.

“Why can’t they all accept American dollars like that nice cake lady?” He asked, referring to the lady who had sold them the cake. Klaus sighed.

“Because then this will have been too easy,” he said, then stumbled to his feet. He held his hand out for Nathan to take. “Come on, let’s go find a cheap motel or some shit. We’ll figure the rest out when I can think straight.” 

“Like you ever think straight.” Nathan stumbled when he got to his feet. “Fuck me sideways, I am wasted.” Klaus laughed at his twin’s misfortune.

“You have the alcohol tolerance of a small child,” he teased, and Nathan flushed. 

“Shut up,” he grumbled, then pulled his rucksack over his shoulders and grabbed his suitcase. He made an extravagant ‘after you’ gesture; “Lead the way, brother dear.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I remember I'll beta this later someone remind me sometime tomorrow kay?  
> Oh also nearly forgot to mention this, but- buckle up, because next chapter is when the Misfits campaign begins :)


	5. Episode One: Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein Klaus shows the gang how to paint benches, some people get struck by lightning, and Kelly and Klaus work together to take down a rabid probation worker

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this monstrosity is 5.5K words. Have fun  
> Most of the dialogue from this is taken directly from Misfits, though I've taken some liberties here and there so everything flows a bit smoother  
> Anyways, so begins the Misfits Campaign

**On an undisclosed date in the year of 2009, a twin found himself tethered by an ASBO just for eating some Pick N’ Mix. This was unusual only in the fact that he had, in fact, been done in for eating some Pick N’ Mix… amongst other things.**

“Seriously, Nathan?” Klaus asked, exasperated. “Christ on a cracker, trouble sure does love you, doesn’t it?” Nathan glared at his twin.

“Don’t lecture me, you podge,” he hissed. “You’re not exactly a saint yourself.” Klaus threw his hands in the air.

“Hey, I’m just saying.” He said, then looked down at the coffee cup he was drying in his hands. “Want a cup of coffee?” Nathan glowered at his twin.

“I want the one with the longest, most unholy name known to man,” he proclaimed, and Klaus scowled.

“You’re a right prick, you know that? I don’t even think we have the diabetes juices to make that happen.” He muttered as he set about making a coffee for his delinquent twin.

The twins had been in England for a little over three years. During that time, many, many things had changed, the most notable being that Klaus had actively tried to cut back on the drugs, to try to save a little money here and there. Were he on his own, he wouldn't have bothered- wouldn't have cared if he'd had to sleep on the streets or with other people for food or drugs or even a damned roof over his head, but he wasn't on his own. He had his brother with him, and he'd be damned if he hurt his twin, so the cut on drugs it was.

Granted, it wasn't perfect- Klaus still smoked more blunts and (occasionally, when the ghosts got especially loud) snorted more lines than what was healthy, but he definitely did it a lot less than he used to, and he stayed away from anything that required a needle, something that pleased  _ both  _ his brothers.

Yes, both. 

Ben's ghost had showed up about two years ago, in the middle of the night. Scared Klaus half to death- his scream woke Nathan up immediately, and he'd run to his brother's aid wearing nothing but a pair of boxers wielding a frying pan like a baseball bat.

Ben had laughed at him for a solid thirty minutes, Klaus had informed him.

So Ben was back, great. He kept an eye on Klaus when Nathan couldn't, and made the lights flicker ominously if he was on the verge of going on a bender.

But things weren't all sunshine and rainbows. The money they'd stolen from Reginald had to run out eventually, and for the last year or so they'd been hopping from place to place when they failed to pay rent. They both worked at the quiet little coffee shop run by the nice old Greek lady who insisted they call her Yiayia, but it wasn't always enough to make ends meet.

And now Nathan had an ASBO. Great.

“Can I come with you to your first meeting?” Klaus asked. “I don’t have a shift- Yiayia is taking a few days off because her granddaughter is in town." Nathan frowned.

“That’s… a bit not good. I mean, great for Yiayia because she gets to see her family, but...” he trailed off, then ran some calculations in his head. “Are we even gonna have enough for rent this month?” Klaus winced.

“That’s what I’m worried about,” he admitted. Nathan cursed quietly.

“Fuck,” he muttered. “Fuck fuck fuck.” He leaned back in his seat. “What does Ben say? He's the smart one, does he have any ideas?" 

Klaus looked to the left as Number Six (presumably) began speaking. He scowled, then turned to his brother; "Ben says I should cut back on the drugs again." Nathan frowned.

"Ben always tells you to cut back on drugs," he said. "We need something that will happen faster." Klaus drummed his fingers on the table.

"We could pull more shifts?" He suggested, and Nathan's frown deepened.

"I'm already working a double one tomorrow," he pointed out. "And you've got a triple one on Friday. I don't think Yiayia would let us work more than that. Plus with this stupid ASBO-" Nathan lifted his leg to show off the cuff on his ankle. "I've got less time for work." He chewed his lip; "Do you think our landlord will push back the rent again?" Klaus chewed his lip.

"I don't think so," he admitted. "We've already had it pushed back a few months, remember? I think he's ready to blow." Nathan groaned and ran a hand over his face, then accepted the coffee his brother handed him.   
  
“We’ll make it work,” he muttered. “We always do.”

~~~

Wednesday afternoon found Nathan standing in a line along with six other 'young offenders' as their probation worker droned on and on about 'giving back to society' in front of them.

"-You can really make a difference to people's lives," Nathan tuned in just enough to catch the tail end of their probation worker's sentence. "That's what community service is all about. There are people who think you're scum. You have an opportunity to show them they're wrong."

Nathan frowned; "Yeah, but what if they're right?" He challenged. "No offence, but I'm thinking some people are just born criminals."

"Are you looking to get stabbed?" The boy next to him asked. Nathan rolled his eyes and gestured to him.

"You see my point?" He asked. The probation worker took a deep breath, and Nathan idly wondered how long it would take before he cracked.

"Your past doesn't matter-"

"Isn't there some bullshit somewhere about your past making your present?" Nathan interjected, just to be difficult. The probation worker gave him a look that would make a lesser man back down, but Nathan only gave him a blinding smile.

"Doing my community service," the girl on his other side muttered into her phone. "Boring as fuck." The probation worker gave her a look.

"I'm still talking here." He said. The girl rolled her eyes.

"I thought you'd finished." She replied, exasperated.

"If my lips are moving, I'm still talking." The probation worker snapped. Nathan cocked his head to the side as he thought about it.

"Yeah, but you could have been yawning, or chewing." He pointed out in an airy sort of voice. The probation worker ignored him and instead directed his attention to the girl still on her phone.

"End the call." He commanded.

While he and Phone Girl squabbled, Nathan took a moment to size up the group he was now a part of. 

To his left he had Angry Psychopath, on his right was a girl with a ponytail so tight it looked like it had to be painful, on his far left was an athletic looking bloke who looked like he regretted waking up today, beside Ponytail Girl was Phone Girl, and-

"You all right, weird kid?" Nathan called to the blond at the end of the line. He didn’t reply, not that Nathan really expected him to. He looked like the quiet type.

"Call you later." Phone Girl said into her phone, then hung up.

Meanwhile, Nathan was having trouble with Angry Psychopath; "I'll rip out your throat and shit down your neck." He snarled, and Nathan rolled his eyes.

"Oh yeah, real creative there buddy," he drawled. "Come back when you've thought of something that'll keep me down, alright?" 

Truth be told, Nathan was lying a small bit. Reginald had never really ripped out his throat- he'd sliced his throat open, of course, God knew Nathan still had the scars, but he'd never actually had his throat ripped apart. 

Maybe he'd come back, but then die again straight afterwards, and then come back, and then die again, and then come back, and then die, and then-

"What makes you think you're better than us?" Nathan started. For a second he thought he'd been addressed, then realized Ponytail Girl was talking to Athletic Bloke.

Still, he had to comment; "What is that accent?" He asked at the same time Athletic Bloke asked; "Is that for real?" 

"What, are you trying to say something?" Ponytail Girl fired back. Nathan squinted at her then turned back to the probation worker.

"That's just a noise," he said. "Are we supposed to be able to understand her?"

"Do you understand that?" Ponytail Girl snapped, then gave him the finger.

Nathan laughed and turned to Angry Psycho; "I think she likes me!" He said in a faux-whisper.

This of course caused Angry Psychopath to go, well, angry psychopath on him, which, really, was just a metaphor for how the entire day was going to go, looking back on it.

Man, he should've booked it when he had the chance.

~~~

"So tell me- how did an American get community service in England?" Phone Girl- now known as Alisha- asked him later that day. Nathan rolled his eyes.

"I'm pretty sure my American citizenship has expired by now," he drawled. "'Been here about 3 years- it really does rain every bloody day, it's terrible." Alisha pursed her lips, then whirled around when Angry Psychopath noticed the state of his precious hat.

"Oh man, there's paint on my cap!" He cried, then whirled on his heel and kicked a can of paint off to the side. 

"Man, what the hell crawled up his ass and died?" Nathan wondered as he stalked away, presumably in an effort to clean his precious hat.

"I don't know, but I want it to stay far, far away." 

"Wise words, brother dear- wait a minute," Nathan whirled around, eyes wide as he took in the sight of his twin standing beside him. "When the hell did you get here?" Klaus shrugged.

"A few minutes ago," he admitted, then peered down at the benches they were painting. "Shitty paint job, by the way." 

"And who are you?" Athletic Bloke- or Curtis- asked. He sounded unimpressed, though whether that was his default tone or because Klaus was wearing his most Klaus-ish outfit- eyeliner, those lace-up pants of his and a mesh top- remained to be seen.

Klaus jerked his thumb in Nathan's direction. "His brother." He explained, and Curtis' eyebrows met his hairline in surprise. 

"What, don't see the family resemblance?" Nathan teased. "We're identical twins, mate. He just wears a lot more makeup than I do." Klaus rolled his eyes.

"I wear it better, you mean," he muttered, then slung an arm across Nathan's shoulders. "Anyways, just came down to see what my dear little brother-" Nathan scowled.

"-We're twins, you prick-"

"-Was doing," Klaus finished as if he'd never been interrupted. "Which is apparently making every brilliant artist turn in their grave, but we can't all be winners." Alisha frowned.

"You think you can do better?" She challenged. Klaus grinned widely.

"I'll do you one better: I  _ know  _ I can do better." Alisha raised an eyebrow, then passed him her paintbrush. Klaus immediately set to work on painting the bench she'd abandoned.

"See, it's all about having the right amount of paint-"

"So what did you get done in for?" Nathan asked Ponytail Girl- Kelly- while his brother did his job for him. "I'm guessing… shoplifting?" Kelly glared at him.

"Don't act like you know me, 'cos you don't." She snapped, and Nathan raised his arms in a 'what gives?' kind of way.

"I'm just making conversation," he said. "This is a chance to network with other offenders, we should be swapping tips! Brainstorming!" 

No response.

Nathan sighed and bent over so he was eye level with Kelly; "Come on, what did you do?" He pleaded. Kelly sighed and paused long enough to give him an answer.

"A girl called me a slag so I just got into a fight." Nathan nodded sagely.

"Was this on the Jeremy Kyle Show?" He asked. 

"No, it was in Argos."

"You should have got one of them pens and jabbed it in her eye," Nathan told her, miming the action out, then turned to the blond a little ways off. "What about you, weird kid? Don't take this the wrong way but you look like a panty sniffer." Weird Kid- or Barry- tensed up.

"I'm not a panty sniffer," he said quietly. "I'm not a pervert." He paused, before adding; "I tried to burn someone's house down." Nathan raised his eyebrows.

"Yeah?" He asked. "You'd get along great with Klaus- my brother- then. A pair of pyromaniacs, banded together to watch the world burn." Klaus perked up at the mention of his name and waved.

“Hi, I’m Klaus,” he said. “Not much of a pyromaniac now, but I’m always up for a bit of chaos. What are we burning down?”

Weird Kid frowned and went back to painting his bench. Nathan shrugged and turned back to Kelly.

"What did you do?" She asked, and Nathan balked.

"Me?" He repeated, then thought about it. "Oh, I was done for eating some Pick N' Mix." Kelly rolled her eyes.

"Bollocks." She said. Nathan shrugged again, then frowned as thunder rolled in the distance. 

"Man, what is going on with this weather?" He wondered as Mr. Probation Worker came back. He sighed at the paint can and shopping trolly Angry Psychopath had knocked over earlier and turned to them with a disappointed look that could rival Reginald's.

"How did that happen?" He asked tiredly. "I mean, you've been here five minutes- it's painting benches, how did you screw that up? You tell me, because I've got no idea." 

"I don't know sir, but a lot of these guys could use a painting class or ten," Klaus piped up, then stepped away from his bench and handed Alisha her paint brush back. "There. See? Easy." Mr. Probation Worker seemed to be struggling.

"I'm sorry, who are you?" He asked finally, and really, he just sounded so lost. Nathan kinda felt bad for him. 

"His twin," Klaus answered, pointing at Nathan. He waved just for show. "Hey, do you think since I painted one of these without one of those ASBO-whatsits I could get-"

Whatever Klaus was about to say was cut off by his scream when what looked like a large ice chunk fell on top of someone's car, totaling it instantly. "Christ on a cracker, what the hell was that?" He gasped, one hand over his racing heart.

The others expressed similar sentiments, and Mr. Probation worker turned away from the totaled car with a vacantly puzzled expression on his face; "That's my car," he mumbled, and Nathan laughed.

"Classic, classic." he said, still grinning. 

Around them, the freak storm grew steadily stronger. Barry pulled out his phone to start filming it, when another ice chunk fell into the lake behind them, dousing them all with water.

Nathan stepped a little closer to Klaus; "Ok, so I'm a little bit freaked out." He called. Alisha’s eyes went wide and she pointed at something in the far-off distance.

"What the hell is that?" She asked shrilly. Nathan’s eyes went wide as he took in the monster thunderstorm, then yelped and scrambled away when another ice chunk crashed to the ground a few feet away from them. 

"Right, everyone inside!" The probation worker shouted as the heavens opened above them.

"If this kills me make sure they don't bury my body, ok?" Nathan yelled to his brother as they ran for the Community Center. "Or cremate me- fuck, do  _ not  _ let them cremate me- ow, fuck!"

A rather large chunk of ice (but still smaller than the boulders that had rained down not even five minutes ago) deposited itself across Nathan's shoulders, and he crumbled momentarily, before gritting his teeth and picking up the pace again. This wasn't the time for pain- he'd never died via large hailstone, but honestly he didn't really want to add that to his resumé. The bruise that would form in the morning would be a problem for Future Nathan to worry about.

Curtis reached the Community Center first, but when he tried the doors, they wouldn't open.

"It's locked!" He shouted. Klaus rolled his eyes.

"No, really?" He snapped, then shoved the probation worker forward. "Come on, you've got the keys, open it!" The probation worker glowered at him, but set about finding the right key. 

It was taking too long; "Open the fucking door!" Alisha shrieked as another ice chunk landed a little too close for comfort, and the probation worker whirled around to tell her off. 

(Really? Now? You want to tell her off now, when they’re legitimately running the risk of having their heads bashed in?)

"Don't speak to me like that!" He snapped.

That’s when the lightning stuck, right between them and the probation worker.

~~~

Nathan supposed he must've blacked out momentarily, as when he came to he was lying flat on his back on the ground. In the distance, he could hear a car horn going off, but weirdly enough, the storm seemed to have stopped. (Or at least decreased in intensity.)

"I feel really weird." Kelly was alive, then, it would seem. Good. Nathan thought she was cute.

Curtis groaned as he sat up; "That'll be the lightning." He replied weakly. "Everyone alive?"

"No." Nathan didn't even have the energy to bother with a rebuttal for his twin. "And if I am, I wish I was dead. Christ, Nate, I think we've found something worse than Reggie's training." Nathan weakly raised a hand.

"Amen to that," he replied. 

"We should be dead." Weird Kid said quietly. "That was a direct hit- people don't survive stuff like that." 

Klaus frowned. "Maybe we're just lucky?" He suggested, and Nathan snorted.

"Us? Lucky? I think the lightning fired your brain, bro," he drawled, then struggled to pull himself into a sitting position. He surveyed the probation worker with slightly blurry vision for a moment, then asked; "Are you dead? Hey, if you're dead, does this mean we get the day off?" The probation worker glowered at him.

"Wanker."

Nathan's eyes went comically wide; "Did- Did he just call me a wanker?" Klaus groaned and sat up.

"Yes, Nathan, get with the program," he said tiredly. The probation worker sighed.

"Is everyone all right?" He asked quietly. Alisha glared at him. 

"We could have died, you dick." She snapped. 

Kelly frowned at her, then turned back to their probation worker; "Are  _ you _ all right?" She asked as he went through a small spasm. "You're acting like a freak."

He didn't respond- not to her question, at least.

"Let's just- maybe we should call it a day." He said at length. Nobody argued with him.

~~~

"I feel like death warmed over," Nathan announced as he and his brother tripped into their flat. He groaned as he collapsed on their shitty sofa; "Christ on a tricycle." Klaus sat down opposite him, a blunt dangling from his lips as he sized up his twin.

"How's your shoulder?" He asked quietly. Nathan peered at him sideways.

"Oh, you saw that?" He asked, then groaned as he pulled himself forward. "I'm almost afraid to look. Why couldn't immortality come with a weird healing factor?" Klaus  _ tsked  _ as he helped his twin shrug his jacket off and pull his shirt up.

"You  _ do  _ have an advanced healing factor," he said as Nathan pulled his shirt off with a few curses. "Or at least that's what Ben says. He thinks that if that had happened to anyone else their shoulder would have been dislocated." He hissed at the colorful bruises and lacerations marring Nathan's pale shoulders. "Even so, I'm not 100% sure that's not what's happened here. Sit tight, I'ma get some ice."

Nathan rolled his eyes; "Do I really have a choice?" He called as Klaus made his way back to the kitchen. He reappeared a moment later with a bag of frozen…  _ something _ , and a scowl.

"You know, I could always go put this back," he said, then hissed at the air next to him. "Shut up, Ben." Nathan raised an eyebrow.

"What does Bentacles say?" He asked, accepting the bag Klaus passed him with a muted thanks. He didn't press it against his shoulder just yet, still waiting for Klaus to answer.

"He says that-"

"Holy fucking shit-!"

Klaus stared open mouthed as Nathan scrambled off the couch and to the door. His eyes were wide and he was breathing heavily, but he wasn't looking at Klaus- no, he was looking at something slightly to his left.

Klaus frowned and turned to said left, but he didn't see anything- well, he saw Ben, of course, but nothing else that shouldn't have been there.

"Nathan?" He asked hesitantly, and his twin jerked his head to look at him. "Are you-"

"I can see Ben," Nathan blurted, and Klaus stuttered to a stop.

"What?" He gasped. "No, that's impossible- we don't have the same power, Dad checked and checked-"

"No, Klaus, I swear," Nathan begged, then turned to Ben. "Ben, Ben, you can see me, right?" Ben hesitated.

"Yeah, but-" Nathan outright sobbed.

"Christ- Ben-" 

Klaus' eyes went wide when he realized that his twin was telling the truth- he really  _ could  _ see Ben.

"But I don't understand," he whispered. "How?" Ben frowned.

"Maybe… the storm?" He suggested weakly. "Maybe it triggered latent powers?" Nathan shook his head.

"No, if I had latent powers Dad would have found them," he insisted, tears streaming down his face. "Christ, Ben, can I- can I hug you? Please?" An anguished look crashed down on Klaus' features.

"Nathan, I'm sorry, I don't know how to make him corporeal," he said. "I've tried, God knows I've tried, but I'm just-" he sat down on the couch, head in hands. "Reggie spent too long thinking I was hallucinating, then too much mausoleum, then the drugs- I never learned to manifest ghosts. Nathan, Ben, I'm so sorry." 

Nathan was quiet for a moment, then spoke up; "So let's learn together." Klaus frowned.

"What?" He asked. Nathan sat down in front of him.

"Think about it," he said. "We're identical twins. We've got the exact same DNA, so why the hell don't we have the same power?" Klaus shrugged.

"Beats me," he said. 

"Maybe the lightning  _ did  _ trigger something- maybe it activated something in my DNA- something that's active in your DNA, but not mine. Until the lightning."

Klaus thought about it. "It sounds plausible," he said slowly. "But- does this mean I have your power?" A shadow crossed Nathan's face.

"I have no idea, and we're not going to find out," he said darkly, then winced. "And pass me that bag of whatever, Klaus, I think I dislocated my shoulder earlier."

Klaus did as he asked; "Do you think the storm did weird things to the others, too?" He asked. Nathan paused.

"For their sake, I hope not." He muttered, then pressed the ice against his shoulders. "Superpowers fucking suck."

~~~

The next day when Nathan rolled up for community service, there was graffiti all over the wall.

"Well this is… a message," he said stupidly, staring at the large red letters that read 'I WILL KILL YOU.' 

"This is a joke; did one of you do this?" Curtis asked heatedly. Nathan peered at each of them in turn, unlit cigarette dangling from his lips. 

"Any takers?" He asked. Kelly glowered at him.

"Oi, don't look at me," she said waspishly. "I didn't do it." Nathan raised his hands.

"Relax," he said. "Any of you got a lighter?" When nobody replied, he rolled his eyes and put the cigarette back in its box. "Fine, fine, don't fuel my ailing health, pricks.” He frowned and considered the graffitti again. “I'll tell you who did it, it's that Banksy prick,” he said after a moment. “There's a hidden meaning," He grinned and put an arm around Barry's shoulders. "It's like that monkey policeman with the banana and the Tesco's bag."

Barry looked incredibly uncomfortable; "Maybe someone wants to kill us." He suggested meekly. Kelly rolled her eyes.

"Why would anybody want to kill us?" She asked, and it seemed Barry kind of shrunk under her unimpressed gaze. To be honest, though, it was quite a stupid question, so Nathan didn't feel much sympathy for him.

"Come on you lot, let's get changed." The probation worker said tiredly as he came around the bend. Curtis gestured at the graffiti on the wall.

"Have you seen this?" He asked angrily. "Someone's taking the piss."

"Yeah, it's terrible isn't it?" The probation worker asked sarcastically. "All this anti-social behaviour." Nathan narrowed his eyes.

"Is he having a dig at us?" He asked. "I think he's having a dig at us." 

Right at that moment, Alisha's phone went off, and the probation worker  _ lost it. _

"Right, that's it!" He snapped, and Nathan flinched. He's not sure anyone noticed, though- "All of you, just give me your phones. No one's making any more calls today."

Nobody moved.

"Now, come on!" He yelled.

Alisha scoffed; "Are you allowed to take our phones?" She asked snidely, a cruel smirk pulling at the corners of her lips. "I think not. Say cheese!" The probation worker sighed and rolled his eyes as Alisha held up her phone to take a picture of him. She was still laughing when he took it away, and Nathan got the feeling she was going to be the difficult one in the group.

The probation worker went down the line, collecting phones, then stopped in front of Nathan.

"What?" He asked. "I don't have a phone. I've got cigarettes though, want one?" The probation worker snorted a harsh laugh.

"A millennial without a phone, now I've heard it all!" He said, then made impatient grabby hands. "Come on, hand it over!" Nathan rolled his eyes.

"Are you retarded?" He asked, genuinely curious. "I. Don't. Have. A. Phone. Ask my brother, he doesn't have one either." 

"Why?" Alisha challenged. Nathan rolled his eyes.

"Well, not all of us get to mooch off our parents," he said sarcastically. "Some of us have real jobs and real lives in the real world, and phone bills are expensive!" 

"Alright, enough," the probation worker finally said. "Just- get inside and get changed."

Nathan strolled ahead of the others as they walked towards the entrance. In the distance he could hear Kelly call the probation worker a wanker, along with Alisha's mocking laughter, but truth be told he was more focused on trying to make Ben corporeal.

"Just- imagine me real?" Ben was really bad at encouraging talks, he was finding.

"I tried that already," Nathan said through gritted teeth. "It didn't work." 

"Maybe you should have a proper séance," Ben suggested. "Try to mesh with the powers a bit- you're trying to run before you can walk."

"Klaus is running," Nathan said  petulantly, and Ben rolled his eyes. 

"Klaus has also had these powers for 21 years longer than you," he drawled as his brother pushed open the doors to the locker room. "Give it time, Nathan. Be patient." Nathan rolled his eyes as he pulled his shirt off, wincing when the action aggravated the bruise across his shoulders.

"I'm never patient," he said just as the others walked in.

Alisha gave him a weird look; "Who are you talking to?" She asked. 

"Nobody," Nathan answered. Alisha rolled her eyes, then paled when she noticed the contusions across Nathan's skin.

"Jesus Christ," she gaped. "Did you take a header down the stairs or something?" Nathan craned his neck to get a look at the injury.

"Oh, no," he said. "Remember that freak ice storm yesterday? Yeah, one of those ice chunks nailed me across the back. Hurt like a bitch." Curtis frowned at him.

"That looks pretty bad," he commented. "Maybe just… take it easy?" 

Nathan balked. Woah. He hadn't known the guy long, but it had been apparent that Curtis did not like him. For him to be telling Nathan to sit back…

"What the fuck does this even look like?" He wondered aloud, twisting this way and that in an attempt to get an eyeful of the bruise in question. It didn't even hurt that much, but then again, Nathan's pain perception was fucked seven ways from Friday- again, thanks, Reggie.

"Really bad," Kelly supplied, confirming his suspicions.

Well. He'd just have to find a way to deal then, wouldn't he?

~~~

_ Christ, I hope Yiayia gave Klaus that extra shift. _

Kelly froze. Very, very, very subtly, she peered sideways at Nathan. Just like she'd feared, he gave no indication that he'd been thinking out loud.

_ What if she says no? It'll be cutting it close either way, but Christ- I  _ really  _ don't want to have to do house hunting again, that fucking sucked. _

Crikey, she really was losing it. First she thinks she hears her dog talk to her, then it seemed her boyfriend's-  _ ex- _ boyfriend's, she reminded herself- thoughts became public knowledge, and now, apparently she gets a look inside Nathan's head.

Joy.

_ Better house hunting than homeless- Christ, that was a bad year. Klaus and his stupid weird cold powers, bastard nearly froze to death. _

Ok, enough was enough.

"You know after the storm, did any of yous feel like dead weird?" Kelly asked. Nathan paused painting the wall long enough to tilt his head to the side and think about it.

"I had a strange tingling sensation in my anus." He said at length. "And a rather annoying bruise, but you all already got an eyeful of that, didn't you?" 

_ I should say something _ .

Kelly whirled around to look at Simon; "What, did you feel weird?" She asked. Beside her, Nathan pouted before asking; "You don't want to hear about my anus?" Curtis glowered at him.

"Do you really need to ask the question?" He snapped. Nathan gave him his best shit-eating grin before turning back to Kelly and Simon.

"Something happened." The blond said quietly. 

"What's that?" Nathan asked. "Squeak up!" Simon seemed to shrink in on himself.

"S-Something happened to me." He said, even quieter than before. Nathan's grin only widened.

"Are you a virgin? Did you pop your cherry?" He asked, and Kelly whirled around.

"Shut up!" She snapped. "Jesus!" She turned back to Simon. "What was it?" She asked, but Simon had officially decided he was done; "It's nothing." He mumbled, then went back to scrubbing graffiti off the wall.

_ Would I? I think I would. _

Oh, Christ. It just didn't fucking end, did it? Nathan's inner monologue was similar to his outer monologue, in that neither of them ever stopped.

_ Oh my God, I'm thinking about shagging a chav. Get a grip! _

Ok. That was just too far.

"I'm not a fucking chav!" Kelly snapped, then took a swing at him. Nathan nimbly danced away, though, which surprised her, but then again, maybe he'd been expecting it?

"What was that for?" He asked, offended, then shook his head. "Jesus. At least make an attempt to be discreet, love, I could see that coming from a mile away." Kelly grinded her teeth together. Behind Nathan, Alisha was laughing again in that annoying, mocking way of hers, and Kelly's blood broiled. 

"Oi, fuck off," she snapped. "Just because he can dodge a hit doesn't mean you can." Alisha scoffed.

"Ooh, I'm so scared," she mocked, and abruptly Kelly decided she'd had enough- there was no winning with girls like Alisha, they were in a different category altogether.

"Oi, where do you think you're going?" Oh, fuck everything sideways, could the universe not give her a break? As she rounded the corner, she ran into the probation worker, who grabbed her arm and hauled her back.

"Piss off." She snapped. The probation worker narrowed his eyes.

"You can't just walk off whenever you feel like it." He said. Kelly struggled to pull her arm away.

"Get your hands off me, you prick," she snarled, trying valiantly to get away, but it was no use- his hold on her was one of iron.

"You just keep pushing, don't you?" The probation worker growled. His grip was tightening, it was actually starting to hurt- "Push, push, push. I'm so  _ sick  _ of dealing with scum like you." 

"Hey! Let go of her, you dillhole!"

For a split second, Kelly thought Nathan had come to her rescue. Then she spotted eyeliner and a skirt, and realized it was his brother Klaus.

The probation worker didn't listen to him, but his momentary distraction was enough for Kelly to break her arm out of his grasp and shove him away. Klaus conveniently stuck out his leg as he stumbled and he went right over.

Kelly was impressed; "Thanks," she said. Klaus shrugged. He was grinning like a lunatic, but his eyes were wary. 

"Don't mention it," he said, then stuck his arm out, bent at the elbow. Kelly raised an eyebrow, and Klaus rolled his eyes. "You can't honestly tell me you want to wait for him to come back to his senses." 

Hmm. Good point. 

Kelly linked arms with Nathan's brother, because weirder things had happened, and together they walked off.

(If they had stayed a moment longer they would have seen the feral look in the probation worker's eyes, and known to fear for their lives.)

 


	6. Episode One: Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein Kelly and Klaus have a chat about the storm, Klaus acts like an older brother, Nathan has a meltdown, and, oh yeah, a wee bit of murder happens.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for mentions of drug use, and, well, murder.  
> Over 5K words again, I don't know why this keeps happening XD. Normally these chapters are around 4K... oh well, the more the merrier, right?  
> I edited this chapter like three times, which is a new record for me.  
> Oh- I nearly forgot to mention this- all translations are done by the lovely Google Translate... it's probably all incorrect, sorry.  
> Anywho so concludes part one of the Misfits Campaign.

**On an undisclosed date near the end of 2009, two young adults sat against a wall, chain-smoking cigarettes. This was unusual only in the fact that the only bond these two people had with each other was that they had worked in tandem to take down a rabid probation worker not even an hour earlier.**

"Do you want to lodge a complaint?" Klaus asked. Kelly sighed and took a drag off her cigarette.

"What's the point?" She asked, voice warped by the smoke in her lungs. She blew the rest of it out her nose; "It's not like anyone will believe me." Klaus frowned.

"I'd back you up," he said. Kelly rolled her eyes.

"No offense, but I'm not sure anyone would believe you," she said, casting a meaningful stare at his… everything, really, Klaus was quite the individual. 

Said individual snorted loudly and promptly choked on his cigarette; "Fuck me sideways," he gasped once he'd cleared his airways. He pounded on his chest once or twice just to be sure, then turned to her. "Nathan would back me up."

"He's an offender too," Kelly pointed out. "They wouldn't believe any of us." Klaus shrugged.

"You never know unless you try," he said. Kelly shrugged noncommittally as Klaus stubbed out the last of his cigarette on the pavement.

"Got another cancer stick?" He asked, and Kelly sighed.

"Jesus, I'm going to run out of them at this rate," she complained, but passed Klaus another one anyways. He grinned apologetically.

"Yeah, I tend to burn through them," he admitted. "When I'm not smoking… other stuff." Kelly snorted.

"There's no need to be so cagey about it," she said. "Everybody already knows- you've got scars in the crook of your elbow." Klaus' eyes widened in surprise, and he looked down at his elbows.

"Well fuck me sideways," he muttered. "You're observant." Kelly shrugged, then hesitated. 

"Hey, did you feel like… weird, after the storm?" She asked cautiously. Klaus frowned and made a so-so gesture with his hand.

"Sort of?" He admitted. "Kinda tingly and generally sore… why do you ask?" Kelly looked down at her smoldering cigarette and flicked some ash off the end of it.

"Well…" she sighed. "You can't tell anyone, alright?" Klaus frowned.

"Oh, this is serious," he mumbled, then angled his body towards her. "Yeah, yeah, I won't tell. What's cooking?"

"I'm hearing these voices in my head," Kelly blurted. "It's like I'm hearing people's thoughts." 

Klaus was quiet for a moment. Just when Kelly was beginning to think she'd have to make a run for it before he called to have her put into a looney bin, he asked; "For real?"

Kelly balked. "You believe me?" She asked. Klaus shrugged.

"Sure, why not?" He wondered. "I mean…"

He trailed off, but Kelly tuned into his inner monologue to hear the rest;  _ I got Nathan's powers and he got mine from the storm, so maybe- fuck, so we're not the only ones with powers anymore- fuck fuck fuck, she can hear that, quick, switch to German, um, ich bin traurig und Sonnenlicht tut weh, ich bin Gottes Fehler! _

Kelly's eyebrows met her hairline in surprise. "You have powers already?" She thought about it. "And you speak German?" Klaus balked, then laughed nervously and ran a hand through his hair.

"Uh, yeah, I picked it up a few years ago," he admitted, completely ignoring her first question. He took an exceptionally long drag off his cigarette and blew smoke rings to the sky; "I guess you really are a telepath," he bit his lip. "Anything… else, you heard?" 

Kelly listened for a moment, then shook her head; "No, you've gone quiet," she said, and Klaus breathed a sigh of relief. It made her wonder exactly what he was hiding.

"So what's going on in Nathan's brain?" Klaus asked with a devious smile, and Kelly rolled her eyes.

"What do you think?" she asked, deadpan. "You're his brother, surely you've got some idea." Klaus hummed as he thought about it.

"He's either complaining about having a shift later, or thinking about getting it on with someone," he guessed. "Am I right?" Kelly made a so-so gesture with her hand.

"More or less," she admitted. "Not so much the first one, but-"

Klaus shushed her suddenly, eyes wide as he cocked his head to the side as if listening to something. A second later he was pulling her to her feet, eyes alight with panic.

"Come on, come on, we've gotta go," he said urgently, and Kelly batted his hands away.

"Woah woah woah- what are you on about?" She asked, and Klaus huffed before stamping his foot.

"The probation worker's gone mental!" He hissed. "He's dragging around a metal pipe-"

_ "What?"  _ Kelly shook her head. "I think you've lost it, mate." Klaus shook his head fervently. 

"No! I haven't, just- look, you know how you got telepathy from the storm?" Kelly nodded. Klaus took a deep breath. "Well, I got necromancy. I can see the dead, and my dead brother Ben has just warned me that the probation worker is walking around, frothing at the mouth wanting to kill us!"

For a second, Kelly was tempted to call bullshit.

Then she heard the unmistakable sound of a metal pipe dragging along the concrete, and her heart stopped.

"Run," she muttered, tugging on Klaus' sleeve. "RUN!" 

~~~

Klaus could run pretty fast when someone was trying to kill him. Sadly he'd had a lot of practice. 

"To the Community Center!" He gasped, one hand pressed against the burning sensation in his side. Fuck, those years of drug abuse had not done him any good at all- "We have to warn the others!" Kelly nodded, grim determination in her eyes, and together they poured on speed, desperately trying to make it to the Center before the probation worker made it to them.

They made it, but only by a hair. Klaus skidded on the floor while Kelly full-on fell over, but they both raced to slam the door.

"He's going to kill us!" Kelly cried. In the middle of the room, Nathan laughed, sounding absolutely delighted. 

"Nice entrance!" He said, grinning like a maniac. "Very dramatic!" Klaus glared at his twin. His hair was plastered to his forehead with sweat, his makeup was running, and  _ he did not want to get chased by a rabid probation worker,  _ ok? But fuck it all up the ass anyways, because that's what happened.

Case in point, Klaus was not in the mood for any of Nathan's… Nathan-ness.

_ "Nicht jetzt, Nathan!"  _ He snapped. The brunet in question immediately shut up, gleeful mirth being overtaken by concern as he took in the appearance of his twin.

"Shit, Klaus, are you ok?" He asked, worry in his tone as he stood up from his chair. "You look-"

_ "Back away from the door,"  _ Klaus snarled when Nathan took a step forward. "Away from the fucking door, Nathan, or I swear to fucking God." Nathan backed away from the fucking door, as requested, the worry in his eyes now tenfold.

"Alright, alright," he said, then looked at Kelly. "So what happened to you two?"

"The probation worker chased us the entire way here!" Kelly blurted, and Nathan's eyes nearly bugged out of his skull.

_ "What?"  _ He rounded on Klaus. "What the hell did you do-"

"It wasn't me, it was the storm!" Klaus snapped. "It did something- remember the power swap? The probation worker's gone completely fucking mad!" Kelly nodded fervently, and Klaus elbowed her in the ribs.

_ “Tell them,”  _ he hissed, and Kelly nodded.

"I'm hearing these voices in me head, it's like I can hear what people are thinking," she explained hurriedly. Alisha rolled her eyes.

"Have you been sniffing glue?" She asked condescendingly, and Klaus rounded on her with a glare.

"No she hasn't," he snapped. "Fucking look at us. Do we look like we've been off getting high?" Nathan coughed, and Klaus glared at him. “ _ Nicht jetzt, Nathan!"  _

"I wasn't gonna say anything!" Nathan protested, but the half-grin on his face said otherwise. 

"The storm, the lightning, it's done something to us!" Kelly insisted, and Alisha sighed before sitting up.

"Alright, if you can hear people's thoughts, what am I thinking now?" She asked, and Kelly went silent as she concentrated.

"You think it's bullshit!" She said after a minute, and Alisha rolled her eyes.

"Of course I think it's bullshit, do you hear yourself speak?" She asked, unimpressed. "Move aside, I'm leaving-"

"Don't, Alisha," Klaus warned. "He is out there, and he will kill you!” His eyes flickered to something behind her, and he inhaled sharply. “Fucking Christ- he's already killed Gary!" Alisha knit her eyebrows.

"Who?" She asked, and Klaus huffed before rolling his eyes.

"The other ASBO shithead?" He asked. "Disappeared yesterday, yeah? Odd that he never showed up today, isn't it?" He pointed somewhere behind her. "His ghost just appeared behind you!" He glared at him. “Yeah, I’m talking about you, shithead! Where the fuck were you about an hour ealirer, mm? You could’ve warned us, prevented this entire thing from happening!” Nathan regarded Gary with poorly disguised horror in his eyes.

“What  _ happened _ to you?” He whispered, and abruptly Klaus remembered that Nathan could see ghosts too. 

His comment went unheard among the rest of the ASBO shitheads, however, and Alisha rolled her eyes before standing up.

"You’re insane," she announced at the same time as Simon said; "Something's happened to me too." Alisha rolled her eyes.

"Are you in on this charade too?" She asked, then shook her head. "Honestly, you all need to grow up already." 

_ I never had a childhood so I'd rather never grow up- fuck, Kelly, get out of my head- _

Simon wasn't backing down; "Earlier on when we were in the locker-room, I was invisible," he said slowly. "I turned invisible." Alisha rolled her eyes.

"So, she's psychic, Klaus is a ghost hunter, and you can turn invisible," she drawled, then shook her head. "Yeah, that seems so likely."

Curtis started towards the door. Kelly was at his side in an instant; "What are you doing?" She demanded. Curtis raised an eyebrow.

"Leaving?" He replied. Kelly shook her head frantically.

"Don't go out there, he will kill you!" She cried shrilly, and Curtis rolled his eyes.

"Enough with this game, already!" He said crossly, and Nathan scowled.

"Look at it this way, mate," he said. "If she was lying, would she still be protesting?" Curtis gave a longsuffering sigh and turned to the brunet.

"You actually believe this shit?" He asked, and Nathan glowered at him.

"Yeah, I do," he said, gesturing towards his brother and Kelly. "Look at them, Curtis,  _ really  _ fucking look at them. Do they look like they've been faking it?"

Curtis frowned and surveyed Kelly and Klaus, noticing for the first time the tear tracks down the former's face and the tensed, panicked way the latter held himself.

"Not really," he admitted quietly, and Nathan nodded.

"Exactly," he said, then added; "Because I can see Gary too, so-"

Aaaand then they were back at square one.

"What the hell kind of bullshit is that?" Alisha spat. Nathan groaned and resisted the urge to slam his head against the wall a few times.

"I can see ghosts too," he said again. "Gerald-”

“Gary, Nathan.” The brunet rolled his eyes.

“Gary, whatever,” he said crossly. “Point is, he’s right behind you! He’s all bloody and shit, with this really fucking nasty wound- they arent bullshitting you! The storm did something!" Alisha rolled her eyes.

"Alright, alright, say I believe you," she replied sarcastically. "Why the hell do you two have the same power?"

"Identical twins, mate," Nathan and Klaus replied in unison. "Same DNA, same power." 

_ Well, sort of, it was more of a power swap- fuck fuck fuck, she can hear you! _

Somehow, Alisha didn't look convinced. Klaus gritted his teeth.

"Alright, alright, don't believe us?" He asked, a dangerous sort of intensity in his voice. "Fine then," he stepped away from the door, motioning for his twin to get back as well; "Leave. If you're so sure we're making it up, leave. When he bashes your head in with that lead pipe of his, you'll be sorry you didn't listen to us."

Alisha opened her mouth to reply, then cut herself off with a shriek of pure terror when the probation worker slammed himself against the door with an animalistic growl.

"Holy shit!" She yelped, then looked at Kelly and Klaus with wide eyes. "You're telling the truth!" Klaus rolled his eyes.

"Why would we lie?" He asked, backing towards Nathan when the probation worker slammed himself against the doors again. "I'm thinking we should run?" Nathan nodded.

"The back door," he muttered, then glared at them when they did nothing. "Well? Come on, move it!"

They all shivered at his tone. Gone were the carefree and flirtatious undertones, replaced by a voice that was used to being under duress and responding to it.

Klaus nodded and clapped his twin on the back; "At ease, Number Eight," he muttered, and Nathan visibly started before seeming to switch back over.

"Right, right," he muttered, then ran for the exit, Klaus hot on his heels. The others exchanged glances- what the hell was that all about?- but when the probation worker slammed himself against the doors again, they all ran after the twins.

When they caught up to them, Nathan was sprawled in a puddle of blood. 

"Fuck's sake! Is that blood?" Nathan heaved on a gag. "Fuck- Jesus Christ, get it off me, get it off me!" 

Klaus hauled him to his feet, making a disgusted noise in the back of his throat when Nathan tried to wipe the blood off his hands on his brother's shirt; "Oi!" He snapped. "I happen to  _ like  _ this outfit, I don't want you getting blood all… over it…"

He trailed off, hazel eyes following the pool of blood to the locker where it was coming from. He swallowed; "Uh, guys, I don't want to alarm you, but, uh…"

"Gerald's ghost is saying his body is in the locker," Nathan said, and the others around him blanched. Klaus sighed.

"Gary, Nathan," he muttered, then stepped around the puddle of blood. He hesitated at the locker for a moment, then opened it.

"Oh, Jesus Christ!" Klaus shut his eyes and turned away from the body. It was one thing to see the battle wounds on a ghost, it was quite another to see them on a physical body.

"I did wonder what had happened to him," Nathan said weakly. Klaus looked at his twin worriedly. He'd never really adjusted to seeing corpses everywhere, even after the whole Umbrella Academy fiasco, and right now he was quite green in the face. Klaus nudged him so he'd look away from the body, and pondered what to do next. 

"He's going to kill us." Alisha sniffled. "We're going to die." Curtis looked over at her.

"Hey, no, it'll be ok," he promised. "Don't look at him."

Then, the strangest thing happened. As Curtis moved his hand to hold Alisha's, the minute their skin touched, he straightened up and gasped as if he'd been shocked by a livewire.

"I've got to have sex with you right now," he gasped. "You're so beautiful, let's go, let's do it now." Klaus' eyebrows jumped to his hairline 

"Jesus- calm down, man!" He cried. "There's a time and a place- let go of her!"

Curtis didn't react to anything Klaus said; "I'm going to snag you senseless," he promised, absent behind the eyes. "I'll make you forget your own name-"

"Get  _ off  _ me, you freak!" Alisha snapped, then finally shoved Curtis away. He stumbled, and consequently slipped in the puddle of blood Nathan had tripped on earlier.

He groaned and sat up, clutching his noggin; "Oh, my aching head," he mumbled, then frowned at the looks they were giving him. "What? What did I do?"

"You said you were going to snag her," Nathan answered. "Make her forget her own name- that's a pretty big promise, you sure you could live up to that?" Curtis' face flamed red, and he turned to Alisha desperately.

"I am so sorry!" He gasped. "Honest, I don't remember any of it- it was like I just took a backseat at the controls." 

"It's when you were touching her," Kelly realized. "You just went into some sort of frenzy…" 

Alisha stared at her for a moment, then down at her hands, then at Klaus across from her. 

"I really wouldn't," Nathan said. "If you got a look at what went on in his head, you'd be afraid to go to sleep at night." Klaus scowled and glared at his twin.

_ "Verpiss dich!"  _ He snapped.

Alisha rolled her eyes, then turned her attention to Simon and stuck her hand on his neck.

Much like Curtis did he immediately gasped and straightened up; "I'm so hard for you," he growled. "I want to rip your clothes off and piss on your tits-"

Alisha yanked her hand away; "What is happening to me?" She cried, a note of real fear in her voice. Kelly frowned.

“The storm-” 

Whatever she was about to say was cut off by the probation worker when he suddenly crashed through the glass, spitting and snarling, and they all yelped and stumbled away.

_ Oh, why is it always me?  _ Nathan bemoaned silently as the probation worker turned unseeing eyes on him. The thought to run didn't even occur to him as the probation charged him, metal pipe swinging down in a deadly arc-

_ CRUNCH! _

Nathan cracked open an eye when he didn't feel the nauseating sensation of having his head smashed in. What he saw made him want to throw up anyways. 

"What did you do?" He whispered, staring with wide eyes at the probation worker's very prone and very dead body sprawled across the floor. Across from him, Kelly let a bloodstained paint can fall from her hands with a  _ clang. _

"Is he dead?" Alisha whimpered. Nathan swallowed.

"Well, I'm no doctor, but you see the way the back of his head is caved in like that?" He asked, trying not to be sick all over the floor. "Generally that means someone's dead-" 

Fuck no, wait, the bastard wasn’t dead- he made a grab towards Kelly and the blonde didn’t hesitate to stomp down on his head, focefully and repeatedly.

"I AM NOT A CHAV!" She shouted, punctuating each word with a stamp of her foot to his head. Nathan knotted his fingers in his hair.

"That should do it." He said weakly. "Jesus Christ, you killed our probation worker." Beside him, Klaus looked like he was going to be sick, and announced as much; "I feel sick," he mumbled. "Anyone got a bucket?"

"H-He would have killed us," Kelly stammered, sounding uncharacteristically unsure of herself. "I- it was self defense." Nathan spun around in a small circle.

"Well that's all well and good, but now we're the ones with the dead body on our hands!" He snapped. "And I don't know about you lot, but my body-hiding skills are about four years out of practice!"

He wasn't kidding, though the others probably thought he was- Numbers Four and Eight were always tasked with cleaning up the bodies, if the need ever arose.

"We should call the police," Curtis said shakily. "They can figure this out." Alisha nodded vigorously. 

"We show him, the- the dead boy in the locker, they'll do some CSI shit - and figure it out." She said, voice broken by fear. Kelly shook her head.

"They won't believe us." She replied miserably. Curtis shook his head.

"No, no, no," he said in a tone that was borderlining on hysterical. "We just tell them the truth. We stick to our story." Kelly threw her hands in the air.

"And what's our story?" She snapped. "Huh? That they can see ghosts and I can hear people's thoughts?" She inhaled shakily. "It doesn't matter what we tell them, they'll say we're lying."

"They'll say you killed them both," Klaus said hollowly. He turned to Curtis. "Your record may have been plaited in gold one time, but your word means nothing now. No one's gonna believe you."

Then Simon spoke up. He was so quiet Nathan had forgotten he was there; "There's no crime if there's no body." He said softly, and Nathan turned to him.

"Great idea, Barry, but the last time I had to hide a body was four years ago, I'm a little out of practice," he snapped, and Klaus shook his head.

"We can bury them under the flyover," he said, and Nathan hated himself the moment he caught on to his twin's inane, Umbrella Academy inspired idea.

"How do we do that? Someone's gonna see us." Curtis pointed out, and Nathan sighed miserably before stepping over to the body.

"No, they won't, because to them it'll just look like we're a bunch of young offenders taking a couple of specials for a walk in the sunshine," he said, and Klaus snapped his fingers.

"Give 'em a little-" he whistled and mimed cleaning something up. "And they'll be good as new."

The rest of them stared at them in shock, and Nathan rolled his eyes.

"What?" He snapped. "Do you have a better idea?" 

Slowly, they all shook their heads. Nathan nodded.

"Great," he said, then turned to his twin. "Come on, Klaus, let's go get two wheelchairs."

As they walked off, Nathan could feel his composure cracking. He was losing it, he was going to lose it, the stress and memories and everything was too much- 

Klaus placed a steadying hand on his shoulder.

"I know, Nate," he said softly. "I know. Just keep it together for a little while longer, ok? And then I  _ promise,  _ you can have the biggest mental breakdown in the history of mental breakdowns." Nathan drew in a shuddering breath.

"I'm going to hold you to that," he said shakily, then wiped at his eyes. "I really thought we'd left this sort of shit behind, Klaus." His brother sighed.

"So did I, Nate," he muttered. "So did I."

~~~

There was something especially disgusting about burying a couple of bodies in a mass grave, but Nathan tried not to think about it too much.

"I'm pretty sure this breaches the terms of my ASBO." He said wearily, which garnered half a laugh from his twin.

"We don't tell anyone about this, yeah? About the storm or what it did to us or anything?" Kelly said, though it sounded more like she was asking them. Nathan sighed.

"We're about to bury our probation worker," he drawled. "We don't need to be drawing any attention to ourselves." Alisha scowled.

"I don't want anyone to know," she muttered, shoveling dirt on top of the two bodies. "I cannot be a freak." Kelly frowned at her.

"Just then, when he was touching you, how were you doing that?" She asked, and Alisha huffed.

"I don't know." She answered, frustrated. 

Bringing up the incident jump-started Nathan's memory, however, and he turned to Barry with a crease between his eyebrows; "Didn't you say you wanted to piss on her tits?" He asked, then shook his head. "Probably best to keep that kind of thing between you and your internet service provider."

His voice had taken on that light, almost carefree tone Klaus had. The one where it sounded like he was on the verge of a mental breakdown, which, he was. Kelly frowned at him.

"Are you all right?" She asked, and Nathan balked.

_ If she can hear what I'm thinking, does she know I want to shag her?  _ His eyes widened. _ Shit, she can hear that!  _

"Hold on, all of you have some kind of special power," Curtis said. "Everyone can do something except me." 

Nathan frowned. "Count yourself lucky, man," he said. "Powers are no laughing matter, trust me." Curtis snorted.

"Oh, and you're an expert now, are you?" He asked, and Nathan scoffed.

"Buddy, you have no idea," he said, throwing a shovelful of dirt onto Gary's face. "Just- really. I lost hope in all things divine when I was seven years old-"  _ the first time Reginald killed me-  _ "But pray to  _ God  _ you don't have one."

Klaus nodded vigorously from where he was standing next to his brother, then looked at the rest of then; "If anyone asks what happened yesterday, say 'nothing,' ok? It was just a completely normal day, filled with normal, mundane activities."

~~~

Ten minutes after they got in, Nathan started crying silently. Ben was the one to tell Klaus, because even after being out of Reginald's grasp for nearly four years, the lessons he'd taught them-  _ cry silently, show no weakness-  _ were still clear in the forefront of their minds.

"I didn't want to have to hide another body," Nathan whimpered from where he was pressed against his twin's side. "I didn't want to- I don't want to, I can't I can't I can't-"

Klaus tightened his grip on his brother. "It's going to be ok," he promised. "Everything will straighten itself out." Nathan inhaled huge gulps of air.

"But it's  _ not!"  _ He cried, twisting his hands in his brother's shirt. "We did  _ exactly  _ what Reginald would have told us to! Nothing's changed!"

"Hey, hey," Klaus pulled away from Nathan long enough to look him in the eye. "Everything's changed. Do you really think you'd have gotten community service if you were still under Reginald's thumb?" 

"We still  _ hid a dead body-" _

"So what?" Klaus snapped. "The alternative would be you going to jail, and I don't have the money to bail you out!" He shook his head. "Look. I'm not saying what we didn't wasn't particularly Reginald-esq, because it was, but sometimes good ideas come from bad people. Nobody would have believed you guys, and he would have killed you-"

"I'd have come back anyways," Nathan said miserably, and Klaus shook him.

_ "Listen,"  _ he stressed. "It doesn't matter if you'd have come back or not, you'd still have been killed. And I  _ know  _ you don't have that big a masochistic streak, so don't try to tell me you'd have preferred it if that was way happened.. We did… well, we didn't do the right thing, according to the law, but we did the right thing, ok?" Nathan sniffled once, then nodded.

"Ok," he said quietly. Klaus regarded him carefully for a moment, then pulled him into another hug.

"Ok," he said. "Ok," he pulled back to give his twin a once-over, then wrinkled his nose at the blood and dirt that was all over him. "Eugh, you're covered in nasty, go take a shower." Nathan huffed a watery laugh.

"You're not so squeaky clean yourself, bro," he said, and Klaus sighed.

"Yes, I'm well aware," he said tiredly, staring mournfully at his skirt. "And this is dry-clean only!" Nathan shrugged as he stood up.

"We'll take it in tomorrow," he said, starting towards the bathroom. "And then we'll stop and get a cake." Klaus knit his eyebrows.

"A cake?" He asked. "Our birthday isn't for another month." Nathan sighed wearily.

"Yeah, but after the fiasco that was today, we deserve something nice."

~~~

"Ok, so, remember the plan," Nathan said quietly the next day. His composure had recovered enough, but he still felt weirdly delicate- "We had a completely uneventful day yesterday. If anyone asks, we saw nothing." 

They all nodded grimly.

"Gary and my colleague, Tony-" oh, so that was his name- "-have both been reported missing," another probation worker- Sarah? Sophie was saying. "Their families are very worried about them. Have you seen anything unusual, anything at all?"

Nathan promptly decided to break his one rule, and raised his hand.

"You saw something?" Sarah asked. Nathan nodded, ignoring the 'shut-up-stop-talking' looks the others were fixing him with.

"A few days ago I go into the toilets. Tony and Gary were in there," he began. "They were butt naked, and Tony has Gary by his hair-" he mimed it out by grabbing a fistful of his own locks. "-Like this, and he's just doing him, doggy style."

The rest of the ASBOs are watching him with varying levels of disgust. He dutifully ignores them, and continues on with his rendition. 

"And Tony is like, "who's your daddy? I'm your daddy, I'm Big Daddy."

At this point, Nathan wagers he's only got a few minutes left before he bursts into laughter, and decides to quit while he's ahead.

"So I'm guessing they've ran away to continue their illicit homosexual affair," he said plainly, almost wanting to take a bow. "And I ask you, in this world of intolerance and prejudice, who are we,  _ who are we _ to condemn them?"

Sarah- Sally?- stared at him for a moment before shaking her head and quietly sending them on their way.

Klaus was waiting for them on the roof; "Your brother," Alisha began. "Is fucking crazy." Klaus shrugged.

"It runs in the family," he said, then slung an arm around Nathan's shoulders. "Which impression did you go with this time?" Nathan grinned.

"Homosexual doggy-style affair," he answered, and Klaus snorted on a laugh.

"Jesus Christ, that's so fucked up in so many ways," he muttered, then collapsed on a seat. "Do you think you got away with it?" Nathan thought about it for a moment.

"Mmm, yeah," he said. Curtis gave him an incredulous look.

"Do you actually believe that, or are you just really dumb?" He asked. Nathan scowled.

"I actually believe that," he answered, fishing around his pockets for a cigarette. "Oi, Klaus, you got a lighter?"

Klaus rooted around his pockets, then came up with a box of matches and a joint. He put the joint in his mouth around a mutter of 'I wish I had something stronger,' then stuck a match and lit up the end of it.

"Here, catch!" He tossed the matchbox to his twin. Klaus didn't have Diego's mad skills with accuracy, but Nathan thought his throw was still too far off to be genuine.

Curtis watched their exchange with a crease between his eyebrows. Nathan regarded him for a moment before offering him a cigarette.

"No, no," Curtis declined. "I'm just wondering- all of you got a power, why didn't I?"

"You can have mine," Kelly offered. "You want to hear what people are thinking about you?" Curtis wrinkled his nose.

"Not so much, no," he replied, then paused. "Well, not  _ all  _ people…" he added with a meaningful look at Alisha, and Nathan mimed gagging. 

"Maybe you can fly," Klaus suggested. Nathan nodded sagely.

"There's always someone who can fly," he agreed. Kelly rolled her eyes.

"He's not going to be able to fly." She deadpanned.

"How do you know?" Nathan asked. "You're a mind-reader, not a clairvoyant." Kelly glowered at him, then tried to slug him on the arm. Just like before, Nathan danced out of her reach.

"So what happens now?" Kelly asked. "Is this it? Are we gonna be like this forever?" Simon chewed his lip.

"What if we're meant to be, like, superheroes?" He asked quietly, and Nathan and Klaus froze.

"No. No no no no no," Klaus said. "No fucking way. I've had enough of that superhero shit for a lifetime." Nathan nodded vigorously.

"It's not worth it. Sounds good on paper, but in reality, it's a bit of a shitshow," he agreed. Despite his carefree tone, he was quite pale. "Besides, in what kind of fucked-up world would you lot be superheroes?" He shook his head. "No, as ol' Reggie would say; 'You lack the ability to work together as a team!'"

The rest of them looked at the twins weirdly, and Nathan sighed.

"Just forget it," he mumbled around a mouthful of smoke.

"What if there's loads of people like us all over town?" Simon asked. Nathan exhaled shortly, Christ, could this kid not let  _ anything  _ go?

"That kind of shite only happens in America," he told him, then gestured vaguely towards the skyline. "This will just fade away. By this time next week, it'll be back to the same old boring shit."

Oh if only he'd known how wrong he was.


	7. Episode Two: Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein Nathan has a nightmare, the twins sew some drawstring bags, and Klaus talks to Alisha about how to better control her power.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Alisha's power does its thing. Nothing too severe, but I thought I'd mention it anyways.  
> Again, most of the dialogue in this is taken directly from Misfits, and all translations done by the lovely, if inaccurate, Google Translate.  
> Terribly sorry, chaps, I'm afraid this chapter isn't up to the usual scratch. Yes, I've had a month to edit it (yes I am that far ahead in writing this I'm on episode six and this entire thing is over 70K words God help me) and yes I left it to the last minute. Cheers.

**On an undisclosed date in the year 2009, two brothers sat around the table sewing drawstring bags. This was unusual only in the fact that it was currently 2:34 AM.**

“Arg, I can never get my stitches to be as nice as yours,” Nathan complained upon comparing his sewing job with his brother’s. Klaus delicately took a drag off his joint.

“Yes, but I’ve had more practice than you, brother dear,” he pointed out. “Plus, your hands are shaking.” Nathan scowled down at the afformented appendages in question.

_ "Verdammte Albträume,” _ he muttered. Klaus frowned and set his embroidery down.

“What was it about this time?” He asked, and Nathan exhaled wearily.

"Nothing I haven't dreamed before," he mumbled, and Klaus exhaled shortly.

Nathan was usually quite cagey about his nightmares- or night terrors, he got those too- and didn't like to talk about them. Which, Klaus could respect, but he couldn't really help unless he knew what was wrong.

Nathan had woken him up about an hour and a half earlier. His breathing had been coming in unsteady spurts, and there were tear tracks down his face. He didn't tell Klaus what was wrong, but based on the way Nathan's hands kept scrabbling at his throat, Klaus had an inkling of what had woken his twin up.

"Hey, hey, it's gonna be alright," Klaus said softly, taking Nathan's hands away from his throat before he could do some real damage. "You're not there, you're here. You're safe,  _ he  _ isn't here."

Klaus didn't have to specify who 'he' was. 

Nathan's breathing was still too irregular for his liking, so Klaus sighed before swinging his legs out of bed and leading his twin to the kitchen.

"Ice cubes, ice cubes, looking for some ice cubes," he mumbled as he rooted around their freezer. He came out with three or four and cursed quietly. "Fuck, we need to restock," he muttered, but slammed the freezer door shut anyways and sat his brother down at the kitchen table, an ice cube pressed against his temple.

Nathan's eyes cleared a minute or so later, and his breathing eased up a little. Klaus was pleased to see him come back to himself, but less pleased when he immediately faceplanted on the table.

"Hey, hey, none of that," he said softly. "You need those brain cells." 

Nathan mumbled something unintelligible into the wood of the table, and Klaus sighed before pressing an ice cube to the back of his twin's neck.

As expected, Nathan straightened up like someone had shocked him with a livewire, a cry of;  _ "COLD!"  _ tearing itself free from his throat. 

"It worked though, didn't it?" Klaus asked, and Nathan grumbled quietly to himself before admitting that yes, the ice cube helped.

"Want to tell me what happened?" Klaus asked as Nathan munched on the ice cubes. "I haven't seen you that distraught in a long time." Nathan swallowed his ice cube and immediately reached for another, frowning when he realized the ice tray was empty.

"More ice, please," he mumbled, pressing the ice tray into Klaus's hands. Klaus sighed but did as his twin asked and refilled the ice tray.

"You know, we'd have more of these if you didn't eat them," he commented, to which Nathan only shrugged. Klaus could respect that- his twin generally went non-verbal after a panic attack, most of the time.

Not long after that Nathan pulled out Klaus' sewing kit because he wanted to fiddle with the buttons, then Klaus started sewing a drawstring bag (Nathan would talk to him when he was ready to- he could be patient-) and then an hour and a half later found them sitting around the table, both sewing drawstring bags.

Nathan had poked himself with his needle about 8 or 9 times now, and Klaus was tempted to take the needlecraft away, but when he tried that half an hour earlier Nathan had looked like he was about to burst into tears, so he wisely left his twin alone.

Soon enough, Nathan spoke up; "I dreamed dad was drowning me again." He said softly, and Klaus cursed.

"Fuck," he muttered. "You alright?" Nathan shrugged.

"I can finally breathe again, so there's that, but um," Nathan held up his hands. "My hands are shaking."

"I know," Klaus said. "I just pointed that out, remember?" A flicker of confusion went across Nathan's face.

"You did?" He asked, and Klaus sighed.

"Yeah, Nate," he replied. "Any idea what brought that on?" Nathan shrugged miserably.

"No idea," he mumbled. "Guess I'm just lucky." He exhaled wearily and pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes. "Fuck, I'm not gonna go back to sleep tonight." 

Klaus hummed as he finished his third drawstring bag and set it next to his brother's unfinished one. He immediately started on another one; "Stay with me," he suggested, eyebrows furrowed as he focused on stitching a donut onto the front of his bag. "You always sleep better with someone next to you." Nathan sighed and picked up his bag again.

"Alright," he said quietly, turning the unfinished project over in his hands. He set it down on the table, then wearily shuffled off to his brother's room.

When Klaus showed up a few minutes later, Nathan was dead asleep.

~~~

"You look like shit," Alisha said when he showed up for community service the next day. 

"Why, thank you," the brunet replied. "But I would save that insult for the next time you actually see my brother, as he is currently not here." 

Alisha knit her eyebrows. Then- "Klaus?" The medium grinned.

"The one, the only!" He confirmed. 

The transformation was kind of incredible- Klaus and Nathan were identical twins, yes, but they looked quite different from each other in reality. But now- Jesus, without the eyeliner and the hair straightener, Klaus looked  _ just  _ like his brother. It was kind of scary.

Said twin picked at the orange jumpsuit disdainfully; "Not gonna lie though, this is fucking nasty," he said. "It's covered in blood and shit; does Nathan not wash this?" Alisha opened and closed her mouth like a fish.

"That- how'd you trick the ASBO?" She asked the first thing she thought of, gesturing to the cuff around her ankle. Klaus grinned and rocked back and forth innocently.

"Amazing the things a friendly neighborhood ghost can do," he said. "Great for shorting out electronics…" Alisha's jaw dropped.

"You prick!" She said, then thought about it. "Could you do that for me?" Klaus thought about it, tilting his lead to the side as if listening for something, then shook his head.

"Sorry," he said as the others came 'round the bend. "Ben says no." Kelly knit her eyebrows.

"Who's Ben?" She asked. Klaus grinned charmingly. 

"My brother," he answered. "He's a ghost." 

Kelly blinked. Then- 

"Klaus?" 

The brunet grinned, delighted. "Nicely done!" He said, then clapped. "I'm impressed; how'd you know it was me? Alisha didn't." Kelly rolled her eyes.

"I can hear your thoughts." She deadpanned, and Klaus pouted.

"Oh. Well that doesn't count, then," he said, then turned to the rest of them. "What about you guys? Did you know it was me, at first?" Curtis and Simon both shook their heads.

"So how'd Nathan convince you to take his place?" Alisha asked, and Klaus' grin faltered.

"Oh, um," he trailed off. Somehow he didn't think his brother would appreciate him telling the others that he was up all night, hands around his throat as he gasped for air- "Just a rough night. I offered to fill in for him like the kind brother I am."

Kelly narrowed her eyes at him, and abruptly he remembered she could read minds.

_ Ich bin froh, dass es mir gut geht. Willkommen in meiner glücklichen Welt, nimm jetzt deine Scheiße und verschwinde- _

"Ugh, stop it!" She snapped, hands over her ears. "Where the hell did you even learn that, Jesus Christ!"

Klaus gave her his best shit-eating grin; "I got someone to teach me a few years ago," he explained. "Nathan knows a bit too."

Translation: an old German WWI veteran taught him when he was young. He then passed in the lessons to his brother so they could talk freely in front of Reginald without fear of being punished.

"Where'd he learn what?" Curtis asked. Kelly scowled.

"He keeps thinking in German," she answered. "It's really fucking annoying." Curtis looked impressed.

"Are you both from Germany?" He asked, sounding genuinely curious, and Klaus shrugged.

"Maybe, I don't know," he admitted. "We're adopted," he explained upon noticing the strange looks he received. "Ol' Reggie never told us where we came from, and if we asked it was a course of; 'It does not do to dwell on the past, Number Four! Eyes to the future!'" Kelly narrowed her eyes.

"Number Four?" She repeated, and Klaus blanched.

But a second later his carefree smirk was back; "Oh, it's a running joke," he answered casually. "The old man could never remember our names, since there were so many of us, so he numbered us off. I was Four."

Curtis raised his eyebrows; "Jesus. How many of you were there?" He asked. Klaus counted on his fingers. 

"Well, let's see," he mumbled. "There was Luther- he had his head stuck  _ so  _ far up Dad's ass- Diego, Allison, me, Fiii- Fievel, Ben- he's dead but I can still see him with the, y'know, the whole necromancy thing- Vanya, and Nathan." 

Alisha's jaw dropped. "Jesus," she said. "Your mum must've had a fit making all those cakes all year 'round." Klaus shook his head.

"She only ever made one," he said. "And it was always chocolate, because Diego was her favourite, and Diego wanted chocolate. Luther always got the most, because he was Dad's golden boy, and Vanya always got the least." He paused, then added. "We all had the same birthday."

He probably would've babbled more, but then Sally came out and sent them on their merry way with instructions to "pick up the trash, and Nathan,  _ please  _ stay on task."

He winked and waved his gripper-grabber at her; "Sure thing, love," he said smoothly, in such a perfect impression of his twin it sent the others reeling. Sally rolled her eyes and sent them off. 

As they walked they talked, and the conversation eventually bled back to their powers, or, in Curtis' case, a lack thereof.

"I just don't get it," he was saying. "You all have powers and I don't, but I was there too, I got struck by the lightning too, so why-"

"Dude, if I've told you once, I've told you 1,000 times," Klaus interrupted him, hazel eyes dark with an emotion none of them cared to define. "You don't want a power. They suck major ass." Curtis rolled his eyes.

"Come on, how bad can it be?" He asked. "I understand Alisha and Kelly may have gotten the short end of the stick, but how bad can mediumship be?" Klaus' grin turned dark and venomous. 

"Oh, buddy, you've got no idea," he said softly. "The things I could tell you about necromancy… you'd be scared to go to sleep at night." 

An uncomfortable silence fell over the group. God, the way Klaus talked, sometimes… it was like he had one foot out the door already, like he'd seen something no man, woman, or anything in between should have been allowed to.

It was a little scary.

The silence was broken when Alisha noticed a prone figure lying a few feet away; "What is that?" She asked, and they all hurried over to investigate.

"Oof," Klaus said, wincing at the image before him- some man, bollock-naked in the car park. "Somebody had a rough fucking night, Jesus on a boat." Alisha nodded in agreement, then hesitantly used her gripper-grabber to poke the man.

"Hey, nude guy, wake up!" She commanded. "You're naked!" 

The man rolled over with a groan, and they all gave various exclamations of disgust before turning away, because really, that was not the kind of shite any of them needed to see.

But lucky Klaus, because he spied more than an eyeful on Simon's phone (why the fuck was the kid filming this, exactly?) and his eyes went wide when he realized who exactly was lying on the ground before them.

"You!" He gasped, then narrowed his eyes. "What the  _ fuck _ are you doing?"

The man's eyes suddenly widened, a flicker of realization going through them, and he quickly scrambled to his feet and ran off. Klaus balked for moment before abruptly coming back to himself and made a grab at him.

"Get back here, you podge!" He hollered at his retreating back. 

Unsurprisingly, the man did not listen. He did trip and fall on his face, though, which was quite amusing.

"Um, who was that?" Kelly asked. "And how do you know him?" Klaus opened his mouth to reply, but Alisha got there before him. 

"Was that your boyfriend?" She asked snidely. "Because if so,  _ wow.  _ He has got a  _ massive  _ cock- you'll hurt." Klaus scowled at her.

"He's not my boyfriend," he snapped. "I've got better taste in men anyways, but that's Yiayia's son-in-law!"

They all stared at him blankly. Curtis broke it by asking; "What in God's name is a  _ Yiayia?"  _ Klaus groaned and stamped his foot in a starting representation of a child having a temper tantrum. 

"Its Greek for grandmother," he said shortly, looking the way the man had run impatiently. "Can you guys cover for me? I need to-"

"Hold up," Alisha made a time-out gesture. "I thought you spoke German?" Klaus glared at him.

"I  _ do,"  _ he replied waspishly. "But she insists on Nathan and me calling her Yiayia because she's Greek." Curtis blinked.

"Why was he out here anyways?" He asked. Klaus twisted his fingers in his hair, an almost manic glint in his eyes.

"If I knew I wouldn't be talking to you, would I?" He snapped, then tugged on his locks fretfully. "Christ, I'm not nearly high enough for this bullshit." He threw a glare off to the side; "Shut up Ben, nobody asked you!" A moment's pause, then he added; "Love you."

Alisha snorted at the one-way exchange. "I'll tell you what, he's obviously some kind of pervert," she quipped. "Or he's gay. They love that kind of weird shit." Klaus glared at her.

"As someone who is very, very  _ very  _ gay-"  _ pan, actually, but who's counting-  _ "I can assure you that we don't do nor love that kind of 'weird shit' unless something has gone horribly, horribly wrong." He said venomously. 

Alisha had the decency to look slightly ashamed and mumbled a muted apology that Klaus took with a grain of salt.

"Maybe he's a werewolf."

Slowly, all of them rotated on their heels to look at Simon, who looked like he wanted the ground to swallow him whole. 

He pressed on, though; "It's what happens in films," he said defensively. "You turn into a werewolf, you kill someone, then you wake-up somewhere, naked - like a zoo."

Klaus rolled his eyes; "He's not a werewolf," he deadpanned. "I mean, the guy can't even open a jar of peanut butter for himself, there's no way he's a werewolf."

"What if the storm messed him up?" Kelly asked hesitantly, and Klaus immediately shook his head.

"No way," he said. "That's just- no. What even are the chances?"

Pretty good, it would turn out.

~~~

"Help out," Sally was saying a short while later. There were old folks all around her and streams and balloons were up at the ceiling. A party, if Klaus had ever seen one, but certainly not the most exciting he'd ever seen. Quite tame, actually. "Talk to them. Make sure everyone's having a good time."

None of them moved. Sally sighed before hissing; "Move!"

Klaus made a face at her as he passed. He  _ wanted  _ to tell her that he didn't have to be here, that he was  _ Klaus  _ not  _ Nathan,  _ but doing that would mean he would be sent home and his brother brought in, and personally he hoped his twin was still sleeping.

But anyways, at the moment, he was stuck here, bored out of his tree. What to do, what to do...

"Is he dead?" Kelly cut across his inner monologue, staring at an older gentleman asleep in a chair. 

Klaus frowned; "I think he's just asleep," he said, and Kelly looked over at him. 

"Can you see his ghost?" She asked, and Klaus sucked his lip between his teeth.

"Can't see much of anything when I'm high, darling," he muttered, then hesitantly waved his hand in front of his face. "Um- hello, sir? Do you… we have tea?" 

The older gentleman groaned and slowly woke up, staring at the two of them in bewilderment. Klaus breathed a silent sigh of relief- he'd have hated it if on his first day on the job he ran into a dead body.

_ Well, technically thinking, I did run into a body on the first day. Two, actually, damn, new record.  _ Kelly snorted.

"You weren't even 'on the job,'" she pointed out as she poured the old man a cup of tea. "You were just at the wrong place at the wrong time." Klaus started.

"How did you- oh, right," Klaus sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck. "Forgot about the whole telepathy thing." Kelly rolled her eyes.

"'Course you did," she replied. "It's not your power." Klaus raised his hands defensively.

"Hey, at least I remembered," he pointed out. "Anyways, I was wondering- oh shit, Alisha!" Kelly knit her eyebrows.

"What?" She asked, but Klaus was already speeding off towards the curly-haired girl in question. After a moment's observation, it wasn't hard to see why- an old man had her wrist in an iron grip, and based on the absent look in his eyes, her power was doing its job.

Klaus caught up to her the minute she separated herself from 'Harry,' as he was dubbed.

"Ok, let's find you a chair," Sally muttered to him, then made a shooing motion at Alisha. "You go and help make tea, or something. Just- keep out the way." 

Klaus' jaw dropped. "Ok,  _ rude,"  _ he muttered, then ran after Alisha; "Alisha! Alisha, wait up! Alisha-"

"What?" She snapped, whirling around. Klaus recoiled away at the venom in her voice.

"Jeez, relax, I just wanted to ask if you were alright," he said.  Alisha glowered at the floor.

"I'm fine," she said. Klaus was polite enough not to point out that her voice was shaking, but Ben didn't share the same reservations;

_ "Talk to her, Klaus,"  _ he hissed.  _ "She's obviously lying, talk to her!" _

Klaus jumped about a foot in the air; "When the hell did you get here?" He asked, and Ben huffed and rolled his eyes.

_ "Talk to her!"  _ He snapped, exasperated, and Klaus sighed before waving the ghost away; "It's alright if you're not," he said. "That old guy was way out of line." Alisha sighed miserably and collapsed against the wall. 

"It wasn't his fault," she muttered, drawing her arms around herself. "It's mine-"

"Um, no, not true," Klaus cut across her immediately. "It was your  _ power's  _ fault. It's not like you pranced around  _ asking  _ him to say those things, just like I'm imagining he didn't intend to say those things. Your power just… does that kind of thing."

Alisha rolled her eyes; "So it's still my fault then, innit?" she snapped. "My rubbish power, Jesus…" she fell silent and looked down at her hands. 

"What am I going to do?" She asked softly a moment later. Klaus slid down the wall opposite her. "How am I supposed to control this?" Klaus frowned.

"Well, wear less revealing clothing, for one," he said. "It seems to run on skin-to-skin contact, so as long as you have a layer of fabric between you, you should be alright."

Beside him, Ben nodded approvingly. 

"Try to avoid touching others," the medium continued. "Just be aware of your surroundings as well, that helps too."

The two no doubt would have talked more, but at that moment Sally happened upon them and had a conniption.

"When I said 'go help make tea,' I didn't mean 'sneak off to go necking with your boyfriend!'" She snapped, and Klaus' face flamed bright red. So did Alisha's, but to a lesser extent. 

"We weren't- we're not-  _ Hör auf zu lachen, Ben!"  _ He snapped to the ghost on his left, who was doubled over with laughter.

Ben wheezed for air; " _ I don't speak German," _ he giggled, then dissolved in another fit of giggles.

"We're not together," Alisha said waspishly. "Kl-  _ Nathan, _ ” she remembered just in the nick of time. "Was just asking me if I was alright."

Klaus bit his tongue. Hopefully Sally didn't know Nathan well enough to realize that was somewhat out of character for him.

Luckily, Sally didn't seem to find anything suspicious about Alisha's explanation, though she did look slightly guilty; "Err, right," she mumbled, then gestured lamely towards the 'party.' "Can you two go help now?"

Klaus snorted. "Sure," he told her, then clambered to his feet, joints cracking and popping as he stretched. He then offered his hand for Alisha to take, then thought better of it and withdrew. From the small smile she gave him, though, he got the feeling she appreciated the gesture anyways 

~~~

"OK, Joan," Klaus said to the lady in the wheelchair he was pushing around. "Let's pick up some speed, let's get that wind flowing through your hairrrr- sorry, sorry." Joan only laughed.

"It's quite alright, my boy," she said. "What's your name?"

"Kla- Nathan. Nathan," Klaus stumbled. Joan craned her neck to give him a look, and Klaus sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck.

"Alright, but you can't tell anyone, ok?" He requested. Joan nodded and settled back in her chair, content to just sit there as Klaus zoomed her around the gym at breakneck speeds.

"My name is Klaus," he introduced himself. "My brother is Nathan. He had a really rough night last night- I don't think he got three hours of sleep- so I… filled in for him. We're identical twins, so…" he trailed off, and Joan turned around to give him a small smile.

"That's very sweet of you," she said, then her expression went stern; "Though I hope you don't intend to make a habit out of this." Klaus' eyes went wide.

"No ma'am," he said immediately. Beside him, Ben laughed quietly. Klaus shot him a glare to shut him up, then turned back to Joan. "Say, do you-"

He cut himself off abruptly as a  _ beautiful   _ woman walked by. Joan followed his gaze and chuckled quietly.

"That's Ruth," she explained. "She's a volunteer." Klaus willed his tongue to cooperate.

"She's cute," he said, tilting his head this way and that. "I mean, more my brother's type than mine, but cute," he chuckled. "Man, I bet Nathan'll regret not showing up now." 

Joan laughed as well. "Yes, I'd imagine he would," she agreed. "You should introduce yourself." Klaus whirled around to look at her.

"Normally I'd be all over that like a fly on honey, but…" he floundered. What's a good way to say he's pan with a preference for men?

Joan seemed to realize he was struggling with something related to the matters of the heart, as she turned slightly and raised an eyebrow; "Is there already a girl?" She asked, and Klaus flamed a bright red.

"N-No!" He yelped. "I-I, um-"

Someone slung their arm around him; "Nathan, help us move these boxes, yeah?" Kelly asked, then turned to look at Joan; "Sorry to steal him away." Joan waved her apology away.

"That's quite alright, my dear," she said, then turned to Klaus. "Thank you, dear, and tell your brother I wish him my best." Klaus nodded at her, then left when Kelly pulled him away.

He breathed a sigh of relief once he was out of earshot; "Your timing is that of a God," he said. Kelly rolled her eyes.

"I could hear your thoughts from across the room, you're dead loud you know?" She said disapprovingly. Klaus grinned a little.

"That's what she said!" He sang, and Kelly rolled her eyes.

"God's sake," she muttered. "How old are you?" Klaus thought about it.

"I turn 21 in a few months," he said. "So does Nathan, coincidentally." Kelly snorted.

"Happy birthday," she deadpanned. "Now come on, Sally's harping on and on about getting more tea. Dead annoying, sounds like a cat getting its tail stood on-"

From behind a pillar, Sally watched them go, eyes narrowed.

~~~

Community service came and went, and it was only when they were getting changed out of their (hideous) orange jumpsuits that anything remotely exciting happened.

"Someone knows," Curtis said in a soft voice, eyes glued to the piece of paper taped to his locker. "They know we killed our probation worker." He turned to Klaus, hands shaking. "Is this a wind up? Is this you? Or your brother?" Klaus rolled his eyes.

"First off, rude," he drawled. "Second off, no. If I was trying to wind you up, I think I'd be a little more creative; 'I know what film you saw last summer,'" he turned back towards his- Nathan's- locker. "If  _ Nathan  _ wanted to freak you out he would've dug up the body and stuck that in your locker."

Simon chewed his lip; "If it wasn't him, who was it?" He asked quietly. 

Ben sighed.  _ "They've all done stuff,"  _ he said, appearing very suddenly beside Klaus. He then thought about it and tacked on; " _ Well, you've all done stuff. They could be talking about anything."  _ Klaus nodded in agreement, but he looked troubled.

"Ben says that we've all done stuff, so it could be talking about anything," he relayed the message, then turned to his ghostly brother; "Also, a small warning before you appear would be  _ greatly  _ appreciated, because you just suddenly appearing out of the blue is taking years off my life." Ben rolled his eyes.

_ "Get used to it,"  _ he snarked.  _ "Oh, and also, before I forget- Nathan's up."  _ Klaus cursed.

"Crap," he muttered, then sighed before turning back to the group; "My twin- who needs company like a drowning man needs air- has just woken up, can we do this quickly?" Kelly rolled her eyes and turned to Curtis.

"It was in your locker." She pointed out, and the athlete ripped the paper from the door. 

"This-" he waved it around. "-Was meant for all of us. They're talking about the probation worker." Klaus sighed impatiently and slammed his locker door shut, making them all jump.

"Let's say you're right," he said, ignoring Ben's small mutter of  _ 'here we go again.'  _ "If they actually knew anything, they wouldn't be dicking around sticking notes on lockers. They would've gone to the police, and we'd all be banged up in prison, getting gang-raped in the showers." He glowered at Curtis.

"But this, this means that they have no evidence," he explained shortly, gesturing all over the place. "No proof. Nothing. Nada. Nadie. Zilch. So even if this is about the probation worker- which it's not- we're safe because they physically can't do anything about it, because again; they have no proof."  _ Thank you, Daddy Dearest's psychology lessons.   _

Since Klaus had the floor, now, he figured he might as well end with a bang; "Besides, I'm guessing it's about some other totally unrelated shit that  _ you've _ done," he finished, poking Curtis in the chest. He then turned to the rest of them. "So, if we're all done freaking out here- over nothing- there's somewhere I need to be."

As he left, he could hear Curtis say to the other three; "Please tell me you don't actually believe that prick?"

He also hung back long enough to hear Alisha's reply; "Whoever did it is just trying to freak us out," she said. "We just act normal." Klaus snorted.

"If only it were that easy," he muttered, then turned to Ben. "Lead the way, ghostie."


	8. Episode Two: Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein Nathan has some coffee, the twins work rush hour, and Nathan is a total fucking idiot.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for drug use.  
> Early chapter today, chaps, mostly because I've been sitting here for over and hour doing fuck all (the joys of summer school) so I spent my time editing this.  
> Actually, funny story, while I'm here:  
> I was going through the earlier drafts of this (and I mean the really early ones) and, well, I must have been quite tired when I first wrote this because in the first chapter I had Reginald saying things like "it's mausoleum time, baby" and "be there or be square."   
> Remember: I was tired.  
> This arc is looooooong, by the way, like 17K words in total, so, have fun. Took me freaking forever to write.  
> Also don't know how long this chapter is (I didn't check,) but I'm guessing around 4.6K.

**On an undisclosed date near the end of the year 2009, one Klaus Hargreeves stood outside the door to the apartment he shared with his twin. This was unusual only in the fact that he was staring at an eviction notice taped to the door.**

"Oh  _ fuck,"  _ Klaus hissed, which, given the circumstances, Ben thought was  _ very  _ appropriate. "Fuck fuck fuck  _ fuck." _

_ "How backed up is your rent?"  _ Ben asked. Klaus knotted his fingers in his hair.

"Three or four months; I lost track," he said, then giggled hysterically. "Fuck, we are  _ way  _ up shit's creek without a paddle."

Across the hall, an elderly lady glowered at him, clearly offended by his choice of words and orange jumpsuit. Klaus glared right back at her until she huffed and turned away.

"Prick," Klaus muttered as he turned the lock and stepped inside. "Nate? Nathan!"

His younger twin shuffled out of the bedroom, still in his pyjamas. Despite sleeping all day, he looked exhausted- his hair was even more of a mess than usual, and his eyes had deep bags under them.

"Christ, Klaus, take it down a thousand-" Nathan paused suddenly, squinting at his brother. "Why are you wearing my community service outfit?" Klaus sighed.

"I filled in for you today," he explained. "Ben and I thought it best to let you sleep." Nathan blinked.

"Oh," he said. "Thanks." Klaus shrugged.

"It was mind-numbingly boring, but that's besides the point." With a flourish, Klaus procured the eviction notice from his pocket. "Did you know we're gonna be evicted?" All the color drained from Nathan's face.

"No," he replied. "But I do now." He exhaled shortly and ran a hand through his hair. "Anything we can sell?" Klaus shook his head.

"This isn't America; we can't just pawn off one of Dad's trinkets," he said, then nervously ran a hand through his hair. "I'll talk to Yiayia, see if she'll give me some extra shifts, but if not- pack a bag, Nate, just in case."

Nathan sighed; "I've had one packed for a week and a half," he muttered, then shook his head. "Anyways- how was community service? Kill anyone else?" Klaus snorted.

"No, you weirdo, though we did run into- actually, scratch that, you can guess." Nathan groaned and collapsed backwards onto the sofa.

"Why with the guessing games?" He bemoaned. "I'm so bad at them!" Klaus shrugged.

"Not my problem," he said, then sat down next to his twin so he could elbow him. "Come on, guess. It's no fun if you don't guess."

Nathan sighed; "The Pope? Queen of England? Fae folk?" Klaus pouted.

"You're no fun," he muttered. "Remember Yiayia's son-in-law? Jeremy?" Nathan nodded, looking mildly perplexed.

"I never liked that guy," he commented mildly. "Bit of a dildo, if you ask me." Klaus rolled his eyes.

"Eloquent as ever, Nate," he drawled, then shook his head. "We found him in a car park, bollock naked!" Nathan barked out a surprised laugh.

"Oh, Jesus, that's fucking hilarious," he wheezed. "Evening plans gone wrong, I suppose- ow! Stop hitting me!" Klaus glared at him.

"Do you not find it suspicious  _ at all  _ that he just lounges around a car park, not wearing anything?" He asked as he rooted around the drawers. He came up with a joint, and Nathan sighed.

"Maybe he's into that," he said, unconcerned, and Klaus gave him a deadpan stare. "Oh, alright, fine. It's not normal. Whatever. What did you want me to do about it?"

"Well I'd  _ like  _ to go talk to Louise about her poor taste in boyfriends, because I'm not soulless despite what I like to claim, but I anticipate bribery if I want to get you to come with me." Nathan nodded and leaned back against the couch.

"You have anticipated correctly, brother," he said. "Name your offer." Klaus thought about it.

"Normally I'd offer to do the dishes or clean the house or cook dinner, but…" he trailed off, and Nathan nodded grimly.

"Eviction notice," he agreed. "Alright then, something else. Oh, I know! You can-"

"I'm not doing your community service again, Nate," Klaus interrupted flatly, and Nathan pouted.

"Oh come on!" He complained. "Why not?" Klaus rolled his eyes.

"Why do you think?" He asked rhetorically. "It's dead boring, and look! At the state! Of my hair!" Nathan gave him an unimpressed once-over.

"We're identical twins," he said. "What looks good on me looks good on you just by virtue of having the same genetic structure." Klaus rolled his eyes.

"Alright, Mr. Practical," he muttered. "How about: that jumpsuit is hella uncomfortable?" Nathan barked out a laugh.

"I refuse to believe those leather pants of yours aren't equally as uncomfortable," he fired back, and Klaus scowled.

"Yeah, but I'm  _ used  _ to them," the elder twin stressed. "That-" he pointed at the jumpsuit- "is sent from hell and I hate it." Nathan sighed and collapsed backwards on the couch.

"Alright," he muttered. "Buy us a packet of those chocolate coffee beans and we'll call it even." Klaus paled ever-so-slightly.

"Nathan?"

"Yeah?"

"You remember what happened last time you had the coffee beans, right?"

"Why yes, brother dear, I do. Energy for days, man."

"And the resulting crash?" Nathan shrugged.

"Well worth it," he decided, then stood up. "Alright, let's get to skipping." 

~~~

"I hate Louise," Nathan said a short while later as they walked down the street. He had his coffee beans, and was throwing them up in the air and catching them in his mouth- "But, to be fair, I'm pretty sure she hates me too, so I guess we're even." Klaus hummed thoughtfully.

"She's not that bad," he said, but even an idiot could hear the doubt in his voice. "You just have that effect on people." Nathan gave him a deadpan look.

"She thinks you're a drug-addicted prostitute." He said flatly, and Klaus shrugged.

"Well, she's right about the 'drug addiction' part," he muttered as they came up to the door. "Alright, ready for hell?" Nathan emptied the rest of the coffee beans into his mouth and chewed noisily.

"Baby, I was born ready," he quipped. Clearly the coffee had already kicked in, joy of joys. 

Klaus resolutely pushed the thought to the back of his mind, and knocked on the door.

Much to Nathan's obvious displeasure, it was Louise who answered. 

"Oh, it's you," she said, clearly unimpressed. "And you've brought your brother. Fantastic. What do you want?" Klaus scowled.

"It's about Jeremy," he began, and Louise immediately shut him down.

"No," she snapped. "Just no. I'm not in the mood for any of your lies-"

"-Just listen," Klaus pleaded. "We've got better things to do than annoy you, believe it or not."

"Yeah? Like what?"

_ Packing up and finding a place to sleep, that's what.  _ Klaus thought, but didn't say anything. They'd been homeless before, they could figure it out again.

"Look, yesterday I was doing my Community Service, right?" Nathan interrupted. Beside him, Ben hummed and made a so-so gesture. Klaus bit his cheek to keep from laughing.

_ "I mean,"  _ Ben said.  _ "He's not completely wrong… you two share the same brain cell."  _ Klaus scowled at him and resisted the urge to flip him off.

"We found Jeremy in the car-park," Nathan said slowly. "He was bollock naked. I swear, on…" he pointed at his brother. "Klaus' life!" Klaus nodded enthusiastically, then realized what his twin was saying.

"Hey!" He said, offended. Nathan huffed and rolled his eyes.

"On my life." He reiterated, and Klaus rolled his eyes.

"That doesn't count, you're immortal," he muttered, just quiet enough for Nathan to hear. The brunet's smile turned strained and he inconspicuously stomped on his twin's foot.

"Not now, Klaus," he said through gritted teeth, and Louise gave them both angered and disappointed look #15. (There's a list. Klaus numbered them.)

"You're doing it again," she said eyes blazing with anger. "You're lying." Nathan rolled his eyes.

"Right," he said, and Klaus paled at his tone. That was the tone of a Nathan who was about to start running his mouth, and Klaus quickly took over before Louise hit him or something. 

"Would we really be here if it was nothing?" He asked hurriedly. "Really? Like I said, we've got more important things to do."

That was the wrong thing to say.

"So you just came here to annoy me, did you?" Louise snapped, eyes blazing. "I've just about had it with you two! Here you are, butting in, putting your nose where it doesn't belong- you're always lying!"

"We're not lying!" Nathan fired back. "Your boyfriend is some kind of psycho, rough trade, rapist werewolf! He was out there, running around, naked, like some kind of- wolf boy!"

Ben whistled lowly as Louise clenched her fists.  _ "Nathan, I think you dun fucked up."  _

"No, really?" Klaus muttered, backing up a few paces. He tugged Nathan along with him. "Come on, Nate, leave the angry lady to fume in peace-"

That did it.

"I am so SICK of you two putting your noses where they don't belong!" Louise hissed. "My life is none of your business! Leave! Now!"

Years of living with Reginald Hargreeves taught the twins when they were fighting a losing battle. Klaus was the first to bow down, tugging his twin away with a muttered course of "come on, Nate."

"Well fuck you too!" Nathan snapped, giving Louise a gesture that was heavily reliant on his middle finger. She slammed the door in his face, and Nathan stormed down the street, hands shoved in his pockets. "What a prick!"

_ "You were kind of… how you say… out of line?" _ Ben said, and Nathan turned his glare on him.

"Screw you!" He snapped, and Klaus yelped when his twin turned his stare on him.

"Um, um- I plead the fifth!" He said quickly, cowering under his twin's stare. 

"You asshat, that's not fair!" Nathan snapped, then ran his hands through his hair, wincing when they got caught on a few curls. "See, this is what happens when we try to do 'the right thing.' It backfires." Klaus rolled his eyes.

"It only backfired because you started running your mouth again," he said, and Nathan snorted.

"Oh, yes, because it was going swimmingly until then," he said haughtily, then shook his head. "Fuck, man. You don't think she's going to talk to Yiayia about this, do you?" Klaus rolled his eyes.

"Of course she is. She never trusted us from the beginning; always wanted us gone." Nathan scowled.

"Great," he muttered, kicking a stray rock away. "We can be homeless and jobless." Klaus pursed his lips.

"It won't come to that," he said. "Yiayia's understaffed as it is, we'll be fine." Nathan raised an eyebrow.

"And if we're not?" He asked, and Klaus turned his head skyward as if thinking; 'why me?'

"I'll straighten it out," he said. "I'm quite good with words, very charming, very persuasive. Anyways," Klaus slung an arm around Nathan's soldiers. "We need to pack up and find a place to sleep, lil' bro." Nathan scowled and roughly shoved his brother off him.

"Gee, let's think about it," he said sarcastically. "We need somewhere that's dry and easily accessible… where could that be?" Klaus looked at him blankly. Nathan sighed before turning to Ben; "I pity you for the months spent alone with this fool as your only company." Ben shrugged.

_ "You get used to it,"  _ he admitted, ignoring Klaus' cry out outrage in favour of telling him;  _ "He's talking about the Community Center, Klaus." _

"Oh," Klaus flushed a brilliant shade of flaming lobster. "Well, why didn't you say so? Come on, moving day is now, chop chop motherfuckers."

~~~

"What's… the point… in… having a locker if you… can't… get bags in it!" Klaus panted as he struggled to shove an oversized rucksack in a tiny metal locker. Beside him, Nathan was having similar struggles.

_ "I don't think you're supposed to put all your belongings in them,"  _ Ben quipped, and Klaus shot him a glare. He was leaning comfortably against the row of lockers, laughing at the twins' struggles.

"You could maybe,  _ help,  _ y'know," Klaus grumbled, and Ben spread his arms. 

_ "Can't. I'm dead, remember?"  _ Klaus glowered at him.

"Oh, you prick- always with the deaARRGH!" Klaus yelped and slipped when his bag finally gave way and fell into the locker, Klaus following suit. He groaned and picked himself up off the floor, clutching his nose.

"Ugh, fuck me," he said thickly, then took his hand away. It came back covered in blood, and he quickly put his hand back. "Nate, Nate, I think I broke my fucking nose." 

Nathan glowered at him from where he was still struggling with his bag, but his expression faded to one of concern when he saw the blood.

"Oh, fuck, you weren't kidding," he muttered, then exhaled. "Alright, give me two seconds." 

Nathan backed away from his locker, then, with an almighty shout, threw himself at his bag with everything he was worth. The poor rucksack didn't stand a chance, and it popped right into the locker, and Nathan yelped in pain when the blunt edge of said locker dug into the small of his back.

"Oh, fuck me gently with a chainsaw, Jesus on a tricycle, I think I hit a kidney," he gasped as he curled in on himself. "Oh, Jesus, Mary, and Joseph  _ fuck me- _ I'm dying, I'm dying, this is it,  _ fuck me sideways from Friday owwww-" _

He took a few deep breaths, then, with obvious difficulty, straightened up and gave his brother a pained smile; "Come on, I'll go set your nose."

"This is too much effort," Klaus said as he and Nathan walked to the bathroom. "A bridge has worked many a time for us before-"

"I'm not sleeping under a bridge, Klaus," Nathan cut across him. "We did that once, and I swore to myself  _ never again-"  _

"What are you doing here?"

Nathan shrieked in surprise and backpedaled rapidly, bringing Klaus back with him when they rounded the corner and came face to face with the probation worker- Sarah? Sophie? Satan?

(Well, yes, but no.)

"Sally!" Klaus gasped, one hand on his chest. Ah, so that was it. "Jesus, don't  _ do  _ that!"

"Nathan?" Sally asked reflexively, then did a double take. "Nathan?!"

"Klaus, actually," Klaus said, and Sally did another double take. "His brother. Twin. Brother. Pleased to make your acquaintance."

…

"Anyways, we were just on our way out-"

"What happened to your face?" Sally asked, and Klaus balked.

"My face?" He asked reflexively, then winced. "Ah. Yes. Well, you see-"

"-He got in a fight," Nathan interjected, as he was wont to do. Klaus sighed as he started spinning an outlandish story; "There was about 50 or so other guys, right, and they're just fucking beating the shit out of him, really going at it. And of course he's got a masochistic streak a mile wide so he's fucking loving it-"

"-I took a header down the stairs," Klaus cut across him tiredly, well used to Nathan's bullshit. "There wasn't a fight, or anything- unless you count that with the ground-"

"Alright, both of you in my office," Sally said, then gestured at Klaus. "Come on, I'll patch up your nose-"

"No need," Nathan said flippantly. "I can do it." Sally gave him a deadpan stare.

"If you do it wrong you can cause more damage-" Nathan rolled his eyes way back into his skull.

"Oh, get over yourself," he scoffed, bodily positioning his twin in front of him. "Clench your teeth." Klaus nodded, and braced himself. Sally's eyes widened.

"Wait, what are you-"

_ CRACK! _

"MOTHERfucker!" Klaus gasped, doubling over in pain. Sally started forward, but Klaus waved her away, blinking tears out of his eyes. "Christ on a cracker, that hurt!" Nathan rolled his eyes.

"Oh, get over it, you big baby," he said. "You'll be fine; you've suffered worse." Klaus groaned and gave him a glare.

"Diego was always better at setting noses than you," he said snidely, and Nathan scowled.

"If you wanted it set by Number Two,  brother dearest, you could have taken a plane back to America-"

"Are you two done?" Sally cut across them angrily. "Because if you are, can you leave, please?" Nathan put his hands up in a placating gesture. 

"Jeez, relax, we were on our way out anyways," he lied. "Klaus, brother dear, after you?"

He gestured towards the door, and Klaus straightened up before nodding once and bidding Sally goodbye in his obnoxious 'Reginald Hargreeves' voice.

"That's so accurate it's kinda scary," Nathan remarked as they left the Community Center, in regards to Klaus' impression of their father. Klaus only grinned.

"I've got lots of practice," he chirped, then pinwheeled his arms. "So what do you want to do now? We can't go back, not now at least. Sally's still there." Nathan hummed thoughtfully.

"I've got a craving for sugar like you wouldn't believe, wanna head over to Yiayia's place?" He asked, and Klaus winced.

"So soon after the fiasco with Louise?" He asked. "You sure that's wise?" Nathan snorted.

"When is anything I do wise?" He asked. "Besides, I want to see how badly things have blown up." Klaus stared at him for a moment, then sighed and shook his head.

"Bloody menace, you are," he muttered. "Alright, lead the way." 

~~~

Surprisingly, Yiayia didn't have a conniption when she saw them, though she did immediately throw two aprons at them and told them to get to work.

"Um- this isn't our shift? We're not on the clock?" Klaus asked, not moving to put his apron on. Yiayia sighed.

"I'm understaffed," she said. "And you two just happen to show up out of the blue- who am I to question a miracle?" Nathan snorted.

"That's probably the first and last time anyone's ever going to refer to me as a miracle, but thank you, Yiayia." He said, then pulled the apron on over his head. He raised an eyebrow at his twin. "Well? Come on, its rush hour- I'm not doing this all by myself." Klaus sighed, but put his apron on as well and helped his brother man the counter.

As Nathan predicted, rush hour was soon upon them, with sleep-deprived college students and business people alike coming in for their salvation: caffeine.

Ben in particular seemed to enjoy watching the twins rush around; he laughed maniacally at their frantic faces as the lineup started growing.

"Stop laughing, Ben!" Klaus hissed. "Go be helpful!" Ben rolled his eyes.

" _ I'm dead, or did you forget?" _ He asked. " _ Besides, this is fun." _ Nathan scowled.

"For you, maybe," he muttered, passing a coffee to a lady with a 'here you go.' "For us its hellish."

"I like doing the swirly designs in the cups, though," Klaus confessed as he made a rather intricate pattern in someone's latte. He stared at it, delighted. "See? Lookit that, Nate, I'm a natural!" Nathan's scowl deepened.

"If you didn't spend so much time messing around with your artsy-fartsy shite, we might actually put a dent in this lineup," he snarked, and Klaus pouted.

"The people would be disappointed if I stopped creating modern art, so, no, fuck you Nathan." He said haughtily. "Besides, its-" he balked at the customer in front of him. "Alisha?" 

The girl in question blinked owlishly at him. "Klaus," she said. "I didn't know you worked here." Klaus shrugged.

"What can I say, the pay is good," he said, then winced when Nathan's dulcet tones reached his ears.

Alisha's eyebrows quirked upwards in surprise, and a devious grin flitted across her face; "Is Nathan here too?" Klaus nodded.

"Yeah," he said, then leaned forward conspiratorially. "Don't tell him I told you, but long lines really stress him out, so, uh, could you order?" Alisha started.

"Oh! Right, sorry Klaus," she muttered. "A medium hot chocolate, please." Klaus raised an eyebrow as he went about making her drink.

"Not a fan of coffee?" He asked, and Alisha wrinkled her nose before shaking her head.

"Too bitter," she said, and Klaus nodded in agreement.

"I'd highly recommend a Greek coffee, then, if it's the bitterness you don't like," he advised as he passed her the finished drink, careful not to let their fingers touch. Alisha gave him a small smile.

"I'll keep that in mind for next time, thanks, Klaus." She said, then gave a little wave and walked off.

~~~

"Let's never work rush hour again," Nathan said as he and Klaus hunted around the Community Center for something to sleep on. "I think I aged ten years." Klaus snorted.

"You say that every time," he said, then sighed when the third door they opened yielded nothing but cleaning supplies. "Ugh, this is taking too long- Nate, you check the West, I'll check the East." Nathan nodded once, then hesitated.

"Uh, Klaus, which way us West?" Klaus thought about it for a minute.

"The opposite of the way I'm headed." He said at length, and Nathan nodded again. Sound logic.

Though, the problem they (read: Nathan) ran into immediately was the cute blonde girl just leaving with her keys.

"Jesus!" Nathan gasped, one heart over his rapidly beating heart. "Don't  _ scare  _ me like that!" The blonde girl squinted at him.

"Nathan?" She asked, and the brunet's guard immediately went up.

"How do you know my name?" He asked. The blonde girl shifted her weight.

"Earlier, you and your mates were helping out at the old folks home…" she raised an eyebrow at the ASBO around his ankle and smirked slightly. "Though I get the feeling it wasn't voluntary."

Two thoughts ran through Nathan's head. First: this girl is referring to Klaus. Second: holy crap, she's cute.

"Oh no, it definitely was," Nathan said. "I just love helping old people. They're so… old." The girl his a grin behind her hand.

"So why are you here?" She asked, and Nathan balked.

"I'm volunteering," he lied. "Im just giving and giving and then I give some more." The girl scoffed.

"Sure you are," she said, then narrowed her eyes. "Is this a burglary?"

Nathan  _ definitely  _ would have responded with something cool and suave, something that definitely wasn't; "No," and; "I could say the same to you," but at that very moment, Jupiter aligned with Venus in the fourth house of Fuck All to send a beam of Pure Misery his way, in the form of his brother's voice calling out; "Nathan!  _ Nathan _ !  _ Wo sind Sie! Ich habe die Matratzen gefunden!"  _ Nathan smiled weakly at the blonde, who was now looking at him with more suspicion in her eyes than curiosity.

"Not a burglary," he promised. "That's just my idiot brother Klaus." 

"Who are you calling idiot- oh, hey, I remember you!" The twin in question said as he came around the corner, draping himself across his twin. "You were at the gala-thingy earlier!" Nathan glowered at his twin and drove his elbow into his gut.

_ "Klaus,"  _ he hissed as his twin backed away. He could see the exact moment Klaus realized his mistake as he winced and paled before offering a; "Whoopsie-daisies." 

Nathan kneaded his temples. Beside Klaus, he could see Ben doing the same thing.

"I was sick earlier," Nathan explained to the baffled and suspicious blonde. "The worst stomach flu ever, seriously, I was running a temperature of 45°C and I could see sound-"

"-He had a rough night," Klaus interjected. "I filled in for him." Nathan rounded on his twin with fire in his eyes.

_ "Du bist ein arschloch!"  _ He hissed. Klaus rolled his eyes before turning back to the blonde; "It's Ruth, right?" The blonde balked.

"Um, yeah," she confirmed. "Why-"

"Great!" Klaus clapped his hands together, and Nathan paled at his tone. That was Klaus' 'I've-got-a-plan-" voice. "So, you two lovebirds-" Nathan choked.

_ "Klaus!"  _ He snapped. His twin ignored him.

"-go have a night out on the town or something, and I'll go… somewhere else," he waved his Goodbye hand. "Toodles!"

Nathan watched his twin go with his jaw agape. After a minute he forced his mouth shut and turned to Ruth; "He's mentally deficient," he said. "And a wee bit disturbed, but, um," he scratched the back of his neck. "Would you like a drink? Not a psychopathic killer, I promise." 

Amazingly, Ruth seemed to be considering it. "Will you tell me why you're really here if I say yes?" Nathan shrugged.

"Depends on how drunk you get me," he admitted, and Ruth laughed.

"Good God," she said, then gestured for him to follow her; "Come on."

~~~

Many bottles of beer were opened, a baggie of  _ something  _ was opened, and all-in-all Nathan and Ruth painted the Community Center red.

A successful night out, by all accounts.

"You all right?" Nathan asked, voice slurred, many an hour later. The two were sat on two lawn chairs, before the lake. Ruth visibly struggled for an answer before turning to him, and saying, with visible effort; "I want to get a photo." 

Nathan's eyebrows shot up to his hairline.  _ A photo of  _ what? Part of him wanted to ask. His question was answered when Ruth angled her phone to get a picture of them making stupid faces.

Nathan grinned widely; "I like that," he said in reference to the photo. "You're very photo-photogen- you're pretty." Ruth laughed softly, then angled her head towards Nathan's.

_ She'sgonnakissmeshe'sgonnakissmeshe'sgonnakissme- _

Or maybe not, the brunet thought dejectedly as Ruth pulled away suddenly, a crease between her eyebrows.

"A naked man with a huge cock just ran past," she muttered, eyes staring at something behind him. Nathan knit his eyebrows before turning around.

"It's him!" He gasped. Ruth knit her eyebrows.

"Who?" She asked. Nathan struggled for a reply.

"It's the guy who lives with Yiayia's daughter!" He said. "Quick, give me your phone." Ruth handed it over, and Nathan tripped out of his chair.

_ What are you doing?  _ The intelligent part of his brain screamed.  _ Pretty girl behind you, turn around! _

_ I can stick it to Louise this way!  _

_ You can be a major idiot this way! Go back! She's waiting for you, don't be Nathan about this, be smart! _

"Shut up, me," Nathan snapped, stumbling into a nearby wall. Hmm, maybe that last bottle of beer was a bad idea. 

"Did you really think I was going to let you get away with this?" Nathan called. "I may hate Louise with a fiery vengeance, but even she's too good for a sick bastard like you!" There was the sound of snuffling. "She's Yiayia's daughter!"  

"We can do this the hard way, or…" Nathan trailed off, then shook his head. "Forget it! There is no easy way! Game over, man, you're screwed." 

He rounded the corner, and came face-to-face with Jeremy, who… wasn't behaving very humanly, and suddenly Nathan got the feeling he may have made a mistake or ten.

"Jezza?" He asked weakly. "Maybe we should talk about this? Over a coffee- AHH-!"

Nathan promptly screamed like a small child and fell over backwards when Jezza suddenly rushed him. 

"Christ!" He shrieked, muscle memory kicking at the last moment as he kneed Jezza in gut. He stumbled away, wounded noises falling from his mouth and Nathan stumbled to his feet.

"Get back here, you sick bastard!" He screamed as Jeremy made a run for it. 

Abruptly, he remembered the camera in his hand; "Fuck!" He cursed, then fumbled to get a picture.

It was… it was a picture. A pretty crappy picture, by all accounts, but a picture nonetheless.

Still-

"Fuck," Nathan gasped, collapsing on the ground. "I am way too old to be fighting paedophile boyfriends."

(Nevermind that he wasn't even 22 yet, point was he  _ felt  _ old, ok? Piss off.)

He lay there for a moment, just catching his breath, then abruptly remembered the pretty blonde he's left behind, and scrambled to his feet.

"Ruth! Ruth!" He called as he ran back to where he'd left her. "I got the photo, Ruth-"

He stopped short. Ruth was gone.

"Shit."

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My friend and I had a startling realization about Nathan's accent. I won't tell you exactly what, because then you'll be sad, but here's a hint: Nathan grew up in America. Not Ireland. America.   
> Just let that sink in...


	9. Episode Two: Part Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein Nathan runs his mouth, Kelly hears some rather troubling thoughts, and Nathan necks half a pint of rum and coke in one go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for child abuse.  
> I was going to have this posted nearly an hour ago, but my cousin called and we talked on the phone for an hour instead. At least it's still Thursday...?  
> Either way, this isn't edited as much as I'd like it to be, so sorry for that, but I figured a slightly shittier chapter was better than no chapter at all... right?  
> Also, there's a Sherlock reference in here... can any of you find it?

**On an undisclosed date near the end of the summer in the year of 2009, a young delinquent was showing a picture on a phone to several others. This was unusual only in the fact that it wasn't his phone, and the picture he was showing wasn't exactly… PG.**

"It's him," Nathan said in a hushed whisper. "It's Yiayia's daughter's boyfriend! This is evidence!" Kelly squinted at the image.

"What am I looking at?" She asked, and Nathan huffed.

"Cock, anus, bit of ball-sack," he narrated, pointing at different parts of the picture to illustrate. Kelly frowned.

"What's that?" She asked, and Nathan rolled his eyes.

"That's ball-sack." He answered, and Kelly gave him a Look. He scowled; "It's from a low angle! Jesus!" Kelly knit her eyebrows.

"Where were you last night?" She asked, then frowned as a thought occurred to her. "How do you even have this? I thought you didn't have a phone?" Nathan froze.

_ Don't think about Ruth, don't think about being homeless again- oh shit! _

"Oi, Barry!" He hollered, completely abandoning any and all conversation with Kelly in favour of preserving his pride. He gestured for Simon to come over; "Here, look. Cock, anus, ball-sack, yeah?" 

"What's that?" Simon asked, and Nathan rolled his eyes again.

"That's cock," he answered, exasperated. "Look, this guy is living with Yiayia's daughter. As much as I hate her and never want to see her again, Klaus pointed out its morally unethical to let her carry on with that bastard. Case in point, I won't be able to sleep if I don't do something." He gestured wildly; " _ We've _ got to do something!" Kelly rolled her eyes.

"Like what?" She asked. (Privately, Nathan was touched she didn't immediately respond with something along the lines of 'what do you mean, we? You're on your own for this one, mate.' Nathan thought about it, then came up with: "What if we go round there tonight, talk to him? We'll be mature and polite, yeah? Then we'll just tell him to fuck off." Kelly rolled her eyes.

"Why don't you just get your brother to come with you?" She asked, and Nathan rolled his eyes.

"Because he's working, duh. 9 till five, and I wanna get this done as soon as possible." he replied. "Even Klaus can't be in two places at once." 

"Your brother," Alisha interjected. "Makes a really nice hot chocolate."

Nathan stared at her quizzically.

"I mean, you're not wrong, but what?" He asked at length, and the brunette rolled her eyes.

"I went over to that coffee shop of yours," she said, leaning against the wall. She was smirking, and Nathan dreaded her next words; "Your brother is amazing under stress. You, not so much."

Yep, there it was. 

"This- that doesn't matter!" Nathan said shrilly, face a brilliant shed if red. "Who's with me?"

Nobody replied. Nathan glared at them frostily.

"So it's like that, then, is it?" He asked, glowering at them all. "So much for being united by a horrific, life changing, shared experience." 

Nobody reacted. Nathan glared harder at them all.

"Last week? You know? The situation?" He hissed, then stamped his foot in frustration. "We killed our probation worker!" 

There was an immediate uproar.

"Shhh!" Curtis hissed, then ran a hand over his face. "Someone's gonna hear you!" Nathan rolled his eyes.

"If they'd heard me, they'd come running," he deadpanned, then gestured around them. "Do you see any police? No? Then we're all good." 

Curtis stared at him incredulously, then shook his head. "What must it be like in your head?" He muttered, and Nathan wrinkled his nose.

"'What is it like in your funny little brains,'" he corrected, then shook his head. "But all that counts for nothing? Jesus. Thank Christ you weren't born with powers under Ol' Reggie's roof- things would have fallen apart faster than you can say 'trauma.'" 

The others exchanged weird looks, but nobody said anything- they were quite used to Nathan and Klaus tossing out comments about this 'Reginald' character without giving an explanation, this was just par for the course.

"I'll come with you," Simon said suddenly, then cowered when Nathan turned to him. "Y-You know, if you want someone to go with you. I'll come." Nathan huffed.

"I'm not being funny but, me and you, buddying up and kicking ass?" he shook his head. "I'm just not feeling it, but, hey. Lovely thought." Ben shook his head disapprovingly from where he had just materialized beside Nathan.

_ "Don't be a prick, Nate,"  _ he said, and Nathan glowered at him.

"'Don't be a prick, Nate,'" he mocked, then scowled. "Bite me."

_ "Piss off."  _ Nathan glowered at his ghostly brother then turned to the other ASBO shitheads.

"Where is Sarah today, anyways?" He asked. Kelly sighed.

"Sally, Nathan," she corrected, and Nathan rolled his eyes. 

"Whatever," he said. "Hey, isn't the rule that if she doesn't show up for like fifteen minutes we're free to go, or whatever? Or is that only in America…?"

_ Not that I'd know much about that,  _ he thought.  _ Brilliant being homeschooled by an egotistical maniac and a robot your entire life… oh, shit. Kelly, get out of my head. _

Across from him, the blonde jerked; "How'd you know I was listening?" She asked, and Nathan rolled his eyes.

"With all due respect, Kel, you strike me as the nosy type- I'd be more surprised if you weren't listening- ow! Stop hitting me!"

"Stop thinking out of your arse!" Kelly fired back, poised as though she was ready to hit him again. Which, knowing Kelly's temper and Nathan's lack of filter, wasn't actually that bad an idea.

Unknowingly, Nathan shifted to a fighting stance, muscle memory taking over. He blanched when he realized what he'd done, and quickly curled in on himself.

_ Christ, I really hope no one noticed that- fucking fuck, I have got to stop doing this!  _ Kelly snorted a laugh at Nathan's deer-in-lights expression.

"You're not used to censoring yourself, are you?" She asked wryly. Nathan snorted.

"When I was younger it was basically second nature," he answered easily. "But I've made a concentrated effort in the past four years to be as obnoxious as I can be." Ben sighed at him. 

_ "And you've succeeded so well,"  _ he said mournfully, then sighed.  _ "Ah, to be young again…"  _ Nathan snorted.

"You're perpetually stuck at 16, you can't get much younger than that," he said dryly. Curtis frowned at him.

"Who're you talking to?" He asked.

"My brother, Ben," Nathan answered. "Or his ghost, at least." Curtis winced.

"Shit, I'm sorry man," he said. Nathan shrugged.

"Truth be told, I've kind of forgotten he's dead," he confessed, then held his hands up at the outraged and offended looks the others tossed his way. "What? He showed up at mine and Klaus' apartment a few years ago- scared Klaus half outta his wits; I don't think I've ever heard him scream so loud, and he's been here ever since… granted Klaus had to act as translator because at that point I couldn't see him… why are you all staring at me like that?" Curtis shook his head.

"You're a right prick, you know that?" He asked crossly, then turned to where he assumed Ben was standing. "I'm sorry, err, Ben?" Nathan nodded, perplexed. Beside him, Ben was absolutely delighted. 

"Yeah, that's good Ol' Number Six's nickname, but…" Nathan paled suddenly when he realized what he'd accidentally given away. "Oh, fuck. Um-"

"What do you mean, Klaus could see Ben a few years ago?" Alisha asked suspiciously. "That's utter rubbish." Nathan pinwheeled his arms.

"Um- yes! Exactly!" He agreed wholeheartedly, then started spewing whatever bullshit his mind was willing to give him. "Klaus was on fucking Mars when that happened, he was tripping something else- never did mix well with anything in a needle- scared the ever-loving shit out of me, he just started fucking screaming his lungs out- really fucking irritating, actually, woke me up- the screams will haunt the walls forever…"

They all stared at him for a moment, suspicious, but the spell was broken when Sarah- fuck, no, that's wrong, dammit, what the hell is her name again-

Ben sighed;  _ "Its Sally,"  _ he said tiredly, probably recognizing that particular look of confusion on Nathan's face.

The brunet nodded once, mouthed 'thank you' to his brother, then promptly groaned along with everyone else when Sally told them they'd be cleaning up the lake.

"I hate life," Nathan announced. "I hate life very much, any of you have a switchblade?" Kelly looked at him sideways.

"Why do you want a switchblade?" She asked. Nathan rolled his eyes.

"Isn't it obvious?" He asked, exasperated. "I want to slit my throat open! The quiet bliss of death has got to be better than… this." He gestured aimlessly at the lake in front of them. "I mean, come on guys. Talk about pointless- it's just going to be dirtied up in a few weeks from now. If I wanted an exercise in madness, I'd go back to America and try to convince myself that my father loved us." 

The rest of the ASBOS 5- or was it 6, with Klaus here now?- exchanged uneasy looks. Nathan, upon realizing that they weren't immediately assuming he'd taken the piss, quickly remedied this.

"Christ on a cracker, guys, lighten up!" He exclaimed. "I'm joking, don't get your knickers in a twist. But seriously," he paused for dramatic effect. "Any of you got a switchblade?" 

"You have to be very careful when you slit your throat," Simon piped up. "If you do it wrong, you won't bleed out quick enough, and you'll just lie there, dying a slow, painful death…" 

The other ASBOs stared at him, and Simon went a bit pink and shuffled backwards a few steps. 

"It was in an article I read," he said quietly. 

Nathan stared at him for a moment longer, lost in thought. Oh, the things he could tell them about bleeding out, about slow, painful deaths… but that stuff was locked in a box labeled 'TRAUMA: DO NOT OPEN.' As you can probably imagine, he wasn't too anxious to open that particular box.

"Well someone's been doing their research!" Nathan said, throwing an arm around Simon's shoulders. The blond tensed up at the contact. "A proper psychopath in the making!" Kelly rolled her eyes.

"Get off him," she said tiredly, and Nathan rolled his eyes before dramatically stepping away.

"There. Happy?" He asked, but Kelly wasn't listening. Her gaze was focused on something a little bit below his head, and Nathan blanched when he realized she was staring at the horizontal scar across his throat.

"Oi!" He snapped, clasping his hands around his neck. "Stop starin' at it! Jesus!" Kelly backed away, hands in the air.

"Alright, alright," she said waspishly. "Relax." Nathan glowered at her, not moving his hands from his neck. A minute later he turned away and carefully folded up the collar of his jumpsuit. It felt like he was choking, and fuck him if  _ that  _ didn't bring back a host of pleasant memories, but it was better than the others seeing the scar… Reginald's method of slitting his throat open, while terrifying at the time, was a bit like being put under anesthesia- while it hurt like a bastard, since both the veins in his neck had been severed, he'd blacked out in a matter of seconds… granted the day after was not fun, but still better than many other methods… cyanide, for one, was particularly brutal…

It was only when Kelly excused herself to go throw up in the bushes that he realized she'd been listening to his thoughts the entire time.

~~~

"What was that about?" Kelly demanded after their community service was done. 

Nathan played dumb; "What was what about?" He asked. Kelly fixed him with an unimpressed glare.

"Be serious!" She hissed. "Earlier on, you were comparing having your throat slit to ingesting cyanide!" Nathan shuffled uncomfortably. 

"I don't know what you're talking about," he lied, and Kelly fixed him with an unimpressed look.

"I can hear your thoughts; I know you're lying." She snapped. Nathan scowled.

"Get out of my head then, love, and it's like I never lied," he fired back, and Kelly adopted a scowl of her own.

"D'you have do that?" She asked waspishly, taking Nathan aback.

"Do what?" He asked, confused. Kelly rolled her eyes.

"Push people away," she answered. "It's not normal." Nathan snorted derisively.

"'Not normal?'" He echoed, then shook his head. "Clearly you didn't grow up under Reginald's roof: 'Number Eight! Stop coddling Number Four; he needs to get over his fear of ghosts! The mausoleum is the only way to do this, despite it traumatizing him enough to turn him to drugs!"

Kelly looked deeply unsettled. Nathan sighed and looked away.

"Look," he said awkwardly. "It's not that I don't appreciate the concern. I do, really. It's just- I don't know what to do with it? In my family, we have a long and prestigious history of repressing shit until it gives us a mental breakdown," he gave her what he hoped was a friendly smile. "When I get to that point, I won't push you away, ok?

Kelly scrutinized him carefully, then sighed. "Alright," she said slowly. "Sure." 

If Nathan had known how quickly his mental breakdown was approaching, he wouldn't have made that deal.

~~~

_ "I'd like to go on record by saying that this is a bad idea."  _ Nathan rolled his eyes at Ben's 'theatrics.'

"You think every one of my ideas is a bad one," he pointed out as he sized up the window. "This can only go well." Ben sighed and shook his head as Nathan fiddled with the latches.

_ "Do you wanna know what the hardest part of being dead is?"  _ He asked, then continued onwards when Nathan didn't respond.  _ "Having to watch your brothers make all these irrevocably stupid decisions and not being able to do  _ anything  _ about it."  _ Nathan scowled.

"Don't watch then, if you don't like it," he said as he popped open the latches. Ben stayed at him forlornly for a moment before disappearing- likely to go bother Klaus.

"Prick," Nathan muttered, then hoisted himself through the window. 

Years of practice when it came to breaking in and out of places, or having to get into places near-silently (thank you, Reginald) meant that Nathan's landing was silent. This in turn should have meant that nobody knew he was in, except for the fact that Jeremy was standing in the threshold, a glass of water clutched in his hand as he stared at Nathan with his jaw agape.

"Nathan?" He asked. "How did you-"

"Your number's up, you psycho nudist freak!" Nathan cut across him, not wanting to get into his professional level break-in. "I got you now, baby, oh yeah." 

Quickly, he pulled out Ruth's phone (he really needed to return it to her, actually, now that he thought about it-) and scrolled until he got to the picture he took last night. He grinned maniacally and shoved it in Jeremy's face; "See anything you recognise?" He asked. Jeremy knit his eyebrows as he examined the photo. 

"What am I looking at, exactly?" He asked, and Nathan felt his eye twitch.

"Christ, how can you not-" he took a few measured breaths. "Cock, anus, ball-sack." He parroted his words from earlier, pointing at the picture to enunciate. 

Jeremy didn't look convinced.

"Is it?" He asked, and Nathan resisted the urge to stamp his foot like a small child.

"It's from a low angle," he snapped. When Jeremy still didn't react (did this guy have potatoes for brains, or something?) he shoved the phone farther unto his face; "It's you, dumbass, from last night." Nathan glowered at him. "George Michael gets away with this shit, but he was in Wham! Who are you?" Jeremy gulped and nervously looked away.

"I-I don't remember what happened." He said quietly, and Nathan rolled his eyes.

"How very convenient," he drawled, then shook the phone in Jeremy's face again. "I show this to Louise, and you're gonzo." Jeremy frowned at him.

"Why do you care so much?" He asked. "You hate Louise." Nathan scowled.

"Normally I wouldn't give a rat's ass, but my brother has somehow managed to wake up my conscience," he deadpanned. "Case in point, this shit keeps me up at night." Jeremy's frown deepened.

"Why?" He asked. "It's not like I'd do anything bad-" Nathan snorted derisively. 

"'Wouldn't do anything bad?'" He echoed, then shook his head. "You're dangerous! And no, don't give me that look- I don't care what you say, the shit you pulled yesterday? Dangerous." He didn't mention having to take Jeremy down- that would open up the floodgates to a whole storm of questions he did not want to answer.

"So just take your crappy shit, and leave." Nathan said, exasperated, and Jeremy glowered at him.

"No, you go," Jeremy said angrily. "You aren't even a part of this family-"

"-and yet Yiayia has me call her grandmother, doesn't she?" Nathan said snidely. "Really speaks volumes, doesn't it?" Jeremy glared at him, chest heaving. He opened his mouth to reply, but then Louise walked in.

She balked at the sight of him; "You!" She gasped, eyes narrowing in dislike. "What are you doing here?" 

Nathan pointed at Jeremy; "He was out and about last night!" He said. "I came by to warn you!" He rounded on the man in question; "Tell her, you sick bastard!"

"He already told me!" Louise snapped, hands balled into fists at her sides. Nathan's eyes widened.

"He told you?" He asked, stunned. "So, wh-what the fuck?" Jeremy sighed.

"It started after that storm!" He explained, sounding absolutely miserable. "It did something to me!" 

_ What if there's loads of people like us all over town?  _

_ That kind of shite only happens in America.   _

Dammit, he hated it when people other than him were right.

"What happened?" Nathan asked tiredly. If Louise and Jeremy were surprised by his change in tune, they didn't show it.

"Sometimes it's like I'm a dog," Jeremy admitted. "When I was a kid, we had this Jack Russell, Billy." A slightly wistful look crossed his face. "We did everything together."

"That's weird." Nathan whispered.

"He was my best friend." Jeremy continued, still looking like he was having a pleasant trip down memory lane.

"That's really weird." Nathan said again. Jeremy resolutely ignored him.

"Now, whenever I see a Jack Russell, it brings back all these feelings," he concluded. "And next thing I know, I'm waking up, naked." Louise sighed.

"It's true," she said. "I didn't believe it at first. But I've seen what he's like when he changes." Nathan snorted.

"Yeah, so have I," he deadpanned, then twisted his hands together. "Just- are you honestly telling me that you're OK with this?" Louise spread her arms helplessly. 

"If that's who he is, I've just got to accept it." She said, and Nathan frowned. Love was blind, yes, but he didn't know it could put you in danger like this as well. 

He was learning all sorts of things today, what joy!

"As well as that is, he's dangerous," the brunet said, and Jeremy was instantly put on the defensive, a crease between his eyebrows.

"I would never hurt Louise," he proclaimed. "I love her." Nathan mimed gagging.

"Spare me," he said, then sighed. "Mate, I don't know what to tell you. You're dangerous- I had a run-in with you, actually, it didn't go too well." Jeremy frowned, and something akin to concern entered his eyes.

"What did I do?" He asked, and Nathan waved him away.

"I kicked you away before you could do any weird shite, but let me tell you: it was a near fucking thing." Jeremy squinted at him.

"That was you?" He asked, and Nathan blinked.

"What?" He asked, then winced when Jeremy pulled up his shirt to reveal layers of bandages. "Oh shit."

Louise rounded on him; "You've cracked his ribs!" She said angrily, and Nathan bit his lip. 

"It was me or him, love, and personally I'm always going to choose myself," he replied dryly, then added, just to annoy her; "Besides, it's not like you can enter him in Crufts."

Now, Nathan knew Louise hated him. To the point where she'd probably be very happy to never hear from him or see him ever again.

He just didn't expect her to  _ hit  _ him.

Immediately, Nathan's vision split double, and he stumbled backwards, lungs constricting in his chest. When he looked at Louise, sometimes he saw her, and sometimes he saw Reginald, eyes narrowed and cane clutched in his right hand.

_ "Whatever had possessed you to make such a senseless decision, Number Eight!" He roared, and Nathan scrambled backwards, throbbing cheeks clutched in his hand. Reginald hadn't used his cane; even he wouldn't go that far, wouldn't risk a concussion, but it still  _ hurt.

_ "I'm sorry!" He yelped. "I just- I could hear him screaming and begging and-" _

_ "And nothing, Number Eight!" Reginald yelled. "You are not to interfere with Number Four's training!" Nathan's lower lip wobbles. _

_ "B-But- he's hungry!" Reginald only stared at him impassively. _

_ "Go to your room, Number Eight," he said, and Nathan scrambled to his feet. _

_ "But-" _

_ "I said go to your room!" Reginald snapped, and Nathan ran, ran like he'd never before, tears falling from his eyes- _

"Nathan?! Nathan, are you-"

With a gasp, Nathan slammed back into reality. He was pressed up against the cupboard, knees to his chest, fingers knotted in his hair- all in all, he looked like someone who had just suffered a rather severe flashback.

So, of course the only reasonable thing to do was to turn tail and flee, out the back door, and hope to  _ God  _ neither Louise nor Jeremy noticed the tears in his eyes.

~~~

_ Knock knock knock. _

Nathan shuffled anxiously as he waited for Ruth to answer the door. He was jittery and shaky, and kind of wanted to go home, curl up into a ball, and just forget this day ever happened.

_ (You told Kelly you'd talk to her when you had a mental breakdown,  _ part of his brain said snidely.  _ Too scared to admit your own shortcomings? _

_ No,  _ Nathan told it.  _ This was a panic attack/flashback, not a mental breakdown. Big difference. _

Nathan wasn't sure if it was possible for inner monologues to chuckle menacingly, but that was what his was doing now.

_ You keep telling yourself that,  _ it said.  _ And oh look, Ruth is here as well-) _

"Nathan?" The brunet started, wide hazel eyes meeting Ruth's own greenish-gray ones. "What are you doing here?"

Nathan rubbed the back of his neck; "I got your address from the community centre," he explained, just in case she thought he was a psycho stalker. "I just thought you might want your phone back," he paused and ran a hand through his hair. "Oh, and there's probably a photo on there you want to delete," he added, then shifted his weight. "It's just a- It's a shot of some ball-sack." He sighed and turned away. "Anyway, just- I'll see you around."

Ruth frowned at his retreating figure and called out; "Are you OK?" Nathan stopped.

"Million dollar question, that is," he muttered, then turned around. "Not really, no," he answered truthfully, and Ruth's frown deepened.

"Do you want a drink?" 

Despite himself, Nathan cracked a small grin; "Hey, that's my line," he complained half-heartedly, and Ruth smiled at him.

"My line now," she said, then beckoned him in. "Sherry ok?"

_ Do you have anything stronger?  _ Nathan wanted to ask, but for once in his life he held his tongue and simply nodded.

"Whose house is this?" Nathan asked as she bustled about getting their drinks. Maybe if he's been paying more attention he would've heard her falter when she answered; "It's my Gran's. I'm staying with her."

Nathan nodded as she returned with two small glasses of sherry. The brunet bit back a question of 'do you have anything bigger?' and instead accepted the glass with a small 'thanks.'

"So what happened?" Ruth asked, and Nathan sighed, eyes downcast.

"Like I said, it's kind of a long story," he said, then downed half the glass so he could fiddle with it without having to worry about spilling it. "Please don't tell me to 'start at the beginning.'" Ruth hid a smile in her sherry.

"Start at the end, then," she replied cheekily, and Nathan gave a huff of laughter.

"Naw, I'll start at the beginning, if only to provide context," he said, then took a deep breath. "To be blunt, my father was an asshole. A right prick. He was cold, and distant, and he played  _ favourites _ . Three of us he loved, four of us he hated, and one of us he ignored. Never touched us, unless it was a slap or hit or something because we'd been bad. Please don't give me pity," he added when Ruth's eyebrows creased. "I hate pity." Ruth nodded and gestured for him to go on.

"Well, fast forward a few years. Klaus and I packed up and left, came here. Got a job, got  _ two  _ jobs actually, 'cause there's two of us- but that's besides the point. Remember that naked man we saw in the carpark?" He asked. Ruth nodded. "Well, that's Yiayia's son-in-law-to-be. A real dildo, if you ask me, but Louise- Yiaya's daughter- loves him, for some reason. So he's off behaving like a rabid wolf-boy werewolf weirdo, and Klaus says we ought to tell Louise because he still cares, for some reason, even though she hates us." He waved a hand.

"Anyways, long story short, we went and talked to her, she didn't believe us, I got evidence, went back and talked to her  _ again,  _ things went south, she hit me, and I flashbacked. Case in point, my life sucks balls." 

Ruth was silent as Nathan polished off his sherry, immediately wishing he had another. 

"'I'm sorry' never truly suffices in these situations, but Nathan, I'm so sorry," Ruth said after a beat of silence. Nayhan shrugged.

"It is what it is," he said flippantly, and Ruth shook her head.

"It shouldn't be," she said softly. "Do you want to go to the authorities with this?" Nathan snorted.

"What good would that do?" He asked tiredly. "It all happened years and years ago, and back in America to boot. Plus dear Ol' Reggie is backed up by the one thing the legal system can't beat: money." Ruth sighed.

"Thought I'd ask anyways," she said, then frowned and squinted at him. 

"What?" Nathan asked, feeling self-conscious. Ruth shook her head, then paused and squinted at him again.

"This is going to sound incredibly stupid, but…" Ruth trailed off. "Your father wasn't-"

"Reginald Hargreeves?" Nathan asked dully, too emotionally strung-out to try dancing around or avoiding the issue. At this point, blunt honesty was all he had the mental capacity for.

Ruth blinked at him, shock written all over her features, and Nathan groaned.

"Fuck, that wasn't what you were going to say at all, was it?" He asked, then ran his hands through his hair, uncaring of the knots he ran through. "Damn it all to hell."

"I kind of already suspected," Ruth admitted. "Your accent, for one, that was a big giveaway- plus you look like one of them. Which were you?" Nathan tensed up almost imperceptibly, and Ruth blushed.

"I'm so sorry," she blurted. "That was really personal-" 

"-It's not, really," Nathan cut across her hurriedly. "It was public knowledge, probably all over the internet- I'm Number Eight." Ruth frowned.

"The immortal one?" She asked, and Nathan raised an eyebrow.

"Big fan?" He asked. Ruth shrugged.

"Concerned, more like," she admitted, peering at him with worry in her eyes. "That wasn't healthy- you were  _ child soldiers."  _ Nathan shrugged. He was wildly uncomfortable with the topic- all of them were, actually. Well, except maybe Luther, but he'd glommed onto the idea from the beginning. Idly, he wondered whether Reginald had gotten Allison to rumor him into being complacent (and wasn't that a fucked-up thought) then balked when he realized Ruth was still waiting for an answer.

"It is what it is," he said, hoping the blonde would pick up on his reluctance to talk about the subject, then promptly decided he didn't want to leave it to chance and asked her; "You got anything stronger?" whilst giving his empty glass a little shake.

Ruth snorted, then gently took his glass from him; "I'll see what I can do," she said, then stood up and left, taking his glass with her.

"Rum and coke ok?" She asked from the kitchen. 

"So long as there's more rum than coke, I've got no complaints," Nathan called back, and Ruth laughed a little. 

"So what happened to you?" He asked once she returned. "I came back last night and you were gone." Ruth paused, then brushed a lock of hair behind her ear.

"Well, You seemed more interested in chasing a naked man around the car park, so I left," she said slowly, and Nathan flushed.

"Oh. What would've happened if I hadn't gone chasing a naked man around the car park?" He asked, and Ruth rested her chin in her hand as she thought about it. 

"I'm guessing, you would have had some pretty amazing sex." She replied, and Nathan's eyebrows shot up to his hairline.

"R-Really?" He asked, and Ruth nodded. "Oh." 

Nathan looked down at his drink, then at Ruth, and then back down at his drink again.

_ Well, bottoms up,  _ he thought, then downed half of it in one fell swoop.

Nathan wasn't quite sure what happened next, but it ended with him pinning Ruth to the wall, shirtless, while she worked at his belt buckle, so he counted it as a win.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh, Nathan, sweetheart, that is not a win, trust me.  
> Also don't worry, Nathan will get his mental breakdown eventually- if there's one thing I'm good at, it's torturing my favourite characters.  
> One more part after this, then we move onto episode 3 :)


	10. Episode Two: Part Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein Nathan has a bad time, really.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for attempted rape (it's ok, Klaus saves the day.)  
> God I'm an idiot... I completely forgot about Alisha's power and the police officer... don't edit when you're tired, kids.  
> There's like an hour and 40 minutes before Friday so I say I'm doing a fantastic job of leaving this shite till the last minute.  
> Did not want to edit this. At all. But I put on Golden Brown by the Stranglers and suddenly my inspiration (sort of) came back. Amazing, isn't it?

**On an undisclosed date- this is getting old. Point it, sometime in 2009, one Nathan Hargreeves woke up. This was unusual only in the fact that the following sex that happened was rudely interrupted when his partner turned into an old lady.**

Nathan would like to claim he had a perfectly normal reaction, in that he pushed her over (hey, she just turned into someone's gran while riding him, cut him some slack) and  _ bolted,  _ barricading himself in the bathroom.

"Are you OK?" Ruth called through the door. Nathan chewed on his nails, not caring when he bit past the quick. 

"Well- you were- What the fuck What was that thing?" He asked plaintively, almost fearing the answer.

Ruth sighed; "It was the storm," she answered, and if Nathan didn't feel so godawful, maybe he would've felt bad at her miserable tone, but for now it was all he could do not to upchuck into the toilet. "I just- I just wanted to be young again."

"You complain about my come face!" Nathan snapped, then shook his head. "You should see yours, love. Trust me, it's a shocker." Ruth sighed.

"Do we have to talk about this through the door?" She asked.

_ Yes,  _ Nathan thought, but then sighed and relented. "I'm coming out," he called after wrapping a robe around himself. "Move away from the door. Back off, back off!" Ruth did as he asked, and the two just stood there, sizing each other up.

Nathan was the first to break the silence; "Exactly how old are you?" He asked, voice trembling. Ruth bit her lip.

"Eighty-two," she answered, and Nathan wanted to cry. "I turn eighty-three next month." 

_ Don't cry, boys don't cry,  _ Nathan thought to himself, biting down hard on his knuckles.

"I didn't mean for this to happen." Ruth pleaded. "It felt so good to be young again and I liked you."

"I shagged someone's gran," Nathan said weakly, and Ruth bit her lip.

"I haven't got any grandchildren," she admitted, and Nathan glared at her, a host of unpleasant emotions bubbling in his stomach.

"Oh, well that's OK then, 'cause that could have been really awkward," he hissed. Ruth flinched back at his tone.

"I'm sorry!" She replied, pleaded even, but Nathan only rolled his eyes.

"'You're sorry?'" He repeated, then shook his head. "That's what you say when you spill someone's coffee, not when you rope someone into having sex with-" he cut himself off when the nausea he was feeling threatened to make a very  _ visual  _ appearance. He took a few deep breaths to calm himself down. It wasn't working- "I'm gonna need counselling now, I'm damaged goods!" He cried, abruptly deciding he needed  _ out.  _ "Where are my boxer shorts?" 

"Oh, c'mon!" Ruth pleaded, following after him after he retrieved his clothes from her room. "Don't go!"

"I'm not waiting around for Granny Fuck Me to make another appearance!" Nathan snarled, already making for the stairs. Ruth tried to pull him back, but he snapped his arm out of her grasp.

"Something's wrong!" She tried, and there was a note of real fear in her voice. "I'm changing back, I think I'm growing old again! I'm scared, Nathan,  _ please don't go!" _

But he didn't turn back.

~~~

Meanwhile, at the Community Center, Klaus was having a fit.

"I haven't seen him since yesterday, Ben, what if he's hurt?" The medium worried. His fingernails were chewed down to numbs, and the polish was chipped- case in point, Klaus was very, very,  _ very  _ nervous.

_ "I'm sure he's fine, Klaus,"  _ Ben tried to soothe his distraught brother.  _ "Nathan can take care of himself- besides, you disappear all the time."  _ Klaus glowered at nothing in particular.

"But I'm  _ me,"  _ he stressed. "Nathan's  _ Nathan."  _ Ben sighed.

_ "What do you want me to tell you, Klaus?"  _ He asked tiredly.  _ "That Nathan is off somewhere getting mugged?"  _ Klaus made a high-pitched distressed noise in the back of his throat.  _ "Even if that were the case, Nathan had the exact same training- well, combat training- you did,  _ and  _ he's immortal. There's no way anyone could take him down- and even if they did, it wouldn't be for long."  _ Klaus worried his bottom lip.

"That's exactly what I'm worried about," he confessed. "What if someone found him- what if he's in a mortuary right now, being cut open because they want to find out the cause of death-"

The doors to the Community Center suddenly banged open, and Klaus started, automatically shifting to a combat pose before he realized it was just Nathan.

Wait-

"Nathan!" Klaus cried, running over and throwing himself at his twin. "Jesus Christ, don't disappear like that!" Nathan scowled and roughly pushed Klaus away. Klaus blinked and stumbled back a few paces; "Nathan?" He asked. His brother ground his teeth together and wrapped his arms around his torso.

" _ Don't  _ touch me," he snapped with more venom than Klaus was expecting. 

Ben was worried;  _ "Nathan, what's- are you ok?"  _ Nathan snorted derisively.

"Oh, I'm just peachy," he said sarcastically. "Abso-fucking-lutely peachy." Klaus frowned.

"Nate, what happened?" He asked carefully. 

"Not much," Nathan replied flippantly. "You know, had a flashback, had some sex, had some more sex, then didn't finish said sex because my date turned into an old lady!" Klaus recoiled.

"What?" He asked. Nathan scowled off to the side.

"Just forget it," he muttered, then bodily pushed past his twin. "I need a shower; my skin is  _ crawling."  _

Klaus wasn't finished; "Wait, Nathan, what's-" he grabbed ahold of his twin and quick as lightning Nathan danced away.

"I said  _ don't touch me!"  _ Nathan yelled, and Klaus froze.

"Alright, alright," the medium said, then slowly backed away. "Not touching you. See? Not touching you." Nathan took a few deep breaths, then scrubbed at his eyes.

"She didn't look like an old lady when we started, but midway through she just-  _ changed,"  _ Nathan shuddered. "I fucked an eighty-two year old woman.  _ Twice."  _ Nathan shuddered again, and this time his features turned a bit green. "I'm gonna be sick."

Klaus hesitated. This was a new brand of weird and fucked-up he wasn't  _ quite  _ sure how to deal with. He had to tread carefully.

"Nate, why don't you- just start from the beginning," he advised, and his brother sighed.

"Alright," he muttered. "But I'm not doing this sober." 

A short while later found both brothers sitting against a wall, a few bottles of beer between them as Nathan recounted his story.

"She  _ hit  _ you?" Klaus gasped, murderous rage dancing in his eyes. Nathan shrugged and took another drink.

"I'm sure I deserved it in some fashion," he said. "I am a bit of a prick." 

Klaus scowled; "Don't fucking lie to me," he snapped. "That's what pushed you into the flashback, isn't it?" The younger twin didn't respond.

_ "Nathan."  _

"Alright, yeah, fine, that's what made me flashback," the brunet blurted. "Not like it matters- I flashback if you put me in an  _ elevator,  _ so really this is just par for the course-"

"Stop it!" Klaus snapped. "Stop trying to downplay everything! Louise  _ hit you _ ! I don't care if you deserved it or not, she still fucking  _ hit you!"  _ He shook his head. "I am  _ so  _ telling Yiayia about this, but first I'm paying Louise a visit myself-"

"No, don't bother," Nathan interrupted. "It doesn't matter anyways; like I said, I deserved it." 

Klaus pursed his lips and sat back. "Alright," he said, as if he had given up on the matter, but a fool could tell he had not.

"Anyway, after that I went to return Ruth's-" Nathan shuddered. "-phone. We get talking- she knew about Dad's weird child-soldier thing, actually, if you can believe it, she puzzled it out herself- and then one thing leads to another, and, y'know, bada-bing, bada-boom." 

Klaus nodded; "So, Louise pushed you into a flashback, you went to Ruth, things got heated, and then she turned into an old lady mid-sex?" Nathan sighed.

"More or less," he admitted. "She changed during round two, but schematics, schematics." 

Klaus was quiet for a minute, then spoke up, hesitantly; "At least you don't have to worry about getting her pregnant?" Nathan whipped around to glare at him. 

"I used a condom, dumbass!" He snapped, running a hand through his hair. "Jesus!"

"Alright, alright," Klaus put his hands in the air. He thought about what to say to his emotionally scarred twin, and came up with; "Jesus, man, I'm sorry." Nathan sighed.

"Yeah, me too," he mumbled, but he looked less distraught than when they'd sat down nearly 45 minutes earlier, so Klaus counted it as a win. "Thanks for listening to me." Klaus nodded.

"Always," he said, then checked the time. "Your community service starts in about 15 minutes, do you want me to fill in for you while you have a shower?" Nathan nodded immediately.

"Yeah, thanks, Klaus," he replied, then stood up and walked off. 

Klaus watched him go, then, once he was sure he was out of earshot, turned to Ben; "Jesus. That's, uh-"

_ "A story?"  _ Ben supplied, then shook his head.  _ "Do you think he's going to be ok?"  _ Klaus chewed his lip.

"I hope so," he replied, then also stood up. He brushed himself off, then turned to his ghostly companion. "Well, let's rock n' roll."

~~~

Saving Alisha from being raped was not what he expected to happen when he filled in for Nathan, but all things considered Klaus was glad he was there.

The police officer looked at Klaus, then at his dick, then back at Klaus; "I have no idea why that's out." He said, and Klaus rolled his eyes.

"Save it," he snapped, guiding Alisha out of the room by her shoulders- all the while being incredibly careful not to touch her.

"Are you ok?" He asked. Alisha inhaled shakily.

"What do you think?" She snapped with no real heat to her voice. Klaus winced.

"Alright, stupid question," he admitted. "Do you want to lodge a complaint?" Alisha inhaled sharply and gently shook Klaus off her.

"I just want to forget it," she muttered, and Klaus narrowed his eyes.

"That's completely within your right, but if you ever change your mind- I'll back you up," he said, and Alisha sighed.

"Thanks, Klaus," she mumbled, and the brunet started.

"Wha- how'd you know it was me?" He asked. "I'm doing my Nathan impression right now." Alisha rolled her eyes.

"Try harder," she deadpanned. "No offense, but your brother is a massive git. Plus, you're wearing nail polish and eyeliner." Klaus cursed.

"Fuck," he muttered. "Ok, well, the others can just assume Nathan had a crazy night out, then."

"Or they could just assume nothing at all," Nathan said from behind Klaus, popping up randomly. "Thanks for filling in for me, bro." Klaus shrugged, giving his twin a careful once-over. His hair was still wet from his shower, and his eyes were a little red-rimmed, but other than that he seemed alright. Well. As alright as he could be, given the circumstances.

"You're welcome," he said, then gave the lot of them a two-fingered salute. "Toodles!"

Alisha watched him go with a frown on her face; "Where's he going?" She asked, and Nathan shrugged.

"I don't really know," he admitted. "Maybe down to the flower shop, or… or, oh fuck, ten bucks says he's gone to give Louise a right telling-to- Ben! Ben get your ass back here!"

Alisha's frown deepened. "Who's Louise?" She asked, then squinted at him. “Wait- are you drunk?” Nathan rolled his eyes.

“No,” he said, then paused as he thought about it. “Actually, tell a lie- I’m a  _ little _ bit tipsy. Just a tad.” Alisha sighed.

“I’m not even gonna ask,” she muttered. “Who’s Louise, again?” Nathan gave a longsuffering sigh.

"Yiayia's daughter," he answered distractedly, then abruptly turned to the left. "Yes, hi, Ben, how nice of you to come back," the brunet rolled his eyes at something his ghostly brother said, and ploughed on as if nothing had happened. "Can you make sure Klaus doesn't go rip Louise a new one?"

A beat of silence passed before Nathan groaned and stamped his foot.

"Don't  _ try, do!"  _ He snapped. "It doesn't matter if she hit me- look, we can all agree-"

"She hit you?" Alisha asked, and Nathan rolled his eyes.

"Yes, she hit me, why is everyone so hung up on this one little detail!" He asked crossley. "Christ on a cracker, let it go, man!"

Another beat of silence. Then- "It doesn't  _ matter  _ that I had a you-know-what, ok? Everyone has those sometimes! It's perfectly normal! So stop trying to baby me and stop Klaus from getting us fired! Jesus!" Nathan ran a hand through his hair, then paused when he noticed Alisha staring at him. "What?" The curly-haired girl shook her head. 

"Are you that much of a prick with your other siblings?" She asked, and Nathan snorted.

"Oh, sweetheart, you've got no idea," he said with a grin. "I made Diego cry.  _ Diego.  _ That bastard never cries- he takes Mr. Tough Guy to the extreme- its fucking hilarious, though, because knives are his soulmate but he's afraid of needles- I remember once he was juggling his knives and I came up behind him and went 'BOO!' Of course he screamed like a small child and threw a knife at me- 'cept he dropped the others and they cut him up  _ real good-  _ there was so much fuckin' blood, I'm telling you, the stains'll never come out of the carpet- we both needed stitches, of course, 'cept he fucking  _ passed out-  _ again: knives are his soulmate, but he's afraid of needles," Nathan frowned thoughtfully. "Maybe that should be his middle name," he reasoned. "Diego 'Knives Are My Soulmate' Hargre-" Nathan abruptly cut himself off. "Or maybe Diego 'My Body Is A Temple-' except it's  _ not _ because this dumb bitch just eats eggs  _ raw-  _ like he'll crack one open on the kitchen sink- one handed, too, he's very skilled- and just put it in his mouth. Like, ok, Diego, when you get salmonella-"

"Oh my  _ God,"  _ Alisha interrupted him mid-ramble. "Do you ever  _ shut up?"  _ Nathan thought about it for a moment.

"Yes, but where's the fun in that?" He asked. "Anyways, I remember this other time-"

"I'm going to pitch myself off a bridge," Alisha deadpanned to Curtis and the others when they arrived. The athlete quirked an eyebrow.

"Why?" He asked, and Alisha pointed at Nathan.

"He hasn't shut up for five. Minutes. Five whole minutes of him rattling on about his brother Diego and his fear of needles and salmonella and shit like that." Curtis looked at Nathan weirdly.

"What?" The brunet asked. "Don't you know that eating eggs raw gives you salmonella?" He grinned when Curtis only became more confused. "Or maybe you didn't. Didja have raw eggs for breakfast?" Nathan shook his head. "Bad idea mate, I'm telling you. That shit'll kick in about 8 hours from consumption, and after that, you might as well live on the toilet- might wanna put a biohazard sign or ten up as well, it's not a fun time-"

_ "Please shut up,"  _ Alisha begged. "I don't want to hear about salmonella shits, please stop talking-"

"Alright, everyone," Sally cut across them- when had she gotten there, again? "Today is the last day we help those people at the old folks home, so do your best, ok? Really try-"

"Yeah yeah yeah, we get it already, Christ," Nathan cut across her sourly. "Dance with the old people, be nice to the old people-"  _ don't vomit on the old people because they remind you of Ruth-  _ "-we get it." Sally glared at him frostily.

"Alright, then," she said coolly. "Let's go."

~~~

_ You're beautiful, you're beautiful- _

"No no, no no no no no no no," Nathan abruptly sat up from his chair. "No fucking way, I will not be in a room where that song is playing. Line in the sand, my friends, line in the sand!"

Nathan made his speedy getaway, trying to shake the image of Ruth in her old lady form-  _ eugh-  _ from his brain. No no no no no, and just for good measure: no.

Kelly and the others found him smoking a blunt under a bridge, trying and failing to stay calm; "Some old woman was looking for you." She said, and Nathan panicked.

_ What if Ruth's told someone I had sex with her?  _ He wondered briefly, then abruptly realized his mistake. _ Oh, shit! No no no no no no no no-! _

"You shagged her?" Kelly asked incredulously, and Nathan instantly went on the defensive. 

"Yeah, yeah, nice one," he snapped. "I gave her a right good seeing to."

_ Please don't call my bluff, please don't call my bluff, please don't call my bluff- _

"You totally screwed her!" Alisha exclaimed, and the rest of them made disgusted noises.

"No!" Nathan protested, then scrambled to his feet. "No, no!"

"You nailed that old woman?" Curtis asked, then made a face. "That is wrong." 

"Did you enjoy it?" Barry asked snidely, and Nathan whipped around to glare at him.

"Shut up, you little freak!" He shouted, trying to keep the panic out of his voice.

Simon turned to the rest of them, wearing a nasty little smirk and said; "I think he did."

_ “No!” _

"Are you into that?" Curtis asked, and Nathan knotted his fingers in his hair, eyes wide with fear and panic. 

"No!" He hissed. "She didn't look like that when we started, OK? You remember that bird Ruth, from Tuesday? Beautiful!” Nathan inhaled a huge lungful of air. “That wrinkly old bint, that's her!" Nathan tried to ignore the plaintive note that was creeping into his voice. 

"It was the storm!" He explained desperately. "It made her young again!" Alisha scoffed.

_ "Please _ tell me you didn't-" she mimed eating someone out, then laughed when Nathan flushed and looked away. "He did! He did! God's sake!"

_ Ok, yep, and we're checking out,  _ Nathan thought miserably, then turned around and walked away. He took an exceptionally long drag off his blunt and immediately wished it was a bit stronger.

Life sucked.

"Nathan wait!" Kelly ran after him- Christ, couldn't she tell he wanted to be alone? "Look I didn't mean to tell them, it just came out!" She said, a pleading quality in her voice, but Nathan didn't care.

"Well great job," he snapped. "Nice one, well done. And stay out of my head!" 

He could feel Kelly's glare boring into his back as he stalked away, and while the following comment was fully expected it still didn't feel great; "Granny Fucker!" 

Jesus, life really did suck sometimes.

~~~

For reasons unknown to the universe and man in general, Nathan found himself outside Ruth's house again.

_ What the fuck am I doing?  _ He wondered.  _ This is- nope, outta here. _

He made it about two paces from the door before he turned around and knocked on said door.

His blood ran cold when the door opened for him with little to no resistance. Heart pounding in his chest, Nathan hesitantly stepped into the apartment; "Ruth?" He called.

There was no reply.

Well on his way to being truly worried, Nathan walked further into Ruth's house, skirting around anything that had been involved in any of their illicit activities the night before.

He found Ruth in the sitting room, in an armchair by the window, a picture book balanced on her knees. For a second, Nathan thought she was asleep, then he realized she wasn't breathing.

"Oh, Jesus, no," he whispered, walking further into the room. He didn't know how to feel- on one hand, she'd tricked him into having sex with her even though she was an old lady, and honestly Nathan was probably never going to get over that, but on the other hand, she was the first person to listen to him who wasn't his brother.

She had cared, to be put bluntly, and even though she'd done a really shitty thing he was inexplicably sad at her death.

To distract himself from his confusing emotions, Nathan took the picture book from Ruth and started flipping through it.

A girl identical to the one he had slept with last night stared up at him, grinning brightly at the camera. The photo was grainy and the quality was bad, but it was still clearly Ruth.

Nathan felt like he was viewing a slideshow of her life as he flipped through the picture book, from birth until…

Death.

As with all things, the picture book had to come to an end. Nathan flipped through to the next few pages, just to see if there was anything there, but no cigar. 

He sighed and closed the picture book, studying Ruth carefully; "I'm sorry," he said softly, then put the picture book back.

A stronger man would have been able to manage a kiss to the forehead. A strong man was not always a wise man, bear in mind, but either way Nathan was not a strong man. All he managed to do was pat her head a few times, and he left feeling worse than when he'd come in, somehow.

~~~

“Honey! I’m trash!” Nathan drawled as he threw open the doors to the Community Center. He was tired, and defeated. Initially, he’d planned to stop by Louise’s as well, but that just sounded like too much effort right now.

So, back to the Community Center.

Klaus peered down at him from where he was hanging off the second floor, through the railings; “I feel like you’re quoting someone, but I don’t know who.” He said. Nathan shrugged.

“Probably some Irish loudmouth,” he muttered, then frowned. “And get out of there; you’re going to fall and crack your head open.” Klaus huffed and rolled his eyes, but did what his twin asked.

“Alright,  _ Mom, _ ” he said, fishing around his pockets until he came up with a box of matches. He lit one, watching the flame dance for a moment, then put it out when the fire got too close to his fingertips. He repeated the action a few times, then waved his twin over; “You’re looking particularly melancholy today,” the elder commented. “Anything happen?” Nathan huffed a ghost of a laugh as he plopped down next to his brother.

“Ruth’s dead,” he said bluntly, stealing a match from his twin’s matchbox. Almost absently, he dragged it along the railing; “I stopped by her house earlier,” he explained. “Wanted to… fuck knows what I wanted, actually.” He sighed and snapped his matchstick in half. “Not like it matters,” he muttered. “She’s dead and gone now...” Klaus hesitated. 

“I’m sorry,” he said, and Nathan shrugged.

“What are you gonna do?” He asked. “We’ve got a surprisingly large amount of powers at our disposal, but nobody can bring back the dead. Well,” Nathan’s lips quirked into a depressive smile. “Unless you’re me, of course.” Klaus sighed and set his matches down.

“I’m sorry, Nathan,” he said. “And I know ‘I’m sorry’ means fuck all, but- it’s all I’ve got.” Nathan huffed a laugh and leaned against his twin. Immediately, Klaus pulled his twin closer.

“It’s all any of us have got, really,” he muttered, then exhaled wearily. “Fuck, I’m exausted.” Klaus sighed and lit another match.

“We all are, Nate,” he said quietly, watching the flame burn closer and closer to his fingers. “We all are.”

~~~

The next day brought a slightly more chipper Nathan, something Klaus was eternally grateful for. He wasn’t over what had happened, not by a long shot, but he seemed to be doing better.

Currently, the ASBO shitheads sans Klaus were getting changed out of their community service outfits, and talking about the storm and what it had done.

"I told you there'd be other people who got messed up by the storm," Kelly was saying. "And you didn't even believe me." Nathan rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, well, I was wrong, wasn't I?" He asked, then shook his head. "There's a hurricane of weird shit out there."

Alisha smirked, then made a rather rude gesture at him, to which Nathan scoffed at; "Another oral sex gag," he deadpanned. "Brilliant."

"We need to be ready for when they come after us." Simon said suddenly, abruptly, and they all paused what they were doing to look at the blond.

"What're you talking about?" Kelly asked. Simon shifted uncomfortably, but didn't back down; "The other people who got caught up in the storm." He explained. 

Curtis knit his eyebrows; "Why would they come after us?" He asked, bemusement clear in his tone. Simon looked over at him.

"Because that's what people do." He answered, and Nathan rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, well, if they do, we'll just tell them it was all your fault," he said, then opened his locker. He froze when he noticed the note taped inside it. "Uh, guys?" He asked. "I think someone knows about the probation worker." 

Curtis whipped around, eyes widening when he saw the note; "Another one?" He asked in a hushed whisper, and Nathan paled.

"What the fuck do you mean, 'another one?'" He questioned, and Curtis gave him an incredulous look.

"You mean your brother didn't tell you?" He asked. Nathan was starting to get a really bad feeling.

"No he did not," he answered, a slightly plaintive note entering his next words. "What happened?" Curtis sighed and dug around inside his locker. A second later he came up with a crumpled piece of paper. 

"Catch," he said moodily, then tossed it to the ex-superhero. Nathan caught it with ease, then unfolded it with shaking hands.

"Fuck," he whispered, looking up at them with poorly concealed horror in his eyes. "When- when was this found?" Alisha sighed.

"You remember the day Klaus filled in for you?" She asked. "He said you'd had a rough night's sleep or whatever- point is, we found that in Curtis' locker the day of."

If possible, Nathan paled further. "I'm gonna kill him," he muttered. "I'm gonna fucking kill him- why didn't he tell me about this? Jesus Christ! All this time I've been chasing around wolf-boys and whatever the fuck Ruth was, and having flashbacks and panic attacks-"

_ Panic attacks?  _ Kelly mouthed to Alisha. 

_ Flashbacks?  _ She mouthed back, equally confused.

"-And we had  _ this  _ shit to worry about?" Nathan knotted his fingers in his hair. "Christ on a cracker, guys! Way to prioritize!" 

"We thought you knew!" Curtis hissed, and Nathan rounded on him with a glare.

"Rule one of keeping a huge-ass secret, buddy: never assume anyone knows anything! Don't you know the saying; 'he ain't dead till we see a body?' Never trust anyone to have already done anything of any importance, always do it yourself!"

Nathan glared at Curtis, chest heaving. The others stared in stunned silence, then Simon broke it.

"What do we do now?" He asked quietly. "Somebody knows we killed our probation worker." Nathan exhaled.

"We plan," he answered simply. "Stay put. I'm getting my brother."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so ends episode two. Finally. I hated writing this, and I didn't like editing it either.  
> Up next: well hang on that's spoilers... I mean you've all seen Misfits, but no spoilers!  
> ... I should probably go add that to the tags, hang on...


	11. Episode Three: Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein Nathan gives himself a concussion, a plan is hatched, and Klaus talks to Alisha

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for mentions of prostitution, Alisha misusing her power, and mentions of drug use.  
> Shorter chapter this week, sorry guys. Way easier to edit though, so I might go back to writing them like this... I dunno, we'll see.

**On an undisclosed date in the year of 2009, one Nathan Hargreeves called for his brother. This was unusual only in the fact that when his brother, Klaus Hargreeves, finally showed up, the first thing he did was smack him upside the head.**

"Ow!" Klaus hissed, one hand clamped over his head. "That hurt you bastard, what the hell?!" Nathan glowered at his twin.

"Why didn't you tell me someone knew about the probation worker?!" He hissed, shoving both notes in Klaus' face. "Huh? Huh?" Klaus shoved the papers out of his face.

"I forgot!" He snapped, but his face was pale. "Christ Nathan, we had a lot going on that day!" Nathan shook the papers again.

"More important than going to prison for  _ murder?"  _ He replied. Klaus glowered at him.

"At the time, yes!" He said. "It doesn't matter anyways- they have no proof!" Nathan scowled.

"When will you stop listening to Dad?" He snapped. "Just because they don't have any proof doesn't mean they won't try to find any!" Klaus huffed and stomped his foot.

"So what do you want to do, then?" He snapped. "What's your wise plan, oh brilliant one?" Nathan pinched the bridge of his nose and exhaled.

"First we need to find out who suspects us, so we can keep an eye on them," he said. "Anyone got any ideas?"

"Do you think it could be Sally?" Kelly suggested. Nathan gave her a weird look. 

"Who's Sally?" He asked, and they all sighed. Nathan flushed; "What, I'm bad with names!" 

"The probation worker," Simon answered, and Nathan nodded, eyebrows creased.

"Right, right, we've got a name… how do we keep an eye on her?" He asked, then snapped his fingers and pointed at Simon. "Your invisibility power, Barry!"

Simon looked terrified at the attention; "M-Me?" He stuttered. Klaus nodded, catching into his twin's idea.

"Yeah. You can stay in here, in the locker room, invisible, and see if she comes in and sticks a note on one of our lockers," he explained, then turned to his brother; "Easier than having him follow her around all day." Nathan nodded in agreement, then turned to Simon.

"You cool with that, Weird Kid?" He asked, and Simon nodded, then blanched when he realized the others were waiting for him to turn invisible.

"I can't do it when everyone's watching me." He stammered, and Nathan cocked his head to the side.

"So I guess it's like pissing at a urinal if you've got a tiny cock," he said, then clapped Simon's shoulder as he walked past him. "Well, that's really impressive."

Klaus jogged to catch up with him; "I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner." He said, and Nathan sighed.

"Its fine," he said dismissively. "We were always good at damage control anyways- whenever things went to shit, Luther always passed the mantel to us." Klaus snorted.

"He passed it to you, you mean," he said. "I was usually too busy getting high to be of much help anyways." Nathan hummed in agreement.

"So was I, but you were worse than I was," he said mildly, and Klaus snorted.

"I wouldn't  _ let  _ you be as bad as I was- am- you mean," he replied, and Nathan sighed dramatically.

"Yes, yes, because drugs dull our powers," he said wryly. "Which means nothing stronger than a blunt for me, boo-hoo, oh woe is me." Klaus snorted.

"Yes woe is you because your brother doesn't want you to turn off your immortality," he deadpanned, then frowned thoughtfully. "I wonder what would happen to the others if they took drugs?"

"Their powers, you mean?" Nathan hummed thoughtfully. "Probably the same thing as us." 

Klaus shook his head; "Imagine what Dad would say if he found out there were more superpowered people out there." Nathan snorted.

"I think he'd cream his pants," he said, then straightened up; "'Look at this, Pogo, more people to torture! More mausoleums and cupboards and everything for everyone!'" Klaus laughed.

"They're too old, Nate, Ol' Reggie wouldn't be able to break them as effectively as he broke us," he said, and Nathan hummed.

"Quite right, brother dear. All the better for them, really. Say, do you-"

Behind the twins, Kelly, Alisha, and Curtis walked after them at a leisurely pace, each with varying degrees of concern on their faces.

"You don't think they're… being serious, do you?" Kelly asked, and Alisha rolled her eyes.

"Of course not," she said flippantly. "They're just doing it for attention." Curtis frowned.

"You sure?" He asked. "I mean, Nathan's a prick, yes, but his brother isn't half-bad." Alisha bit her lip.

"He's a druggie," she said, though she sounded unsure. "Nobody lies like a druggie." Curtis snorted.

"You honestly believe  _ he's  _ put-together enough to lie?" He asked, gesturing wildly to Klaus. "Please. If he does lie, he's got to be shit at it." 

"What about Nathan, then?" Kelly asked, swinging the conversation back around to the younger of the two twins. "I can hear his thoughts, yeah? He's dead loud, real annoying, but half the stuff he thinks is… concerning." Alisha raised an eyebrow.

"Such as?" She asked, and Kelly frowned.

"It's just like- really weird and obscure stuff," she said. "Lots of stuff about mausoleums, cupboards, claustrophobia, and dying." 

Christ, did Nathan think about death a lot. It was concerning, really, and it made her wonder what had happened in his youth to give him such an obsession with it.

She hadn't forgotten their deal, either- the deal where when Nathan finally had his mental breakdown, he'd go to her. 

Honestly, she was dubious that he'd actually withhold his half of the bargain- Nathan didn't strike her as the type to talk about his problems, big or small. The idea that he'd talk to her, someone he barely knew outside of community service, was rather ludicrous. 

~~~

Nathan and Klaus, were, of course, of no use to all when it came to sorting clothes.

"Who am I?" Nathan asked, a pair of oversized goggles on his face. He pouted when nobody immediately got it. "C'mon! All right, I'll give you a clue: I'm an annoying cunt." Curtis snorted.

"Yeah, we know that." He said, and Nathan scowled and turned to his brother.

"Come on, Klaus, don't let me down," he pleaded, and Klaus sucked his lower lip between his teeth as he thought about it.

"Ummm… Bono?" He guessed, and Nathan's face split into a huge grin.

"Exactly!" He said, then turned to the others. "See? You lot are just uncultured swine." 

Klaus frowned at the girl currently storming across the room whilst glaring daggers at Kelly; "Who's that?" He asked, and Kelly scowled.

"It's the girl I had the fight with," she explained sourly. "I've got to do some restorative justice bollocks with her."

Nathan looked over at the girl; "Bono, yeah?" He asked, and she gave him a weird look. 

"What?" She asked, and Nathan sighed. 

"I don't know why I bother," he muttered as Sally came out behind him.

"Jodi's here," she said to Kelly. "Come on."

Nathan watched her stomp away, a scowl etched unto her features and promptly decided he wanted to do something stupid.

"Klaus, pass us those roller skates, will you?" He asked, and his twin gave him a suspicious look.

"Why do I feel like I'm aiding and abetting right now?" He asked, but passed his twin the roller blades anyways.

Nathan grinned cheerfully. "Probably because you are," he said as he struggled to put the skates on. Beside him, Curtis and Alisha watched him like one might watch a car crash.

"This is going to end badly," she muttered, and Curtis nodded instantly.

"Oh, definitely," he agreed, then leaned down to whisper in her ear; "Bet you 10 quid he'll crack his head open." 

"15 that he takes his brother down with him," Alisha challenged, and Curtis grinned.

"You're on," he said, then paused. "I'd shake your hand, normally, but-"

"Yeah, let's not do that."

The two went back to watching Disaster One and Disaster Two (Klaus and Nathan) mess around with the roller skates until Nathan was standing upright.

"Ok, this… this isn't so bad," Nathan said, then yelped when he wobbled violently. Klaus was at his side in a second, steadying him.

"Careful," he muttered, then let go of his twin again. "What the hell did you even want these for?" Nathan grinned charmingly.

"I'm glad you asked, brother dear," he said, then wobbled dangerously again. "Its cool, its cool, I've got this, um- could you wheel me over there?" Nathan pointed to the door of the office. Klaus rolled his eyes, but gently wheeled his twin over anyways.

Meanwhile, Curtis and Alisha were in stitches.

"You look so stupid!" She wheezed. "Did you never have a pair of roller skates when you were younger?" 

"Our Dad wasn't very big on the whole 'fun' aspect of our childhood," Nathan explained as Klaus positioned him. "Ok, now, push me!" Klaus looked at him like he was insane.

"Are you good in the head?" He asked. "If I push you, you'll fall flat on your face." Nathan waved away his concerns.

"I'll be fine; I have impeccable balance," he said dismissively. Then, to contradict his point, he immediately started tipping backwards.

"Fuck, fuck-!" Nathan pinwheeled his arms madly, but ultimately lost the battle to gravity and crashed to the floor.

"Oh, fuck me sideways," Nathan groaned, blinking stars out of his vision. "I think I'm concussed. " Klaus sighed.

"That's what you get for not wearing a helmet, you nimrod," he muttered, and Nathan shot him a glare.

" _ Ich bin unsterblich _ , I don't need a helmet," he said sourly, then pulled himself into a sitting position, wincing at the twinge in his head. "All the same though, I'm starting to regret everything." Klaus rolled his eyes.

"Come on, I'll check for a concussion," he said, then turned to the other two. "Cover for us, yeah?" 

Alisha rolled her eyes. "Truth be told I don't think she really cares," she muttered, but agreed anyways.

~~~

"You're an idiot," Klaus announced after checking and determining that Nathan did have a low-level concussion. "Your weird healing factor should take care of that, but all the same, you're such an idiot." Nathan stuck his tongue out at his brother.

"Screw you," he muttered. "If I'm an idiot, then you're an idiot too." Klaus rolled his eyes.

"Yes, of course," he said sarcastically. Beside the twins, Ben pitched in with his own two cents.

_ "You both have half a brain cell each,"  _ he quipped. 

Nathan rolled his eyes; "I know that, but-" He paused suddenly, a thought occurred to him.

“Weird Kid?” He called. “You still in here?”

A minute or so passed before Simon flickered into visibility across from them. Klaus’ jaw dropped.

“Dude, have you been in here the  _ whole time? _ ” He gasped. Simon nodded, looking pleased with himself, and Klaus exhaled.

“Damn, that’s… dedication,” he said. “I would’ve flaked, by now.” Nathan snorted.

“Ditto,” he agreed, then tensed when he heard the sound of the door banging open. “Shit- it’s the probation worker, hide, hide!”

Immediately Simon started fading from view, and Klaus and Nathan flailed wildly for a moment.

“Behind the lockers, behind the lockers!” Klaus hissed, shoving his twin forward.

All was silent for a moment, then-

_ “Um, guys, uh- it’s not the probation worker.”  _ Klaus knit his eyebrows.

“Not the probation worker?” He echoed, then shook his head. “What are you-”

“-I just want to be with you.” Klaus’ eyes widened. That was Curtis.

Laughter followed, and his eyes widened even further. That was Alisha.

Were they-

“Are they gettin’ it on in the Community Center?” Nathan hissed, peeking around the side of the lockers. His eyes widened. “They are! Holy shit!” Klaus sighed and pulled his twin back.

“Stop pervin’ on them, that’s weird,” he replied, and Nathan rolled his eyes before peeking back around anyways.

“Ok, they’ve gone,” he said, then shook his head. “Man! I didn’t think Alisha would want to do anything with her power being what it is.” Klaus narrowed his eyes.

“Yeah, I didn’t either...” he trailed off, then clapped his twin on his shoulder. “Alright, let’s go now- and that means you too, Simon, don’t be perving on Curtis and Alisha either, ok?”

A moment of silence passed before Simon appeared across from them, red-faced after being called out. Klaus herded the two out, then shot a suspicious glare at the closed door Alisha and Curtis were behind.

He’d talk to Alisha later.

~~~

“So you and Curtis had fun,” Klaus said later that day to the girl in question. She tensed up like a livewire. “Did you ask him before you used your power on him?” Alisha clenched her jaw.

“Why does it matter?” She asked stiffly, confirming Klaus’ worst fear.

“Why does it- Alisha, that’s  _ rape, _ ” he said, aghast, and Alisha whirled around to glare at him.

“No it’s not!” She snapped. “He was up for it!” Klaus met her glare with one of his own.

“Was this before or  _ after _ you used your power on him?” He challenged, and Alisha looked away.

“It still doesn’t matter,” she said after a beat of silence. “I can see the way he looks at me, I know he wants to.” Klaus shook his head in amazement.

“Alisha, no that’s not- that’s not how it works,” he said despondently. “Just because he thinks you’re beautiful doesn’t mean he wants to have sex with you at every given moment.” Alisha frowned at him. 

“No, that’s not true,” she disagreed. “Boys are always up for it.” Klaus suddenly got a really bad feeling.

“Alisha, your… other acquaintances, are they…” he didn’t know how to phrase the question. “Are you actually friends with them, or do you just go out with them to quote-unquote ‘have a good time?’” Alisha glowered at him.

“So what?” She snapped, giving him a once-over. “You look like you do the exact same thing.” Klaus threw up his hands.

“Alisha, not everyone is like that,” he said. “Those people, they’re in a class by themselves. Curtis is not like that.” Alisha glared at him.

“What the hell would you know about that?” she snapped. “You’re just a junkie prostitute.” 

She stormed off after that, and Klaus sighed. 

“Why does everyone automatically assume I’m a sex worker?” He asked Ben tiredly. His brother winced.

_ “You do kind of dress the part, Klaus,” _ he said, gesturing to those inane, cross-stitched pants the medium was oh-so fond of, and he scowled.

“Just because I know true fashion doesn’t make me a hooker,” he said haughtily, and Ben hesitated.

_ “Klaus, you haven’t ever… I mean, for drugs, have you...” _ He trailed off, and Klaus’ features darkened.

“Are you asking me if I've whored myself out, Benjamin?” He asked. Ben said nothing, and Klaus sighed.

"It was nothing drastic," he muttered, waving a hand. "A blowjob here, a handjob there- nothing that would make walking hurt the day after, if you know what I mean." 

Ben went quiet for a moment, then asked; _ "Does Nathan know?"  _ Klaus frowned.

"He could probably logic it out himself if he tried, but truth be told, I don't think he really wants to." He admitted, then sighed. "Can't say I blame him."

He was quiet for a minute, then said; "Stop looking so horrified, Ben, I don't do that anymore anyways." 

_ "Sorry."  _ Klaus waved his apology away.

"Relax, you're fine. Point is, what am I going to do about Alisha?" He asked, then ran a hand through his hair. "That is some seriously fucked up thinking." Ben frowned.

_ "I think all you can do is talk to her, Klaus,"  _ he said.  _ "You've helped her twice already; she's more likely to listen to you than anyone else. Just keep chipping away at it."  _ Klaus sighed.

"I hope this works," he muttered. "She can't go around using her power on whoever she wants, whenever she wants. It's  _ wrong _ , and it'll come back to bite her on the ass sooner or later." Ben nodded in agreement, then bit his lip.

_ "Hey, Klaus, does that… does that particular scenario remind you of anyone?"  _ He asked hesitantly, and Klaus nodded grimly.

"Allison," he confirmed. "Their powers are similar in that they're both morally wrong, and should be handled with extreme caution."

_ "Allison never handled her powers with 'extreme caution,'"  _ Ben pointed out, and Klaus sighed.

"Believe me, I know that," he muttered. "I've been on the receiving end of her rumors more times than I'd like to admit, but hopefully Alisha won't go down that path."

_ "With you to help her?"  _ Ben gave him a reassuring look.  _ "There's not a chance in hell." _

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, heads up (seven up) since episode four deals mainly with Curtis and this is a Nathan and Klaus centric story, I'm skipping it. Nothing would have changed anyways, so you're not missing much. Besides, this way we get to the season finale faster- and oh boy oh boy is the season finale a... finale *laughs evilly*  
> Have a lovely day :)


	12. Episode Three: Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein the mafia works weekends, Klaus and Alisha have an explosive argument, and Klaus and Nathan conspire together to make Curtis look like a fool.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for mentions of drug usage, Alisha's power being what it is, and mentions of someone (Klaus) getting roofied
> 
> (Jesus Christ the trigger warnings make this story sound so dark like it is but holy fuck.)
> 
> Pleasant story today, chaps- because I knew I'd be hellishly busy today (or at least I plan to be) I wrote this ahead of time! I know! I'm impressed with me too- not that I had this chapter written ahead of time (*cough*it'sbeenwrittensinceMay*cough*) but the fact that I edited it ahead of time! Yay! :D (for those who are curious, as I'm writing this, it's 12:20 AM on the 28th of July.)

**On an undisclosed date in the year of 2009, a group of young offenders sat around one of their own. This was unusual only in the fact that the one in the middle was trying to smash a bottle with his mind.**

"You look incredibly constipated," Klaus commented, and Nathan nodded in agreement.

"Are you going to shit yourself?" He asked, genuinely curious. 

Beside them, Simon came running over. His hair was mussed and his eyes were panicked, but nobody noticed him.

"We've got a problem-"

"Shush, Barry, he's nearly got it!" Nathan hissed, then edged away when Curtis squeezed his eyes shut. "Fuck, I think he really is going to shit himself!"

Curtis gnashed his teeth together and turned to Nathan with a glare; "Will you shut up?!" He snapped. "I nearly had it!" Nathan rolled his eyes.

"And you'll almost have it again, I'm sure," he deadpanned, and Curtis gave him one last glare before focusing on his bottle again.

"He's trying to smash the bottle with his mind," Klaus explained to a perplexed Simon. "Nate suggested telekinesis, and, well, when have I ever said ‘no’ to making someone look like a fool?"

Simon paused for a moment, then shook his head; "It doesn't matter-"

"I think it does; look, he's totally going to shit his pants-"

"They're going to dig up the bodies!" Simon exploded.

Dead. Silence.

Then-

"What?" Simon sighed. 

"They're building an Environmental Monitoring System under the flyover," he explained hurriedly, much to the panic of his contemporaries. "When they dig the foundations, they'll-"

"What in the ever-loving fuck is an Enviromental Minitoring System?" Nathan interrupted, and Simon huffed, irritated.

"It's to measure the carbon monoxide from the flyover." He explained shortly. "Point is, they're going to dig up the bodies! We need to move them!" Nathan frowned and ran his hands through his hair a few times.

"A couple of questions," he snapped, tension and panic running deep in his tone. "'How?' 'Where?' And, 'are you out of your mind?'" Simon glowered at him.

"If we leave them, they'll find them!" He hissed. Nathan threw his hands in the air.

"Yeah, and digging them up and running around with them is such a low-risk strategy!" He fired back, and Curtis glowered at him, bottle forgotten in the face of this new and exciting problem.

"You got a better idea?" He snapped, and Nathan balked momentarily.

"No, but if you give me like ten minutes-" 

"We can't leave them, Nate," Klaus cut across his twin. "They could dig the foundations  _ tomorrow,  _ for Christ's sake. We need to get them out now; we'll figure out what to do with them later." Nathan scowled, but seemed convinced.

"We need a car," Sinon said. "Have any of you got a car?"

"Can't drive," Klaus explained. "I mistake the ghosts for people, and, well-"

"You're high?" Alisha guessed. Klaus snapped his fingers.

"Exactly." Alisha huffed and rolled her eyes.

"I'll drive us, then," she said. "I'll use my dad's car." Curtis frowned at her.

"I thought you had your license revoked?" He asked snidely, and Alisha glowered at him.

"You're a whiny little bitch, you know that?" She snapped. "Would you rather we go to prison?" 

Behind them, the doors to the Community Center opened and Kelly walked in. Her hair was out of it's usual ponytail, and she was wearing a hat; "What's happening?" She asked, and Nathan looked over at her.

"Where've you been?" He questioned, and Kelly pulled the brim of her hat down self-consciously. 

"I had to go to the doctor's," she explained, and Nathan rolled his eyes.

"Well, while you were getting your smear test, we heard the bodies are about to be dug up!" He hissed, and Kelly's eyes went wide. "They're building an environmental monitoring station thingie or whatever. I know, sounds like bullshit." Kelly worried her bottom lip between her teeth.

"What are we gonna do?" She asked. Nathan nodded towards Alisha; "Alisha's stealing her dad's car." He explained, and the brunette glared heartedly at him.

"I'm not  _ stealing  _ my dad's car!" She snapped, and Nathan backed away, hands in the air.

"Alright, touchy," he replied. "Can you bring the car around 8, then?" Alisha scowled.

"Yeah, sure, whatever," she muttered, then stomped off to go sort through some more clothes. Nathan watched her go for a moment, a crease between his eyebrows, then turned to his brother.

"What's got her knickers in a twist?" He asked, and Klaus yelped.

"Wh-Why are you asking me?" He asked, and Nathan shrugged.

"You were closest," he answered, then narrowed his eyes. "Although, with how you're acting, I get the feeling you know what's up." Klaus twisted his hands together.

"I- um- tell you later," he stammered. Nathan narrowed his eyes further, but let the matter drop nevertheless.

After all, they had slightly bigger things to worry about.

~~~

"What do we do with the bodies once we dig them up?" Alisha asked later that day. It was pitch black out, and they all stood around her dad's car, as planned. Her question caused a ripple of unease to go through the group, because none of them had thought that far ahead.

"We can weigh them down and toss them in the lake," Curtis answered after a beat of silence, and Nathan rolled his eyes.

"Then you know what happens next week?" He asked. "The council is like, 'Let's drag the lake!'" He shook his head. "It's so predictable." 

"So we bury 'em somewhere else, then," Alisha suggested, irritated. Nathan huffed. 

"Ugh, enough with the digging and the burying already." He said. "My shoulders and arms still ache from the last time." Curtis rounded on him with a glare.

"Alright, you come up with something then." He snapped. 

In true Nathan fashion, Nathan only had to think for a moment before he had a rebuttal; "We boil them in a bath of sulphuric acid, serial killer style," he fired back, quick as ever. "I've never been on the opposite side of the law; this will be fun." 

"And where are you going to get sulphuric acid, eh?" Curtis asked. "Because that's definitely something you can buy at the local Tesco." Nathan rolled his eyes.

"Buddy, ten pounds says you don't even know what sulphuric acid is," he deadpanned, and Curtis bristled.

"Yeah, well, ten pounds says you don't either!"

"Why don't we just store them at the Community Centre until we decide what to do with them?" Simon interrupted softly as they got in the car. Curtis huffed a laugh.

"Great, the Community Centre! What a brilliant idea! I was wondering when we'd get to use that special room for storing rotting corpses!" He glowered at Klaus, who was sitting next to him. "Could you  _ please  _ stop digging your elbow into my side?" Klaus rolled his eyes.

"Oh, I'm sorry, why don't I just move over?" He asked sarcastically, then scowled. "There isn't any fucking room! Deal with my pointy elbows,  _ arschloch!"  _

"We can use the Community Center," Nathan said suddenly. "There's a disused storeroom upstairs, I've got a key." 

Curtis frowned at him; "Why have you got a key?"

_ Ah, fuck.  _

"I nicked them because Klaus and I have been living in the Community Centre, OK?" Nathan blurted, cheeks flushed red. "Happy? Big secret revealed."

_ Don't think about how this isn't your first time being homeless, don't think about how this isn't your first time being homeless, don't- oh, fuck, no, please don't- _

"What do you mean this isn't your first time being homeless?" Kelly asked, and Nathan groaned.

"Christ, Kelly!" He snapped, and Kelly paled when she realized what she'd done. "And people say I have no filter!" Kelly shrunk down in her seat.

"Sorry," she said, but the damage had already been done.

"What do you mean, you've been homeless before?" Alisha asked, and Nathan scowled.

"Well, sometimes, working in a coffee shop isn't enough to make ends meet," he snapped. "Not all of us get to live with our parents, either, because sometimes those parents don't fucking love us."

"Nathan," Klaus warned, and his twin twisted around in his seat to glower at him.

"I hope to Christ you're not about to defend that bastard-"

"Nathan!" Klaus repeated more forcefully. "I'm not, but maybe you should consider the fact that you're  _ not alone??" _

The car was silent for a moment as Nathan considered his actions. 

Then-

"You know what? Fuck everything. Fuck you, fuck me, fuck that tree over there- fuck life in general." Nathan scowled and collapsed in his seat. "Just drive, Alisha." The brunette hesitated.

"But-"

"Just drive!"

~~~

"So, this is fun."

Nathan huffed. "This is fucking backbreaking, that's what it is," he snapped, wishing he had a clip to pin his bangs back. "Jesus. Normally I'm not the one digging the bodies up- I don't envy those poor police blokes." He wrinkled his nose. "By Jesus, this fucking stinks." Curtis frowned.

"We must be getting close," he said, right as Nathan drove his shovel into… something.

"Oh, Jesus Christ-!" Abruptly, Nathan dropped his shovel and stumbled away, heaving on a gag. Klaus sighed and gave his twin a pitiful look.

"He's got a delicate constitution," he explained, and Nathan stopped throwing up long enough to flip him the bird.

"You're not so iron-stomached yourself, you prick!" He snapped, then bent double again. Klaus rolled his eyes.

"Yes, but notice how I'm not the one throwing up," he drawled, and Nathan gave him a gesture that was heavily reliant on his middle finger. "Ah, fuck you too, Nate!"

After a minute or so, Nathan stumbled back to the group, notably more pale than he had been thirty minutes ago.

"Yeah, I'll just- you know, over there." Nathan gestured weakly towards a concrete support and wandered over to it on wobbly legs. He collapsed against it with a groan, and said; "Fuck, I hate being sick." He looked up at Kelly when she wandered over; "You all right?" He asked, and she balked.

"What?"

"You're usually a whole lot gobbier than this." Nathan explained, and Kelly scowled.

"No, I'm not." She said, and Nathan rolled his eyes.

"Come on, you haven't tried to punch me in a few hours," he said, then hesitated before adding; "I'm worried about you."

If Kelly noticed the small flush the words brought to his cheeks, she didn't comment on it; "I'm fine." She insisted, then added, before he could try again; "How comes you're living in the Community Centre, anyway?" Nathan sighed.

"I told you; we didn't have enough for rent. Klaus said a bridge would do us just fine, but the Community Center has a roof  _ and  _ showers," he shook his head. "I'm telling you, that's the number one thing you miss when you're homeless." Kelly wrinkled her nose.

"Gross," she commented, and Nathan shrugged.

"You get used to it," he said, then patted the space next to him, rolling his eyes when Kelly hesitated. "Relax, I won't bite. Unless you want me to, of course." Kelly rolled her eyes, but sat down next to him anyways.

"You know, if we weren't digging up two bodies, this would be quite peaceful," Nathan observed, and Kelly snorted, then hesitated. 

"Nathan, what… what happened between you and your dad?" She asked slowly, and abruptly Nathan put his mental shields back up.

"Do we have to be that intimate with each other's lives?" He asked. "I don't think so. Not so big on the sharing." Kelly sighed as Nathan stood up and walked away, though she couldn't help but laugh at his following thoughts:

_ I'm not getting a shag now I'm a homeless. Those Big Issue guys aren't getting any. Ah, shit! She can hear that! When are you gonna learn? _

Never, probably.

~~~

At long last, they were done. The hole was filled in (sort of, they had to make it look similar to how it did before they got there) and the bodies were stuffed in the boot of the car.

Well… most, of the bodies. A hand was missing, which Nathan threw at the open boot. But, Nathan had the accuracy of a small child. Meaning, he overshot by a landslide, and the hand hit the windshield, successfully scaring the crap out of poor Alisha and Klaus, who were sitting in the front.

“Jesus Christ!” Alisha yelped, glaring daggers at Nathan when he raced around to grab the appendage. 

“Sorry,” he said, waving at her with the hand. Alisha rolled her eyes and went back to her phone, but her hands were shaking.

“Hey, why do you get the front?” Nathan complained to his brother. Klaus stuck his tongue out at him.

“You snooze, you lose, bro,” he said. “Besides, now Curtis can’t complain about my elbows jabbing into him.” Nathan huffed.

“Yeah, he gets to complain about  _ my _ elbows jabbing into him,” he said sourly, but climbed into the backseat with them anyways.

There was blissful silence for a moment, then- “Ben,  _ please _ stop sitting in me,” Nathan said. “I don’t care that there’s no room, you’re cold!”

Kelly shivered, then paled; “Don’t sit in me either!” she said hurriedly. 

Simon was next, then Curtis, before Klaus threw up his hands. “Oh my God, you guys are impossible,” he grumbled. “Just...” he trailed off, squinting at something in front of the car, then blanched.

“Nate!” He hissed. “Nate, get over here and tell me if I’m seeing things!” Nathan scowled.

“You’re always seeing things,” he grumbled, but did as his twin asked and leaned forward, squinting at something in the gloom. “What am I looking at?” Klaus gulped.

“B-By their graves,” he stammered, and Nathan choked.

“Oh Jesus Christ,” he gasped, face pale. “Is that-”

“The probation worker?” Klaus said weakly, then nodded. “Uh-huh. And Gary too- Christ, don’t  _ look _ at them, Nate!” He nudged his twin. “If you look at them, they’ll know you can see them!”

“And why is that a bad thing?” Alisha asked, and Klaus’ face went ashen.

“Because then they start screaming your name, begging for you to help them, and when you can’t… they get nasty.” Klaus had that faraway look in his eyes that meant he was about to take a not-so-nice trip down memory lane, back to the mausoleum, and Nathan nudged him.

“Hey, no, none of that,” he said softly. “It’s alright; you’re here, with us. We’re in Alisha’s dad’s car, we’ve got two dead- err, look! A little tree air freshener, more real than the real thing, eh, Klaus?” 

The medium shook his head, but his eyes were clear. “Drive, Alisha,” he said softly, and the brunette didn’t say anything more as she pressed on the gas. They sped away, leaving two ghosts behind to mourn their one chance at salvation, gone.

~~~

“Fuck, dead bodies are heavy,” Klaus wheezed about a half hour later as they struggled down the hallways, corpses swinging between them. Nathan blew his bangs out of his eyes.

“Well, they call it ‘dead weight’ for a reason,” he managed, then blew his bangs away again with an irritated huff. “Fuck’s sake! I know I look absolutely  _ dashing _ with the curls, but damn it all if they don’t get in the way.” Klaus snorted.

“Would you rather Dad make you gel them to your head again?” He asked, and Nathan shuddered.

“Don’t even joke about that, bro,” he said. “I still have nightmares.” Alisha scrutinized him carefully.

“I’ll bring in a clip tomorrow,” she said finally. “And don’t be a prick about it, or I swear to God, Nathan.” 

“Me, a prick? I don’t know what you’re talking about, Alisha dear,” Nathan said as they reached the storeroom in question. He quickly fished the keys from his pocket and unlocked the door, and the rest of them shoved the bodies inside. Nathan swung the door shut, locked it, and stood in silence for a moment.

“Alright, that went pretty fucking well,” he said after a minute. “I mean, considering it was us that did it, that could have gone a lot worse.” Kelly rolled her eyes.

“You think a different group could have done better?” She asked, and Nathan thought about it.

“The mafia probably could have, but sadly he wasn’t available this weekend,” he said, then made a grab for her hat. “I like your cap-”

“No!” Kelly cried, dancing away, but it was too late, the damage had been done. Nathan held Kelly’s hat, and her wig, in his hands and was currently staring in shock along with everyone else at her baldness.

“Kelly-”

She wasn’t waiting around to hear any excuses. With nary a remark to any of them, Kelly turned on her heel and fled, leaving the rest of them in the lurch.

Alisha broke the silence first; “Did you know she was bald?” She asked softly, and Nathan rounded on her.

“Course not!” He said defensively, then shook his head. “Twat.”

“She looked like an alien.” Alisha said, and Nathan glared at her.

“Don't be mean,” he chastised, but a second later he was giggling along with the rest of them. “She did, didn’t she? A bald alien, Jesus Christ.” Nathan sighed and stared down at the hat and wig in his hands. “I should probably try to find her. Y’know.” Nathan waved Kelly’s accessories in the air, then walked off down the hall, whistling.

It was just the four of them left, for a few moments, until Alisha turned to Klaus and Simon and said; “Can't you see we're trying to have an awkward conversation? Move.” Klaus scoffed.

“I’m sure this one will go just as well as the last one,” he muttered, but did as she asked anyways. “Come on, Simon, let’s go see if we can channel some of Nathan’s luck with the vending machines.”

Once they were out of earshot, however, Klaus turned to Ben; “Let us know when they’re done, yeah?” He asked. “I’ll try again.” Simon looked at him curiously, and Klaus sighed.

“Alisha and Curtis are having a… a dissagreement,” understatement of the fucking century, but go off, I guess. “About that shit that happened in the locker room between them, yeah? Ben thinks I can help, ergo he’s been nagging me on and off for the better part of the day. It’s irritating as all hell, so I’ve finally given into his demands in a desperate attempt to get him to shut the fuck up.”

“O-Oh,” Simon said, then frowned. “Why does he think you can help?” Klaus shifted uncomfortably.

“He says I’m the only one who’d bother,” he lied, then coughed. “Plus, y’know… I have a very strong stance on consent and it pisses me off when people disregard it.” 

“Oh.” Either Simon’s people skills were better than he’d initially believed, or Klaus was so very visibly uncomfortable with this line of questioning that even  _ Simon _ picked up on it, but whatever the reason, the blond finally dropped it.

Just in time, too, because according to Ben, Curtis and Alisha had finished bickering.

Joy.

“Alisha?” Klaus called hesitantly as he rounded the corner. Much to his relief (and dread) she was there, and Curtis was nowhere in sight.

Alisha groaned when she saw him; “Ugh, are you here to give me a hard time too?” She asked, then flipped him off. “Save it, I don’t want to hear it.” Klaus sighed. 

“I don’t know how to explain this,” he said honestly. “But my ghostly asshat of a brother won’t leave me alone unless I try, so here I am.” He sighed again. “You can’t use your power like that. That’s rape.” Alisha glowered at him.   
  
“How?!” She cried. “They’re up for it, how the  _ hell _ is it rape?” Klaus kneaded his temples. Christ, he was too sober for this shit.

“Because they’re not up for it before!” He snapped. “It’s like… they don’t know what’s happening. They’re just being swung along for the ride- it’s roofieing someone, basically. They-”

“I did  _ not _ roofie Curtis,” Alisha said defensively, and Klaus groaned and dug the heels of his palms into his eyes.

“Yes, you did, Alisha, you’re not listening to me!” He snapped. “When you roofie someone, they lose all inhibitions! You can force them to do anything, and that anything is usually sex! Your power does the  _ exact _ same thing! Curtis  _ did not _ want to have sex with you before, you use your power, and bam! He’s up for it, but that’s not him! It’s your damn power!” 

“Why the hell do you care so much?!” Alisha shouted. “It’s none of your fucking business!”

“Because it’s happened to me before!” Klaus exploded, and Alisha went silent. Klaus took a deep breath. “Back in America, I was a lot worse than I am now. A few parties too many, and I’m waking up in some random place with no recollection of how I got there.” He laughed hollowly. “Hell, I can’t even remember my first time! Your power is  _ exactly _ the same as roofieing someone, Alisha, please, you have to understand.” 

But Alisha only glared at him, tears shining in her eyes. A few tense moments of silence passed before she turned on her heel and stomped away. Klaus immediately started after her, but Ben called him back.

_ “Let her go, Klaus,”  _ he said.  _ “You’ve given her a lot to meditate on. Let it sink in, then try again tomorrow. Plus, I...”  _ Here, Ben hesitated, and Klaus looked at him wearily.  _ “I don’t think it would be good for you to try again.”  _ Klaus laughed hollowly.

“For once in my life, I agree with you,” he muttered, then ran a hand over his face. “Fuck, I need a drink.”

**~~~**

“Kelly?” Nathan called. “Kelly!”

He huffed and crossed his arms. Damn his impulsive habits! He was seriously wishing he’d just left her alone.

“Kelly?” He asked, upon spotting a bald figure under the parking. He winced when they turned around and revealed themselves to be male. “Shit, sorry mate.”

And so the search resumed anew.

A few minutes later, however, Nathan’s luck changed.

“Kelly?” He called, and the girl in question scrambled away, hiding in the parking garage.

“Go away!” She snapped, and Nathan winced. 

“Are you all right?” He asked. 

“No, I'm not alright, you prick.” Kelly replied. “I’m bald!” Nathan winced again.

“I've got your cap, and your wig.” He tried, hefting said items into the air. He wasn’t sure if she could see them, but he felt useless just holding them at his sides, so hefting them into the air it was.

“I don't want you seeing me like this.” Kelly snapped, and Nathan sighed.

“All right, I'll close my eyes,” he said. “I'll throw them down, OK? I won’t look, I promise.”

True to his word, Nathan tossed her hat and wig down, then immediately shut his eyes, turning away for good measure. He only turned around once he heard footsteps behind him, and even then he kept his eyes shut.

“You can open your eyes.” Kelly’s voice reached his ears, and fuck, she sounded so  _ miserable. _ According to literally everyone who’d known him longer than five minutes, Nathan didn’t have a soul or a conscience, but damn it all if he didn’t feel especially awful right now. 

“I’m sorry,” he said as he opened his eyes. “If I’d known, I would’ve left your hat alone, honest.” Kelly sighed and leaned against the railing.

“Just don’t laugh,” she muttered. “If you do I’ll kick the shit out of you.”

“I’m not gonna laugh,” Nathan promised. There was a beat of silence, then he asked; “So, what's with the baldness?” Kelly sighed and turned to face him. 

“This morning, I was in the shower, and me hair started falling out.” she explained softly, and Nathan frowned.

“Shit,” he said. “What did the doctor say?” Kelly shrugged.

“They don't know,” She replied. “They're gonna have to send me for some tests.” Nathan’s frown deepened.

“Jesus Christ,” he muttered. “I’m sorry, Kel.” 

“You already said that.” 

Nathan shrugged; “Yeah, but it’s true.” He paused, then asked; “Do you want me to walk you home?” Kelly looked over at him. She was silent for a moment, then gave her answer:

“All right.”

 


	13. Episode Three: Part Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein Klaus gets very, very, very drunk, Alisha has an epiphany or two, Kelly promises a world of pain to Jodie, and, oh yeah, the probation worker accidentally steals a couple of dead bodies.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for Alisha's power, mentions of past child abuse, and Klaus getting roofied.
> 
> (You know, when I started writing this, I didn't mean for it to get so dark.)
> 
> Crazy busy today chaps, and this chapter DID NOT want to be beta'd, sorru... 4.6K words though, so have fun? I guess? Poorly beta'd, again, sorry...

**On an undisclosed date in the year of 2009, one Nathan Hargreeves came back home after walking a bald girl home. This was unusual only in the fact that his 'home' was a Community Center, and his ghost brother was there to greet him at the door.**

"Ben!" Nathan was surprised to see the specter in question. "Hey, I was just on my way-"

_ "Klaus is in trouble," _ Ben cut across him, and Nathan's stomach fell to his feet.

"Fuck, what did he do?" He asked as he pushed past his brother, walking further into the Community Center. Ben floated behind him, worriedly chewing his lip.

_ "It's Klaus; what do you think he did?"  _ He asked, and Nathan groaned. 

"Fuck, he got into the liquor cabinet again, didn't he?" He asked, and Ben nodded tiredly.

_ "Right on the money,"  _ he confirmed, and Nathan cursed again.

"Fuck," he muttered. "What the hell set him off?" Ben worried his bottom lip.

_ "I… think it might be better if he tells you,"  _ he said, and Nathan paled a few shades.

"Fuck, ok, I really fucking hate how you phrased that," he said as they rounded the corner.

They found Klaus leaning against the wall, a bottle of vodka clutched loosely in his hand. Upon closer inspection, it became clear that said bottle was half empty, which either meant that Klaus had been there for a while, or he'd had a particularly rough turn of things.

Honestly, Nathan couldn't decide which was worse.

"Ok, and we're done with that," he muttered, taking the bottle off his twin, who was too out of it to even bother making grabby hands for it. Nathan frowned at his brother; "Klaus? Klaus, mate, can you hear me? What the hell happened?" Klaus' head lolled to the side.

"I… talked wif' Aleesha," he slurred, eyes at half-mast. "We got int' 'n argum'nt 'bout c'nsent 'n shit." Nathan frowned.

"Were you drunk when this argument occurred?" He asked, and Klaus scowled at him.

"No, I wuz… I wuz sober…ish. She used her power on C'rtis, an' that's rape, 'cept she di'n't like being told that, an' we got in an agrum'nt." Nathan's frown deepened as he hauled his brother to his feet. Klaus swayed back and forth unsteadily, and Nathan sighed before looping one of his arms across his shoulders.

"Her power is like roof'in' someone," Klaus said airily. "An' I've got hang-hang- I dun' like that, 'cuz I din't like it when it happen' t' me- hey, watch wherr you're goin'!" Klaus complained when Nathan mistepped. "You're gon' make me spill m' drink!" Klaus frowned. "Where's m' drink, Nate?" Nathan looked at his twin wildly, eyes wide and skin pale.

"I'm sorry, could we rewind to the part where someone  _ roofied  _ you?" He hissed, and Klaus frowned.

"I dun' wanna talk 'bout it," he said. "S'was the past, or some shit… I was like 16, I'm over it." Nathan stumbled again. Klaus frowned at him. "Hey man, are you ok? You're stumblin' ev'ry-evr'ywhere." Nathan tightened his grip on his brother.

"Why the  _ hell  _ didn't you tell me?" He snapped. "I would've- I would've-"

"I din' think you'd listen," Klaus said. His words were like a punch to the gut. "Din' think any of you would listen. S'was my own fault, din' keep an eye on m'drink, 'n all that jazz… why're you cryin'?" Nathan wiped harshly at his eyes.

"I'll always listen to you," he said, hating how his voice wobbled. "You're my brother, my  _ twin,  _ and I love you. I don't care how stupid, trivial, meaningless, or fucked up anything is- if something happens, be it big or small, you have to tell me, ok?" He scrubbed at his eyes again. "Promise me, Klaus. Please." Klaus squinted at him.

"Yeah, ok," he decided. "I love you too, man." Nathan gave a watery laugh and hauled his brother up the stairs.

"Go to sleep, Klaus," he said, gently laying his twin down on the mattress they'd found. (Read: stolen.) 

Klaus sighed and curled up into a ball; "Yeah, ok." Already, he sounded a million miles away. "Love you, Nate." 

Nathan scrubbed his eyes again. "I love you too, Klaus." He managed. 

Klaus fell asleep quite quickly, as was the effect of alcohol, but as for Nathan, the night was long and filled with restless thoughts.

~~~

"You look like shit," Alisha said next day when Nathan showed up for community service. She squinted at the brunet, noting his disheveled hair and sleepy eyes; "Did you sleep at all?" Nathan yawned.

"No," he said. "I decided I'd rather spend my night seeing how many times I could get myself off in the span of an hour." Alisha wrinkled her nose. 

"That's disgusting," she said, and Nathan shrugged.

"Fun though," he replied, then leaned against the wall, stifling a yawn. "Fuck me, I'm exhausted." Curtis rolled his eyes.

"Where's Klaus?" He asked, and Nathan tensed.

"Err- sleeping," he said, which, technically wasn't a lie.

_ Withholding the truth is the same as lying, Number Eight.  _

Reginald's voice echoed in his head, and Nathan barely suppressed a shudder. God, functioning on 3 or 4 hours of sleep was a  _ nightmare.  _ Migraines left right and center, but Reginald's voice nitpicking everything he did was by far the worst.

Today was going to suck, Nathan decided. He didn't have any concrete proof of this, but it was one thing he was sure of all the same.

And, unsurprisingly, he was completely right.

~~~

Klaus was still asleep when Kelly came in, raging about murdering some other poor sod.

"It's Jodi!” she snarled viciously, anger thrumming through her veins. “She's got this power or something!” Nathan raised an eyebrow.

"Hello to you too," he said. "Is it that time of the month again?" Kelly angrily flipped him off.

"Fuck off!" She snapped. "That bitch did this to me!" Nathan cocked his head to the side.

"Who did what now?" He asked, and Kelly gnashed her teeth together.

"That cunt Jodi!" She hissed. "That bitch turned me bald- she's got a power or something; I heard her ex complaining about the same shit on my way here!" Nathan cocked his head to the side, considering it.

“Rubbish power,” he noted. “But carry on.” Kelly rhythmically clenched and unclenched her fists.

“When I catch her, I'm going to batter her,” she promised, murderous rage dancing through her tone and eyes. “I'm gonna rip her tits off.” Nathan whistled.

"Remind me not to get on your bad side," he muttered, dodging the punch Kelly threw at him. "Hey! That was a compliment, you twat!"

“We should bury the bodies under the foundations of the environmental monitoring station before they pour in the concrete.” Simon said suddenly, and everyone paused what they were doing long enough to give the blond an odd look.

"Now, I appreciate a good non-sequitur as much as the next guy, Barry, but I've gotta ask: what the fuck?" Simin shrunk back a little. "Why would we dig up the bodies, and then we re-bury them in exactly the same place?” He shook his head. "It's-"

"-Brilliant," Curtis cut across him. Alisha and Kelly nodded fervently. 

"That's really clever, Simon," the former said. Simon seemed floored by the praise, and Nathan scowled. 

“It's OK.” He muttered, looking up as the probation worker walked in.

“OK, guys, if you want to grab a box and follow me…" the probation worker trailed off when no one moved. "Guys, do you wanna grab a box? Anyone?" They all rolled their eyes and grabbed a box, then followed the probation worker out the door. 

"This is hellish," Nathan muttered to Kelly, who was beside him. "I didn't think anything could be worse than hauling Klaus' drunk ass up the stairs-" or lugging a few dead bodies around, but even Nathan wasn't stupid enough to bring that up in front of the probation worker- "but this is a kind of torture I wasn't expecting to deal with today." Kelly adjusted her grip on her box.

"Where is Klaus anyways?" She asked. "It's dead quiet in here without him- I keep expecting to hear him break out in song and dance or something." Nathan snorted at the mental image.

"Pray to any God of your choosing that never happens," he said wryly. "My brother cannot carry a tune to save his  _ life."  _ Kelly scoffed a laugh.

"Something tells me you couldn't either," she said.

"Hey!" Nathan gasped, offended. "I could to!" Kelly rolled her eyes.

"Sure," she drawled, readjusting her grip on her box. "But no, seriously, where is Klaus?"

Nathan cursed quietly, and set about making sure his thoughts didn't reveal anything incriminating.

_ Ok, I am in control of my thoughts, I am in control of my thoughts- haha, fuck you universe! Look at me go, I am the  _ best-

Kelly cocked her head to the side; "What are you hiding?" She asked. Nathan balked.

"Wha- how the hell did you figure that one out?" He asked, and Kelly rolled her eyes.

"I can hear your thoughts. Just 'cause I don't know exactly  _ what  _ your hiding doesn't mean I can't tell that you're hiding  _ something."  _ Nathan stared at her, dumbfounded.

"Count yourself lucky you weren't born with that power," he heard himself say. "Ol' Reggie would've paid  _ millions  _ to have that power on his team, Jesus Christ." Kelly narrowed her eyes.

"What are you on about?" She asked, and Nathan waved her question away.

"Nothing important," he said. "It all happened a long time ago. Ancient history, at this point." 

Kelly narrowed her eyes at him again, and Nathan got the horrible feeling she wouldn't let the matter rest until she dug up all his secrets.

"Hey, remember our deal?" He asked quickly. "I'll tell you everything after I have a mental breakdown?" Nathan thought of Ruth and that terrible horrible day where Louise hit him and shook his head. "Well, another mental breakdown?" Kelly's eyes narrowed further.

"'Another' mental breakdown?" She asked, and Nathan sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck.

"In my defense, it happened before we made the deal…" he said, trailing off as he tried to remember if that was true or not. It might've, but he could never be too sure. His time perception was fucked seven ways from Friday after a panic attack or flashback, and he'd had  _ both-  _ oh, fuck.

"Dammit!" He swore, resisting the urge to drop-kick his box to the heavens. "I was doing so well!" Kelly frowned.

"You don't have to tell me, if you don't want to," she said. Nathan snorted.

"Well, no one ever wants to recount a panic attack/flashback, but I'm feeling especially masochistic today, so here we go," he said. "Basically, Louise hit me, I flashbacked, I wound up at Ruth's house, and, um," Nathan wasn't one to blush easily (or at all) but he could  _ definitely  _ feel one creeping up his neck right now. "Well, you know what happened after that. Remember, she didn't look like an old lady when we started!" Kelly rolled her eyes 

"Your dad sounds like a major cocksucker." She said bluntly, and Nathan snorted.

"That's the understatement of the year, but yeah," he said, humming softly as he recalled his younger years. "I remember he had this wooden cane, he never left home without it. I think he thought it made him look sophisticated, but it just made him look like a major wanker. Let me tell you, though, it hurt like a bitch- I think he had it specially weighted to break bones, or some shit." Kelly looked slightly green.

"You lived with this bastard your whole life?" Nathan shrugged.

"Klaus and I ran away like 10 minutes after our eighteenth birthday, so, yeah, I guess," he replied, but he knew what Kelly was really asking, and added; "He had money, Kel. Money and power. There's no court system that could've gone against him and won." Kelly still looked nauseated. 

"Didn't you say you had siblings?" She asked weakly, and Nathan blanched.  _ Fuck. _

"Yeah, but they're fine," he said hurriedly, then when Kelly narrowed her eyes at him, tacked on; "No, really! Reggie hated Klaus and I the most, the rest of them he maybe sort of… nope, can't say he loved them, but he definitely didn't hate them with the same vigor he hated us with." 

Somehow, Nathan got the feeling he only made things worse.

"Anyways!" He said loudly. "When should we move the you-know-whats?" In front of them, Curtis and Alisha whirled around to hiss a plethora of 'shut up!' at him.

"Hey, I'm just asking," Nathan said defensively. "We can't leave them there are day- heyyyyyy, Klaus, how are you doing?" Klaus blinked at him blearily from his place at the top of the stairs.

"I want to die," he said quietly, then winced, probably at the pounding in his skull. "Why are you yelling?" Nathan sighed.

"I'm not yelling, Klaus, you're hungover." He said, quieter than last time, but Klaus still cringed away from the noise.

"Oh, well then, isn't this reminiscent of my teenage years," he mumbled, then waved at them with his  _ Goodbye  _ hand. "Toodles."

Nathan sighed heavily. Reminiscent of their teenage years, indeed.

"And that," he muttered in Kelly's ear as they dropped off their boxes. "Is part of the reason why we left America."

~~~

"Can you get your dad's car again?" Curtis asked later that day. Alisha scowled before looking over at him.

"So you're talking to me now you want something?" She asked, and Curtis sighed.

"Let's just get this done, all right?" He asked tiredly, and Alisha hesitated.

"Is my power the same as roofieing someone?" She blurted, then blanched. Fuck, fuck, that was not what she meant to say at all!

Curtis seemed surprised as well, but a second later his guarded expression was back; "That's thoughtful," he said. "Rather unlike you. What brought that on?" Alisha scowled.

"I don't see how that's any of your business," she snapped. "Ask me nicely and maybe I'll think about it." Curtis' eyebrows met his hairline in surprise.

"I ain't begging you." He said, and Alisha glared at him.

"You're not all that," she spat. "You're not even famous anymore. You should be grateful." Curtis' eyes nearly bugged out of his skull.

_ "Grateful _ ? I don't want you near me." He snapped. "Because yes, Alisha, that's what your power is. You roofied me." Alisha narrowed her eyes, trying to ignore the prickling behind them along with the sinking feeling in her stomach.

"Yeah?" She asked, eyes zeroing in on the probation worker behind him. "What are you up to now?" She called, and Curtis knit his eyebrows. The probation worker paused. 

"I was just going home," he said, and Alisha smiled sweetly. 

"Do you want to go out to the park?" She asked, and the probation worker flushed lightly.

"Yeah," he said. "Sure." 

Alisha grinned over her shoulder at Curtis as they walked off together, enjoying the betrayed and angered look on his face perhaps a bit  _ too  _ much.

But then Klaus' words from yesterday night came floating back to her, and that content and vindictive feeling shriveled and died. Alisha shook her head, willing it to come back. Klaus didn't know jackshit, he was just a junkie prostitute.

She didn't like how she felt like she was trying to convince herself.

~~~

"Wha- where is she going?" Nathan hissed, eyes wide as he watched Alisha walk off with the probation worker.

"Is she hooking up with him?" Kelly asked incredulously, and Nathan knotted his fingers in his hair.

"Jesus Christ, could she have picked a worse time?" He asked, then poked Curtis in the side, hard. "Hey! How the fuck do we move the bodies without her dad's car? Get that tart on the phone, and tell her we need her dad's car to shift the stiffs." 

But Curtis didn't respond. Eyes stormy, he stomped off in the same direction Alisha and the probation worker had gone, and Nathan's eyes went huge.

"Where are you  _ going _ !?" He bellowed. "We need to move the bodies!" Curtis turned on his heel to flip Nathan the bird.

"You deal with it!" He yelled, and Nathan spun around in a few circles.

“Well isn’t this just fucking peachy?” He asked. “I’ve never been to prison, but maybe it’s fun!” Simon chewed his lip.

“We could take Sally's car,” he suggested quietly, and Nathan looked at him like he’d grown a third head.

“Yeah, because that’s such a low-risk strategy, isn’t it?” He snapped. “We’ll just waltz up to her and ask to borrow her car, I’m sure she’ll say yes!” Simon scowled.

“I’ll go invisible,” he proclaimed. “She doesn’t keep her keys in her pocket or anything; as long as I’m quiet she won’t know I’m there. Just give me half an hour.” Nathan exhaled and pinched the bridge of his nose.

“It’s kind of scary how quickly you think of these things,” he said, then waved him away. “Go on, get her keys. We’ll figure out how to move a couple of dead bodies in broad daylight afterwards.” Simon nodded once, then, much to everyone’s collective surprise, flickered once, twice, then faded out of sight.

“Holy shit, Weird Kid!” Nathan gasped. “That’s pretty fucking cool!” He hesitated. “But plenty creepy as well, so, don’t be too long, ok?”

There wasn’t a reply. Nathan wasn’t sure if it was because Simon wanted to creep them out, or if his powers made him invisible in every way, shape, and form. 

He sighed and leaned against the wall; “And now we wait.” He said dully, then started humming the  _ Jeopardy _ theme song.

True to his word, about half an hour passed before Simon reappeared, successfully scaring the shit out of them. 

“Jesus on a boat, Barry!” Nathan gasped, one hand over his rapidly-beating heart. “I know I’m immortal, but that doesn’t mean you can give me a heart attack willy-nilly!” Kelly and Simon looked at him weirdly.

“Immortal?” Kelly asked, and Nathan waved her away.

“I’m talking nonsense, ignore me,” he said dismissively. “Anywho, how are we gonna load two corpses into the trunk of a car in the middle of the day?” Simon winced.

“I… don’t know,” he admitted, and Nathan turned to Kelly.

“Well if our little serial killer in the making doesn’t know what to do, then we’re fucked, aren’t we?” He asked, then yelped when Kelly took a swing at him. “What is with you and hitting me?” Kelly glowered at him.

“Stop being a dickhead!” She snapped. 

“What if we just… walked out with them?” Simon asked hesitantly. The two of them looked at him like he was nuts.

“I think all that turning invisible may have fried your brain,” Nathan said after a beat of silence. “In case you forgot, walking around with two dead bodies is a pretty big indication that you murdered the two of them.” Simon wasn’t deterred.

“We can put them in music bags, or something,” he insisted. “Garbage bags, or whatever. If anyone asks, we can just say we’re moving kitchen supplies, or instruments, or something.” 

The two of them stared at Simon for a minute, then Nathan started off towards the building.

“Where are you going?” Kelly called. Nathan turned around and beckoned for them to follow him.

“There’s a back entrance,” he said. “I don’t think anyone’s used it in a while, because it’s covered in cobwebs and shite, so it’ll be perfect for taking ‘musical instruments’ down.”

~~~

Some higher power or whatever must’ve smiled down upon them for once in their life, as they miraculously didn’t run into anyone whilst moving the bodies (again.)

The bad luck came when Sally came out of the side door of the building, clearly looking for her car. 

“Fuck, fuck, hide!” Nathan hissed, bodily pushing Simon and Kelly behind a wall. He peeked around the side of it to see what was happening, and immediately had to bite back a curse or ten.

“Fuck fuck fuck, she’s taking the car!” He hissed, looking at his two companions with wild eyes. “How did she get in? Where are the fucking keys?”

Simon weakly raised a hand, face paler than usual; “In the ignition,” he said meekly, just as Sally revved the engine and drove away.

Nathan was quiet for all of three seconds before turning on his heel and kicking a wall. 

“Fuck!” He hissed. “Fuck, fuck, fuck- who’s idea was it to leave the keys in the ignition?” 

Neither Simon nor Kelly raised their hand, but it didn’t really matter, now, Nathan supposed. Sally had already driven off.

“Ok. Ok,” he said, trying to sort through the panicked haze in his brain. “I’ll give Curtis a call; keep him in the loop. Oh, also- go wake up my brother,” he pointed at Simon. “He ought to know what’s going on as well.”

Simon blanched, but then nodded and left. Nathan looked at Kelly expectantly, hand outstretched, and she narrowed her eyes at him.

“What?” She asked. Nathan rolled his eyes.

“I don’t have a phone, remember?” He asked. “I need yours.” Kelly sighed, but handed her phone over. Nathan scrolled through her contacts until he found Curtis’, then pressed ‘call.’

Predictably, it went to voicemail.

"So the probation worker's driving around with the stiffs in the boot of her car," Nathan said pleasantly into the receiver. "Just thought you'd want to know. Anyway, call me." He sighed and clicked the 'end call' button.

"Well that was fun," he said. "We'll probably end up in prison, but at least it'll spite Ol' Reggie. You'll be fine, though, you've got the whole bald thing, you're well butch." Kelly glowered at him and slugged him on the arm. Or tried to, at least. Nathan dodged it, of course.

"You know, you hit me a lot." Nathan said wryly, and Kelly frowned.

"Yeah, 'cause you're a dick." She replied. "Where'd you learn to dodge like that, anyways?" Nathan shrugged.

"I got in a fair few fights when I was a kid," he answered casually. Not a lie, just not the whole truth. "Had to learn to dodge or else they'd mess my beautiful face up." Kelly snorted and leaned against the railing.

"Maybe Sally won't look in the boot." She muttered, and Nathan frowned.

"Fingers crossed, eh?"

~~~

Meanwhile, across the park, obvious to the conundrum her contemporaries found themselves in, Alisha was on a 'date' with the probation worker.

"This all right for you?" He asked, and she nodded, trying to feign interest. She gave up after a moment, because she just felt so goddamned awful. She didn't even like the guy, she only went out with him to make Curtis jealous, and yet here she was, in his car, overlooking the lake.

She was bored out of her fucking tree.

"-It's my last day at the community centre tomorrow," the probation worker was saying. "We ship all the clothes out to Africa." 

Absently, Alisha wondered how they were going to move the bodies without her dad's car. 

"I was there last year."

Would they call a cab- no, that's stupid thinking. Maybe they'd rent a car? 

"-You should see the conditions these people live in."

With what money? Nathan and Klaus were homeless, Kelly and Simon still lived with their parents- Curtis could probably afford one, but he'd seemed pretty ticked earlier. Maybe he wouldn't help at all.

"No clean water, barely any food-"

Though she hated to admit it, Alisha was starting to regret not helping them.

"-Makes you think, doesn't it?"

Alisha started, looking over at her 'date' with confusion in her eyes; "What?" She asked, irritation clear in her tone, and the probation worker's smile faltered. 

"Makes you realize how lucky you are?" He said, and Alisha rolled her eyes.

"Oh, shut up." She muttered, reaching over to unlock the door and leave. She shouldn't have even bothered coming here, it was such a waste of time-

"Where are you going?" The probation worker grabbed ahold of her arm-  _ bare  _ arm, there was skin-to-skin contact, and all at once Alisha knew she was in danger.

And a fat load of good it did her- the probation worker was a lot bigger than her, and he had no trouble pinning her to the seat.  

"I want to shag you!" He growled, eyes blacked out by her power, and suddenly Alisha got it. Her power- Klaus was right, it wasn't them, it was her power.

"No, don't, please!" She begged, tears streaming down her face. 

But the probation worker didn't hear her; "You're so beautiful and slutty. I'm gonna-"

"Leave her alone! Get off her!" Curtis? What the hell was Curtis doing here? 

"I want to have sex with you!" Well, he certainly wasn't here to save her, not anymore, not after her stupid, worthless, thrice-damned power took ahold of his brain.

"Yeah, me too!" The probation worker agreed, and Curtis growled at him before shoving him away.

"Me first!" He snapped.

Alisha, seeing the opportunity their argument had created for her, gathered her wits and pushed Curtis off her with as much strength as she could manage. The shove disconnected them, and Curtis' eyes cleared.

"Alisha!" He cried. "Wait!" 

But the brunette wasn't waiting around. The car was too cramped, and her lungs were seizing in her chest- she needed out,  _ now. _

Sobs ripping themselves free from her throat, Alisha tumbled out of the car  _ (finally)  _ and ran.

Behind her, Curtis stumbled out of the car and ran after her.

“Alisha!” He yelled. “Wait! Stop!” 

At the crest of the hill, Alisha rounded on him with a snarl; “Don't touch me!” She shrieked, and Curtis backed away, hands in the air. 

“All right,” he said, then sat down a few feet away from her. “I'm gonna stay over here.” Alisha choked on a sob and collapsed, burying her face in her knees.

Needless to say, Curtis felt  _ horrible. _

“Whatever I said, or did, that wasn't me-” he started, but Alisha cut across him.

“I know, I get it now,” she said miserably. “It’s me, it’s my stupid power, it’s roofieing someone- it’s not real.” She inhaled shakily and pressed the heels of her palms into her eyes, smudging her eye makeup terribly. “It used to be a good thing, people wanting to have sex with you, but it’s just- it’s not real, it’s just my stupid power. Klaus was right- there’s no consent. Either they’re not up for it, or I’m not up for it, but it doesn’t matter because my stupid power, it just- it ruins everything. Hell, it’s- it’s gonna cost me  _ big time _ one day, I can feel it..” Curtis’ eyes softened.

“I won’t let it come to that,” he said. “I promise.” Alisha sighed.

“What can you do?” She asked. “You can’t touch me.” Curtis shrugged.

“Big deal,” he replied. “I’ll work around it.” Alisha glared at him.

“How?” She exploded. “I can’t have skin-to-skin contact! Good fucking luck!”

“We’ll figure something out!” Curtis repeated, more forcefully. “Every problem has a solution, we’ll just- have to be creative. But Alisha, I  _ promise _ you, I won’t ever let it come to that.”

They were both quiet for a minute, then Alisha spoke up; “I don't know how to be like this.” 

“We'll work something out,” Curtis assured her. “It’s gonna be alright.” Alisha hesitated, then spoke.

“Curtis, I’m sorry-”

She was cut off by the sound of Curtis’ ringtone. The athlete gave her an apologetic look and pulled his phone out of his pocket.

“It’s Kelly,” he said. “They were moving the bodies- I’ve gotta take it.” Alisha nodded, and Curtis answered the call.

“Hey, what’s up?” He asked, then paled. “Oh, fuck. Yeah, no, we’ll be there. Seeya.” Curtis ended the call and put his phone back in his pocket with shaking hands.

“What’s wrong?” Alisha asked, and Curtis took a few deep breaths.

“Sally is driving around with the corpses in the boot of her car,” he said, and Alisha’s eyes widened.

“Shit.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hum-dee-dum... one more chapter after this one, and then we move onto episode five. (Skipping episode four, remember?) Not gonna lie, kinda dreading beta'ing episode five because of how I wrote it- normally I beta as I write, which sounds strange but it's the way I've always written, but I kinda stopped caring around episode five so it's a mess, right now. Also running out of pre-written chapters... this'll be fun.


	14. Episode Three: Part Four

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein Klaus is not a morning person, Kelly yells at some ghosts, and Alisha apologizes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for panic attack, Alisha misusing her power, mentions of prostitution and drug use  
> F*CK ME SIDEWAYS THIS TOOK ME FOUR FUCKING HOURS TO BETA BE GRATEFUL PLEASE  
> does this count as being updated a week later if it's nine minutes to midnight? fucked if I know  
> oh also there's a few references in this... can you find them all?

**On an undisclosed date in the year of 2009, six young adults sat in a circle on the roof of the Community Center. This was unusual only in the fact that it was currently 7:15 in the morning, and the topic of the discussion they were having was of the dead-bodies variety.**

"Did any of you get any sleep last night?" Nathan asked softly, prompting a round of head shakes from the group. 

Klaus wearily lifted his head off his Nathan's shoulder to glare at him; “No, because someone went and fucking woke me up.” He replied waspishly, and Nathan sighed.

“If I didn’t wake you up, you would have kept on sleeping.” He said in an undertone, and Klaus gnashed his teeth together.

“Uh, that’s the  _ point. _ ” Nathan sighed again, and to all those around it appeared as if the twins had switched roles- Nathan, the elder, Klaus, the younger.

“I just figured that maybe, if the police did come a-knocking, you wouldn’t want to be frog-marched out wearing nothing but those hideous rainbow budgie-smugglers of yours,” he deadpanned, and Klaus scowled.

“I’m a fashion icon and you know it,” he muttered before going back to napping on his twin’s shoulder.

Nathan stared at him for a moment, then turned back to the group.

"I guess we'd be arrested right now if she'd found them, right?" He asked. 

"Or maybe they're waiting until we're all together,” Simon piped up. “Save time trying to round us all up." 

They all stared at him for a moment.

“You, sir, are a ray of sunshine,” Klaus muttered without opening his eyes. “Please, continue to grace us all with your  _ fabulously _ sunny disposition.” Simon flushed and looked down at his shoes.

“Sorry,” he mumbled, and Klaus sighed.

“You’re alright,” he said, cracking open one eye to look at Kelly. “Yo, Kels, when’s Sally get here.” The blonde in question fixed him with a fiery glare.

“How the hells should I know?” She snapped. Much like Klaus, Kelly was not a morning person.

Simon came to the rescue; “Around eight o’clock,” he said quietly, then checked his watch. “It’s 7:20 right now.” Klaus scowled and glared up at his brother.

“You prick, I could have slept for longer,” he grumbled, and Nathan pursed his lips.

“D’you want to keep using me as a pillow?” He asked. “Because I could very easily shove you off.” 

“You love me too much for that,” Klaus replied, then shifted so he was sprawled halfway across his twin, “hold me, brother.”

Nathan sighed and dutifully wrapped his arms around his twin with the sort of resigned air one would expect from someone who did this on the regular.

And so, they waited.

~~

At precisely 7:50 AM, ten minutes before Sally was set to arrive, the group made their way to the parking lot where Sally parked every day (according to Simon, of course.) 

“Why are we out here ten minutes early?” Klaus hissed, eyes wide and alert despite the fact he had been dead asleep not twenty minutes ago. “Some copper is going to see us all crouched here and immediately assume the worst!” Curtis glared at him. 

"Would you rather have waited too long and missed Sally entirely?" He snapped, and Klaus scowled.

“Obviously not!” He replied heatedly. “But here we are, five offenders and one druggie crouched behind a few cars at ass o’clock in the morning- I’m telling you, someone’s gonna see us and assume the worst!” Nathan bit his thumb, hazel eyes scanning the horizon for Sally’s car.

“Hate to break it to you, Klaus, but they wouldn’t be far wrong,” he muttered, then inhaled sharply and grabbed the person closest to him, who turned out to be Kelly; “There she is!” 

The six of them waited with baited breath as Sally pulled into a parking spot. Incredibly, it looked like they were in the clear; "She didn't look in the boot!" Nathan crowed, hugging Kelly close. "We're gonna be OK, we're not going to prison!"  

"That's it," Klaus murmured, watching Sally carefully. "That's it, come on, come on, have a nice cup of tea- no, no, what the fuck are you doing, you fuckung wanker, get away from the boot, get away from the  _ fucking  _ boot, no one wants you near the boot, the boot doesn't want you near the boot, you're not getting paid to go near the boot- no!" Klaus hissed through his teeth and screwed his eyes shut in abject horror when Sally popped the boot. 

Even without his sight, he could visualize what was happening- the look of disgust and terror on Sally’s face, the realization that the two bodies were those of her colleague and former charge-

And then, suddenly, Sally was just pulling into the car park again.

"She didn't look in the boot!" Nathan crowed, hugging Kelly close. "We're gonna be OK, we're not going to prison!"

"You guys- this has already happened!" Curtis blurted, face ashen and worried. "I think just I rewound time or some shit- she's gonna look in the boot!" Nathan's eyes widened.

"Oh  _ shit,"  _ he cursed, then, running on the barest wisps of a plan, picked a brick up off the ground, and hurtled it at Sally's windshield. 

Predictably, it shattered. Predictably, Sally was fucking pissed to discover this.

"What the  _ hell _ are you doing?!" She snapped, and Nathan blanched. His plan ended at ‘throw brick at windshield-’ he had not thought this far ahead.

_ (Well no shit, Sherlock.) _

"It's just pure, mindless vandalism!" He blurted, wincing when Sally’s eyes widened further with barely restrained rage.  

"What is the matter with you?" She hissed. "Are you  _ mentally deficient?" _ Nathan scoffed.

"Please, if I was mentally deficient, I would have missed," he said, then gestured to her destroyed windshield. "Check that out. Bull's-eye." Sally's eye twitched.

"My office, now!" She thundered, then bellowed when Nathan hesitated; "NOW!" 

(Behind the cars, Klaus flinched.)

“Your brother is fucking nuts.” Alisha whispered after a moment of tense silence. Klaus ran a hand through his hair.

“Runs in the family,” he muttered, then carefully creeped out of his hiding place. After checking to see that the coast was clear, he gestured for the others to do the same; “Come on,” he whispered. “Quickly, before she comes back!”

Curtis walked around to the front and whistled; "She left the keys in the ignition?" He asked rhetorically, then shook his head. "We are so fucking lucky, holy shit.” 

Alisha bit her lip as she climbed into the driver’s seat. A spiderweb of cracks and shattered glass had spread out from where Nathan’s brick had made contact with the windshield, effectively obscuring and distorting whatever lay behind it, and she confessed; “I don’t know if I can drive this- I can hardly see.”

Klaus frowned and leaned forward so that his upper body was in the front of the car; “You don’t have to,” he said after a beat of silence. “Ben’s on top of the car- he’ll make sure you don’t hit any pedestrians.”

At the window, Ben’s head appeared;  _ “They’re on the road, they know the risks!”  _ He said, and Klaus snorted.

“The trunk can’t fit any more dead bodies, but I like the gumption, Ben,” he drawled, then turned back to Alisha; “Full throttle.” The brunette worried her bottom lip, but eased down on the gas anyways.

~~~

The ghosts of the probation worker and Gary were loitering around the construction site, next to their graves. 

Klaus saw the two of them, went pale, then ducked down behind the front car seats; “Oh Chuck me Farley, please don’t see me,  _ pleasE  _ don’t see me-”

“Klaus!” Kelly rapped on the window, and the brunet started, wide hazel eyes meeting her own blue ones; “Come on, we need your help!” She hissed. “The probation worker’s heavy!” Klaus gulped.

“Um- I’m sure you can manage without little ol’ me, really, I don’t even have much muscle-” he faltered under Kelly’s glare. “Alright, alright, I’m coming.”

Reluctantly, he climbed out of the car, shoulders up around his ears as he more or less  _ felt _ the ghosts take notice of him; like a chill up his spine.

_ “Oi! You there! Wanker!” _ The other offender, Gary, shouted.  _ “Get your grubby hands off me or I’ll come over there and mash you up!” _

Klaus took a few deep breaths as he helped Kelly and Simon with the probation worker.  _ Don’t look at him, don’t look at him, _ he reminded himself.  _ If you look, he’ll know you can see him. _ Kelly gave him a concerned look.

“Klaus?” She asked, and the brunet’s head snapped up to look at her. “Are you alright?” 

Klaus plastered a grin as fake as Alisha’s acrylic nails across his face; “Of course!” He chirped, then winced at his own volume. “I’m peachy keen, why do you ask?”

Kelly looked supremely unimpressed; “I can hear your thoughts,” she said, and Klaus’ heart more or less stopped in his chest. “Who can’t you look at?” 

Klaus’ grip on the probation worker went white-knuckled as he considered his answer; “If I look at the ghosts, they’ll know I can see them,” he said quietly, trying not to let said spectres hear him. Kell blinked owlishly at him.

“Is that bad?” She asked, and Klaus huffed a derisive laugh.

“Not really,” he said. “They just like to get up close and personal and scream at me ‘til my eardrums pop when they realize I can see them.”

Kelly paled; “Do they know they can see you?” She asked, and Klaus laughed nervously.

“I don’t know,” he confessed. “I don’t want to look in case they see me looking.”

The probation worker walked up to Kelly, a sour look on his face;  _ “You killed me!” _ He yelled, and Klaus flinched.  _ “You fucking wanker- let go of me!” _

Predictably, when Kelly didn’t respond, the probation worker screamed at her some more.

_ “Easy, Klaus,” _ Ben said worriedly, eyeing his brother like he was afraid he’d explode- or worse, burst into tears.  _ “It’s alright, he doesn’t know you can see him- oh shit.” _

Klaus groaned and turned to Ben; “I  _ really _ wish you’d shut up sometimes,” he snarled as the probation worker turned his attention on him.

_ “You can see us?”  _ He asked, and Klaus scowled.

“Yeah, what of it?” He snapped, and the probation worker recoiled in surprise.

_ “Blimey- oi! Gary!”  _ He waved the other ghost over, and Klaus’ stomach tightened into knots.  _ “This bloke here can see us! He can  _ help _ us!”  _

Gary looked absolutely delighted, his smile marred by the gruesome wounds covering his body;  _ “Brilliant!” _ he said.  _ “Alright, mate, you have to-” _

“No,” Klaus cut him off, determinedly not looking at either of them. “I don’t have to do anything, and I don’t want to talk to you. Please go away.” The probation worker frowned.

_ “Oi, what’s wrong with you?” _ he asked, affronted.  _ “Help us!” _

_ “Yeah, help us!” _

Klaus clenched his teeth together until it hurt; the pain was a welcome distraction from the two ghosts in front of him; “Go away!” He cried, hoping he was imagining the fear in his own voice. “I don’t want to help you, go away!”

The probation worker’s look transformed into something ugly, which was really saying something, considering how he looked before.

_ “I recognize you!” _ He said.  _ “You and that other prick were there when  _ she- _ ” _ he pointed at Kelly.  _ “Murdered me!” _

Gary narrowed his eyes, then gasped;  _ “I lead you to my body!”  _ he yelled.  _ “I helped you escape! You have to help me!” _

Klaus cringed away from the now very angry ghosts; “Why are you picking on me?” He asked, hating how small his voice sounded. “He killed you!”

Gary and the probation worker didn’t listen;  _ “Help us!”  _ They screamed.  _ “Help us, help us!” _

Klaus screwed his eyes shut and clapped his hands over his ears; the probation worker’s body dropped to the ground with a  _ THUD! _ “No!” He screamed, stumbling away from the phantoms. “No, no! Go away- I can’t- I don’t- Dad,  _ LET ME OUT! _ ”

In front of him, Kelly and Simon exchanged worried glances; “Klaus!” Kelly snapped, shaking the necroscope roughly; “Snap out of it, you’re gonna get us caught!” 

Klaus’ screams abruptly tapered off, and he cracked open one eye to look at her; “Kelly?” He croaked. His voice was small and shaky and his eyes were filled with tears, but he seemed present enough- “Wha-What’s going on?”

Kelly exchanged a look with Simon, torn.

“You help Klaus,” he said, as if he were the mind-reader and not her. “Curtis, Alisha and I will finish with the bodies.”

Kelly nodded, then wrapped an arm around Klaus’ shoulders; “Come on,” she said soothingly. “Back to the car- and you!” She turned around, glaring at the thin air, though any medium worth their money would be able to tell you she was currently shouting at two ghosts. “Leave ‘im the fuck alone!”

(All this did was make the probation worker and Gary, under the impression that Kelly could see them too, start screaming at  _ Kelly _ instead of Klaus, but the necroscope was touched by the gesture all the same.)

“Ok, here we are,” Kelly muttered, helping Klaus into the backseat of the car. He immediately curled into a ball and pressed himself into the corner, eyes wide and unseeing.

His mind was eerily blank, and Kelly hesitated before placing a hand on Klaus’ shoulder; the brunet started violently at the contact and turned to her with wide, scared eyes.

“It’s alright,” she said gently. “It’s just me.”

Klaus drew in a shuddering breath and pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes; Kelly was polite enough to ignore the way his shoulders started jerking with poorly-suppressed sobs; “Jesus, Kelly,” he said thickly. “Don’t  _ scare _ me like that.” The blonde sighed.

“Sorry,” she said softly, then waited a moment before asking; “You alright?” 

Klaus peered at her sideways. His eyeliner was running and his eyes were red; “What do you think?” He asked, voice watery. Kelly cringed.

“Sorry,” she said, then hesitated. “What-”

“Was that?” Klaus sighed and propped his chin on his knees, staring morosely at nothing in particular. “Panic attack. Flashback. Ghost attack,” he chuckled humorlessly. “Call it what you will, either way it makes me want to take a long walk off a short pier.”

Kelly frowned at him. “I’m sorry,” she said, then bit her lip. “Klaus...”

“Yes?”

“Earlier- you said something about your dad letting you out of somewhere-”

“Did I?” Klaus asked, tense as a livewire. “Hmm. I don’t recall. Funny how the mind works, isn’t it?”

Kelly frowned; “Klaus-”

“Kelly, please,” Klaus turned to her, tears sparkling in his eyes. “I don’t want to talk about it.”

The blonde sighed. Even she could see when pushing would do more harm than good, and right now, the slightest touch would send Klaus behind his mental barriers.

“Alright,” she said, and Klaus blinked in surprise. 

“O-Oh,” he said eloquently. “Th-Thanks.” Kelly shrugged.

“You alright now?” She asked, and Klaus frowned.

“I want a joint,” he announced in lieu of a proper answer. “You got any weed on you?” Kelly shook her head.

“No, sorry,” she said, patting her pockets. She came up with a packet of cigarettes; “I have these though.” 

Already, Klaus was reaching for them;  _ “Donnez-moi, maintenant, s’il vous plaît,”  _ he said, and Kelly blinked.

“Didn’t know you spoke French,” she said, passing a lighter over. Klaus shrugged.

“What can I say, I’m a linguist,” he said, passing her back her lighter. He still looked fragile and unnerved, but more at ease with a cigarette between his fingers. “Thank you, Kelly,” he said, and the blonde got the feeling it wasn’t just for the cigarette.

“you’re welcome,” she said as Curtis, Alisha, and Simon came back to the car. By some miracle, Curtis and Alisha hadn’t noticed Klaus’ panic attack earlier, and, as such, were more ticked than understanding.

“Well thanks for all your help,” Curtis groused, easing himself in the passenger’s seat up front. “They’ve poured in the cement, so we’re good-” he frowned and sniffed the air, then whirled around with wide eyes; “Are you smoking a cigarette?” Klaus rolled his eyes.

“No, I’m eating a sandwich,” he deadpanned, then scoffed at Curtis’ affronted look. “Relax, secondhand smoke won’t ruin your running career- oh wait, that’s right, you’re not running!” Curtis scowled.

“Sally’s going to notice if her car smells like cigarettes,” he said deliberately, and Klaus snorted.

“Really?” He asked. “Good for her!” He gave Curtis a glare; “I’m not dousing the cigarette, if that’s what your asking.” Curtis’ scowl deepened.

“Sally will-”

“Leave him alone, Curtis” Kelly snapped. “So he wants a cigarette, big whoop. It’s not the end of the world.”

By the tensing of Cutis’ jaw, it might as well have been, and Simon intervened before the two could come to blows; “We should be getting back,” he said quietly. “Before Sally notices her car is gone.” 

Alisha nodded, then turned to Klaus; “Is your brother still around?” She asked, and Klaus nodded.

“Up on the roof again,” he said tiredly, slouching down further in his seat. “Drive away, Alisha.”

~~~

A lot happened. Klaus and the others debriefed Nathan on how their mission went (Nathan of course noticed Klaus’ shaking hands and extracted the story of his panic attack) Sally found her car (miraculously, she didn’t discover that it was them who had taken it, though she did notice the strange smell of cigarettes that permeated the back left corner) Kelly made a new friend (turns out sharing a few cigarettes, bonding over being bald, and trash-talking about someone’s ex was a great way to build friendship) and Curtis and Alisha finally,  _ finally  _ had a talk about what they were, exactly.

“You're a mess.” Stating the obvious, always a good place to start. 

“I know.” Agreeing with the obvious, another great way to start. “I’m sorry I roofied you.” Apologizing, another brilliant (and necessary) idea.

“I accept your apology,” Curtis hesitated, fiddling with a loose thread on his shirt. “You do- you do get it, don’t you? Like, you’re not just apologizing because you want something?” Alisha shook her head.

“No, I get it now,” She said honestly. “And I’m really, truly sorry, Curtis.” Curtis tilted his head to the side, fixing Alisha with a scruintionizing stare.

The brunet fidgeted under the attention; “What?” She demanded, and the athlete shrugged.

“Nothing,” he said. “It’s just- you’ve changed.”

Uncomfortable, Alisha looked away; “Yeah,” she muttered. “For the better, I hope.” Curtis grinned.

“Always,” he promised, smile fading at his next words; “If we’re gonna be together, that’s it, there’s no one else.”

Alisha nodded instantly, then hesitated. 

“I don’t know how to do this,” she admitted. “You can’t touch me.” Curtis shrugged like it was no big deal.

“I don’t want to touch you,” he said flippantly, then paused as his words registered. “Well, I do, but- you know what I mean.” Alisha nodded and stared up at him wistfully.

“I really want you to,” she mumbled. “But you can’t.” Curtis sighed.

“We’ll figure something out,” he muttered. “I promise.”

Behind Curtis, Alisha spotted Klaus. He looked as put-together as he had earlier in the day, possibly even less so, and abruptly Alisha realized she had something else she needed to do.

“I’ll talk with you in a minute,” she said, looking up at Curtis briefly. “There’s something I have to do.” Curtis raised an eyebrow, then looked behind him and noticed Nathan’s brother as well. He nodded, wished Alisha good luck, then left.

There was a beat of silence, then Klaus spoke.

“So you and Curtis are a thing, then, eh?” He asked, undercurrents of tiredness and venom running and mixing throughout his tone. Clearly, Klaus had had a Day. “Nice, nice. However did you swing that? I thought, since you roofied him, he’d be rather against any advances.” Alisha scowled.

“I’m trying to apologize, you dick,” she snapped, and Klaus snorted.

“And you’re doing an amazing job of it!” He said derisively. “Really, go on insulting me, I’m sure that will work out  _ brilliantly _ in the long run.” Alisha clenched her hands into fists at her sides.

“I’m sorry,” she spat. By Klaus’ surprised expression, he hadn’t expected that. “I’ve been a bit of a dick.” Klaus shrugged.

“I wouldn’t be inclined to disagree,” he said airily, then gestured for her to continue with the hand that was holding his blunt. “Please, go on.” Alisha scowled at him, but pressed on anyways.

“I should  _ not _ have called you a hooker,” she said. “That was rude.” Klaus shrugged.

“You wouldn’t be far wrong,” he muttered. “Continue.”

Alisha stared at him for a moment, then started when he raised an eyebrow; “Yes?” He asked. “Do I have something on my face?” 

“You were a hooker?” Klaus scowled.

“If that’s what you’re here to talk to me about, I’ll leave,” he threatened, and Alisha’s eyes went wide.

“No! No, sorry.” Nervous, she tugged on her sleeves. “Anyways, I’m sorry I misused my power, and I’m sorry I kept dismissing you after you’d been kind to me.”

Klaus was quiet for a moment, then spoke; “Alright.” Alisha balked.

“Wha- after all that, you’re just going to say ‘it’s alright?’” She asked incredulously, and Klaus hummed an affirmative.

“Mmm, yeah, pretty much,” he said, then rolled her eyes at her incredulous look. “You do seem so terribly, genuinely torn up about the whole thing, and, well, I don’t quite have the energy to keep an argument going, do I?” He smirked wryly, as if laughing at some joke, but Alisha didn’t get it. “Anyways- bygones.”

The brunet stared at him, gobsmacked by his capacity for forgiveness. When he flushed and ducked his head, she realized she’d spoken aloud.

“Are you trying to butter me up for something?” He asked suspiciously, and Alisha shook her head.

“No,” she promised, then hesitated. “So- we’re cool?” Klaus shrugged.

“More or less,” he admitted. “I mean, I’ll probably steal your makeup or something as retribution, but meh. Just-” here he tensed up. “-don’t do it again, alright? ‘Cause then I  _ will _ have a problem, plus my poor delicate psyche wouldn’t be able to take it.” Alisha nodded instantly.

“I won’t,” she said, then hesitated. “Klaus… does Nathan know someone roofied you?” 

Predictably, Klaus tensed further, nearly bending his blunt in half from how tight he was holding it; “Why do you ask?” He asked, tone guarded. Alisha sighed.

“Because he’s your brother, you dumbass,” she answered, and Klaus sighed and took a (rather long) drag off his (slightly bent) joint. 

“That’s a good point,” he admitted, puffing smoke rings up to the ceiling. He was silent for a moment as he considered his answer; “I think so,” he said at length. “I got pretty drunk after we argued, and alcohol has a tendency to loosen my lips, so- yeah, Nate probably knows,” he cursed quietly. “Wasn’t something I’d ever planned on ever letting him find out, so, there’s that plan scrapped and ruined.” Alisha frowned.

“Why?” She asked, and Klaus went quiet.

“I’m the older twin,” he said finally. “Nate is younger than me by like two minutes, which doesn’t sound like much, but when we were kids, I used to lord it over his head. At first it was just to get on his nerves, but eventually I actually started to view him as my little brother- which is really stupid, I know, we’re the same damn age, but-” Klaus cut himself off. “I wasn’t a perfect brother, by all accounts I’ve actually been a pretty shitty one, but he’s still my little brother- see? There I go, doing it again- and I’m older. The elder is supposed to look after the younger, kind of be a shield to protect them- nothing is supposed to hurt me. Again, it’s a stupid mentality, because Nathan knows better than anyone else how fucked up I am, but- I don’t know, I guess I just wanted-”

“-To be strong for him?” Alisha guessed, and Klaus grinned sheepishly.

“Yeah, kind of,” he admitted, a blush rising up over his features. He coughed; “Anyways, that’s all- really sappy shit, so, don’t tell him I said that, ok?” Alisha smiled softly.

“I won’t,” she said. “Cross my heart and everything.” Klaus grinned.

“Cheers, mate,” he said, then offered her a cigarette. “Care for a cancer stick?”

~~~

“Doesn't matter who's after us now,” Nathan said much later, hours after their community service had ended. “They'll never find the bodies. Good luck drilling through concrete, mate.” 

“They're gonna think the probation worker's still alive,” Simon chipped in softly. “I stole his credit card. I used it to book a flight. One way, to Spain.”

Curtis’ face split into a huge grin; “That is  _ smart _ !” He said, and Kelly and Alisha nodded; “You're dead good at stuff like that.” The former agreed.

Even Nathan had something positive to say; “Nice one, Weird Kid!” He said, oblivious to how Simon glowed at the praise. “I cannot believe we got away with this shit.”

Simon looked like he was on cloud nine; "We should all go out for a drink," he said excitedly. "You know, to celebrate-" 

“Can’t,” Klaus interrupted him. “Much as I’d like to rejoice the fact that we’re currently not in jail, Nate n’ I have a shift,” he groaned and gave Nathan puppydog eyes; “Please please pretty please with a cherry on top will you pretend to be me?” Nathan snorted.

“No,” he said. “I’d get in trouble for pulling a no-show, and  _ nothing _ is scarier than Yiayia with day-old biskoti.” He shuddered at the mental image, and Klaus went a few shades paler.

“So as you can see,” he said to Simon, “Nathan and I have the proverbial swords at our necks in the form of Greek cookies. Sorry.”

"There's no way I'm going out until my hair grows back," Kelly gave Simon an apologetic look. "Sorry." 

"Curtis and I have plans," Alisha chimed in, gazing at her new boyfriend with adoration in her eyes. Beside them, Nathan mimed puking. "Sorry."

Simon looked rather downtrodden. Feeling bad, Klaus said; "Maybe next time?" A smidge of hope entered Simon’s pale eyes.

"Err- yeah," he said, twisting his hands together in his lap as everyone stood up. "See you tomorrow?" 

They all nodded, expressed their goodbyes, and left, content in the knowledge that the 'what do we do with the dead bodies' crisis was over.

Oh if only they'd known how wrong they were.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yeah so I fucked up my hip because I sat on it funny for too long (I didn't really I was sitting normally but whatever) so woo pain  
> Episode five up next, so... can i hear a wahoo?  
> god i'm tired


	15. Episode Five: Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein Nathan is the baby of the family, Simon is put way out of his comfort zone, and some superheroes (well, one superhero) is quoted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for mentions of drug usage  
> (Oh wow, isn't it nice not to have fourteen THOUSAND trigger warnings at the beginning.)  
> RIGHTEO FOLKS HERE WE ARE!   
> Sorry for the late chapter, won't happen again.  
> This chapter was beta'd by the lovely mayfriend, so give them cookies.  
> Now, on with the chapter!  
> (PS- I did mention I'd skip episode four, right? Well, either way, in case I didn't or you've forgotten- I skipped episode four because it wasn't very Nathan or Klaus-centric, and this story is kind of a Nathan or Klaus-centric story, y'know? Anywho, on with the chapter- for real, this time!)

**On an undisclosed date in the year of 2009, a young offender peeked around a corner. This was unusual only in the fact that in his hands was a phone which he was videotaping with, and that said phone was ripped out of his hands two seconds later.**

"Pervert!" Nathan laughed gleefully as he took Simon's phone off him; the poor blighter looked absolutely terrified.

"What are you doing?" He asked, voice trembling with nervousness. "Give it back."

"Come on, we'll do an interview," Nathan said, completely ignoring Simon's pleas. "I've done  _ tons _ of them before, I know exactly how they work. First question: have you ever had sex with a piece of fruit?" 

"Give me my phone," Simon demanded, but Nathan only grinned.

"Second question: was it a melon?" He questioned, yelping when Simon ran at him. Nathan of course immediately ran away, but much to his surprise, Barry was able to keep pace with him.

"He's trying to kiss me!" He wheezed. "He's trying to kiss me!" 

Klaus sighed and rolled his eyes.

"You'd better let him, Nate, that's about the only action you'll get all year," he deadpanned, and his brother scowled at him.

"Just give him his phone back, you prick," Kelly complained, and Nathan huffed before tossing Simon his phone back.

"Have your little toy," he said, then louder; "Melon-fucker!" Klaus sighed.

_ "Genug,  _ Nathan," he said tiredly, and Nathan sighed before plopping down next to his twin with a scowl.

"You take all the fun out of things," he grumbled. Curtis stared at Klaus in amazement.

"How did you  _ do _ that?" He asked, and Klaus knit his eyebrows together.

"Do what?" He asked.

"Get him to shut up!" Curtis answered, then shook his head. "It's amazing, can you teach me?" 

Nathan scowled. "Fuck you, Curtis," he muttered, slouching further into his jumpsuit. Klaus rolled his eyes and patted his twin on the head.

"It's not so much the phrase so much as who's speaking," he admitted. "The perks of being the older brother." 

Nathan's scowl deepened.

"For the last time, we are  _ twins."  _

Klaus shrugged, a cheeky grin on his face. "I'm still older, though," he said. "By two minutes." 

_ "Two minutes,  _ Klaus,  _ two minutes."  _

"Exactly," Klaus agreed. "120 whole seconds wherein I was in the world before you, littlest brother." He grinned and turned to the rest of them; "Nate was the baby of the family." Nathan flushed a dark red.

"No I wasn't, shut up!" He cried, and Klaus laughed.

"You  _ were _ though!" He replied, looking back to the others again. "We were all born on the same day- don't ask me how because I don't know- but again: two minutes, so ickle Nate here was the baby!"

_ "We're the same goddamn age!"  _ Klaus laughed again, sounding absolutely delighted by his twin's indignation, and Nathan flushed further.

"You're so red!" He crowed. "Oh, this is amazing, I've never seen you blush so hard!" Nathan scowled and crossed his arms.

"Fuck off," he grumbled, and Klaus grinned before trapping his curly-haired brother in a headlock to give him a noogie. 

"Wha- fuck off!" Nathan struggled to pull himself out of his twin's grip while the others laughed at his misfortune. "Jesus! What is it, 'pick-on-Nathan-day?'" Klaus grinned cheerfully. 

"Nope!" He said, laughing when Nathan finally extracted himself from his hold. He laid most of his weight across his brother, though, just to annoy him- "Your hair looks  _ fantastic,  _ by the way. Also, please kindly get off me." Nathan scowled and ruffled his hair a bit in an attempt to return it to its former style.

"No. I'm annoying you," He said, scowl deepening when his attempts to fix his hair only made it look like he'd been caught in a rather compromising position. "I hate you." He grumbled, and Klaus gasped in mock outrage.

" _ Moi?" _ He asked, clutching at his heart with the hand that wasn't pinned by his brother. "Nathan, how could you? I'm your big brother, you're not supposed to say that! My feelings have been hurt!" Nathan rolled his eyes.

"I'm sure your feelings will recover," he deadpanned, then paused before adding,  _ "Ich liebe dich."  _

Klaus grinned. "Knew you didn't hate me," he said, then turned to the group. "So, what kind of hellish torture are you guys in for today?" 

Curtis shrugged. "Dunno," he replied. "It's a new surprise every day." 

Kelly hummed. "We're picking up trash along the streets again," she said, and the others looked at her in surprise. She raised an eyebrow; "What?" She asked defensively. "I could hear what they were thinking, yeah?" 

They all thought about it, then nodded. Made sense.

Even so-

"Fuck, I  _ hate _ picking up trash." Nathan bemoaned. "We've got trash cans for a reason, why don't people use them?" Klaus shrugged from where he was pinned under his twin.

"Because people are lazy," he said, then began pushing his twin off him. "Oi, get up, I'm hungry."

"You just ate- not an hour ago, even!"

"Yeah, well, I also had a joint or two and now I'm  _ hungry _ ." Nathan sighed and got off his twin.

"I think there's some gummy worms in my locker," he told him, and Klaus wrinkled his nose.

"Do you know how long they've been there?" He asked, and Nathan rolled his eyes.

"They're pure sugar and chemicals, Klaus, I don't think they  _ can _ go bad," he deadpanned, and Klaus shrugged. Good point.

"I'll be back," he said, flashing his  _ Goodbye _ hand at them. "Toodles!"

They were silent for a moment, then Curtis spoke up.

"So," he said, turning to Nathan with a shit-eating grin. "Baby of the family, eh?" 

Nathan flushed.

"Shut up," he grumbled.

.

Klaus' mission to ransack Nathan's locker for the elusive gummy worms was rather rudely interrupted by the fact that Sally and some other guy were already in the locker room, rooting through Simon's locker.

_ "Is that legal?"  _ Ben asked as the medium pressed himself against the wall.  _ "I really don't think that's legal."  _

"It most certainly is  _ not _ legal," Klaus muttered, watching Sally with narrowed eyes as she went though Simon's locker. She seemed to be…  _ looking  _ for something, and Klaus wondered what it was.

"Any idea what she's looking for?" He murmured, just loud enough for Ben to hear. The ghost shook his head, looking troubled, then paled suddenly as it hit him.

_ "The credit card,"  _ he gasped.  _ "Tony's credit card. The one Simon used?"  _ Klaus also went pale.

"Oh, fuck me gently with a chainsaw," he muttered, chewing on his lower lip. "You really think so?" Ben nodded vigorously. 

_ "What else would she be looking for?"  _ He asked.  _ "Like you said, this certainly isn't legal, and even if she was doing a check for contraband, I think she'd be more likely to check Nathan or Alisha's lockers. Simon doesn't strike me as the type to keep that kind of stuff in his locker- or  _ anywhere _ , really."  _ Klaus frowned.

"Unless it's lighter fluid," he said quietly, remembering the blond’s pyromaniac streak. "But we'd be able to smell that, wouldn't we?" Ben nodded.

_ "You would, at least, but that's not the point,"  _ he replied.  _ "You need to tell the others about this."  _ Klaus nodded slowly.

"Yeah, that's… that's a good idea," he said, then turned on his heel and went back the way he came.

The others were still lounging on the rooftop, exactly the way he'd left them. 

"We've got a problem," he announced, plopping down in the seat across from him. They leaned forward, sobered by his serious tone. "I just found Sally going through Simon's locker. Ben and I think she's looking for Tony's credit card." 

Five faces went a few shades paler.

"Wh-Why would she be looking for Tony's credit card in Simon's locker?" Alisha asked, sounding uncharacteristically unsure. 

"If she thinks we're the ones who killed him, she'd look through all of our lockers," Nathan pointed out, mirth fading at the serious subject. "She likely chose Simon's first because it's the one closest to the door- most convenient, least amount of work." 

"She won't stop," Simon realized. "She'll keep looking, won't she?" Nathan nodded gravely.

"Once she smells blood, she's not gonna let it go," he said, then turned to the rest of them. "Remember what I said? About how a person will look for proof if they don't have any? Well, this is her, looking for proof." Klaus cursed quietly and turned to Simon.

"Where is it?" He asked. Simon shifted uncomfortably.

"In my wallet," he answered, and an ashen look crossed Klaus' face.

_ "Please  _ tell me your wallet isn't in your locker," he begged, and Simon looked away. 

"Dammit man!" Nathan exploded. "Never keep contraband somewhere where anyone can get at it! Go rip that shit up!"

"Theres no time," Klaus said miserably. "You guys were due to start your community service five minutes ago; there's no time for Simon to go cut it up. Besides, you're all already dressed- it'll look weird if you go into the locker room and come back looking like nothing's changed. Besides, Sally's probably going to be on guard now, since she just did something  _ highly _ illegal- she'd notice you in a heartbeat." Simon frowned.

"I could turn invisible," he reasoned, but Nathan was already shaking his head.

"She'd still notice you were gone," he pointed out. "No, much as I hate to say it, we have to wait- rip it up later, then set it on fire. Leave no trace."

Simon nodded determinedly. 

"I can do that," he said. Nathan sighed and kneaded his temples.

"Man, keeping a secret this huge is more stressful than I thought," he muttered as they walked downstairs. "It's gonna give me grey hair." He groaned as he remembered what they had to do today. " _ And  _ we've got that stupid therapy thingy- remind me, why did I wake up today?" Klaus tilted his head to the side.

"Because your annoying alarm clock made you?" 

"And why haven't I smashed it yet?"

"Because it's the only thing that makes you wake up in the morning?" Nathan sighed.

"I hate my life," he muttered, and Klaus slung an arm across his shoulders.

"So do I, little bro, so do I."

.

"I hate people who try to get in my head," Nathan grumbled a short while later, having finished his therapy-esque meeting with Sally. Klaus raised an eyebrow.

"You weren't in there long," he observed. Nathan snorted.

"I gave her hell," he said in way of explanation. "Why do you sound surprised?" Kaus shrugged.

"She's stubborn," he said, and Nathan's eyebrows shot up to his hairline.

"More than  _ me?" _ He gasped, aghast. Klaus snorted.

"I don't think anyone could be more stubborn than you, because that would imply being more annoying than you, which is scientifically impossible." Nathan rolled his eyes, expression turning wistful as he thought.

"Five could give me a run for my money," he said quietly, and Klaus' smile went a little sad at the edges.

"Yeah, he could," he agreed, then shook his head. "Stubborn little shit."

"Another one of your brothers?" Curtis asked, and Nathan nodded.

"Yeah. He disappeared when we were thirteen," he said, and Curtis' eyes softened.

"Aw, I'm sorry mate," he said genuinely, and Nathan waved him off.

"Don't be. He escaped an abusive shithole about five years earlier than us. To be honest, I'm kind of jealous," he said, then sighed. "I do miss him, though. Hopefully he's off prospering somewhere-"  _ in the future  _ "-like he always said he would."

Curtis frowned, staring at the two of them thoughtfully. Nathan, realizing he was about to say something possibly out of legitimate concern, quickly changed the subject. 

"Why has he been in there longer than the rest of us?" He asked, referring to Simon and Sally's weird 'talk-about-your-feelings' bullshit.

Kelly rolled her eyes; "He's obviously making more 'progress' or whatever." She said sourly, and Nathan scowled.

"He's such a little arse-kisser." He muttered, and Klaus narrowed his eyes.

"I don't think so," he replied, then beckoned them all closer. "She was going through his locker earlier, trying to find Tony's credit card, remember? Ten bucks says she's trying to get close to him in an attempt to find it, or expose us." Nathan frowned.

"Well, that's bad," he said, face pale. "That's very bad- one of us needs to tell him. Kelly, you do it." The blonde girl started.

"What?" She asked. "Why me?" Nathan rolled his eyes, but it was Klaus who answered.

"Because Nathan's been a dick to him the entire time, and Curtis, Alisha and I have all been absent. You know him best; he'll take the news best coming from you." He explained.

"Alright," Kelly said slowly. "Then what?" 

Nathan shrugged.

"I don't know," he replied. "Klaus and I were never the idea guys- that was Luther's job. He only passed the mantle over to us when things went to hell in a handbasket… and then never gave us any credit." Kelly tilted her head to the side, thinking, and Nathan spotted the bottom half of a mannequin sticking out amongst the piles of trash.

He looked at the mannequin, then at Sally's office, then at the mannequin again, and grinned widely.

"I'm going to be an annoying twat!" He sang, then proceeded to pretend to eat the mannequin out in front of Sally's office, much to everyone's displeasure.

_ "Why are you like this?"  _ Ben asked, kneading his temples. Nathan grinned cheekily at him and carelessly tossed the mannequin away. It clattered to the floor a few feet away.

"Because it's fun," he responded, then looked over when Simon walked out. "Have a good time in your therapy session?" Simon scowled at him.

"It's not therapy," he said, and Nathan rolled his eyes.

"I'd suppose you'd know all about the difference, wouldn't you?" He asked sarcastically, and Simon clenched his fists.

"Nathan, stop it," Kelly said crossly, then turned to Simon; "Simon, we think Sally's using you to try to dig up some evidence on us." Simon's eyes went wide.

"Wha- no, no, that's not what she's doing at all," he disagreed, and Nathan tilted his head to the side.

"Isn't it though?" He wondered. "I mean, no offense Barry, but I wouldn’t go near you with a ten foot pole unless I wanted something-  _ ow!" _ Nathan rubbed his arm where Kelly had slugged him. "Stop hitting me!" Kelly glared at him.

"Stop being a dick!" She snapped, then turned back to Simon. "Just- be careful around her, alright? Cause if you go down, we all go down with you." Simon frowned.

"I'll be careful," he promised, eyes steely, and Curtis frowned.

"Well, hang on a minute," he said. "I just thought of something." Nathan rolled his eyes.

"A first," he drawled, and Curtis glowered at him.

"Piss off," he snapped, then turned back to Simon. "Wouldn't it be smarter to push the two of them together?" Alisha knit her eyebrows.

"Um, no?" She answered. Klaus snapped his fingers.

"Wait, no,  _ it is," _ he said. "You can play double agent for us. Throw her off the trail." Simon looked vaguely alarmed.

"M-Me?" He stammered, and Klaus rolled his eyes.

"Do you see anyone else?" He asked. "Yes, you. You're the only one she talks to, in case you hadn't noticed, therefore, you're the only one who can actually do this." 

Something sparkled in Simon's eyes. "You…  _ need _ me?" He asked almost disbelievingly, and Nathan rolled his eyes.

"Yes, we need you, what part of this conversation don't you understand?" He snapped, then bodily pushed him towards Sally's office. "Now get in there and start flirting or some shit!" 

"Wh-what?" Simin squawked, flailing madly, and Klaus rolled his eyes.

"Slow down a little, Nate," he drawled. "Give the man a minute to catch up." Nathan rolled his eyes, tapping his foot impatiently. He looked at an imaginary watch on his wrist, waited for about five seconds, then looked up and said; "Alright! Time's up, go flirt her socks off, Barry!"

Simon pinwheeled his arms like he didn't know what to do with them, panic clear in his eyes, and Kelly took pity on him. 

"Aw, let him go, Nate," she said. "He can try later." Nathan huffed and rolled his eyes.

"Fine, fine," he said. "We'll try later, or whatever."

Later, as it turned out, would actually be sooner than any of them expected, as Sally pulled her car over next to Simon as he was trudging home in the pouring rain and offered him a ride.

He stared at her in shock; "What?" Sally rolled her eyes, a small smile pulling at her lips.

"It's not illegal," she said. "Come on, get in." 

Simon hesitated. Then, when a particular cold drop of rainwater ran down his torso, he quickly nodded and climbed into the car.

"Thanks," he said, automatically straightening his hair. Sally gave him another kind smile as she merged back onto the main road.

"You're welcome," she said, then hummed a bit. "So what's going on with Curtis and Alisha?" She asked conversationally, then rolled her eyes at Simon's surprised look. "Come on, I'm not blind. Are they seeing each other?" Simon shrugged.

"I suppose so." He replied, figuring it best not to mention how often Curtis and Alisha snuck off to have phone sex without the phone. It was just common courtesy. 

"Alisha's a very beautiful girl, isn't she?" Sally continued, and Simon shrugged again, a bit more awkwardly, his face heating up. Alisha was beautiful, yes, but it felt weird saying so when she was Curtis' girlfriend. 

Sally must've sensed the question made him uncomfortable because she quickly changed to another topic of conversation. "So what else do you lot get up to when I'm not around?" However Simon found this line of questioning wasn’t much better than the last; immediately his mind flashed to the probation worker, and how they'd buried him and Gary under the flyover, and stealing her car-  _ this  _ car, actually, the very car they were sitting in now and fuck him if  _ that _ wasn't a bit of a mindfuck- hell, there had been  _ two rotting corpses _ in the boot of this car not even two weeks ago-

"Nothing." Simon blurted out, in an attempt to get his brain to stop spiralling down dangerous paths. 

"Really?" Sally asked, raising an eyebrow, and Simon resisted the urge to start fiddling with his hair or hunch down in his chair.

"It's okay," Sally said with an understanding smile. "I'm not sure I wanna know, anyway." 

_ No, you definitely don't,  _ Simon agreed, then paused as he remembered her supposed motive.  _ Or maybe you do. _

"Are you up to anything exciting this evening?" She asked, and Simon shrugged. 

"I'll probably just go online," he admitted. "Or maybe edit something. How about you?" Sally made a noncommittal sound in the back of her throat. 

"I'll watch some television, get an early night," she said, then scoffed. "God, I sound boring." Simon shook his head.

"I don't think so," he disagreed. "It sounds… sensible." Sally gave him a small smile.

"Thanks," she said as she pulled up in front of his house. Simon nodded at her as he climbed out of her car and gave a small awkward wave. 

Sally waved back. "See you tomorrow." She said, then drove away.

_ Huh,  _ Simon thought.  _ That… wasn't so bad. _

Here he was thinking playing double agent was going to be hellish and scary, but that… that was actually kind of nice.

Maybe this wouldn't be so hard after all.

.

Nathan did not want to wake up next day, but that stupid alarm clock he'd found in one of the many rooms was demanding he get up.

"No, shut up, shut up,  _ shut up!" _ He groaned, slapping his hand against the alarm clock in question. All he managed to do was slap it further away, and it was with a heavy heart and an aching head that Nathan reluctantly climbed out of his warm cocoon of blankets to get it to stop ringing.

"Dammit all to hell," he muttered, looking over to see if Klaus had woken up at all.

Unsurprisingly, Klaus was still dead to the world, which Nathan had been expecting. Klaus was usually quite a light sleeper, but he'd had quite a late night the night before and had stumbled in sometime in the early hours, drunk off his ass and mumbling something about glitter and body shots.

Nathan decided he really didn't want to know.

He turned to Ben tiredly; "Keep an eye on him?" He asked, then yawned. Ben nodded, then resumed reading his book.

Absently, Nathan wondered how many times Ben had read that book, and if it was possible to get him anything else to read.

Maybe burning books would transport them to the ghostly realm, Nathan thought, because then it's like the book is dead-

Right. Focus. Teeth to brush, showers to be had. Focus.

(Honestly, he would kill for some good shampoo- this shit was just drying his hair out and his curls were  _ suffering,  _ it was  _ not ok-)  _

An hour or so later found Nathan, Kelly and Simon cleaning windows as Curtis and Alisha…  _ occupied  _ themselves in one of the storage rooms. 

Nathan shook his head at a couple that walked by, struggling to wrangle three unruly kids and a baby.

"Children," he said with a shudder. "That's why I always use a condom. And if the girl looks dirty, I use two. Belt and braces." Kelly rolled her eyes at his antics, then frowned at the girl behind him.

"Who're you?" She asked. The girl ignored her.

"Have you seen Curtis?" She asked, and Kelly narrowed her eyes.

"Who are you?" She asked again, more forcefully, and Mystery Girl rolled her eyes. 

"I'm his girlfriend." She deadpanned, and Nathan choked. 

"G-Girlfriend?" He managed, and she gave him a weird look but continued on nevertheless. 

"Yeah," she replied, then narrowed her eyes. "You got a problem with that?" Nathan quickly shook his head.

"No, nope, not at all," he said, then waved at her to continue. "What were you saying?" The girl rolled her eyes.

"Do you know where he is?" She asked, and they all blanched.

"He's been arrested," Simon blurted. Nathan glared at him.

_ Don't bullshit without consulting me first!  _ He wanted to scream.  _ I'm a master at bullshitting, it's like the only thing I'm good at!  _

Either Curtis' girl didn't notice the daggers he was glaring at Simon with, or she was polite enough not to comment on it. Either way, she was quick to ask; "what for?" and Nathan scrambled for an excuse. 

"For exposing himself," he said quickly, and Curtis' girlfriend's eyes went wide as dinner plates.

_ "What?" _ She gasped, and Nathan nodded.

"Yeah, flashing," he said. "At some scouts. Try tying a knot in that!" He cocked his head to the side, considering it. "Or maybe you already have." Curtis' girlfriend rolled her eyes.

"Very funny," she deadpanned, then sighed. "When you see him, can you get him to call Sam?" They all nodded, false grins on their faces as she left. Once she was out of earshot, Nathan whistled.

"Damn," he said. "Curtis is  _ way  _ up shit’s creek without a paddle. Honestly, I'm kind of impressed. Wouldn't have pegged him for a cheater." 

"All people wear masks," Simon said. "You never really know what they're like." Nathan stared at him for a moment, until he went pink and quietly went back to washing his window. The dark haired boy stared at him for a minute longer, then resumed washing the window as well.

He wasn't entirely wrong, after all.

.

"Your girlfriend was here," Nathan said not that much later as he came up behind Curtis on the roof. He sat next to him on the couch. "The other one. Dark hair, spitfire personality?" Nathan nodded. "Yeah. We covered for you, though, so don't look so freaked." He hummed thoughtfully and fished a cigarette from his pocket. "I always wanted to be a cheat," he said conversationally as he flicked an old metal lighter. "I'm just too disorganized. I struggle to remember one girl's name, can you  _ imagine _ two?" Curtis sighed and finally spoke since he'd come up on the roof.

"It's not like that," he muttered. "I've tried to finish with Sam. I tell her it's over, she starts to cry, and you know what it's like when girls cry." Nathan winced in sympathy, his mind conjuring up images of Vanya and Allison in tears.

"Horrible." He agreed, and for once he wasn't lying. Curtis sighed again.

"I feel so guilty," he said. "And then time rewinds and it's like I never said anything. I've ended it six times-  _ six times-  _ but she always cries, and then time rewinds, and I'm right back where I started," he exhaled shakily and put his head in his hands. "It's doing my head in, I just need it to be over." Nathan frowned as he thought about it.

"You need to make her hate you," he said at length, and Curtis gave him an incredulous look.

"Seriously?" He asked, and Nathan nodded enthusiastically. 

"Yeah!" he agreed wholeheartedly. "She's steaming, she's telling you you've got a tiny dick, you're crap in bed, all that jazz, and then you won't feel guilty, and time won't rewind." Curtis actually looked like he was considering it, so Nathan continued. "You gotta be brutal, man. Get her riled up. Tell her- tell her she's got nasty snatch gunk." Curtis knit his eyebrows.

"I don't even know what that is," he said, and Nathan rolled his eyes.

"You know, it's- it's the stuff that comes out." He explained, gesturing loosely to his pelvis, and disgust flashed across Curtis' face.

"I'm not saying that," he said. "She hasn't done nothing wrong. I can't  _ hurt _ her." Nathan nodded sagely, even though he couldn't quite understand where Curtis was coming from. He'd never had any problems with breaking up with a girl- but then again, most of his past girlfriends were one night stands. Commitment was not his strong suit, which was for the best, in his opinion.

Even so- "I hear you, man." He said, slinging an arm across Curtis' shoulders. The athlete glared at him in a way that was  _ deeply _ reminiscent of Diego when he was about to whip out a knife.

"Don't put your arm around me." He said, and Nathan quickly withdrew his arm.

"Alright, alright, be chill," he muttered, then hummed a bit; "It's these powers, man," he said. "No matter what you do, the ones you love will be the ones who pay." Curtis nodded in agreement, and the two just sat there for a minute, ruminating on Nathan's words, then the brunet in question stood up.

"Right," he said, clapping Curtis on the shoulder. "See you later, chief. Good luck with the breakup." 

Curtis gave a miserable little wave, and Nathan walked off, puffing smoke rings into the air.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, so, fun fact- you know that tattoo Sally has on her arm? That's Jera, an elder fütharkian rune which stands for "doing the right thing." Kinda cool, if you ask me, especially because she's trying to "do the right thing" by trying to find out how Tony died and all.


	16. Episode Five: Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein Nathan steals a baby, Curtis breaks a time loop, and a cat inspires some good moral thinking in Simon

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for drug usage and mentions of child abuse  
> Holy mother of Thor, guys, I'm so sorry this chapter is late- a LOT of stuff happened, but to make up for it the next one is going to be uploaded in like ten minutes, tops  
> Again, sorry

**On an undisclosed date in the year of 2009, one ASBO shithead of five returned a baby to its mother. This was unusual only in the fact that the baby had been mind-controlling him earlier- though this particular ASBO shithead didn’t know this at the time.**

“Nathan!" Sally snapped- where did she come from again? "What the hell are you doing?" Nathan frowned at her, vaguely bemused.

"I found a baby." He explained, pointing off to where the mother had left with said baby. He waved goodbye even though they couldn't see him; "Bye, Finn!"

Sally blinked at him, a confused crease between her eyebrows and Nathan sighed wistfully.

"Did you see him?" He asked. "He is beautiful." Sally knit her eyebrows.

"Are you taking the piss?" She asked, sounding genuinely confused, and Nathan frowned.

"No," he replied. Sally stared at him a moment longer before shaking her head and walking off. Nathan watched her go for a minute, then buggered off to go bother his brother.

Read: do his shift at Yiayia's coffeehouse. 

"I'd like to go on record by saying we made a good choice by not working at a Starbucks or something," Nathan said as he bustled about, making a Greek coffee. "I struggle to remember the difference between a  _ sketos  _ and a  _ metrios,  _ imagine what it'd be like if I had to tangle with a whole 'secret menu' bullshit." Klaus hummed an agreement.

"And that's before you factor in  _ glykos _ and  _ vary glykos,"  _ he added, and Nathan knit his eyebrows.

"What the  _ hell _ is that?" He asked, and Klaus snorted.

"Oh my God, Nathan," he said, shaking his head. " _ Glykos  _ is the sweet one, and  _ vary glykos  _ is the _ really  _ sweet one." Nathan frowned.

"Oh," he said. "Which one do I like?"

"Neither," Klaus answered. "You like a  _ metrios."  _

"What's that again?"

"Semi-sweet. One teaspoon coffee, one teaspoon sugar."

"Oh," Nathan scratched his head and passed off the coffee to the customer. "How do you remember all those?" Klaus grinned a little sheepishly.

"I don't, actually," he admitted. "Ben does." 

Whatever Nathan had been about to say was cut off when a voice from behind him said; "Nathan?" 

The brunet's eyes widened. Oh shit. He knew that voice.

"Kelly!" He exclaimed as he whirled around, hoping there wasn't a blush on his face. "How lovely to see you!" 

Kelly seemed to be trying not to smile. "I didn't know you worked here," she said, and Nathan leaned on the countertop.

"Sure about that?" He asked. "Didn't come here to see me?" Kelly snorted.

"Very funny," she drawled, then peered behind him. "Hi, Klaus." Klaus waved.

"Hi Kelly," he replied. "Welcome to Yiayia's coffeeshop. We've got like, four different kinds of coffee, hot chocolate, water or milk. Take your pick." Kelly snorted.

"I don't speak Greek," she admitted. "What's what?" Klaus opened his mouth to reply, but Nathan beat him to the punch.

"A sketos is really bitter, a metrios is semi-sweet, a glykos is sweet, and a vary glykos is heart-attack level sweet," he answered without missing a beat. Behind him, Klahs choked on a laugh, and Nathan turned around to glare at him.

"What?" He asked, and Klaus waved him away, a shit-eating grin on his face 

"Nothing, nothing," he said, then coughed. " _ Du bist verknallt, Nate _ ?" Nathan flushed.

"Shut up," he snapped, then turned back to Kelly, hoping his face wasn't as red as he thought it was. "So- thoughts?"

"A sketos, please." Kelly requested, and Nathan nodded once before quickly making the coffee of her choice.

"Be careful," he said about 15 minutes later. "Don't drink right down to the bottom- there's coffee grounds down there." Kelly wrinkled her nose.

"Why?" She asked, and Nathan shrugged.

"I dunno," he replied. "I'm… American? Something? Either way, I'm not Greek."

"Diego thought we were German," Klaus pitched in. "My name is Germanic in origin, after all." Nathan rolled his eyes.

"Yeah, but mine isn't," he deadpanned, then paused. "Is it?" Klaus hummed thoughtfully.

"I don't think so," he replied. "I dunno, Google it- or Ben, what sayeth thou?"

He listened for a minute as Ben gave his two cents; "Ben says it's derived from Hebrew. Apparently it means 'he who has given.'"

"Huh," Nathan seemed vaguely perplexed for a moment, then turned back to Kelly. "Either way, I'm not Greek." Kelly tilted her head to the side, fixing them both with a scrutinizing stare.

"Did you never try to find out where you came from?" She asked. "I know your dad was a colossal prick, but did you never look for adoption papers?" Klaus coughed.

"There aren't any adoption papers, Kelly dear," he said. "Ol' Reggie bought us. There was no adoption agency or anything like that, he just- you know, bought us." Kelly blinked. 

"Is that even legal?" Was the first thing out of her mouth. Nathan shrugged.

"Dunno," he said. "Reginald certainly didn't care. Money gets you everything in life, didn't you hear?"

Kelly frowned at him.

"It got us here," Nathan pointed out. "And I'd know you'd miss me terribly if I wasn't here."

That garnered a laugh, at least, but Kelly still looked a little sad.

"You keep telling yourself that, Nate," she said dryly, then waved goodbye to them.

Klaus hardly waited until she was out of earshot before the testing started; "Soooo," he said, a shit-eating grin on his face. "Should we be expecting a wedding in the future?" Nathan flushed a brilliant shade of red.

"Shut up-"

"Kelly and Nathan, sittin' in a tree, K-I-S-S-I-N-G-"

Nathan threw a paper coffee cup at him; "Shut up!"

"-First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes Kelly with the baby carriage- Nathan. Nate. Brother mine. Put the milk carton down." Nathan narrowed his eyes and heated his weapon of choice- the 2% milk- higher into the air.

"I'll shut up!" Klaus shrieked, flinging his arms over his head. "I'll shut up, please don't throw the milk at me!"

Nathan pretended to consider it, pretending to throw the milk once or twice just to make his brother flinch, then gave up the act and set the milk down.

Klaus breathed a sigh of relief; "I really thought you were gonna throw that at me, for a second." He admitted.

"I thought about it," Nathan confessed. "Figured the clean-up wasn't worth it, though."

"Oh," Klaus looked pensive for a moment, then the familiar shit-eating grin was back. "So I  _ could  _ have kept- I'm sorry, I'm sorry, don't throw the milk at me!"

_ "Throw the milk at him, Nate,"  _ Ben encouraged, and Klaus gave a cry of outrage.

"Traitor!" He hissed, flinching when Nathan went to lob the milk at him. "Nate, I'm serious, don't-"

_ "Do it, do it, do it, do it!" _

"Shut  _ up,  _ Ben-"

"What is going on in here?"

Silence, for a moment.

Then-

"Hi, Yiayia."

~~~

Meanwhile, Curtis was giving himself a pep talk.

_ Ok, Curtis, you can do this. You've got this, you've got this in the bag- _

"What did you want to talk to me about?" Oh, fuck, Sam's here, ok, here we go, its showtime, baby- 

"I can't see you any more." Straight to the point, good good, a fuckin'  _ brilliant  _ start-

"You're finishing with me? Why?" Ok, she sounds upset, that's- that's a lot less good, but to be expected, at least there's no tears yet- 

"'Cause I'm gay." Ok, a total lie, but maybe that won't make her cry- 

"You're gay? So What, it was all a lie? Everything?" Wait what the fuck- this wasn't the expected outcome- oh fuck, oh fuck, those are tears, fucking backpedal- 

"Wait-" 

"How could you do that?" Oh Christ, those are tears, fix it fix it, before his power does its thing-

"Do I mean nothing to you?" 

"Don't cry-"

Too late. A single tear rolled down her cheek, and all at once Curtis felt that familiar tug- the one that meant time was about to rewind.

When he opened his eyes, Sam was just coming over.

"What did you want to talk to me about?"

Fuck. 

"I can't see you any more." Here we go again.

"You're finishing with me? Why?" Well, let's start picking reasons, shall we?

"'Cause you're fat."

Rewind.

"You're large."

Rewind again.

"Kind of round."

Rewind.

"I've got 3 months left to live and I don't want to waste it with you."

Rewind.

"I'm impotent and I know how much you love cock."

Rewind.

"'Cause you got weird tits. And nasty snatch gunk."

Rewind, rewind, rewind. Every. Fucking. Time.

To be honest, Curtis was quite tired of this song and dance.

"I'm sorry." He said dully the sixth or seventh time rewound. Sam frowned.

"You're finishing with me? Wh-"

"You're gonna ask me why and I can't tell you," Curtis cut across her frantically, feeling the need to pace around or something. Christ, please let this be the one, he couldn't do this anymore- "There are things going on with me, things I can't tell you about."

Fuck, Sam looked like she was going to cry- if time rewound one more time  _ Curtis  _ was going to cry-

"No matter what I do, the ones I love will be the ones who pay." He said miserably, parroting Nathan from earlier, because fuck it, it was poetic and he was minutes away from bursting into tears, if he wanted to be poetic he could be poetic, ok?

Sam knit her eyebrows; "Is that from Spider-Man?" She asked after a beat of silence, and Curtis frowned. 

"What?" He asked, and Sam frowned at him.

"What you just said. That's from Spider-Man," she glared at him. "You're dumping me with a line from Spider-Man?"

"I-"

"You immature, pathetic, shallow bastard!" 

_ SMACK! _

"Ow!" Curtis yelped, one hand going up to cradle his cheek. "It's not from Spider-Man!"

"Have you got no respect for me?" Sam demanded, tears shining in her eyes. She shook her head. "I thought you were better than that. You stay away from me!" 

_ Jesus,  _ Curtis thought as she stalked away. He frowned a minute later.  _ I didn't know Nathan watched Spider-Man- wait a minute. _

Time wasn't rewinding! Halle-fucking-lujah, he could get on with his life!

…

Which was community service.

…

Still better than being stuck in a time loop.

~~~

_ Ok,  _ Simon thought.  _ Remember: you're here to throw her off the trail. Not have a good time, throw her off the trail. Remember. That's important. _

"They asked me if I wanted small or large," he said softly as he came back holding a glass of beer and a glass of wine. "I said large." Sally's eyes twinkled.

"You trying to get me drunk?" She teased, and Simon's eyes widened. 

"N-No-" 

"I'm joking," Sally explained, and Simon flushed. "Maybe I should get you drunk." 

"Why?" Sally tilted her head to the side as she regarded him. Simon got the uncomfortable feeling she was trying to psychoanalyze him and tried not to look guilty.

"Why?" He asked. Sally gave him a small smile.

"Because I reckon you're quite cute when you're drunk." 

_ Oh.  _ Was that flattering? Simon wasn't sure-

_ Oh, shit. _

Abruptly, Simon hunched down in his seat, trying not to be seen. Sally noticed his neurotic stare and frowned before twisting in her seat to see what he was looking at.

"Who's that?" She asked, and Simon gulped.  

"I went to school with him." He said softly, and Sally cocked her head to the side.

"A friend?" She asked, and Simon shook his head.

"He lives next door to me," he explained, heart thudding uncomfortably in his chest. "He stopped speaking to me when we started secondary school." A flicker of understanding went through Sally's eyes.

"Did he give you a hard time?" She asked gently, and Simon swallowed before looking away.

"Every morning when I woke up, I felt sick just thinking about it," he admitted softly. "I told my parents and the teachers. They knew it was happening, but no one did anything." Sally frowned sympathetically.

"Was it his house you tried to burn down?" She asked, and Simon nodded. 

"A few months ago, he sent me a text inviting me to this club," he muttered. "I thought he wanted to apologise. I get to the club, I walk up to him and his mates. He texted me by mistake." Sally winced in sympathy. "It was so humiliating." Simon took a deep breath.

"I was so angry, I-I got drunk," he confessed. "I started thinking about everything he did to me at school. I lost it. I went round to his house. I made sure his family were out. I soaked some tissues in lighter fluid. I lit them and dropped them through the letterbox." He inhaled sharply. "But there was a cat."

Sally knit her eyebrows, confusion written all over her features. "A cat?" She repeated, and Simon nodded. 

"Inside the house," he said. "And I remember thinking; 'the cat didn't bully me at school. He hasn't done anything.'"

"The carpet was just starting to catch alight," he explained. "The cat was freaking out. I-I didn't want the cat to die, s-so I… put out the fire."

"How?" Sally asked, and Simon blushed. 

"I pissed through the letterbox," He admitted. "And this is when his mum comes home. She starts screaming, and you know what it's like once you've started, it's hard to stop- you're laughing at me." 

Sally inhaled shakily, trying to keep the giggles to a minimum. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she wheezed. "I just-" she broke down in giggles again, and Simon cracked a grin in spite of himself.

It  _ was  _ kind of funny, he supposed, in hindsight. 

They continued chatting after that. Simon waited for her to bring up Tony, or to try to weasel a confession out of him, but much to his surprise, none of the above happened. She genuinely seemed to like hanging out with him, which made Simon happy.

Maybe the others were wrong about her. They'd been wrong before- besides, what did Nathan and Klaus know, really? They talked the talk, but could they walk the walk?

"So are you gonna walk me home?" Sally asked once they'd drank their drinks. Simon nodded and hopped down off the booth. 

That's when he noticed Matt again, and his anxiety returned tenfold. Sally must've noticed his panic, as she frowned a moment before grabbing his hand.

"Let's give them something to talk about," she explained in regards to his bewildered look, and Simon grinned, hardly daring to believe his luck.

"This is me," he said a short while later, outside his parent's house. He hesitated a moment before asking; "Do you want to come in?" He asked, and Sally hesitated.

"Maybe this isn't such a good idea." She muttered, and Simon's heart leaped into his throat.

"I'm sorry." He blurted, ready to do anything to backpedal and somehow salvage this, but Sally only gave him an apologetic look.

"No, it's my fault," she mumbled, then climbed back in her car. "See you tomorrow."

Then she drove off, leaving Simon alone by his house.

~~~

The next day found the ASBO shitheads scraping old flyers off a wall. Curtis seemed to be in an especially sunny mood, and when Nathan asked him what was up, he explained that he'd finally broken up with Sam.

"Oh!" Nathan grinned. "Hey, good for you, man. So did you go with 'nasty snatch gunk?'" Curtis shrugged.

"Tried it," he admitted, and Nathan's eyes nearly bugged out of his skull.

"Really?" He asked, then whistled. "Hot damn, you must have been desperate. The last time I tried that I thought the woman was gonna castrate me!" Curtis rolled his eyes.

"Well, it's over now, innit?" He asked, and it was a true testament to how good a mood he was in that he didn't get all pissy with Nathan, which, honestly, was what the brunet was expecting. "Hey, can I ask you a question?" Nathan shrugged.

"Technically you just did, but sure, shoot." He replied.

"You know what you said about, 'No matter what you do, the ones you love will be the ones who pay?'" Curtis asked, and Nathan hummed an affirmative. "Is that from Spider-Man?" Nathan paused, then shrugged. 

"I don't know," he admitted. "I was just trying to sound intelligent. And it sounded really poetic and smart, y'know?" Curtis stared at him for a moment before shaking his head.

"Prick." He muttered, and Nathan rolled his eyes.

"Why are you complaining?" He asked. "You got away with it. Alisha didn't find out. Job done. Sorted." 

He froze, suddenly, as the sound of a baby crying reached his ears; "Do you hear that?" He asked softly, and Curtis looked at him weirdly.

"Hear what?" He asked, and Nathan frowned.

"A baby crying," he answered, and Curtis knit his eyebrows.

"What are you talking about?" He asked, but Nathan waved his questions away and set his scraper down, intent on finding this elusive baby.

He found Simon in the hallway; "Do  _ you  _ hear that?" He asked, and Simon knit his eyebrows. 

"What?" He asked.

"A baby crying," Nathan repeated his words from earlier, and Simon's confusion doubled.

"What are you talking about?" He asked. Nathan huffed.

"There's a baby, crying somewhere," he explained. "I need to find it." Simon knit his eyebrows.

"Nathan, what-"

But the brunet was already gone.

Nathan found the baby in a lil' playpen-esq thing along with some other tots. Much to his surprise, it was baby Finn from the other day, but that didn't really matter, because he was here now, to look after him.

Without missing a beat, Nathan opened the door and scooped the baby into his arms, then made like an egg and beat it.

"Hey there, little man," he murmured, cuddling the baby close. "It's alright, I'm here."

~~~

Meanwhile, Simon, who had just seen Nathan run by with a toddler, ran to find the others; "I think I've just seen Nathan stealing a baby." He blurted. "He just ran off with it." The rest of them all snapped to attention.

"Why would he take a baby?" Curtis asked, and Simon shrugged helplessly as they raced down the hallways, desperately trying to find the brunet in question before someone else did.

"If he gets caught, he's screwed." Kelly said, worry clear in her tone. Curtis clenched his teeth.

"Call the prick!" He snapped, and Kelly ground her teeth together.

"He doesn't have a phone!" She bemoaned. "We need to-"

"Guys!" Klaus gasped, skidding around the corner. His eyes were wide and panicked; "I think I just saw Nathan stealing a baby!"

"Which way did he go?" Kelly asked hurriedly, and Klaus directed them outside.

"He was- there he is!" He gasped, pointing up to where Nathan was bouncing the baby by the ledge, singing a lullaby Grace used to hum to him after he'd had a nightmare. 

"What's he doing?" Alisha gasped, and they all hurried up the stairs. "He's going to drop it!" Klaus paled.

"Fuck, don't jinx it!" He hissed as they scrambled to a stop at the top of the stairs. Nathan didn't seem to notice them, he just kept bouncing the baby and singing softly. 

"What the fuck are you doing?" Kelly demanded. Nathan glowered at her and covered the baby's ears.

"There's no need for language like that," he chastised, then turned to the baby. "Don't listen to her. That's a very bad word and she should know better." 

"Nate, Nate, Nathan, brother mine- you're acting like a bit of a…" Klaus trailed off and looked to Kelly for help.

"Freak?" She supplied easily, and Klaus groaned before running a hand over his face.

"Good enough," he muttered, then looked back at Nathan. "Give us the baby, Nate." Nathan cuddled the baby closer and took a few steps back.

"You're not taking him!" He hissed. "He needs me." 

"I think he's gone mental." Alisha quipped in a poor whisper, worry clear in her eyes.

But Kelly wasn't listening to her. There was a voice, quieter but almost more insistent than the others, echoing around her mind...

_ Be my daddy. _

_ Be my daddy. _

_ Be my daddy. _

Holy shit.

"The baby, he's got power," she realized, and the others shot her incredulous looks. She ignored them, however, and looked Nathan straight in the eye. "He's making you think you're the dad." Nathan pouted.

"He needs a dad," he insisted. "I know what that's like. My dad-" Beside her, Klaus choked.

"Nathan that's 'our' dad you're talking about there, so maybe don't mention anything that begins with an 'M' or 'C' or related to the word 'trauma-'"

"My dad was an abusive prick, he was only ever there if I'd done something wrong," Nathan continued as if he'd never his brother, eyes glazed and distant. "Look what it did to me. And Klaus, too, actually." Klaus scowled.

"Thanks for that, bro," he muttered, kicking a spare rock off to the side. "Really does wonders for my self-esteem." 

"I'm gonna be his daddy." Nathan proclaimed, again, as if he'd never heard Klaus. The others all snorted derisively. 

"You?" Curtis asked. "You're gonna be its dad?" He shook his head. "You're a homeless."

"You're living in the community centre." Alisha chipped in.

"You got no money, no job." Simon hesitantly added.

"You're poor." Kelly pointed out.

"You smoke pot on the regular- which, hey, I don't mind, but probably not the best thing for a baby to grow up around," Klaus delivered the finishing blow, then added, almost as an afterthought; "And you've got a criminal record."

"You can barely look after yourself." Curtis said. "Social Services will take one look at you and whisk that baby back to its mum." Alisha nodded in agreement. 

"Seriously, the kid deserves better," she told him. " _ Way _ better." Nathan glared at them all.

"Him and his mum can come and live with me at the centre," he fired back, anger clear in his eyes. "I'll get free food from the vending machines, I'll steal booze from the kitchen- I'll steal from other babies! I'll go to the park and forage for nuts and berries."

Klaus looked alarmed; "Ok, Nate, I think you've lost it-"

_ You prick. _

All at once, the haze in Nathan's eyes cleared, and he blinked down at the baby he was cradling in his arms.

"Why am I holding this baby?" He asked, a smidge of panic entering his voice. "I'm not being sexist, but one of you girls needs to take this off me before I drop it on its head."

Kelly rolled her eyes and took the baby from Nathan, bouncing it gently.

Nathan rubbed the back of his neck, looking quite confused. "So… does anyone want to enlighten me on why it appears like I've suddenly stolen a baby?" A look of panic crashed down over his face; "Oh fuck, it's not mine, is it?" Kelly rolled her eyes.

"No, it's not yours," she said, and Nathan breathed a sigh of relief, though he tensed up at her next words; "It has a power. Convinced ya to be it's dad." Nathan's eyes nearly bugged out of his skull.

"Please tell me I didn't kidnap this thing," he said weakly, and Kelly gave him an apologetic look.

"If we're fast, maybe the mother won't notice that he's gone." She said, and Nathan gulped.

"Yeah, I freaking hope so," he muttered. "Come on, let's go put him back."

 


	17. Episode Five: Part Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein chicken nuggets are cooked to perfection, Nathan and Kelly have a heart-to-heart, and Simon has a disastrous date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for mentions of child abuse and drugs use, I think. Oh, wait, there's some murder too, can't forget that  
> See? Told you the chapter'd be up in less than ten minutes!

**On an undisclosed date in the year of 2009, two young offenders returned a baby to his mother. This was unusual only in the fact that one of these young offenders had been the one to steal the baby in the first place.**

The mother caught them before they managed to put the baby back in the little pen, and she was  _ livid. _

"Why have you got my baby?!" She snarled, yanking him out of Kelly's arms. She rounded on Nathan with the fury of 1,000 suns burning in her eyes, and the brunet automatically took a step back. Never get between a mama and her baby- "Did you take him?” Nathan opened his mouth to reply, but the young mother cut across him before he could; “You stay away from him!" She snapped, then cuddled her baby close, blinking tears out of her eyes. “You stay away...” 

"He didn't take him," Kelly said gently- or, as gentle as Kelly got. “We found him outside; we were bringing him back. He’s alright.”

The mother glared at her suspiciously, then exhaled shakily and turned to her baby; "Why do you keep crawling off?" She asked tearfully, then sighed and turned to the other woman who was with her; "He already thinks I'm a shit mum, it's like I'm not enough for him." Kelly frowned.

"You should take him to see his dad." She suggested, and the mum rolled her eyes.

"Trust me, he's not interested." She said dismissively, and Kelly’s frown deepened.

"No, seriously, take him to see his dad," she insisted. "Trust me, as soon as he sees him, he'll want to be his dad again. I promise ya." The mum sighed, but it actually looked like she was considering it.

"Thanks for bringing him back." she said, then, with a final glare in Nathan's direction, turned around and stalked off.

Nathan watched her go for a moment before turning to Kelly; "Well, look at you, using your powers, being all superhero." Kelly gave him an unimpressed stare.

"You're welcome," she said flatly, and Nathan scowled off to the side.

"Thank you, Kelly," he deadpanned after a beat of silence, then shifted uncomfortably. "What did I say?" Kelly balked.

"What?" She asked, and Nathan sighed.

"What did I say?" He repeated, sounding like every word pained him. "Don't play dumb; I could see how they were looking at me. I said something of a different brand than my usual fucked up, didn't I?"

Kelly sighed. He had a right to know, she figured, and he’d figure it out sooner than later. Better coming from her than someone else, she reasoned; "You talked about your father," she admitted, and Nathan paled and went dead still.

"Oh," he said eloquently. "Glad to know that can of worms is wide open." Kelly frowned.

"Nathan, I-"

"Where's Klaus?" Nathan cut across her, voice too loud and cheerful. "I'm sure he'll want to know that I'm not in jail for kidnapping babies."

Kelly sighed as he ran off, and, after a moment's hesitation, followed him.

~~~

Later that day, Sally came over to Simon’s house.

"So is it always this tidy or is it just to impress me?" She asked, and Simon fidgeted with his sleeves.

"It's always this tidy." He admitted, which was the truth. He just didn't like mess- it made his heart palpitate and eyes twitch. Everything had a place, a home, and when they weren't in those places or homes, he stressed about it until he tidied up. It was just easier to keep a clean living space, honestly.

"Is this all the stuff you've recorded?" Sally asked, motioning to the DVD's along his windowsill, and Simon shrugged.

"Some of it," he confirmed. "Most of it's on hard drive." He gestured to his computer as he spoke, and Sally gave him a kind smile.

"Well, I'd love to watch something." She said, and Simon went into Internal Panic Mode. What to show, what to show? What's his best work? What's his worst work? Wait, what the hell even is his password? What  _ is _ a password? Fuck, fuck, ok, keep it together-

In the end, he showed her some screencaps and short videos of The Storm, which she seemed to like.

"That's really good," she said. "You're very talented." Simon blushed at the praise.

"Thanks," he said softly. Sally turned back towards his monitor.

"Do you have any more footage?" She asked, and Simon shook his head.

"No," he said. "I stopped filming after the lightning struck-"

He cut himself off abruptly. Shit.

"Lightning? What lightning?" Sally asked. For a second Simon could’ve sworn her eyes were filled with a determined sort of suspicion, but then he blinked and it was gone. 

"N-No lightning," he stammered. "There was, um, hailstones. Really large hailstones."

He made a noncommittal gesture he hoped conveyed ‘large scary chunk of sky ice,’ and Sally narrowed her eyes. For a brief minute, Simon was sure she was going to push, but then she backed down.

"Nathan got clubbed by one of those, didn't he?" She asked, and Simon nodded fervently, grateful for the change in subject.

"Y-Yeah," he said. "He was bruised all over; it looked really painful…"

He trailed off, pondering. It  _ had  _ looked rather painful; Nathan had been black and blue, but for some reason the brunet hardly reacted to it. At the time Simon hadn't thought anything of it (they'd had bigger issues) but now that he was actively pondering it, it was downright  _ weird  _ how at ease Nathan was with a gigantic bruise across his shoulders.

Furthermore, it healed really quickly, too! Faster than a normal human healing rate, Simon was sure of.

The blond was just reaching the conclusion that  _ maybe  _ Nathan wasn't as forthcoming about what powers he'd gotten in the storm as he'd appeared to be, when Sally asked him if he had any coffee.

He blinked at her; "Oh, um, yeah," he said, and Sally blushed.

"Sorry," she said. "I've been running on caffeine and a prayer for the past few days, and I'm scared of the crash that'll follow."

That garnered a small smile from Simon, and he left to go make the coffees.

When he came back, however, Sally told him she had to go; "Simon, I've got to go," she said, and his face fell. "I've got a friend coming over and I completely forgot. I'm sorry."

"Oh," Simon said eloquently, and Sally gave him an apologetic look.

"I'll see you tomorrow," she said, squeezing past him. "I'm really sorry."

Simon didn't say anything else, he just stared at her retreating figure.

He couldn't shake the feeling that something had gone terribly, horribly wrong.

~~~

Meanwhile, back at the Community Center, Alisha and Curtis were having a domestic. 

"How long have you been with her?" Alisha demanded, furious. "How long?!" Curtis winced.

"It's complicated." He tried, and Alisha scoffed derisively.

"Really?" She snarled. "Try me." Curtis chewed his lip.

"I-" he started, but Alisha cut across him, incensed.

"You're the first person I've been faithful to and you're cheating on me?" She snapped, then shook her head. "Un-fucking believable!" Curtis scowled.

"You have no idea what happened to me last week!" He snapped finally, then took a few deep breaths. "You know how I can rewind time, or some shit?" Alisha nodded, hesitant but still angry.

"Well, I accidentally rewound time  _ a lot  _ last week, so there's another version of history-" he paused as a thought occurred to him and amended; "There's a few, actually, but- in the first one, Sam went to jail for a drug deal that went bad," he explained. "It was my fault. I turned back time. I had the chance to change everything but I messed up and Sam died. So I went back again, to save her, which I did, but that meant you and all the others, Simon and Kelly, you all died. So I went back again. I saved Sam and you and everyone else. I come back to the present and and Sam's still my girlfriend. Only," Curtis heaved a great sigh. "You are too." Alisha stared at him for a moment.

"Seriously?" She asked, then shook her head. "You did all this and we  _ didn't notice?"  _ Curtis shrugged awkwardly.

"Schematics of time travel, I guess," he replied, and Alisha frowned.

"Were you with her when you were getting together with me?" Curtis frowned.

"Not the first time, but everything changed, so I guess I must've been." He replied. Man, all this time travel shit was confusing.

Alisha seemed to think so as well; "Are you cheating on me with her or are you cheating on her with me?" She asked, sounding genuinely puzzled, and Curtis shrugged helplessly.

"I have no idea," he said. "I didn't mean to cheat on either of you." Alisha's frown deepened.

"Don't even know if it is cheating." She muttered, clearly perplexed. Curtis sighed.

"I split up with her," he said. "Which was an ordeal and a half, let me tell you, what with the whole rewind-time thing, but- I couldn't lie to you. I don't want us to be like that." Alisha rolled her eyes.

"Oh, I get it," she said sarcastically. "So you're telling me, even though you didn't have to." Curtis shrugged, and Alisha sighed and leaned on the railing.

"I can't do these big relationship moments," she muttered, then turned back to him. "Look, I won't shag anyone either, and if I do, I'll tell you about it." Curtis raised an eyebrow.

"Just don't shag anyone else, full stop." He said, and Alisha glowered at him.

"Fine!" She snapped.

"Fine." Curtis replied, equally as venomous.

A second of silence or so passed before they both broke down in laughter.

"So I guess we're getting serious, then." Alisha said, and Curtis nodded.

"I'd like to think so," he said, then hesitated. "Do you… does that scare you? It's ok if it does," he added quickly when Alisha trained a murderous glare on him. "It's totally valid." Alisha sighed.

"I don't normally  _ do  _ relationships," she muttered. "Most of the time its just-"

"Sex?" Curtis guessed, and Alisha nodded.

"Yeah," she muttered, then sighed. "Alright, let's go." 

~~~

Meanwhile, inside, Nathan was beating up a vending machine.

"Give me my food!" He screeched, slamming his shoulder into the machine. "Give it up, you dillhole!"

The vending machine obediently spat out a can of coke. Nathan grinned and picked it up.

"Thank you, old friend," he said, patting it on it's 'head,' then waved to Kelly when she came over.

She wrinkled his nose at his vending-machine goodies; "Is that your tea?" She asked, and Nathan nodded.

"Starter, main course, dessert." He narrated, then held up his can of coke. "And a beverage to wash it down." Kelly frowned at him.

"You can't live on that shit." She said, and Nathan rolled his eyes.

"'Course I can," he said. "I haven't kneeled over yet, so I'm good to go." Kelly gave him a disapproving look.

"Why don't you come 'round my house and I'll cook you dinner?" She asked, and Nathan hesitated. She had him there- to be totally honest, he was getting pretty damn sick of living off of vending machines.

"What are you cooking?" He asked, trying to feign disinterest because come on, he had some dignity, dammit.

Kelly fiddled with a loose thread on her sleeve; "Chicken nuggets." She replied, and Nathan cocked his head to the side. She had him at 'cook you dinner,' but he wanted to be difficult.

"So you are a trained chef?" He asked, and Kelly huffed and glared at him.

"Do you wanna come or not?" She replied waspishly, and Nathan cocked his head to the side.

"Are you asking me round for sex?" He asked in lieu of an answer, and Kelly rolled her eyes.

"Oh, for God's sake." She muttered, then turned on her heel and stalked away. Nathan grinned widely before racing after her.

"She's cooking me 'tea,' man," he hissed as he passed Simin, still grinning like a maniac. "I think I’m in there!”

“Hurry up or I’ll lock you out!” Kelly called, and Nathan yelped before pouring on speed.

“Tell my brother I’m on a date!” He called, yelping when Kelly elbowed him.

“Fuck’s sake!” She said, exasperated. “Are you always this insufferable, or are you making a special effort tonight?” Nathan grinned charmingly.

“Kelly, my love, I’d like to think you’d know me well enough by now to know that I’m doing my absolute best to be a royal pain in the ass right now,” he replied. “This is my best content!” Kelly snorted.

“If this is your best content then you need to get some new material,” she deadpanned, then beckoned him forwards. “Come on, hurry up.”

~~~

After she’d lured him in with proper food and the promise of a full stomach, Kelly dropped the bomb.

"So is it true? What you said about your dad?" She asked, and Nathan choked.

"Jesus Christ, give a guy a little warning!” He wheezed, pounding on his chest to clear his airways. Kelly wasn’t impressed.

“Is it true?” She asked again, and Nathan scowled off to the side.

“What if it is?" He challenged. Kelly tilted her head to the side.

"Is it?" Nathan sighed, all the fight draining out of him as he set his plate on her coffee table.

"Yeah," he muttered, playing with a loose thread on his jeans. "He had this cane he used to carry around- used to knock my knees in if I talked back too much. This other time, he caught Klaus wearing a pair of Mom's heels and sent him flying down the stairs. Broke his jaw. Had it wired shut for eight weeks. He told the rest of us that he'd tripped, and we all believed him, even though Klaus could balance better in heels than I think he could in normal trainers. He only told me when-" Nathan cut himself off suddenly, color rising up his collar. "A-Anyways, that's enough of that. He's back in America, we're here, and ten bucks says the others fucked off not long after we did, so it's all good." He coughed. “Moving on.” Kelly frowned.

“I’m sorry, Nathan,” she said. She sounded sincere, and the honest concern in her eyes was too much for Nathan, so he looked away.

“It’s fine,” he muttered. “It was a long-ass time ago. The old blighter might even be dead by now, for all I know. Good riddance.”

“Do you know what happened to your siblings?” Kelly asked, and Nathan sighed.

“Not a fucking clue,” he answered waspishly. “We left around four years ago, haven’t spoken to any of them since.”

Abruptly, he stuffed his face full of chicken nuggets in an effort to avoid talking about the subject. It was a miracle he didn’t choke, but then again, would it really have mattered if he did?

“Hey Kelly,” he said after swallowing his food. “I’ve got a strange request.”

“Oh, Christ,” Kelly sighed and kneaded her temples. “I’m not nearly drunk enough for this.” Nathan rolled his eyes.

“Relax, will you?” He asked. “It’s not anything weird, Jesus.” Kelly scoffed.

“Considering it’s you speaking, I’ll be the judge of that,” she said dryly. “What’s up?”

“Say I died,” Nathan said. “And Klaus was too high to handle the funeral arrangements. Would you do them for me?” Kelly narrowed her eyes.

“Where’s this coming from?” She asked suspiciously, and Nathan put his hands in the air.

“Relax, nothing’s wrong,” he said. “I just think about death a lot.” Kelly snorted.

“That’s not very reassuring,” she snarked, then fell silent. Nathan started when he realized what she was doing.

“Are you- you’re reading my thoughts!” He cried, then clamped his hands over his ears like that would keep her out. “What the hell, Kelly?” The blonde shrugged helplessly.

“Can you blame me?” She asked. “You’re acting really weird.” Nathan pouted.

“I spill my heart for you and you read my thoughts in return?” He asked, then shook his head. “I’m hurt, Kelly, honestly.” A pause, then- “Did you find what you were looking for?” Kelly shrugged.

“I don’t think you’re in any danger of offing yourself, so I’d say yes,” she replied, then shifted so she was facing him fully. “Alright, what do you want done for your funeral?”

“Don’t cremate me,” Nathan replied immediately. “Do not fucking cremate me, or I swear to God-” he took a few deep breaths. “Don’t- Don’t put me in a coffin, either- fuck,  _ please _ don’t put me in a coffin.” Kelly raised an eyebrow.

“I suppose you want us to put you on ice, then?” She asked sarcastically, sighing when Nathan nodded enthusiastically. “Oh my God, Nathan...”

“Hey! It’s not my fault I’m claustrophobic.” Kelly rolled her eyes.

“And I suppose you’re pyrophobic, too?” She asked, then shook her head. “You’d be dead anyways, so I don’t see why a coffin would bother you...” She trailed off, and Nathan looked away, uncomfortable.

“I had a bit of a…  _ mishap _ with a coffin when I was around four or five,” he said at length. “It left quite the impression, let me tell you. Even if I’m dead, I still don’t like the idea of being trapped.” Kelly stared at him for a moment, then shook her head and went back to her chicken nuggets.

“You’re fucking weird, you know that?” She announced. “You and Klaus.” Nathan shrugged.

“You wouldn’t have me any other way.” It came out less teasing than he’d meant it to, and Kelly looked up at him in surprise. To cover, he quickly stole a chicken nugget off her plate; “These chicken nuggets are cooked to perfection.” Kelly rolled her eyes and stole a nugget off his plate, which, alright, that’s fair.

“So do you promise?” Nathan asked, and Kelly sighed.

“Sure,” she said. “In the event you die and Klaus is too intoxicated to do the arrangements for you, I’ll arrange your funeral. Happy?” Nathan grinned.

“Very,” he answered, then stole another chicken nugget off her plate.  _ “Danke.” _ Kelly scowled at him and shoved him over.

“Hey!” He cried, offended, and Kelly glowered at him.

“Stop stealing my nuggets!” She exclaimed, then gestured to his very full plate. “You’ve got your own!” Nathan shrugged.

“Yeah, but it’s more fun to steal them off you,” he said, then took another one just to prove his point. “I never got to steal shite off my siblings when I was younger- Diego was liable to stick a knife in your hand, Allison would rumor you to do something stupid, Ben- fuck, man, Ben was the only good egg out of all of us, you couldn’t take food off him, Five was just- Five was fucking terrifying, man, you didn’t fuck with him unless you had a deathwish- and Vanya- Vanya was just too quiet, she wouldn’t put up any fight at all, it was no fun stealing food off her- and Luther was Dad’s golden boy, you didn’t take food off him unless you wanted three hours in the cupboard, or mausoleum, or whatever other torture device he had primed and ready.” Kelly frowned at him. For a moment he was worried she was going to ask about the mausoleum and cupboard- look, he could admit that Reginald was an abusive asshat, alright, but he wasn’t getting into any of that Umbrella Academy shit- but instead she asked him why he didn’t take food off Klaus.

Nathan blinked owlishly at her; “We don’t take food off Klaus,” he said. “He didn’t eat much, if at all- we don’t take food off Klaus.” Kelly stared at him for a moment longer, then sighed.

“I’m sorry, Nathan,” she said softly, and Nathan exhaled.

“It’s alright, really,” he said. “No, seriously- it hasn’t fucked me up  _ too _ badly- I mean, yeah, Klaus and I are a little claustrophobic- well, me more than him, I have a panic attack if you put me in an  _ elevator- _ ” he winced when Kelly’s eyes widened. “Err, forget I said that. But I’m fine! Seriously, the only thing that makes me flashback are enclosed spaces, people hitting me with a cane, or authoritarian figures trying to hit me- hey, what’s wrong with you? You’re all pale-”

“I haven’t made you flashback, have I?” Kelly asked hurriedly, and Nathan’s eyes went wide.

“Wha- no, no!” He said, then shook his head. “No way- honestly, when you try to take a swing at me it’s more like roughhousing with Luther or Diego than anything Reginald ever did to me.” Kelly nodded, but she didn’t look convinced. Nathan sighed before angling his body towards her.

“Kelly. Look at me.” She did so, big eyes full of worry. Nathan gently shook her; “You haven’t  _ ever _ made me flashback, or remember something I didn’t want to, ok? I promise.” He tried for a smile. “And that’s how you know I’m telling the truth, because I don’t break promises. Like, ever. It’s a thing, ask Klaus.” Kelly huffed a (dare he say it?) watery laugh and looked up at him.

“Is it now?” She asked, then discreetly wiped at her eyes. “Fuck’s sake, I’m a mess.” Nathan shrugged.

“Welcome to the club,” he said. “Cheers.” Kelly rolled her eyes, mirth fading at her next words.

“Nathan?”

“Yeah?”

“If I  _ ever _ do  _ anything _ that makes you flashback or something, tell me, yeah?” Nathan nodded.

“I will,” he promised. “I swear.”

~~~

Sally was a woman on a mission.

She  _ knew _ they knew something about Tony’s disappearance, they had to. It was the only explanation. He wouldn’t just- up and leave like that, at least not without her. Something was wrong, she just knew it, and those young offenders did something. She was going to find out what the hell exactly they knew if it killed her, and if she had to manipulate Simon to do it, so be it.

Right now she was so,  _ so _ close to her goal. The idea had struck her when she was in Simon’s room the other day- he wouldn’t upload anything vaguely incriminating to a CD and just leave it lying around, where anyone could find it- that was stupid.

And Simon was smart. Very, very smart, as she had discovered.

But hopefully not  _ too _ smart, as he last hope was currently peaking out his jacket pocket- his mobile.

It was a small, tiny, miniscule chance- she was hoping against hope, at this point, but Sally was desperate. Maybe- Maybe he had some evidence on his phone…?

It was a pipe dream.

But, as mentioned before, she was desperate. So, she directed Simon to go get more wine, grabbed his phone once he was gone and ran to the bathroom.

This was her last chance.

“Come on, come on,” she mumbled, eyes wide as she looked through Simon’s videos.

She fast-forwarded, then backpedaled, then fast-forwarded again, then- ugh, no, this wasn’t working, it would take to long to watch the actual video and jumping around like this was too inefficient, she might’ve missed something by accident-

_ “-we killed our probation worker!” _

Or not.

Eyes wide, Sally rewound the video with shaking hands. Nathan was on the tiny screen; he looked downright pissed, but it was what he was saying that had her attention.

_ “It's like that, is it?”  _ The Nathan on the screen asked, hands on his hips. _ “So much for being united by a horrific, life-changing, shared experience.”  _ He gave them all a knowing look.  _ Last week. You know. The situation?” _

Nobody replied, and Nathan threw his hands in the air.

_ “We killed our probation worker.!  _ He snapped, and Sally slapped a hand over her mouth.

“Oh Jesus,” she breathed, tears rapidly filling and falling from her eyes.

_ TheykilledTonytheykilledTonytheykilledTony- _

“You shouldn't have taken my phone.”

Sally gasped and looked up. Simon stood before her, eyes stormy. When did he get here?

“Give me the phone.” He demanded, and Sally shook her head before stumbling to her feet.

“You killed him.” She accused, and Simon looked away.

“We had to,” he replied. “He was crazy. He was going to kill us.” Sally shook her head.

“Tony wouldn't hurt anyone.” she insisted, and Simon gave her a sad look.

“The storm changed him,” he said cryptically. “It changed us all.” Sally shook her head again.

“No, we- we have to tell the police.” She said, and an absolutely  _ agonized _ look crashed over Simon’s face.

“I knew it,” he mumbled. “I knew it, I knew it, I knew it- why? Why would you lead me on like that? This was all you wanted! I  _ knew _ this was all you wanted, but I was so  _ desperate _ for company-” He gave her a betrayed look. “You used me!”

“You murdered the man I loved!” Sally cried. “You took him away from me- I didn’t even get to say goodbye!”

“It was us or him!” Simon snapped. “I told you, he wasn’t sane by the end of it all!”

“Stop  _ lying! _ ” Sally shouted. “Tony would never hurt  _ anyone- _ ”

“Give me my phone!” Simon cut across her angrily. Sally cradled the mobile close.

“Why are you protecting them?!” She spat. “You told me how they treat you. They ignore you. You told me you were lonely.”

A curtain of dread washed over Simon’s face, and too late Sally realized her mistake.

“I never said that to you,” Simon muttered, then looked up at her with such  _ pain _ in his eyes that it hurt, a little. “You? You're Shygirl?”  

Sally gave him an agony-ridden look; “I loved Tony,” she whispered. “I just wanted to know what happened. Can’t you understand that?” A flicker of hesitation went through the blond’s eyes, and Sally pounced.

“You're not like them, Simon,” she said. “You're not. You’re kind, and caring- you have a heart. You're the only person that can help me. I need you, please, will you do this for me?”

Simon seemed to be caught between crossroads, and Sally took a deep breath.

_ Now or never,  _ she reminded herself, then, with all her might, slammed Simon’s head into the mirror adjacent to them, and ran.

The doors were locked when she reached them, and she jiggled them desperately, to no avail.

“Shit!” She cursed, tensing up when she heard a door slam. When she turned around, Simon was standing before her.

“I can’t let you go to the police.” Simon said, and Sally desperately looked for another way out (there wasn’t one.)

“You don’t owe them anything,” she said, and Simon frowned.

“They’re the only friends I’ve got,” he said, and it was at this moment Sally realized this wasn’t something she could talk her way out of.

God help her, and all those involved.

A vicious scuffle ensued between her and Simon as they both scrabbled for the phone, the end result being Sally splitting her head open on the doors. The last thing she saw before losing consciousness (and her life-) was Simon’s horrified look as she fell to the floor, lifeless.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thus ends episode Five.  
> Season finale after this- and ooh boy is it going to be a finale, hehehe...


	18. Episode Six: Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein Nathan tells someone off for spewing coffee all over the table, Simon politely declines having a snake bite his face off, Kelly brings pizza, and Klaus mourns the loss of silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Drug usage, and some homophobic language. (It's a long chapter today, lads, tell me if I missed anything in the TWs.)  
> HERE WE ARE FOLKS, THE SEASON FINALE! DRUMROLL, PLEASE!  
> *drumrolling noises*  
> *twentieth century fox intro* DUN DUN DUN, DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN! DUN DUN DUN, DO-DO-DO-DO, DUN DUN DUN, DO-DO-DO-DO, DUN DUN DUN DUN!  
> Alrighty. Here we go.

**On an undisclosed date in the year of 2009, five young offenders + one sat around in a small cluster, watching a girl make a speech a little ways away. This was unusual only in the fact that they were all of them disappointed and dismayed by what the girl was saying.**

"I was a nasty slut," the girl was saying. "I was a nasty slut and a horrible queer- I went with so many boys and girls, girls and boys at the same time, and sometimes even just girls-"

"Hey!" Klaus bellowed, standing up on top of the bench. "Don't oppress yourself! There's nothing wrong with being queer!" The girl only gave him a patient look.

"It's a sin," she said calmly, and Klaus gave a cry of outrage. "Boys and girls are meant to be with each other. Homosexuality is abhorrent and wrong." She gave him a sympathetic look. "I understand you may be going through what I did. But it's ok, we can help you-"

"Nope!" Klaus cut her off. "I'm confident in my own sexuality, thank you very much! I’m here, I’m queer and I like dick! Thank you, and goodnight!" Scowling fiercely, he collapsed back down on the bench, knees drawn up to his chest. "Asshole," He grumbled. "Did society suddenly regress back to the sixties, or something?" Nathan shook his head.

"No, if it was the sixties everybody would be banging each other left right and center," he said. "Orgies everywhere. This is more like the forties or some other period of mass repression. Either way-" he pointed back towards the girl. "That shite ain't normal." Alisha frowned at said girl, a puzzled crease between her eyebrows.

"She went to my school," she commented, taking a drag off her cigarette. “She was a total slut- this one time, she's doing this boy I know in her dad's car. She gets off him and sits on the gear stick. She's on there for, like, twenty minutes, just-” Alisha rocked back and forth on the bench for some time, making lewd noises in a crude rendition of what this girl had done. “-nonstop. Seriously, she was a fucking mess.” Nathan shook his head in disbelief. 

“Try that in your driving test, you are definitely getting a fail,” he quipped, then thought about it. “Or a pass. And maybe some kind of internal injury.” Kelly frowned.

“It's the same with some girls on my estate,” she said. “No-one's even getting pregnant any more.” Klaus cocked his head to the side.

“Normally, Kelly dear, that would be considered a good thing,” he drawled, and the blonde rolled her eyes.

“Aw, shut up,” she grumbled. “You know what I mean.” Klaus frowned.

“Yeah, I do,” he said. “I ran into a group of ‘em when I was on my lunch break yesterday- to quote, they told me; ‘makeup is for girls. Skirts are for girls. Dress appropriately for your gender,’” he shook his head, a scowl twisting his lips into an ugly frown. “If they think they can control what I wear they can kiss my non-gendered ass.” Nathan snorted.

“I think they’d have problems with that too, bro,” he muttered, then turned to Simon; “What about your friends?” He asked, a shit-eating grin on his face. “I believe that's generally referred to as a ‘paedophile ring.’” Simon frowned.

“I'm not a paedophile.” He said defensively, and Nathan narrowed his eyes.

“Yeah?” He challenged, then shook his head; “You'd screw your own sister for a slice of cheese.” Simon’s frown deepened.

“I don't even like cheese.” He said, sounding vaguely puzzled. 

“That makes it even worse, you sick bastard.” Nathan replied, and Klaus rolled his eyes.

“Oh, knock it off, Nate, leave the poor blighter alone,” he said tiredly, but a second later was grinning; “Totally Luther and Allison, though.” 

Nathan barked out a laugh.

“Jesus Christ, I’d forgotten all about that,” he said, then shook his head. “Jesus. What a fucked up family we were.”

“S’pose the Westermarck Effect skipped over them,” Klaus said airily, and Nathan shook his head.

“Naw, naw, I’m telling you, mate-  _ sie munkelte total von ihm! _ ” He exclaimed, and Klaus wrinkled his nose.

“No, no- that’s a whole new brand of fucked up I don’t ever want to have to deal with-” he cut himself off, suddenly, staring at the people who walked by. They were all dressed in a similar fashion to the girl earlier, and seemed to be headed to the meeting they were hosting.  “Jesus! Where are they all coming from?” He wondered, and Kelly shrugged.

“I dunno, mate,” she said, craning her neck to watch them walking; “It’s really fucking weird though, innit?” Nathan’s eyes widened and he pointed to one of the blokes with the smoldering end of his cigarette.

“I know you!” He gasped, then waved him over. “You were at Yiayia’s coffee shop the other day!” The man tilted his head to the side.

“I’m sorry?” He asked, sounding confused, and Nathan rolled his eyes.

“You ordered a coffee and didn’t know not to drink down to the bottom even though I _ told you not to _ then you coughed and coughed and spewed chunks all over the table! I had to clean up after you, it was fucking disgusting!” The man flushed a faint shade of crimson and the others all laughed.

“Ah, yes, I do remember that,” he muttered, then gave Nathan a sheepish smile. “Sorry.” Nathan rolled his eyes again.

“Yeah yeah, whatever, water under the bridge,” He said dismissively. “Say, can I ask you a question?” The man nodded.

“Sure.” He replied, and Nathan cocked his head to the side.

“Why are you all dressed like retards?” He asked without prevail, and Klaus choked on his cigarette beside him.

“Jesus, Nate,” he muttered, but the man didn’t seem to be offended. Either that or he was just an incredible actor; “There's a meeting, here, tonight,” he explained. “You should come along and find out. All of you.” Nathan gave him a false grin.

“Right,” he said, waving goodbye to the man as he walked away. “Cool. See you there, buddy.” He rolled his eyes once the man was out of earshot; “Jesus. What the hell has this world come to?” They all shrugged, but, y’know, if Nathan had known what a shitshow all this was going to turn into, he  _ definitely _ would have booked it while he still could.

Hindsight, eh? 20/20.

~~~

Sally was late.

"Well this is odd," Klaus remarked from where he was leaning against the wall. "She's never late; always freakishly punctual." Simon chewed his lip, eyes gone shifty and nervous.

"I think she's gone on holiday." He mumbled, and Nathan turned to him.

"Did she tell you that?" He asked, and Simon nodded jerkily.

"She said she was going to Greece." He confirmed, but Nathan still looked worried.

"It's suspicious as all hell," he said. "She was rooting through your locker, looking for evidence against us, and then she up and leaves?" He shook his head. "Naw, mates, something doesn't add up." Klaus nodded in agreement.

"So what are you saying?" Kelly asked, a worried tone to her voice. "That we're off to prison?" Klaus frowned, studying the smoldering cigarette he held in his left hand.

"I don't know," he admitted. "Things are really fucking messy as they are, but…" he trailed off, a pensive look in his eyes. "Be on guard. Seriously." Nathan sighed and clapped his twin on the shoulder.

"Couldn't have said it better myself, brother dear," he said. "You're great at motivational speaking." Klaus squinted at him.

"Was that meant to be sarcastic?"

"What do you think?"

The twins started bickering, as they were prone to do. Alisha rolled her eyes before nudging Curtis and gesturing towards the door with her head.

Catching on quickly to what she was insinuating, Curtis grinned widely before standing up and following her. Klaus rolled his eyes at their antics.

He caught on to what she was insinuating quite quickly and grinned before standing up and walking out with her.

Klaus rolled his eyes at their antics; "Nymphos." He muttered, then also stood up, popping his spine. "Well, anyways, I'm bored- Nathan, do you still have those gummi worms in your locker?" The brunet in question shrugged.

"Maybe," he said. "I may have eaten them." Klaus thought about it for a moment, then shrugged.

"You know, I'm hungry enough to risk a pointless venture," he said, then gave them a two-finger salute. _ "Wünsch mir Glück." _

_ "Viel Glück."  _ Nathan said, waving goodbye to his brother. A minute later he slumped against the wall. "I'm boooooored. Kelly, entertain me." The blonde rolled her eyes and lobbed a soccer ball at him.

"Entertain yourself," she deadpanned. Nathan threw the ball up into the air and caught it a few times, a thoughtful look on his face.

"You know, I've never actually played a game of soccer in my entire life," he commented, then chuckled at the shocked and horrified looks on Simon and Kelly's faces; "Alright, maybe once or twice. But all that stereotypical 'play a game of soccer with your dad' bullshit?" He shook his head. "Ol' Reggie was never very fond of the 'loving' aspect of being a parent…" he trailed off, giving the ball in his hands a contemplative look. 

"I mean, how hard can it be?" He asked, then made as if to drop-kick the ball.

Kelly did the reasonable thing and ducked for cover; Simon wasn't so lucky. The ball sailed through the air, like a majestic eagle, and hit him hard in the stomach. 

"Oof!" Nathan winced. "Shit, sorry Barry!" Simon weakly waved him off.

"It's alright," he wheezed. "I'm just gonna… sit."

Nathan watched him worriedly for a moment, then waved him off; "You don't need organs anyways," he said. "I didn't! Hey, did I ever tell you guys about the time I got into an argument with Diego-"

~~~

Meanwhile, Alisha was contemplating murder.

Not real murder, obviously, but maybe some light maiming

The source of her frustration? The sent-from-god, virtue cardigan-wearing  _ freak  _ who was currently lecturing her about her life choices.

"Don't you have any shame?" She asked, and Alisha scoffed before giving her a once-over. 

"Don't you have any dress sense?" She responded snidely, turning back to the mirror to reapply her lip gloss. "Seriously, you look like my mum." Virtue Girl smiled condescendingly.

"And you look like a slut." She replied sweetly, and out of nowhere Alisha felt the urge to pull a Kelly and slam her head into the wall, or something.

"Really?" She asked instead, then shook her head. "Spare me your bullshit; you're giving me a headache." Virtue Girl sighed.

"You think having sex with boys will make them respect you?" She asked. "If you behave like a slut, they'll treat you like a slut."

"And if you behave like a freak they'll treat you like a freak, but somehow you don't seem too bothered, do you?" Alisha snapped. Virtue Girl scowled, then squared up.

"You don't need to behave like this," she said, and there was something… different, about her tone. Hypnotizing, almost. It made all of Alisha's worries drift away- she wanted to hear what this girl, this wonderfully respectable girl, had to say.

"You can be so much better."

The last thing Alisha remembered was thinking about how blue her eyes were.

~~~ 

Next day found the ASBO Five staring in complete and utter shock at Alisha as she walked through the doors.

Gone were the revealing shirts, the short-shorts, the makeup, the impeccably styled hair, all that jazz. In its place was a beige dress that came down to her knees, ordinary flats, and hair scraped back into a bun.

Obviously something was wrong, but what  _ really  _ tipped them off was that Alisha was  _ cheerful. _

Alisha was  _ never  _ cheerful, at least not so early in the morning when most other sane people were asleep.

"You want to tell me what's going on?" Curtis asked, concern clear in his eyes. "What's with the makeover?" Alisha gave him an embarrassed smile and looked away.

"If you dress like a slut, people will treat you like a slut." She told him quietly, and Curtis knit his eyebrows.

"What's happened to you?" He asked, concerned, and Alisha sighed.

"I'm sorting my life out," she told him. "All the drugs and the drink driving- I've done so many things I'm ashamed of." Her cheeks went slightly pink at her next words; "And I touched myself in front of you." Curtis scoffed.

"I'm pretty sure you enjoyed it." He said, and Alisha sighed again.

"I shouldn't be masturbating in public toilets," she said. "I'm saving myself until I'm ready to make a proper commitment." Curtis raised an eyebrow.

"It's a bit late for that," he said, and Alisha's eyes softened.

"No, it's never too late," she said. "And it's not too late for you either." Curtis wrinkled his nose.

"This… this isn't you," he said slowly, then gestured over at the other Purity Freaks; "Has it got something to do with that lot?" Alisha only smiled patiently at him. 

"You should come to our meetings." She said. "Put your life back on track, get rid of all that negative energy." Curtis was really starting to worry, now.

"Did they do something to you?" He asked, desperately searching her eyes for any hint of an answer- any hint of the girl he'd known before. "Alisha, tell me!" The brunette sighed and regarded him pitifully.

"You used to have so much going for you," she said, then shook her head. "You threw it all away. So pathetic." Curtis narrowed his eyes, then backed away a few paces as a terrible realization struck him.

"This isn't you." He realized. "This isn't you- what did they  _ do  _ to you?" 

But Alisha only kept staring at him with that same, pitiful, slightly condescending look; "We can help you, Curtis." She said again, and the athlete hated how it sort of sounded like a threat.

~~~

All in all, Rachel had had quite the pleasant morning.

The slag and a few others had been converted, she sat down to have a  _ lovely  _ cup of tea with her mum, and- and-

Weed. She could smell weed.

She narrowed her eyes at the lanky bloke with the curly hair sat on a bench in front of her. His shoulders were tensed, hunched forward, and she just  _ knew  _ he was rolling a blunt. 

Unacceptable!  **(AN: This is a Lemongrab scream. I’m sorry, I don’t make the rules. (Well, yes, I do, and the rules say that this is a Lemongrab scream.)**

"Excuse me," she said loudly, coming up from behind him. "You know using marijuana can cause epilepsy and mental illness?"

The man didn't respond, didn't give  _ any  _ indication that he'd heard her, and her jaw dropped.  _ Rude! _

"I'm talking to you!" She snapped, but still, there was no answer. "What's wrong with you?" 

Still no reply.

Alright then. Rachel gritted her teeth. Conversion it was. 

"You don't need to behave like this," she said, calling on the almost-otherworldly power she'd gotten from the storm. "You can be so much better." 

The bloke straightened up, and she smiled. Finally! Some respect!

He turned around, and Rachel's smile fell. He still had the joint dangling from his lips.

"Nice cardigan!" He quipped, before standing up and walking off.

Rachel could only stare at him in shock- how did he resist her power?

~~~

Pleasantly high and still laughing at the cardigan-girl, Nathan made his way back to the Community Center. Curtis had been freaking out earlier- something about those cardigan-wearing freaks doing something to Alisha? Nathan wasn't too sure.

Turns out, Curtis was still freaking out. He was pacing around in the locker room, teeth digging into his lower lip as he babbled about Alisha and the cardigan freaks.

"She's saying all this weird stuff about sex and that," he said hurriedly, a mixture of worry and confusion warring in his tone. "That she's saving herself until she's ready to make a 'proper commitment.'" Nathan sighed.

"It's a sad day for all of us when a bird like that decides to pull up her knickers." He said dryly, only half-kidding. 

Curtis trained an icy glare on him; "Oi, that's my girlfriend you're talking about." He snapped, and Nathan rolled his eyes.

"And I feel your pain." He quipped. "Really, I do." Curtis gnashed his teeth together.

"It's that lot we saw yesterday!" He snarled. "She's dressing like them, they did something to her!" Nathan rolled his eyes.

"What, like brainwashing or something?" He asked, then shook his head. "You're too paranoid." Curtis gritted his teeth, but it was Simon who spoke up. 

"Curtis is right," he said softly, and Nathan pivoted on his heel to look at him. "It's the storm."

Nathan rolled his eyes; "How d'you figure that, eh?" He asked condescendingly, and Simon clenched his fists.

"When weird stuff happens, it's always the storm," he snapped. "Haven't you worked that one out yet?" 

Klaus cackled from where he was laying atop a row of lockers. (Don't ask how he got there. Klaus works in mysterious ways sometimes.) "He got you there, Nate!" He trilled gleefully, and Nathan glared at him.

"Shut up!" He snapped, and Klaus rolled his eyes. 

"He has got a point, though, Nate, you can't deny the pattern's there," he said, mirth fading from his eyes as he considered this new information. "It is always the storm." Curtis nodded.

"And there's my point in a nutshell," he said. "They did something to Alisha, and we need to find out what." Nathan sighed.

"Mission after mission, does it never end?" He muttered, finally giving Curtis his full attention. "Alright, what's your plan genius?" The athlete hesitated.

"I… don't know," he said at length. "I, uh, didn't think this far ahead." Nathan rolled his eyes.

"Why am I not surprised?" He asked, then snapped his fingers. "Hey, why don't you just do your whole wibbley-wobbley-timey-whimey rewind shite and fix this?" Curtis trained a glare on the brunet.

"That's not how it works," he said evenly, and Nathan tilted his head to the side.

"Isn't it, though?" He asked, completely serious for once. "Klaus and I had a brother, Five- completely obsessed with time travel, or, as he put it- 'navigating the fourth dimension,'" he shook his head. "He made it sound a lot like  _ pulling  _ yourself from point A to point B, can't you do that?" Curtis stared at him weirdly for a moment.

"That's not how it works," he said at length. "I can't control it." Klaus frowned.

"Maybe you could, though," he said. "I mean, look at Simon. He managed to figure out his powers, more or less. Who's to say you can't?" Curtis rolled his eyes.

"Time travel is a little more complicated than turning invisible," he drawled, then turned to Simon. "No offense." Simon raised his hands in a 'none taken' kind of gesture, and Nathan hummed thoughtfully.

"Is it though?" He asked. "Invisibility sounds plenty complicated to me- obviously you can't turn  _ invisible _ invisible, because then the light would pass right through your retinas and you'd be blind, but Simon can still clearly see. So it's more likely he's switched to another wavelength, maybe infrared or ultraviolet- why are you all staring at me like that?"

Klaus laughed at the other's gobsmacked expressions; "I think you broke them." Nathan rolled his eyes.

"Me too," he muttered, waving a hand in front of Curtis' face. "Hello? Are you in there?" Curtis shook his head and waved Nathan off.

"Did you just logic that out now?" He demanded, and Nathan blinked owlishly at him.

"I guess?" He replied, but it sounded like a question. "I mean, it seemed obvious to me…" Klaus rolled his eyes and turned to the others.

"Nathan was always good at theoretical physics," he said. "Drove Five nuts." Nathan tilted his head to the side.

"Is it really theoretical, though?" He asked. "I mean, Simon is right here and he can turn invisible- hey, is there any way to check which wavelength he's on when he's invisible?" Klaus, to his credit, genuinely thought about it for a moment before shaking his head.

"Not here, at least," he said. "I don't know what kind of equipment we'd need to try to measure that, but it is  _ definitely  _ not here." Nathan pouted.

"Well, there go my evening plans," he muttered, then brightened a minute later. "Hey, don't snakes see in the infrared?" Klaus narrowed his eyes.

"Yes," he said slowly. "Nathan, what are you-"

"So there's our plan!" The younger twin interrupted, eyes shining with glee. "All we have to do is lock Barry in a roomful of snakes, have him turn invisible, and if they go to bite his face off we'll know if he's in the infrared!"

Simon went a few shades paler.

"I- um, I think I'll pass," he said, voice high and ready with fear. Nathan scowled at him.

"Come on, Weird Kid, where's your sense of adventure?" He asked. "It'll be an experiment!" Simon shook his head.

"No," he said, stronger this time. "No, I'm good." Nathan pouted.

"Alright, fine," he grumbled. "Party pooper."

~~~

Kelly stopped by with pizza.

Aces, in Nathan's books.

"Where's Klaus?" She asked as she sat down next to him. Nathan rolled his eyes.

"Am I my brother's keeper?" He asked, and Kelly thought about it.

"No, but I'm starting to think that he's yours," she said, ignoring Nathan's cry of outrage.

"Hey!" He cried, offended. Kelly rolled her eyes.

"Get over it, you big baby," she deadpanned. Nathan rolled his eyes.

"Klaus is out… somewhere," he answered her earlier question. "I don't really know where. He usually comes back at around 3 or 4 in the morning, 5 if he's having fun…" Kelly tilted her head to the side.

"How does he get in?" She asked. "The doors lock at 11, don't they?" Nathan grinned a little.

"That's what they'd lead to believe, but the truth of the matter is that there's a door out back that doesn't lock. Been broken for years, I reckon," he said, then faltered under Kelly's no-nonsense stare. "Alright, he got Ben to short out the lock for him and now it's broken." Kelly frowned.

"What's it like, having a ghost as a brother?" She asked. Nathan tilted his head to the side as he thought about it.

"Kind of the same as when he was alive, I suppose," he said. "I mean, Ben's a lot more snarky, now, and we can't touch him, obviously, but not much has changed. It's like having a really annoying conscience follow you around, actually, he never shuts up." Kelly nodded, then hesitated. Nathan raised an eyebrow.

"Yes?" He asked. Kelly sighed. She looked somewhat uncertain, which worried Nathan on some level- Kelly had a certain brash confidence about her, she said what was on her mind- not much made her hesitate.. 

And yet here they were.

"Nathan, how did Ben die?" 

The brunet masked his surprise well; "Accident," he lied. "Um… drowned. Yeah."

He wasn't  _ really  _ lying, not really. It  _ was  _ an accident- Nathan found it hard to believe that Ben  _ wanted  _ the Horrors to rip him apart, and he did drown, sort of- in his own blood.

(Eugh. Gruesome.)

Kelly wasn't fooled, clearly, but for the first time since Nathan had known her she seemed content to let the matter go; "It's alright if you don't want to tell me," she said gently. "I understand." Nathan sighed.

"It's not that, it's- complicated?" He tried, and Kelly snorted.

"Everything's 'complicated' with you." She deadpanned, and Nathan grinned charmingly.

"You wouldn't change me for the world," he proclaimed, and Kelly rolled her eyes.

"Sure," she responded, and Nathan tilted his head to the side.

"I believe the correct terminology is 'damn straight,'" he responded, and Kelly rolled her eyes, but a small smile was pulling at the corners of her lips.

"Sure, Nathan," she drawled. "'Damn straight.'"

Nathan directed his attention back to his pizza; _Don't think about shagging her,_ he thought. _Don't think about shagging her- you're thinking about shagging her, you_ fucking idiot _, get a grip, jävla helvete, why are you like this-_

"You heard that, didn't you?" He asked, trying to keep a blush from rising up. Kelly gave him a look that said; 'what do you think?' Nathan sighed and pinwheeled his arms like he didn't know what to do with them. 

"I'm a man, we think about shagging everything!" He said hurriedly, desperately trying to cover up the fact that it was less biology that had her on his mind and more so the fact that-  _ no, nooo, she can read your thoughts, shut up! _

"What're you thinking?" Kelly asked curiously, pizza forgotten. "You always do that, cut yourself off mid-thought- what are you hiding?" Nathan flushed a bright cherry red.

"Nothing!" He squeaked. "Nothing at all!" Kelly narrowed her eyes.

"I can tell you're lying," she said, unimpressed, and Nathan pinwheeled his arms madly.

"Ngk- would you care for a drink?" He managed, voice high and reedy, and Kelly rolled her eyes.

"Sure," she said, then climbed to her feet, holding out a hand for Nathan to take. "Lead the way."

~~~

"Y'know, I should really have my own keys cut for the bar," Nathan commented a short while later as he rolled up the… window? Metal thing? Thing-meant-to-keep-people-from-the-booze-but-failed-miserably?

Well, whatever it was, it was out of the way, and Nathan was looking for the alcohol.

(In the short walk it took to get to the bar, Nathan had recovered what was left of his wits, something he was eternally grateful for.)

"We've got beer, or red wine- oooh, there's a white back here too, that's a pleasant surprise-" Nathan stopped dead suddenly.

“Did you hear that?” He asked in a hushed whisper, and Kelly frowned.

“Hear what?” She asked, and Nathan hurriedly shushed her. 

“That!” He hissed, and Kelly’s eyes widened when she heard the sounds of a struggle from down the hall. 

"Get down, get down!" Nathan hissed, pulling her down behind the bar. He peeked over the top, curly hair just barely visible.

“What the hell is that?” Kelly asked, and Nathan grimaced.

“I don’t know, but something tells me we’re gonna find out,” he muttered, narrowing his eyes.

Sure enough, not two minutes later, a group of people come in, and immediately Nathan knew something was wrong. 

“It’s those cardigan freaks from earlier,” he realized with a mounting sense of dread. “What the fuck are they doing?” Kelly shrugged wordlessly as they watched them frog-march some poor blokes with bags over their heads to the center of the room. 

Things were already looking bad, but when the apparent leader whipped the hood off of one of them to reveal it was  _ Curtis, _ well, shit hit the fan.

“It's Curtis!” Kelly gasped, then made as if to run over. Nathan pulled her back.

“No!” He hissed, ignoring the furious glare she had fixed on him. “There’s too many of them, we’d be overpowered in an instant! And I’m only good at being a meat shield- we'd need a plan.” Kelly gnashed her teeth together.

“They're  _ doing  _ something to him!" she snarled. "We have to help!" Nathan huffed and pulled her back again.

“No, Kelly, we  _ can't,"  _ he snapped back. "I’m serious,” he added when she got a particularly murderous glint in her eye. “Read the room. Something isn’t right.” Kelly glowered at him, but reluctantly turned back to watch what was happening.

Abruptly, she reached an uncomfortable conclusion; “They look like they’ve been drugged, or something,” she muttered, anger fading in light of this new revelation. They all had foggy eyes and vacant smiles; “There’s no reaction whatsoever.” Nathan nodded grimly.

“Exactly why I don't want to get involved,” he said quietly. "Never jump in when you don't know all the details- wait, what the fuck is she doing?" Nathan cut himself off with a question when one of them, presumably the leader, stepped forward. Kelly squinted at them.

“I think she’s talking to them,” she muttered, and Nathan realized she was right. 

She’d kneel down, whisper something in their ear, and they’d immediately stop struggling. Just like that. It was like she hypnotized them or something.

Wait, no-

“She’s virginized them,” Nathan said as she pinned a little pin to their sweaters. The others were all applauding quitely- it was like they’d joined a cult or something.

“That’s bad,” he whispered, freezing when he heard kelly’s sharp intake of breath from beside him. “Kel? What did you find?”

Wordlessly, Kelly lifted a handful of pins into the air- the same ones the Virtue Cultists were wearing, and Nathan’s blood turned to ice in his veins.

“Shit.” He muttered, then paled. “Oh, fuck, Klaus.” Kelly quirked a brow.

“Klaus?” She asked. “What about Klaus?” Nathan ran a hand through his hair, lower lip caught between his teeth.

“He gets home at like 3 or 4, remember?” He asked. “If these virtue cultists get ahold of him-” he shuddered. No. He would not let them turn his brother into one of those mindless minions. “Come on,” he said, starting to crawl away. This time it was Kelly who pulled him back. “What?” He asked, irritated. The blonde scowled at him, but the effect was lessened by the worried crease of her brow.

“If you go out there, they will catch you,” she hissed. “Then none of us’ll be able to help Klaus.” Nathan gnashed his teeth together.

“Well?” He snapped. “What do you propose we do, oh brilliant one?” Kelly gave him an irritated glare.

“Shut up, I’m trying to concentrate,” she snapped, then turned her attention to the Virtue Leader. A minute later, Virtue Leader frowned and turned to her followers.

“Come,” she said. “I sense there are others nearby, others who are lost and confused. We must help them.”

The others all nodded and followed her out the door. Nathan stared at Kelly in amazement.

“Was that you?” He asked, amazed. Kelly nodded.

“I wasn’t actually sure it would work,” she admitted. “I read it in a book a while back… this girl could read minds, but she could also ‘transmit’ thoughts into peoples’ heads. I figured if I was ‘quiet’ enough, maybe she’d think she came up with it...” 

Nathan stared at her for a minute, then his face broke out into a huge grin. 

“Kelly Bailey, you are a genius,” he praised, and the blonde grinned a little.

“Thanks,” she said, smile fading at her next words. “Now come on, let’s go rescue your brother.”

~~~

They waited in the hallway, ready to intercept Klaus as he came through. When he did come through, it was difficult to ignore him- he was singing at the top of his lungs.

“Christ- shut him up!” Kelly hissed, and Nathan nodded once before clamping a hand over his twin’s mouth.

“Mmpf!” Klaus protested as Nathan and Kelly led him back outside. 

“Sorry mate,” Kelly apologized. “But trust me. You’ll thank us later.”

Scowling darkly, Klaus ripped Nathan’s hand away; “What the hell, man?” He spat, and Nathan winced. Klaus’ speech was slurred, and he was swaying on the spot- he was either very, very high, or drunk. Or both.

Either way, it was quite obvious to Nathan that Klaus had had something of a rough night.

Great. More things to worry about.

“We’ll explain later, Klaus, but please, you’ve gotta be quiet,” Nathan begged, and Klaus fell silent, apparently recognizing his twin’s desperate tone, inebriated as he was.

Together, the three of them walked through the city, Klaus between Kelly and Nathan after it became apparent he couldn’t walk on his own. 

“Christ, does he always come home this shitfaced?” Kelly asked, irritated, and Nathan sucked his lower lip between his teeth.

“Not always,” he answered. “Sometimes, but not always,” he sighed. “This usually heralds the beginning of a bender- well, it used to. Ben and I stop him from doing that.”

“And how joyous it is that you do,” Klaus rambled, eyes half-lidded. “No more waking up in random places with no recollection of how I got there, no more coming home to you wearing a hole in the ground with your pacing- it’s nice, really,” he sighed and turned his head skywards. “I miss stuff that comes in a needle,” he muttered, and Nathan whipped his head around to look at him.

“Klaus-”

“Nate, please, don’t tell me I don’t need it,” Klaus cut across his twin. “Nothing blocks out the ghosties like a good ol’ shot of heroin or ten...” he sighed wistfully. “God I miss it. The days after an OD were always blissfully quiet as well- for 12 hours or so, all the ghosts would leave me alone...” Klaus blinked hard, lower lip wobbling dangerously. “I miss it, Nathan, God I miss it. Not the drugs, not the blackouts- the silence. I miss the silence like the sun misses the flower in the dead of winter.”

Nathan tightened his grip on his twin- almost as if he were afraid he’s disappear. “I know, Klaus,” he said softly. “I know.”

Klaus went silent after that, and Nathan turned to Kelly with a forced grin on his face.

“Right!” He said. “So, I don’t know about you, but Klaus and I have been squatting in the Community Center for the past month or two, so-”

“Nathan,” Kelly interrupted him quietly, and Nathan abruptly shut up.

“The ghosts… aren’t kind to Klaus,” he said as if his twin wasn’t there- which, honestly, with how drugged he was, he might as well have been. “Even before the storm, he could see them- and please, please don’t ask me how,” he begged. “It’s- it’s just too much. But, uh, Klaus has been able to see ghosts for his entire life, and, like I said earlier, they aren’t kind. They want him to help them, but he doesn’t know how, and when he tells them that… they get angry.” He fell silent after that, but Kelly filled in the blanks.

“Drugs drown them out?” She asked, and Nathan nodded.

“Yeah,” he said. “They don’t give me as much trouble, or maybe I can’t see as many, but drugs make them disappear for however long you’re under the influence. Honestly, I-” Nathan cut himself off, teeth clanking together. 

“Nathan?” Kelly prompted gently, and the brunet exhaled through his nose, gaze turned skyward.

“I’m worried-” his voice broke on the second syllable, and he took a few deep breaths before trying again. “I’m terrified about what’s going to happen to him, Kelly. The drugs are a temporary solution to an ongoing problem- what if they stop working? What if he builds up a tolerance? What then? Klaus has always gotten lucky before; they’ve always managed to bring him back if he overdoses, but- his luck’s gotta run out eventually, and I’m scared. I don’t want it to run out.”

Kelly’s gaze softened at Nathan’s heartbroken tone. “Hey,” she said softly. “Oi, look at me,” Nathan did just that. “It’s going to be ok,” Kelly promised, uncharacteristically gentle. “He’s got you, and he’s got me- we’ll keep him alive, I  _ promise. _ And we’ll find a better solution, I swear to you, Nathan. It’s going to be ok.” Nathan gave her a broken smile.

“That’s what we always said to each other, when we were younger,” he said softly. “‘It’s going to be ok.’” He shook his head. “It’s stupid, really- people usually say ‘it’s ok’ or ‘it’s alright,’ but, as I’m sure you’re aware, for most of our childhood, that wasn’t the case. So we said it was  _ going _ to be ok instead, because that’s a promise, and twins don’t break promises.” He smiled bitterly at the ground. “Look how well that turned out. Childish dream, really.” 

“It’s not childish,” Kelly said quietly. “It’s hopeful.” Nathan snorted derisively.

“Hope is for children,” he said dismissively, and Kelly scowled.

“Hope is for everyone who needs it,” she said defensively. “And look how far it’s gotten you.” Nathan rolled his eyes and looked around.

“A dark alleyway while we try to find a place to hide from insane cultists,” he said wryly, then shook his head. “Brilliant.” 

“It got you across the ocean, you nitwit,” Kelly snapped. “It got you out of an abusive household, it’s kept him alive, and I daresay it’s done the same for you.” Nathan bit back a quip of ‘I’d come back anyways-’ now wasn’t the time to open that particular bag of worms. “You just have to be patient, and work a little. Nothing comes for free.” Nathan looked down at the ground, a small smile pulling at the corners of his lips.

“You’re full of sage advice tonight,” he said softly, and Kelly shrugged.

“Advice is only useful if the person it’s being given to listens,” she said with a pointed look at Nathan. “Anything to say to that?”

Nathan was quiet for a moment as he thought about it, then delivered his verdict.

“Alright,” he said quietly. “I can be patient.” Kelly smiled.

“Good,” she said, then readjusted her grip on Klaus. “Now- we need to find a place to stay.” Nathan nodded, visibly shaking himself into his ‘work’ mindset.

“Yes, quite right,” he agreed. “Your house?” Kelly frowned.

“My parents are out, so that could work,” she said, then leveled him with a glare. “If you break anything I swear to God, Nathan-” Nathan raised his free hand in the air in a placating gesture.

“Hey, don’t tell me that,” he said. “He’s the crazy one.” He pointed at Klaus, and Kelly rolled her eyes.

“He’s half asleep,” she deadpanned as they turned a corner. Nathan struggled for a reply for a moment, then gave up.

“Alright, fine,” he said, the cast a nervous glance around when he heard distant yelling “Come on," he said, tugging his brother forward more quickly; "I don't fancy our chances against them if we're caught."

Kelly nodded, and together, the three of them raced through the night.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the longest chapter to date, btw, standing at 6.3K words. Hope you had fun reading it, and have a lovely day :)


	19. Episode Six: Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein Nathan takes down some cultists with brutal efficiency, Simon has a plan, and Klaus is haunted by echoes of the past.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for heavy mentions of drug usage, and a lot of mausoleum-inspired horror  
> My goal with this chapter was to rip your hearts out, throw them on the floor, and then stomp on them a few times for good measure.  
> I'm proud to say I succeeded :)

**On an undisclosed date in the year of 2009, one Klaus Hargreeves woke up. This was unusual only in the fact that he had no idea where he was or how he had gotten there- and he had stopped having memory blanks of** **_that_ ** **magnitude years ago.**

He groaned and opened his eyes, surveying the room with bleary vision. The walls were pink, and there were a few unlit candles on the dresser.

A girl’s room, then. Alight. So he had a crazy night out and some girl took him home. Not too unusual- 

Kelly walked through the open door, and Klaus abruptly realized that no, this was  _ very _ unusual.

“Kelly?” He asked, voice hoarse as he struggled to pull himself into a sitting position. “What in hell’s bells am I doing here? And where  _ is _ here?” 

The blonde blinked at him; “You’re at my parents house,” she said, sounding almost perplexed. Klaus rolled his eyes.

“Well I kind of gathered  _ that, _ ” he deadpanned. “Care to explain what I’m doing here?”

Kelly was quiet for a moment as she collected her thoughts.

“The Community Center wasn’t safe,” she said at length. “We brought you back here.” Klaus raised an eyebrow.

“Who’s ‘we?’” He asked, and Kelly gestured to the body lying next to him.

“Nathan and I,” she explained, and Klaus looked down, noticing for the first time Nathan curled into a ball next to him, sound asleep.

“Oh,” he said. “Why?”

Kelly hesitated; “It’s a long story,” she said. “Hang on, let me get some Advil.”

Klaus was confused for a moment, then he realized the Advil was for him.

“So why isn’t the Community Center safe?” He asked as he sipped his water. Kelly sighed.

“Remember those people we saw the other day in the park?” She asked, and Klaus nodded. “Turns out their leader is brainwashing people into joining their organization. Nathan and I saw her do it yesterday, it was some scary shit.”

Klaus had gone very pale; “Are you guys ok?” He asked, and Kelly nodded.

“We left before she noticed us,” she assured the worried brunet. “Ran into you on our way out; do you not remember?” Klaus shook his head.

“After a night like that?” He asked, then shook his head. “No. Honestly, I’m kind of surprised I woke up today at all.”

Kelly’s frown deepened, and Klaus rolled his eyes; “I’m joking,” he deadpanned, then paused. “Mostly. Anyways,” he hurried to change the subject; “Who’d she virginize?” 

“Curtis.” A voice by his side answered, and Klaus whirled around (well, as much as he could with Nathan practically glued to his side) to look at his twin. Both his eyes were closed, but there was a crease to his eyebrows that said he was awake, and worried. “Last night in the Community Center. They just dragged him in with a bag over his head. Scary shit, I’m telling you.”

Klaus gulped; “Sounds pleasant,” he managed, and Nathan snorted before pulling himself into a sitting position.

“Hardly,” he drawled, then looked at Kelly. “Well?” He asked, rubbing sleep out of his eye. “Got any ideas?”

Kelly held up her phone; “Simon rang,” she said. “Asked if we were alright.” Klaus frowned and leaned forward, a worried crease to his brow.

“Has he been indoctored in, or…?” he trailed off, and Kelly shook her head.

“No, he’s alright,” she said, then added; “He wants us to meet him at the Community Center. Apparently he’s got a plan.”

~~~

As Kelly mentioned earlier, Simon had escaped being virginized- not that he really could be virginized, Nathan pointed out, after all you can’t really ‘virginize’ a virgin, can you?

“Behave, Nathan,” Klaus muttered, tired. Despite the Advil he’d taken earlier, his head was still pounding in time with his heartbeat, and if he concentrated, he thought he could see sound. More than anything else, Klaus wanted to go back to bed.

But seeing groups of young adults wandering around, preaching about the values of being virtuous, burning sex toys and the like made him realize that wasn’t really an option- this was serious.

“You said you had a plan?” Nathan asked, and Simon nodded.

“Yeah,” he confirmed quietly. “We, uh- I think if we isolate them, the brainwashing will wear off.” Nathan narrowed his eyes.

“Has this been scientifically proven, or is this the result of binging one too many comics?” He asked, and Kelly elbowed him.

“Nathan!” She hissed. “Don’t be a dick!” Nathan rolled his eyes.

“I’m just saying what we were all thinking,” he drawled, then turned to his twin; “Well, brother dear? What are your two cents?”

Klaus went quiet for a moment, then spoke.

“Getting the brainwashing to go away is all well and good, but unless we get rid of the source, there’s always the chance they could be re-virginized,” he said at length. “I say we rescue Alisha and Curtis for added manpower- or womanpower- and then hit ‘em where it hurts- go for the leader, or whoever’s doing this to ‘em,” he turned to Kelly and Nathan; “Who did you say was virginizing them?” He asked, and Nathan chewed his lip.

“Didn’t really get a good look at her face,” he confessed. “I was a little more preoccupied with trying to figure out a way to get your drunk ass out of there before anyone saw you.” Klaus rolled his eyes and turned to Kelly, only for her to shake her head.

“I wasn’t exactly concerned about her face either, mate,” she said dryly. “More worried about her weird hypnotizing.”

Klaus rolled his eyes again, then turned back to the crowd in front of the Community Center, scrutinizing them carefully. After a minute or so of careful consideration, he pointed to a girl speaking in front of a camera; “It’s her,” he said quietly. “She’s the leader.” Kelly squinted at her.

“How can you tell?” She asked.

“People keep referring to her,” Klaus explained offhandedly. “Her badge is different, too- it’s fancier. Plus, she’s the one talking in front of a camera-  _ yes, _ Nathan, whatever is the matter?”

“Her power works by talking,” Nathan muttered, not releasing the vice-like grip he had on Klaus’ arm. “Her power works by  _ talking, _ Klaus, and she’s on  _ live television. _ ”

It took a minute for Klaus to get it, but when he did he instantly felt like throwing up.

“Oh, fuck me,” he mumbled. “Oh, God- we are  _ fucked. _ where’s a probation worker when you need one?” Nathan rolled his eyes, but he looked panicked.

“What the hell would we even say, mm?” He snapped. “‘Help! Everyone's stopped taking drugs and urinating in the street!’” He shook his head derisively. “This is every policeman and parent's wet dream. We need to do something, now!”

“How?” Kelly asked desperately. “We can’t touch Alisha and Curtis might up and rewind time on us if we try to get him!”

“Cross that road when we get to it!” Nathan replied. “We can work around Alisha’s power, and we can just club Curtis in the head a few times or something- can’t do much rewinding if he’s unconscious, can he?”

Nathan was grinning widely, pleased with his problem-solving skills, but he frowned when Simon spoke up; “What do we do if the leader shows up?” He asked. “Won’t she try to brainwash us?” Nathan glowered at him, but Klaus cut across him before he could say anything.

“Easy fix,” he said, pulling a mess of wires and a black thing from his pocket. It took the rest of them to realize they were a pair of earbuds and a battered MP3 player, respectively. “If we can’t hear her she can’t brainwash us, can she? Granted the sound’s a little tinny, but it still works- what about you guys?”

Wordlessly, Kelly, Nathan, and Simon all held up other music-playing devices.

“Alright,” Klaus nodded. “Let’s rock ‘n roll.”

~~~

Half an hour or so later they stood in one of the storage rooms of the Community Center, wearing rubber yellow gloves and earbuds. Currently, they were just waiting for Nathan, who was taking forever to choose his music. As for Klaus, he had a System- press shuffle on his playlist, then put the first song that came up on loop.

“Hmm,” he muttered, staring at his choice. “Yeah, that’ll do.” 

“For fuck’s sake, just pick one already!” Kelly exploded at Nathan, barely audible over the Hollies’ ‘We’re Through.’ Irritated, Nathan waved her away.

“You gotta have the right track for this kind of thing,” he muttered. “You need something up-tempo, with a bit of edge to it. I'm thinking Jay-Z, maybe a bit of Dizzee- we could be getting into a race, for all we know-”

“Nathan. For the love of God, just pick one.” Nathan scowled, but selected a song from his playlist and put his MP3 in his pocket.

“Alright,” Kelly said. “Nathan and I will take her out through the fire exit. You two-” she pointed at Klaus and Simon- “go round the back, check nobody's there.” 

“What’s our codeword for if we need to bail on the mission?” Nathan piped up, and Kelly rolled her eyes.

“How about: ‘oh, fuck, the mission’s gone wrong! Abort, abort?’” Klaus suggested, and Nathan nodded at him.

“That works,” he said. “Short and to the point, I like it. Alight,” he pushed up his sleeves.

“Let’s rock n’ roll.”

~~~

Locating Alisha was the easy part. Convincing her to come with them when they couldn’t even hear what she was saying was definitely more difficult.

“That girl, she's brainwashing you.” Kelly said loudly, and Nathan nodded enthusiastically in agreement.

“She’s got you thinking you’re all wrong,” he agreed, even louder. “Come with us, we can help you!” Alisha cocked her head to the side, pity clear in their depths.

“You're the ones who needs help,” she said. “Come to our meetings.”

Kelly and Nathan exchanged glances.

_ Well fuck, this was not the expected outcome,  _ Nathan mouthed. Kelly frowned,

_ Should we just… drag her off anyways?  _ She asked. Nathan threw his hands in the air in a ‘why-the-hell-not-what-have-I-got-to-lose’ kind of gesture.

_ I love it when things go awry, let’s fuck some shit up, _ he replied, then grabbed ahold of Alisha’s bicep.

As expected, she immediately started struggling, and Kelly quickly grabbed her other arm. 

“Fuck’s sake!” Nathan snapped, struggling to evade Alisha’s fists. “For a Virtue Cultist you’re sure not that opposed to violence!” Alisha glared at him, then threw back her head and screamed.

“Help!” She yelled. “Kelly and Nathan are trying to take me somewhere- mmpf!” Nathan cursed violently, hand clamped over Alisha’s mouth.

“They’re gonna come running in a minute,” he warned, fighting to keep his voice steady. “The hell do we do?” Kelly jerked her head towards the fire escape.

_ Same plan, just pick up the pace!  _ Is what he gathered.

Meanwhile, unknown to the two of them, Klaus and Simon were standing just outside said fire escape, banging their fists on the doors in a desperate bid for Kelly or Nathan's attention.

“Get out of there!” Klaus yelled. “The plan’s gone wrong! Abandon ship, abandon ship!” Simon tugged on his arm, a horrified look on his face.

“They can’t hear us,” he said. “They’ve got earbuds in.” Klaus' eyes widened and he quickly redoubled his efforts to get their attention.

“Kelly! Nathan!” He screamed. “TURN THE FUCK AROUND!”

~~~

Meanwhile, inside, Kelly and Nathan were realizing just how little they’d actually thought this plan through. Alisha was still struggling, still trying to fight them off, and ignoring their attempts to talk to her. To make matters worse, Nathan’s earlier prediction had rung true- they could hear Virtue Cultists just outside the door. 

“What the hell do we do?” Kelly asked, eyes wide and fearful. Nathan frantically looked around the room, desperately trying to think of a way to salvage their ruined plan, when realized there wasn’t one- their only option was escape.

“Run for the fucking hills!” He screamed, then darted towards the escape door, eyes widening when he saw Klaus and Simon standing there; “Klaus? Simon? What are you-” 

“Behind you!” Klaus shrieked, pointing at something behind his brother, and Nathan whirled around, blanching when he realized the Virtue Cultists had busted down the door, and were currently dragging Kelly off to God-knows-where.

Fuck, fuck fuck- what the hell did he do now? He could run, thereby saving himself but leaving Kelly to those bastard cultists, or he could try to rescue Kelly. He couldn’t do both…

Nathan sighed, rolled up his sleeves, then ran into the fray.

“NATHAN!” Klaus screamed, banging his fists on the door. “WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING?” Simon bit his lip.

“He's gone back for Kelly,” he said. Klaus stared at him in abject horror for a minute, before swiveling around to look at the fight again.

Inside, Nathan was putting all his training to use, taking out cultists left, right and center. A kick here, an uppercut there- mind out, Number Eight, there’s someone coming up on your three o’clock- careful, don’t let them get a hit in on your throat, that’ll knock you down- go for the cervical vertebrae, drive an elbow or two in there, that’ll do it- hook the fingers, drive them into the eyes, and  _ pull- _

Nathan incapacitated everyone in just under two minutes.

“Move it!” He hissed at Kelly when she didn’t move. “They’ll keep coming, go!”

Kelly stayed frozen; “How did you-”

“GO!”

Kelly got the message, and turned and ran for the exit. Heart thudding away in his ribcage, Nathan began to follow her, only to trip and fall a moment later. 

He turned around, puzzled, and realized with an acute sense of horror that Head Virtue Bitch had grabbed ahold of his ankle, successfully sending him to the ground.

“Nathan!” Kelly hesitated at the door, and Nathan waved her on.

“Go!” He snarled, trying his best to kick Head Virtue Bitch off him. “It's no use if they get both of us, fucking go!” Kelly didn’t move. 

“GO!” Nathan snapped, and finally,  _ finally _ , Kelly ran for the exit, pushing it open and letting it swing shut behind her.

And not a moment too soon, either. Just as the door swung shut, the words;  _ “You don’t have to behave like this. You can be so much better”  _ reached his ears, and Nathan was lost to the world.

~~~

Outside, Klaus was having a conniption.

“NATHAN!” He screamed, pounding on the doors. “NATHAN- LET GO OF ME!”

“Klaus, we’ve gotta go!” Simon said, desperately pulling Klaus away from the doors. “He’s gone! We have to go!” 

Klaus rounded on him with a furious glare. “No!” He snapped. “I’m not leaving without Nathan!”

“He’s  _ gone _ , Klaus!” Kelly hissed, joining Simon in trying to pull the brunet away from the door. “Now come on! If they get us, it’s all over- Nathan will be stuck like that forever! We’re the only ones who can help him, come on!”

That did it.

“They're coming!” Kelly yelled as they ran through the streets, a hoard of Virtue Cultists on their heels. “Fucking run for it!” Beside her, Simon screamed out a course of; “You're next! You're next!” that didn’t really do anything but confuse anyone watching.

“Fuck!” Klaus cursed when they found themselves surrounded on either side by cultists. “Fucking fuck, they’re everywhere!” He rounded on Simon, desperation clear in his hazel eyes; “Can you use your power?” He asked. “Sneak outta here and get help or something,  _ anything?” _ Simon nodded jerkily, then vanished.

“Right, ok,” Klaus said, shifting so he was back-to-back with Kelly. “I’ll take the ones on the left, you take the ones on the right.” Kelly moved to a fighting stance, but she looked defeated.

“There’s too many of them, Klaus,” she said. The brunet scowled.

"Yeah, but you've got me," he muttered. "I may not have actively been in a proper fight for nearly ten years- and I might still be a little hungover- but-" he inhaled sharply. "They're just masses, Kelly, and they don't have Head Virtue Bitch. Go for the throat, and don't let then swarm you." Kelly choked.

“That’ll  _ kill _ them!” She cried, and Klaus raised an eyebrow.

“And?” He asked cooly, then cracked his knuckles. “They took my brother away from me, Kelly. I’m not in a particularly merciful mood right now.” 

Whatever Kelly was about to say was cut off when a bloke on a bicycle suddenly wheeled up to them and snapped; “get on! Quickly!”

(His voice was vaguely familiar, but neither Klaus nor Kelly really bothered to think about it- they had bigger issues at the moment.)

~~~

Bicycle Bloke let them off a few blocks away, then sped off, leaving them in the dust.

Klaus was quiet for a moment, then sank to his knees; “Fuck fuck FUCK!” He yelled, tearing at his hair. Numerous other expletives were tossed out; “Shit! Fuck, they’re in for it now-”

“Klaus?” Kelly interrupted the brunet’s rant. She sounded tired; “Maybe  _ don’t _ have a shouting match with yourself where the cultists can hear you?”

Klaus glared at her for a moment, then sighed and slumped forward; “Your place?” He asked, and Kelly nodded.

“My place.”

~~~

“I want to see Nathan.”

It was the first words spoken in over an hour. After coming in, Kelly had left to make them both a cup of tea (and whether they were laced with something a little extra remains a mystery) and Klaus curled up into a little ball on the couch.

Kelly set her tea down; “He’s been Virginized-”

“I know,” Klaus cut across her. “I just- I need to see him. Please.”

Kelly stared at him for a moment, then sighed. 

“Grab your coat,” she said tiredly. “And for the love of  _ God _ please don’t walk in smoking a blunt.” 

~~~

Inside the Community Center was crawling with Virtue Cultists, not that Klaus really expected any different.

_ Well this was a bad idea,  _ he thought vacantly.  _ Here I am, in a crop top and a skirt, eyeliner, surrounded by people dressing 'gender appropriate,'  _ he shook his head.  _ Jeez, Klaus, could you be more conspicuous? _

"Excuse me," Klaus stopped dead, dread flooding him when a man spoke up from behind him. Fuck, why did he think this was a good idea? Not even five minutes in and they’d found him already, Jesus Christ- "I haven't seen you around here before. What's your name?"

Slowly, Klaus realized he hadn't been found out; the person- whoever he was- was just asking a question.

(If he didn't know any better, he'd say he thought he was one of them.

Useful information, useful information.)

"I'm, um, I'm looking for my brother," Klaus said, trying to mimic the man's pleasantly vacant tone. "Have you seen him?" The man frowned.

"I don't know," he said. "Maybe. What does your brother look like?"

"Exactly like me," Klaus answered. "We're identical twins." 

The man squinted at him for a moment, then his face split into a huge grin; "Oh!" He said. "Oh, yes, I have!" The man shook his hand enthusiastically; "Your brother, sir, is a gift from God!" 

Klaus raised an eyebrow and withdrew his hand; "Are you sure we're talking about the same person?" He asked suspiciously, and the man nodded immediately. 

"Yes sir!" He confirmed, then shook his head in disbelief. "He's- well, I'll let you see for yourself, sir, but- golly gee- he's amazing, an absolute gift!"

Klaus wasn't sure what was more disturbing- the fact that his brother was a 'gift from God,' or that the man had unironically said 'golly gee.'

"Brilliant," Klaus said weakly. "Could you, um- lead me to him?" 

The man nodded- he was like a bobblehead toy, Klaus reflected absently- and started leading him away, though he did pause to give the brunet a suspicious look and say; "You're not planning on wearing that to the meetings, are you?"

"What, this?" Klaus looked down at himself and faked a laugh. "Heavens no. I just haven't gotten a chance to change, yet." The man nodded.

"Good," he said, then stopped and gestured to the room ahead of him. "Well, there you have it- we've been calling him the Ouija, with his permission, of course. Said he'd take anything that wasn't 'Séance-' apparently that was your name?" 

The man trailed off, staring at Klaus quizzically, but the brunet wasn't listening.

Because in front of him, stretched as far as the eye could see, were ghosts- tens upon  _ hundreds  _ of them, never-ending.

It made Klaus want to throw up.

"Yeah, I'll um- do you mind if I go talk to him? Official twin business, and all." Klaus tried for a smile. It came out as more of a grimace. 

The man nodded and gestured for him to go forward, which Klaus did- with a lot of willpower, and a lot of fear. (His hands were shaking.)

_ Please don't notice me,  _ he prayed, keeping his eyes locked on the ground, unwilling to look any spectre in the eye. (He could hear them screaming his name.)

_ ("Dad, let me out!" _

_ "I don't know how to help you, I'm sorry!" _

_ "Go away!") _

Eventually he reached the 'front desk' where Nathan was stationed; "Nathan?" He asked quietly. His voice was wobbly, and his eyes were filled with tears ( _ KlausKlausKlausKlausKlaus- _ ) 

"Klaus!" Nathan seemed genuinely delighted to see him, but his words faded to worry when he saw the sorry state his twin was in- "Oh, gosh, um- everyone!" He raised his voice, presumably to talk to the masses of ghosts, but Klaus still flinched back anyways. "If you could give me fifteen or so minutes, please- I just have to talk to my brother, and then he can help you too!"

Klaus' eyes went wide and his breathing more or less stopped.

_ (“NATHAN! HELP! SOMEBODY, LET ME OUT!”) _

"Nathan," he whispered, pulling on his twin's sleeve. "Why would you tell them I can  _ see  _ them?" 

Nathan blinked at him; "Because you can help them?" He replied, then started walking, gesturing for Klaus to follow him; "Come on, let's go talk inside my office- I know you don't like ghosts very much."

Klaus snorted derisively; "Understatement of the year," he muttered, but let Nathan guide him into a surprisingly well-kept office.

_ (“P-Please go away, I’m sorry, I don’t know how to help, please please  _ please... _ ”) _

Dazed, he took a seat in the middle, eyes roaming around the sparse walls absently; "It's very…"

Cold. Detached. Not you.

Nathan grinned; "Minimalistic," he said. "The Virtue says that too much clutter distracts one." Klaus raised an eyebrow.

“Do they now,” he murmured. “How fascinating.” 

Nathan grinned at him, then clasped his hands together; "What brings you here, brother?" Klaus blinked. He wanted to ask  _ “What happened to you,”  _ but what came out was:

"Nathan, what's with all the ghosts?" 

Nathan tilted his head to the side; "Well, it started earlier today, actually when I saw all the ghosts just loitering around. I felt bad for them, see, because they were stuck here, so I decided to help them. A little inefficient and poorly organized at first, but now they’re all lined up waiting for their number to be called, as you saw." 

He shrugged, as if it was nothing unusual. As if he hadn't grown up listening to his brother beg and  _ plead  _ for the ghosts to leave him alone, to give him one damned  _ second  _ of peace, of  _ silence. _

That scared him almost more than the ghosts did.

"I can't get through very many at a time," Nathan continued, oblivious to the internal plight his brother was experiencing. "It's just- it's so crazy difficult to help them, you've got no idea, 'cause they've all got different things keeping them to this world- but now you're here! And you can help!"

Klaus paled; "M-Me?" He asked, and Nathan nodded vigorously.

"Yeah!" He agreed. "You can help me help them to move on!"

Klaus was shaking his head before his twin had even finished speaking; "No," he said, hating how small his voice sounded. "No, Nathan, I can't."

"Why not?" His brother challenged. "You've got the same power as I do, so why not?"

_ Because I have a panic attack if I'm surrounded by ghosts? Because a roomful of ghosts will make me flashback to the mausoleum? Because I'm high? Because I'm too much of a  _ failure  _ to figure out how my damn powers work? _

All these replies and more swirled through Klaus' head, growing more and more self-deprecating as time passed.

"I don't know how," he said at length, if only to preserve what was left of his shattered sanity. 

Nathan rolled his eyes.

"I'll teach you!" He replied, then, to Klaus' growing horror, started dragging him out of the room- towards the ghosts.

_ (“HELP US, KLAUS!”) _

"Nathan- no!" Klaus pulled away, hazel eyes wide and fearful. "I can't!" Nathan scowled at him.

"Come on, Klaus, don't be so selfish," he admonished. "You have a power for a reason, stop being self-centered and help them!"

Each word was like a punch to the gut, crumbling sanity and self-esteem alike. "B-But… I  _ can't."  _ Klaus said again, wrapping his skinny arms around his chest as panic started bubbling up. "Nathan, you know why I can't. The mausoleum-"

"Wouldn't have been so bad if you'd actually tried to help the ghosts instead of screaming at them to go away," Nathan cut across him. He shook his head pitifully. "Dad was right- you'll never amount to anything unless you get over your fear."

_ (“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’ll do better I promise,  _ please _ don’t put me back in the mausoleum-”) _

Klaus stared at him; "How can you  _ say  _ that?" He asked finally, voice broken. "How can you- you helped me! You took my place sometimes! Day in, day out, when I'd come in at 3 in the  _ fucking  _ morning, shaking and covered in dirt and scratches and every other foul thing from that damned crypt- you always let me in! Always! Even when I had to run across the hallway at 5 in the morning because Dad didn't like us sharing a room, you'd still let me in the night after! You  _ never  _ said that Dad was right, never!" Klaus laughed a little hysterically; "Don't you remember  _ any  _ of that?"

Nathan was quiet for a moment as he considered his words. When he spoke, his voice was icy; "I think you should leave now."

Klaus' expression crumbled. "Nathan-"

"If the only thing you came here for was to insult our father, then I'd rather you leave," he gestured to the door. "And don't come back until you've changed your attitude."

Klaus stared at him for a moment, then inhaled sharply; "I'm sorry," he choked out. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have left you, I'm sorry- I'll fix it though, alright? I promise you Nate,  _ I'll fix it." _

_ Even if it kills me. _

_ (“Four?” _

_ “Yeah, Eight?” _

_ “Why don’t you like the ghosts?” _

_ “They yell at me and follow me. It scares me.” _

_ “Oh...” _

_ “Eight, where are you going?” _

_ “To tell the ghosts to leave you alone.” _

_ “Why?” _

_ “Because I love you, dummy.”) _


	20. Episode Six: Part Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein someone... falls.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for mentions of drug usage, and, well, death

 On an undisclosed date in the year of 2009, a cult received two new followers. This was unusual only in the fact that the two new cult members really had no intention of following the cult’s rules and regulations.

“I feel like death warmed over," Klaus mumbled, fiddling with his tie. Kelly gave him a concerned look.

"You alright?" She asked, and Klaus sighed.

"Just didn't sleep that well is all," he muttered, which was a bit of an understatement- nightmares galore, last night had been, with the new and exciting combo of mausoleum, Tony the rabid probation worker, and Virtue!Nathan all rolled into one hellish torture.

Klaus really wanted a blunt, but Kelly had advised against it, saying; "If they smell weed on you, we're in deep shit."

(Later, that decision would save his life- literally.)

"I hate wearing a suit,” Klaus hissed, picking at his collar disdainfully. "Reminds me of my youth- remind me, why can't I show up in a skirt?" Kelly gritted her teeth.

"Because the Virtue would figure you out instantly, as boys don't typically wear skirts." She said, and Klaus huffed.

"I'll have you know I can pull off the androgynous look incredibly well," he grumbled. "Besides, I'm non-binary- though being the repressed cult they are, they'd probably have hangups about that too." 

Kelly blinked at him, momentarily thrown for a loop-  what the hell was non-binary-  then shook her head and reminded herself that, for the moment at least, they had more important things to worry about.

Like Curtis, who was currently walking up to them with a pleased smile.

“Kelly! Klaus!” He seemed genuinely delighted to see them. “I’m so glad you’re with us now!” 

Klaus tried for a smile. He feared it looked more like a grimace.

“I'm so pleased to be here,” he said. The words felt like sawdust in his mouth. “I was such a loser. The drugs, the sex, all that fast food,” he shook his head as if in dismay. “I was so miserable.” Curtis nodded in agreement.

“I hear you,” he said without looking up from his clipboard. “You were so irritating, what with your makeup and skirts.”

Klaus' smile turned strained. Beside him, Kelly coughed something that sounded suspiciously like a laugh, and Klaus glared at her out of the corner of his eye.

“Halt die Klappe, Kelly,”  he said pleasantly, and something akin to a scowl graced Kelly’s features. 

“Lutsch meinen Arsch, Klaus,” she fired back, in perfect German, and Klaus choked.

“Since when do you speak German?” He hissed, and Kelly shrugged.

“Google translate,” she answered, then hesitated. “Plus, y’know… you and Nathan tend to think in German if you’re worried I’m listening. You pick some stuff up.”

In front of them, Curtis gave them a confused look; “I’m sorry, what’s happening?” Klaus started.

“Oh, I, err...” he trailed off, but Kelly came to his rescue.

“Klaus has been teaching me German,” she interrupted smoothly, and Klaus nodded enthusiastically.

“Yeah!” He agreed. “She’s really good at it, actually, and this way I’ve more people to practice with!” 

Curtis looked a little suspicious, but let the matter go nonetheless.

"Would you sign this?" He asked suddenly, presenting a clipboard to the two of them. Klaus tilted his head to the side as he considered it.

"Sure," he replied. "What's it for?"

"We're campaigning against contraceptives being given out in schools," he explained. "Would you sign it?"

Klaus nodded and took the petition off him; "Of course," he said. "There's only one thing young ladies should be inserting in themselves, and that's knowledge."

Beside him, Kelly choked on a laugh, and Curtis gave her a concerned look. She managed to turn it into a cough, and said; "Cough. Cold." 

Klaus rolled his eyes, scanning the room for Head Virtue Bitch- or Rachel, if you prefer, as apparently, that was her name.

"Nathan been asking about you," Curtis said, and Klaus barely restrained a flinch at the mention of his brother's name.

"Oh yeah?" He replied, aiming for casual. He wasn't sure if he succeeded- "What's he saying?" Curtis shrugged.

"He says he's sorry for not taking your phasmophobia seriously," Curtis relayed, and Klaus stared aimlessly at him.

"English, please?" He asked when he realized the athlete wasn't going to be very forthcoming with any sort of definition or explanation.

"Fear of ghosts," Curtis elaborated.

Ah. Yes. That made sense.

Still-

"What… exactly did he say?" Klaus hedged cautiously, worried that his mind-controlled twin may have given away all his secrets.

Curtis scratched his head, looking vaguely puzzled; "You know, I'm not exactly sure," he admitted, and Klaus breathed a sigh of relief. "Lots of stuff about mausoleums, and flashbacks, and drugs, and all sorts of nasty stuff," he clapped Klaus on the shoulder, a concerned look in his eyes. "If you ever want to talk, I'm here."

"Err… thanks," Klaus edged away from him a little bit, touched, but very weirded out at the same time. 

It was shaping up to be a bizarre week, what could he say?

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Rachel enter a backroom, and his vision tunneled.

Phase one is a go.

"Could you excuse us for a moment?" He asked absently, not taking his narrowed gaze off the room Rachel had gone into. Curtis, ever the loving, clueless idiot Rachel had turned him into, nodded and turned away to go bother some other poor sod about being virtuous.

Immediately, Klaus turned to Kelly; "You remember the plan?" He asked in an undertone, and the blonde nodded.

"Mhmm," she confirmed. "You go in and make her change 'em back, while I stand guard." Klaus nodded sagely.

"Very good," he said. "Anyone comes by, give 'em a good swift dig in the ear-hole." Kelly rolled her eyes.

"Sure, Klaus," she drawled, then waved him on; "Go! She won't be alone for very much longer, go!"

Klaus nodded. He could do this, he had this in the bag, there was a whole bag, waiting to be got- he had this.

(Spoiler: he didn't.)

~~~

Rachel's midmorning prayers were interrupted ever so efficiently the man with the gun entered the room and demanded she 'fix them.'

"Change them back to the way they were," he demanded. Rachel froze and slowly rotated on her heel, trying to place this stranger. For a split second, she thought it was Nathan- but no, she'd converted him a few days ago, it couldn't be him.

Could it?

Well, whether or not it was Nathan, right now he had a gun, and was pointing it at her. Worrying about his identity was the least of her problems.

"Just stay calm," she implored him. "I'm sure we can work something out."

Meanwhile, Klaus shifted his weight, unsure. He didn't plan for her actually  talking  to him- "Your voodoo magic won't work on me," he said instead, gesturing to his earbuds; "I can't hear a word you're saying. Now-" he glowered at her. "whatever you did to them, undo it." Rachel frowned.

"They're better off as they are-" 

Well, fuck. More talking.

"-everyone was teasing me for being a virgin-"

At least she can't mind-control him, right?

"I'm a nice person and they treated me like a freak." Klaus rolled his eyes.

"Blah blah blah," he said, then deadpanned, gesturing to the masses with the hand that wasn't currently holding his water pistol; "Change them back."

"I can't!" Rachel exploded. "I can't, even if I wanted to!"

Dammit, why was she being so difficult? In the past, the threat of snapping someone's neck or gouging out their eyes (alright so this was a little less messy- just as harrowing, though) was enough to make them spill, why was this girl saying no??

(Maybe she doesn't know how,  the treacherous part of Klaus' brain whispered.  Maybe she can't, maybe everyone- Nathan- maybe they're stuck like that forever-)

No. Klaus would  die  before that became a reality.

"I'm going to shoot you in the face," he snarled, stepping forward. For every step he took, Rachel took two back, until she had nowhere else to go.

But still, she refused to yield.

(At least, that's what it sounded like to Klaus' music-swamped ears. Really, Rachel was telling him,  begging him  to understand that she didn't know  how  her powers worked, she didn't know  how  to change them back, and to please please  please  put the gun down because; "you're starting to frighten me-")

Alright then, plan B.

"Everybody stay the fuck down or I will shoot her in the face!" Klaus shouted as he kicked the door down, staggering out with Rachel huddled under one arm. Beside him, Kelly's eyes went wide.

"What the fuck are you  doing?"  She hissed. Klaus laughed nervously

"Improvising!" He replied, dragging Rachel up the stairs to the roof, Kelly in tow- "You, down, down now!" He yelled, waving his water gun wildly. "Stay down! Everybody, stay down! Get back!"

Together, the three of them made their way into the roof, with no way out, as Rachel helpfully pointed out. (Upon seeing what a Disaster this man really was, how little he had actually thought things through, she realized she had no reason to fear him. Like, at all. So, she didn't.)

And, it was raining. Heavily.

Brilliant.

"Let her go!" Alisha shouted from the ground, worry clear in her tone. "Please, Klaus!"

The others exclaimed similar sentiments, and Klaus shook his head in disgust.

"Look at you all!" He yelled. "She's got you thinking this is how you're supposed to be! Well, it's not! We're young! We're supposed to drink too much! We're supposed to have bad attitudes and shag each other's brains out! We are designed to  party!"

Chest heaving, he looked out over them all, hazel eyes bright with an almost otherworldly intensity; "This is it," he promised. "You and me, we're the future. And yeah, a few of us will overdose or go mental," he shrugged. "But Charles Darwin said you can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs. And that's what it's all about, breaking eggs! And by eggs, yes, I do mean, getting twatted on a cocktail of Class As." 

He sighed heavily; "If you could just see yourselves!" He cried. "It breaks my heart! You're wearing cardigans, for fuck's sake! 

"We had it all, we fucked up bigger and better than any generation that came before us! We were so beautiful!" 

"We're screw-ups, you and me," Klaus promised, gesturing to the crowd, then to himself. "I'm a screw-up and I plan to be a screw-up until my late 20s, maybe even my early 30s. And I will shag my own mother before I let her-" he pointed to Rachel- "or anyone else take that away from me!"

Grinning widely, because that was an amazing speech if he did say so himself, Klaus looked around the rooftop, confused when he saw Kelly shaking her head into her palm.

"Your gun's leaking." Rachel informed him furiously.

Ah.

"So you threatened me with a water pistol!" She demanded, livid, then scoffed and shook her head. "You're just like the rest of them! You'd be so much happier if- 

"I still can't hear you!" Klaus yelled, gesturing to his earbuds, then figured  what the hell  and squirted her in the face a few times with his water pistol.

Rachel recoiled, rage dancing in her eyes; "You idiot!" She snarled, and Klaus shrugged.

"I mean, she's not wrong!" He called to Kelly, frowning when Rachel shoved him. He scowled at her and shoved her back.

Then, things went wrong.

With an aborted scream, Rachel slipped over the edge, the rain-slicked tiles apparently a bad match to her high heels. Flailing madly, she scrambled for something- anything- to grab onto, to break her fall.

She grabbed Klaus.

Unprepared for the sudden weight in combination with his own momentum already trying to pull him over, Klaus screamed as he fell, rusted iron gate getting closer and closer and closer-

SHHING-CRUNCH!

~~~

Nathan was very, very, very confused, for a number of different reasons.

  1. Why was he standing in front of the Community Center, in the pouring rain, for no apparent reason?

  2. Why the fuck was he wearing a suit? 

  3. Why were there two dead bodies in front of him- oh, fuck, wait, that isn't-




"KLAUS!" Nathan shrieked, darting forwards to the body impaled on the fence. "Oh God, oh god-" he hesitated, fingers ghosting over the gruesome wound. "Oh fuck, Klaus, Klaus, are you- fuck, Klaus,  please-  oh God, oh God-"

Someone tried to pull him away. Several someones tried to pull him away, actually, but Nathan didn't let them because that was his  brother  goddammit, skewered on old metal fencing like- like-

"KLAUS!" He wailed, fingers knotting themselves in his twin's lapels. "COME BACK!" 

Nathan glared up at the sky, tears mingling with the rainwater on his face; "BRING HIM BACK!" He screamed. "BRING HIM BACK!"

Someone tried to pull him away again, and this time, they wouldn't take no for an answer; "Nathan- Nathan- you can't- we have to-"

It was Kelly, and from the sounds of it, she was fighting back tears of her own, too.

Nathan threw himself over the body of his deceased twin; "No!" He sobbed, eyes screwed shut. "No! Don't- don't take him away, please  please  don't take him away…" 

All was silent.


	21. The Rescue: Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein secrets are revealed, tears are shed, and someone rejoins the ranks of the living. Oh, and a corpse is stolen out of a morgue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I want you to cry.  
> TW for death, mentions of Umbrella Academy days, drug usage, and, well, some people steal a corpse.
> 
> I will be on a 1 week hiatus starting next week.

Nathan didn't really stop crying.

Oh, he quieted down, sure- after a while, of course, he got himself quite worked up when the authorities showed up to take Klaus' body away- screaming and crying and begging them  "please  please  don't take him away he's all I've got-" but the tears didn't ever stop falling from his eyes, not really.

Right now he was sat curled up in a ball on Kelly's couch, staring vacantly out the window, as several cups of tea cooled in front of him on the coffee table.

(Kelly wasn't blind to the fact that he was a mirror image of his twin, who had sat in that very spot not even a day ago, mourning the loss of his brother. The irony was not lost on her.)

"It should have been me."

That was the first thing Nathan said when he got in, and that was nearly half an hour ago. Since then he'd lapsed into silence, staring vacantly out the window with cold, dead eyes-

Kelly pushed a glass of water into his hands; "Drink," she said. "You'll get sick if you don't."

What's the point?

"Klaus-" her voice broke. "Wouldn't want you torturing yourself for his sake."

At her words, Nathan's eyes welled up with tears, but he took tiny sips of water anyways.

Baby steps, baby steps.

After fifteen minutes of deafening silence, Nathan spoke; "It should have been me." 

(His voice was quiet, and broken. It wasn't right.)

Kelly shook her head; "Don't say that," she said. "How do you think Klaus would feel if he was in your position?" Nathan huffed a bitter and watery laugh. 

"He'd be absolutely fine," he said, and Kelly scowled.

"Don't lie," she said. "Don't shame Klaus' memory like that-"

Nathan slammed his glass on the table; "But it's true!" He cried. "Klaus would be fucking fine if I died, because I'd  come back!"

Nathan fell silent, glaring out the window. After a moment, he spoke again; "I was born with a weird power, alright? I can't die. I'm indestructible, like Captain fucking Scarlet or some shit. I just-" Nathan inhaled sharply, digging the heels of his palms into his eyes. "I come back, every goddamn time, and it's a fucking nightmare." His face screwed up with anger, tears cutting lines down his face. "It should have been  me  on that fucking roof, it should've been  me  who took the plunge, it should have been  me who fucking died!" 

Kelly stared at Nathan in abject horror for a moment, before tackling him with a fierce hug. Nathan froze for a moment, then wound his arms around her as the damn broke.

“It’s not fucking fair!” He wailed, tears soaking the sleeve of her shirt. “We survived Dad’s shitty training! All those fucking missions! The mausoleums, the ghosts, the  fucking cupboard and the endless-fucking-dying!” Nathan inhaled a huge lungful of air, breath coming in stuttering gasps. “And it was all for fucking nothing! Survived eighteen years under Dad’s inane Umbrella Academy bullshit, made it out alive, and now Klaus is  gone- ”

The rest of Nathan’s sentence dissolved into tears, and Kelly hugged him tighter. Almost desperately, he seized fistfuls of her shirt, as if afraid she would leave him too. 

“It’s alright,” Kelly soothed, then thought better of it. 

“It’s going to be okay.” She amended, and Nathan went dead still in her arms.

For a moment she feared she'd mistepped, but then Nathan inhaled a huge lungful of air and gripped her tighter.

"He's gone, Kelly," he choked. "He's gone, I-I'm never gonna- I'm never gonna see him again, he's  gone-"

Kelly hugged him tighter; "It's going to be okay," she promised, now fighting back tears of her own. "It's going to be ok."

~~~

Sometime after the last of Nathan's tears had dried, he turned to her and said, in a tone that was broken and sad; "Well, now you know everything. Congratulations."

The first thought that popped into Kelly’s head was that no, she most certainly did  not know everything- a past like Nathan’s would take more than a few hours to work through. She could tell by the set of his shoulders and the way his hands were clenched into fists at his sides- he knew there was more, he knew  she knew there was more, and he was waiting for her to push.

It wasn’t fair though. It wasn’t fair to pick his brain, not when Nathan had just lost the only family he had.

There was one thought, though, one thought that kept poking the edge of her consciousness,  screaming  that there was a connection to be made. 

“How can you have necromancy  and immortality?” Kelly asked, puzzled. “I thought you only had the one?” Nathan blinked at her, then huffed a watery laugh.

"The storm," he answered, subdued. "It gave us each other's' power. Henceforth, I'm now immortal, and Klaus is- well, he  was  immortal. Our powers don't work when we're under the influence, which, well, Klaus was  always under the influence, so-"

"Wait a minute," Kelly suddenly found it very hard to breathe. "Your powers don't work when you're drunk? Or high?" Nathan nodded.

"Yeah," he mumbled. "That's why Klaus spent most of our teenage years drugged up to his ears. Drowned out the ghosts, y'see-"

"Klaus wasn't high when he fell," Kelly blurted, and Nathan froze. "When- When we stormed the place, he wasn't high- I told him not to, because if any of those Virtue Cultists smelled weed on him it was all over-"

"No way Klaus would have listened to you," Nathan snapped, trying to ignore the very painful bubble of hope that was growing in his chest. "That place was fucking  crawling  with ghosts, there's no way he would've gone in without some backup of the medicinal kind."

"Not if it was your life on the line," Kelly fired back. "I'm serious, Nathan, I was with him the  entire  time. There's no way he could've popped a pill of smoked a blunt-"

"Are you  sure,  Kelly?" Nathan asked, nearly begging. “Are you  sure? Because- I can’t handle it if you’re wrong-”

"I’m sure, Nathan," Kelly said determinedly, and Nathan jumped to his feet.

"Then what the fuck are we waiting for?" He asked, heart pounding painfully in his chest. "We've gotta- we've gotta rescue him! We've gotta break him out, we've gotta- we've gotta-"

"We've gotta make a plan," Kelly cut across him gently. "We can't just march into the mortuary and drag him out, that's illegal-"

"Fuck illegal!" Nathan snapped, running his hands through his hair. "We don't have time to do this legally, Kelly, they could put him in the ground  tomorrow,  for fuck's sake! I can't- I can't let him go through that, Kelly, I can't, he can't- it's not- he can't-"

"Breathe,  Nathan," Kelly said, worry reflected in her tone. "You're gonna give yourself a panic attack-" Nathan glared at her.

"Call Simon!" He snapped. "The little freak's got to know how to smuggle a dead body out of a mortuary, call him!"

Kelly glared at him; "Alright, alright," she replied, putting her phone to her ear. It rang a few times, then she said; "Hey, Simon? We need you." A pause. "Yes, you, why do you sound surprised? Whatever, just- get over here, quick."

~~~

Simon got over there quick.

"What's wrong?" He gasped, eyes wide and fearful. His chest was heaving, and he was wheezing- apparently he’d  run the entire way here.

Nathan could appreciate that kind of dedication.

“It’s a long story-” Kelly began, but Nathan cut her off.

“Klaus is immortal,” he said hurriedly. “He’s gonna resurrect sometime this week, but not before they put him in the ground. We need to bust him out, like,  pronto .” 

Simon blinked at him, then blinked some more. “What?” He croaked, and Kelly sighed.

“You can’t just drop a bomb like that on him, Nathan,” she muttered, and the brunet groaned before stomping around in a small circle.

“Fuck’s sake!” He exploded, then turned back to Simon. “Klaus and I had powers before, alright? The storm switched them around! Now I can see ghosts, and Klaus is immortal! He’s gonna reanimate before the end of the week, we need to rescue him!”

Simon was getting a headache; "What do you mean you had a power before the storm?" He asked, hopelessly confused. "None of us did." Nathan rolled his eyes.

"Well of course you didn't, Barry, you're all ordinary," he said waspishly. "But Klaus and I won the jackpot for a fucked up life, so here we are. Can you bust him out of the morgue??" 

Simon frowned at him, a million and one questions flying through his head, but the manic glint in Nathan's eyes told him it would not be wise to push.

(Besides, he had an idea of what it was all about already. It began with U, and ended in Y. Two words.)

"Maybe," the blond said slowly. "I don't know. I've never broken into a morgue before." 

"Well, there's a first time for everything, isn't there?" Nathan countered. "Come on, Weird Kid, clock is ticking!"

"I could go invisible," Simon blurted, saying the first thing that popped into his head. "That could get me into the building, at least, but I don't know how we'd get him out."

Nathan rolled his eyes; "We've been towing bodies around for almost three weeks and none of us are experts yet?" He asked, then shook his head. "That shit blows, man."

Simon shook his head, then froze as a horrible thought occurred to him; "How good is your reanimation power?" He asked shakily. "Can you regrow limbs?" Nathan snorted.

"I'm not a lizard, Barry," he responded snidely. Simon glared at him

"What about organs? Bones?" He pressed, and Nathan threw his hands in the air.

"I don't know, Barry!" He exclaimed. "Reginald was always more focused on shortening my comeback time than testing the outer limits of my ability. Why do care?"

"Because they may have dissected Klaus!" Simon snapped, and Nathan went dead still. "If they suspect foul play, which they probably do, they might cut him open to determine-"

"I'll kill 'em," Nathan cut across the blond, hands clenched into fists at his sides. "If they've hurt him, I'll kill them- and I know lots of slow, painful ways to end someone’s life."

Simon and Kelly were quiet for a moment. Neither doubted Nathan’s ability to get creative with murder, especially where his brother was concerned.  

Then, Simon blurted: "Do we even know where the mortuary is?" 

A pause. Kelly and Nathan exchanged glances. "That'll be the first thing we figure out," the brunet said. "Let’s go."

~~~

They checked three mortuaries before they found the one Klaus was in, and even then it was only because Kelly could hear the pathologists and morticians all thinking of the poor bloke who fell off a building and got impaled on an iron fence.

"It's this one," she whispered, then turned to look at her two companions. "Alright, how are we gonna do this?"

"I could go invisible and grab him," Simon spoke up, and Nathan rolled his eyes.

"And what, just let them see a dead body floating in thin air?" Nathan scoffed. "Save the theatrics for  Carrie,  Weird Kid." Simon glared at him.

"Do you have a better idea?" He snapped. "One, single, better idea?"

Nathan balked for a moment, then thought about it. "I'll pitch myself off the roof," he said at length. "Should stay dead long enough for them to be concerned-"

"You're not going to pitch yourself off the roof, Jesus," Kelly snapped. "You're so dramatic, calm down." Nathan glowered at her.

"Got a better idea?" He hissed. "No? Then tally-ho, blondie, up to the roof I go- ack! Let go of me!" 

Kelly didn't bother releasing her grip on his shirtsleeve; "What about you, Simon?" she asked tiredly. "Any ideas?" 

The blond thought about it for a moment.

“Maybe we won’t need a distraction,” he said at length. “I’ve been practicing with my invisibility- I can turn other things invisible too, if I hold onto them.” Nathan frowned.

“Turning a porn mag invisible isn’t exactly the same as turning a dead body invisible,” he pointed out snidely. Simon glowered at him.

“Do you want my help or not?” He snapped, and Nathan scowled at the floor.

After a beat of silence, he bit out a short; "Yes. Please."

Simon nodded; "Thank you," he said. "I'll go scout out the building?" Nathan waved him away.

"Sure," he drawled. "Have fun, Barry. Text us where our exit is and we'll meet you there."

Simon glowered at him one last time before flickering once, twice, and disappearing.

~~~

Fifteen or so minutes passed before they got the text from Simon saying to go to the West hallway in the basement because it connected to the parking lot, apparently. 

Nathan shook his head; "Now there's an invitation to get murdered if I've ever heard one," he muttered, peering over Kelly's shoulder at the text in question. He turned to look at her; "Aren't you glad he's on our side?"

Kelly rolled her eyes and slipped her phone back in her pocket; "Come on, let's go." She said, walking off at a brisk pace. Nathan jogged to catch up with her.

"Did you text Alisha?" He asked.

"Yeah," Kelly answered. "She's on her way."

Alisha was there already, actually, parked not too far from the entrance. 

"Why d'you need my dad's car?" She asked, leaning out the window of the front seat. Curtis was sat next to her in the passenger's.

"We're not moving another dead body, are we?" He joked, easygoing expression fading to one of acute horror when Kelly and Nathan exchanged an awkward glance or two. "What the fuck? Oh, that's sick! Who did you murder this time?"

"We didn't murder anybody!" Kelly snapped. "We're-" she cut herself off, looking at Nathan pleadingly. The brunet sighed.

"We're rescuing Klaus," he explained reluctantly. 

A wounded expression crashed over Alisha's face; "Nathan, Klaus is… Klaus is dead." She said gently, and Nathan glared at her.

"I know that!" He snapped, making her jump. "I saw him fall, I'm not an idiot!"

"Then why are we moving his body?" Alisha queried, and Nathan paused and chewed his lip, a contemplative crease to his brow as he pondered how best to answer her question without giving away anything important.

"Because… oh, sod it all, Klaus is immortal, alright?" He snapped, and Alisha's eyebrows flew up to her hairline in surprise. "He'll reanimate by the end of the week, but not before they put him in the ground or cut him open. Ergo, rescue mission."

Curtis and Alisha exchanged glances, probably thinking;  oh God, he's finally lost it.

Nathan groaned and spun around in a small circle, fingers tearing at his hair; "He just- he just is, alright?" He said shortly. "The storm- it did some weird shit. Apparently mediumship extends to immortality, who knew?"

Alisha's eyes softened; "Nathan, I know you're going through a difficult time right now, but-"

"-Klaus isn't immortal," Curtis supplied, genuine remorse shining in his eyes. "I'm sorry, mate, but he's gone."

Nathan groaned and stomped around in a small circle, fingers tearing at his hair; "No he's  not!"  He snapped. "The storm did some weird shit, ok?! Just because-"

Whatever Nathan was about to say was cut off when Simon suddenly materialized beside him, staggering under the weight of-

"Klaus!" Nathan cried, lunging forward to grab his brother. 

Klaus looked eerily similar to how he did in life- same shirt, same hair, even the same grisly death wound he was sporting on his chest. If he squinted a little and covered up the wound with his hand, Nathan could almost believe he was just sleeping.

But his skin was cold, and clammy and so, so  so  pale. So void of life.

There wasn't a doubt about it- Klaus was very much dead.

"Oh, that is sick," Curtis muttered, watching the scene in front of him with equal parts concern and disgust in his eyes. Beside him, Alisha nervously chewed her lip.

"Are we really doing this, then?" She asked, and Curtis threw up his arms in exasperation.

"Fucked if I know," He replied, then sighed. "What did Kelly tell you over the phone anyways?"

"Not much," Alisha answered. "Just that it was an emergency."

Curtis rolled his eyes; "Some emergency," he muttered, looking at the scene in front of him again. He shook his head, "No, this is- we can't, no-" 

Alisha frowned at him as he got out of the car and walked over to where Nathan, Kelly and Simon were struggling to fit Klaus' dead body into the trunk.

"-should change his clothes," Nathan was saying. "I never liked waking up in the clothes I'd been murdered the night before in." Kelly nodded.

"Should we stitch him up?" Simon asked hesitantly, and Nathan shook his head.

"No. I mean, we could; it would make the scar smaller, but he'll heal overnight, when he reanimates- there's no reason other than cosmetic."

"I think we should stitch it up," Kelly piped up, giving Klausa quick once-over. "I don't think Klaus is the type to enjoy walking around with a great big scar on his chest." Nathan snorted.

"None of us are," he said, then tilted his head back, pointing at something across his throat. "You think I like walking around with these across my- Curtis!" Very abruptly, Nathan tilted his head down and turned to the athlete. "Hey man, we were just discussing whether or not to stitch up this wound-"

"You have to stop this, Nathan," Curtis said, and Nathan's face fell.

"Stop what?" He asked, and Curtis sighed.

"This-" he gestured randomly at Klaus' body, bent sideways halfway into the trunk in an attempt to emphasize what  this  really was. "Klaus isn't going to come back." 

The brunet's features hardened; "Yes, he will," he said, then went back to shoving his twin's           body in the boot of the car. "He wasn't high when he fell, so he'll come back."

Curtis frowned at him. Nathan's denial was so strong it was sickening- "He thinks you've deluded yourself into thinking Klahs will come back," Kelly piped up, and Nathan groaned before rolling his eyes.

"I haven't!" He snapped. "He really will, ok? You just have to trust me on this."

Curtis shook his head; "I'm sorry, Nathan, but he  won't-"

"Fuck's sake!" Nathan exploded, whirling around to face him while he tugged his sleeve up; "Why can't you be more like Barry, huh?" He demanded. "Why can't you just accept my word as gospel, huh?" 

"Because-" Curtis cut himself off when Nathan shoved his forearm in his face. The little black umbrella with the red handle stood out like a sore thumb against his pale skin, and the inside of Curtis' mouth went dry.

"I take it you're familiar with my father's work?" Nathan snapped, hazel eyes burning with a dangerous sort of intensity as they bored into Curtis' own, demanding answers- "The Umbrella Academy? Good ol' Number Eight, immortal and indestructible," he gestured to the trunk; "Number Four's my twin; he can see ghosts. When the storm struck, it switched our powers- henceforth, I can see ghosts, and in turn Klaus is immortal," he glowered at Curtis. "Get it?" Curtis swallowed.

"Got it." His reply came out all high and reedy, but he made no effort to remedy that.

"Good." Nathan scowled and ran a hand through his hair. After a moment he called out; "Did you get all that, Alisha? I'd  hate for you to be left out of the group gossip session."

There was a beat of silence, then Alisha's voice floated back; "You're not actually serious, are you?"

"Do you want to see the proof? Because I'll show you the proof." Nathan snapped, striding forward to the front of the car. From the resounding gasp, the others guessed Alisha had seen the tattoo as well.

Wonderful.

"Alright!" Nathan said, striding back over to the boot of the car. He glowered at each of them in turn; "If we're all done digging up my tragic past, can we go now? We've got places to be."

They all nodded, and finished shoving Klaus' body into the trunk. Alisha then gunned the engine, and they sped off.

~~~

The first thing Klaus noticed when he came to was that he felt like he'd been hit by a truck a few times.

The second thing he noticed was the stiffness in all of his limbs. 

And the final thing he noticed was the intense itching in his chest.

Frowning, he peeled back his T-shirt- wasn't he wearing a dress shirt before?- and paled violently when he saw a row of neat black stitches over an ugly pink scar.

"Ok," he mumbled, voice hoarse and scratchy from disuse. "Ok. This is fine, everything is fine, I have a row of stitches in my chest I don't remember getting, this is fine-"

"KLAUS!"

The brunet's rant was abruptly cut off when an orange blur shot at him like a ballistic missile, wrapping skinny arms around him in a crushing hug.

"Klaus! Klaus, oh thank fuck, you're alive, you're alive, oh fuck, oh God, oh fuck-"

Klaus gingerly wrapped his arms around the ballistic missile who was actually his twin brother Nathan and dazedly wondered what the hell he had missed.

"Hey, bro," he wheezed. "Squeezin' a little tight there- yeah, I missed you too-"

"Don't fucking  do  that!" Nathan snapped, pulling away, and Klaus blanched at his tear-stained face. "I'm the immortal one! I'm the one with the comeback time! You're Klaus, you're not supposed to take headers off buildings, don't do that ever again, please  please  don't do that ever again I thought you were fucking  gone  I didn't think I'd ever see you again, please don't leave me again-"

The rest of Nathan's sentence dissolved into incomprehensible sobs and Klaus sighed before taking his brother in his arms again.

"It's alright," he soothed. "It's ok, I'm back now, not dead, see, look at all this alive-ness that's happening, it's ok…"

Slowly, Nathan calmed down, and then told him everything, as Klaus could not remember jackshit about the week prior.

Fitting, seeing as he spent all of it shuffled loose the mortal coil.

"I was  dead?"  Klaus asked, flabbergasted, and Nathan still nodded, tear tracks still visible on his face.

"Yeah," he said. "You-You took the plunge off the roof with Rachel- Head Virtue Bitch- and landed on a fence," he gestured loosely at his twin's chest; "We figured you wouldn't want a huge scar, so we stitched it up as best we could." Nathan exhaled shakily and ran a hand over his face; "Fuck, I didn't think I'd ever see you again. I thought you were high when you fell, so…" he trailed off and Klaus shivered, realizing for the first time how genuinely close he'd come to death.

"Let's not go there," he said quickly, then shifted and winced; "Nathan, you wouldn't happen to have any scissors on you? These stitches fucking  itch."

A tiny smile crossed Nathan's face; "Yeah," he said. "They're just over here, gimme two seconds."

Klaus hummed thoughtfully as Nathan rooted around his rucksack for a pair of scissors; "So why am I here?" He asked. "And not six feet under?" 

Nathan came back with a pair of scissors; "We broke you out of the morgue you were stationed in," he said matter-of-factly, and Klaus choked. 

"Mother of God, Nathan," he said, and the brunet shrugged unapologetically. 

"Would you have rathered we leave you there?" He asked as Klaus shrugged his shirt off.

"No," the necroscope answered. "But Jesus Christ, Nate, you don't do anything by halves, do you?" The brunet shook his head, then hesitated.

"You sure you want me doing this?" He asked. "It shouldn't hurt, but I'm not the most steady-handed individual." Klaus shrugged.

"Do your worst," he invited, and Nathan shrugged and went to work.

It didn't really hurt, like Nathan had said- it was more of a tugging sensation rather than anything else, but it was still rather on the unpleasant side, and things only got worse once Nathan confessed about revealing their Umbrella Academy days.

"Aww, really? Why?" Klaus asked, and Nathan bit his lip.

"I didn't mean to tell Kelly," he said. "It just kind of… slipped out." Klaus rolled his eyes.

"And the others?" He asked. Nathan shrugged.

"They wouldn't move your body," he said. "Curtis and Alisha didn't believe me when I told them you'd come back, so I had to give them proof." Klaus sighed.

"And Simon?" He asked, and Nathan blinked.

"You know, I'm not actually sure," he confessed, pausing what he was doing to think about it. "I feel like he already knew, though- he's weirdly perceptive that way. It's kinda scary." Klaus shrugged in a 'what-can-you-do' kind of way and peered down at his chest.

"Are you almost done?" He asked, and Nathan nodded.

"Last string," he promised, then, true to his word, pulled the last bit of string out. "All done."

Klaus peered at the scar again and winced. It didn't look nearly as bad as it did ten or so minutes ago, when the stitches were still in, but it was pretty gnarly either way.

Small price to pay for surviving being impaled, though, all things considered.

"The others are downstairs," Nathan said after a beat of silence. "We were supposed to go out drinking- care to come along?"

Klaus nodded; "Oh  hell  yes," he agreed wholeheartedly. "I want to see their faces when they realize you were telling the truth." Nathan's grin widened.

"Come along then, brother dear," he said in a terribly posh English accent, holding out his arm, crooked at the elbow. "Time to go scare the others." Klaus grinned in turn and said; "But of course, brother dear."

The screams could be heard across town.

"You're alive?" Curtis gasped, and Klaus rolled his eyes.

"'Course I am!" He said matter-of-factly. "Iron rebar though the chest isn't enough to keep me down! Now come on! I was promised drinks and I shall have my drinks!" 

They all left the Community Center in high spirits, unaware of the veritable shitstorm that was headed their way.

But that's a story for another day.

 

 

 

 

  



	22. The Halloween Special: Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein Nathan threatens to drop a pumpkin on its head, Klaus doesn't want to wrestle with a metric ton of eyeliner, a lot of tape is used, and, oh yeah, a dead body is discovered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for dead bodies and mentions of past child abuse  
> :D :D :D SPOOKY SCARY SKELETONS SEND SHIVERS DOWN YOUR SPINE-  
> IT'S HALLOWEEN!  
> Well. It's October, the month of Spooky. Ergo, we have a three-part Halloween Special (that isn't quite finished yet but shhh it's fine.)  
> Enjoy! :D  
> PS- nearly forgot this, but this special takes place mid-season two, after around episode four, I believe, if memory serves correct. Although- keep in mind- Klaus is here, and that changes EVERYTHING. *evil laughter*

**On the 30 of October, 2009, five young offenders + one ran for their lives down a street. This was unusual only in the fact that the were running from a vampire. (Or wamphyri, if you prefer.)**

“GO LEFT!” Klaus screeched, feet pounding against the pavement. He risked a glance behind him, then screamed and poured on more speed when he realized  _ she _ was gaining on them.

“THERE IS NO FUCKING LEFT!” Nathan bellowed. “IT’S A DEAD-FUCKING-END, DUMBNUT!”

“THEN WE CLIMB!” Klaus screeched back. “WE CLIMB AND HOPE TO  _ GOD _ SHE DOESN’T FOLLOW US-”

“IN THERE!” Alisha shrieked, pointing to an old, run-down, boarded up shop up ahead. 

It was nasty. It was also their only hope.

Hearts pounding, the six Misfits scrambled inside and slammed the door shut behind them as loud as they dared.

“Won’t she be able to smell our blood?” Simon whispered, and Nathan rounded on him with a glare. 

“I really  _ hate _ your sunny disposition,” he snarled, paling when a shadow passed in front of the door. 

The six of them pressed themselves closer together, watching the door with pure terror in their eyes. 

For a minute, it looked like they were going to make it.

Then-

“AHH-CHOO!”

Dead. Silence. Nathan gave his brother the evil eye as he slowly paled and shrunk back.

“I hope she eats you first.” He hissed.

The door slowly opened, creaking on its hinges-

*Record scratch.*

_ Yep. That’s us. You’re probably wondering how we got ourselves into that mess. Well, it all started a few days ago… _

~~~

**_Two. Days. Prior._ **

_ Ah, there we are. So young, so innocent… alright, so we may have killed two (2) probation workers and covered up the death of one (1) totally innocent bystander, but really- totally innocent. _

_ Allow me to set the scene- the Community Center, on October 29- wait, no, 28. The five of us, plus one idiot brother are ‘decorating’ the place for the up-and-coming Halloween shebang- _

_ “BOO!” _

_ Ah, yes, there he is. My idiot brother. Jumping out from behind a door to scare me. _

_ It worked. _

~~~

“AHHHH!” Nathan was not ashamed to admit that he screamed like a small child and jumped about a foot in the air when his brother jumped out from behind a door, eyeliner smeared around his eyes, and yelled ‘boo’ at him.

Currently, Klaus was bent double with laughter, gasping and wheezing for air while Nathan looked on, annoyed.

“You… should have seen your face!” The necroscope managed between bouts of laughter. “Oh my God, I can’t breathe.” Nathan scowled.

“Ha-ha, very funny,” he grumbled. His irritated demeanor was negated by the fact that he still had one hand over his racing heart; “Did you mess up your makeup with the sole intention of scaring me half outta my wits?”

Klaus put a hand on his chest, looking scandalized; “Heavens no,” he said. “Alisha wanted to practice a smokey eye on me, so I went to go take it off,” he shrugged. “I only came down here because Ben pointed out how terrifying I was with my eyeliner smeared all around my eyes. Thought it’d be fun to scare you guys,” he frowned and peered behind Nathan; “Where's the others, anyways? No offense, but I wanted to scare everyone.”

Nathan rolled his eyes; “Putting up streamers. They sent me away to get pumpkins because I was being ‘disruptive.’”

Klaus raised an eyebrow; “‘Disruptive,’ or ‘annoying?’” Nathan shrugged.

“Aren’t they one and the same?” He asked, and Klaus snorted.

“Where you’re concerned? Always.” He replied, then started walking away, gesturing for his twin to follow; “Come on, I’ll help you with the pumpkins.” Nathan jogged to catch up to him.

“Aren’t you going to wash away your zombie impression?” He asked, and Klaus shook his head.

“No,” he answered. “I figured I could scare more people this way. Have a bit of fun, get in the ‘festive spirit’ of it all.”

“You just don’t want to wrestle with all that eyeliner,” Nathan proclaimed, and Klaus grinned a bit sheepishly.

“That too,” he confessed, then blanched when he saw the mound of pumpkins he and his twin had to take inside. “Oh, fuck me gently with a chainsaw, do we have to take these  _ all? _ ” Nathan nodded grimly.

“Welcome to the life of community service,” he said, grabbing a nearby pumpkin. He staggered under the weight; “Blimey, what have they been feeding these things?”

“Fertilizer and sunlight, I’d imagine.” Klaus sized up the group of pumpkins, then grabbed one of the smaller ones, ignoring the glare his twin gave him as he did so.

“They just want these in the main hall?” He asked, and Nathan nodded, readjusting his grip on his pumpkin.

“Yep,” he answered, then began hobbling back inside, straining under the weight of the pumpkin he’d chosen. “Come on Klaus, I’m about to drop this poor fucker on his head.”

Klaus hurried after his twin; “What’re you gonna name it?” He asked, and Nathan gave him an incredulous look.

“Name it?” He asked. “Why would I name it? In three days it’s gonna be tossed in the compost along with everything else.” Klaus clicked his tongue disapprovingly.

“Not where they can hear you, Nate,” he said, shifting his hold on his pumpkin so it looked like he was covering its ‘ears.’ He thought for a minute, then added; “They won’t toss the tiny ones; they’ll make pumpkin pie out of them.” Nathan’s expression turned wistful.

“I remember Mum used to make pumpkin pie,” he said. “It was good.” Klaus frowned.

“She made it once, you mean,” he said. “Don’t you remember? She saw a recipe for it in the newspaper and thought we’d like it… Dad reprogrammed her the day after.” Nathan’s expression turned crestfallen.

“Oh,” he said dejectedly, and Klaus kicked himself internally.

“Once Dad kicks it, we’ll go back and rescue her,” he said, surprising both his twin and himself. He meant it, though; “We’ll bring her here, and she can do whatever she wants.” Nathan nodded, but he still looked downtrodden.

“It’ll take forever for Dad to die,” he muttered, and Klaus snorted.

“There’s no need to sound so disappointed about it, Jesus,” he said, then frowned. “I don’t know, Nate, he was pretty old. Maybe he’s already dead now.” Nathan shook his head.

“No, if Reginald Hargreeves was dead the world would know,” he said. “Bastard would make sure of that, even from beyond the grave.”

(Meanwhile, in America, one Reginald Hargreeves was planning on how to make sure the entire world would know of his death when he finally died in ten years, just so Numbers Four and Eight would know to show up at his funeral, and, in turn, prevent the apocalypse.)

Nathan and Klaus plopped their pumpkins down in the middle of the main room, careful not to break them.

“These things are heavy!” Nathan complained. “Why do I have to carry them?”

“Because you’re an annoying dick,” Kelly replied matter-of-factly from where she sat on a crate, wrestling with a tangled roll of tape. She started violently when she saw Klaus; “Jesus Christ, Klaus.” The necroscope grinned widely and batted his eyelashes.

“Verdict?” He asked. “Should this be my new clubbing look?” Kelly shook her head.

“Uh, no,” she said. “Not unless you want everyone to keep a ten-foot radius away from you.” Klaus frowned.

“That would make the sex part pretty difficult,” he said, then looked around. “Gosh darnit, where is everyone? I want to scare people.” Kelly rolled her eyes.

“Alisha and Curtis are shagging in the loos,” she said, “sounds like a cat getting its tail stood on repeatedly," she jerked her head to the left; "Simon’s gone off to get more tape, since this one's fucked- if you hide behind that column over there, you can jump out at him.” 

Klaus positively  _ beamed _ and ran off behind said pillar, cackling madly as he did so. Nathan watched him go for a moment before shaking his head, a fond smile on his face.

“So,” he turned back to Kelly. “Do  _ you _ want to help me move some pumpkins?” Kelly thought about it for a moment, then shrugged and jumped down off her crate.

“Sure,” she said. “Lead the way.”

~~~

“And that’s the last of them,” Nathan said, placing the last pumpkin down among the others. He stood up straight and popped his spine; “You know, if I didn’t have a freakish healing factor to go along with my immortality, I’m ready to bet my spine would be  _ really _ misaligned right now.” He put his hands in his pockets and looked around; “What now?” 

Kelly sat down on one of the chairs and pulled out a cigarette; “Nothing,” she said. “Not until Simon comes back with that bloody tape, at least,” she turned to Klaus. “Want a cancer stick?” The brunet nodded wholeheartedly.

“ _ Fuck _ yes,” he said, making grabby hands for the cigarette; “You have no idea-” he cut himself off suddenly, ears perked, then made shushing noises at the two of them; “Simon’s back!”

Kelly frowned; “How d’you figure that out?”

“Ben,” Nathan answered. “He’s being a ghostly lookout.”

Sure enough, Simon soon rounded the corner. Not long after that, Klaus jumped out at him, wailing like a demented siren.

“Jesus!” Poor Simon jumped worse than Nathan did, armful of tape clattering to the ground. He glared at the necroscope; “What the hell, Klaus?” 

The brunet cackled madly; “Got you!” He trilled gleefully. 

Simon scowled and bent over to pick up his tape; “Very funny,” he grumbled, then turned to Kelly and Nathan; “I got the tape.” Nathan snorted.

“Evidently,” he drawled, gesturing to the numerous rolls of tape Simon held. “How many stores did you rob?” Simon bristled with indignation.

“We have a lot of streamers,” he defended. “I wasn’t sure how much we’d need.” Nathan rolled his eyes.

“Well, you got plenty,” he said. “Anywho, let’s go.”

Together, the four of them (plus Curtis and Alisha, after they’d come back from their session of phone-sex-without-the-phone) strung up the black and orange streamers around the place.

The trouble came when they ran out of tape.

“How?” Nathan exploded, staring at the empty rolls with a bewildered look on his face. “How on God’s green Earth is this possible? Barry, you came back with five, six,  _ ten _ rolls- did one of you  _ eat _ it or something??”

Klaus whistled innocently and twiddled his thumbs. Deadpan, Alisha pointed to him and said; “He did it.”

“What?” Klaus’ jaw dropped. “How dare you? I’ll have you know I used a perfectly reasonable amount of tape to get the job done!” Alisha scoffed.

“You used four pieces for one streamer, that’s not ‘perfectly reasonable,’” she replied, and Klaus staggered back as if he’d been shot, one hand over his heart.

“Alisha, you  _ wound _ me!” He cried. “I thought we were  _ friends, _ how could you  _ betray _ me like this?” The brunette rolled her eyes.

“Get over it,” she told him, then turned to Nathan; “Go get more tape.” Nathan threw his hands in the air.

“Why do I have to get more tape?” He whinged, then pointed at Klaus; “He’s the one who used it all up!” Alisha rolled her eyes.

“Yeah, and you’re the one who brought him here,” she sassed, then made a little shooing motion with her hand; “Now go on, get.”

Nathan rolled his eyes, but walked off to get more tape anyways.

The storage for miscellaneous party crap was at the end of a very long hallway in the west wing. Nathan was not very fond of the west wing; it was rather dark and the nearest light switch was, in his own words; "fifteen fucking feet from the door!"

"Why couldn't I have been born with night vision?" Nathan muttered to himself as he felt along the wall for the elusive light switch. "That would have been useful- or, better yet, alternating eyesight- yeah yeah yeah, I could switch between infrared and ultraviolet and- oof!"

There was something lying in the middle of the hallway, something some plonker had left for Nathan to trip on. Muttering various curses under his breath, the brunet clambered to his feet and squinted through the darkness, trying to see what had tripped him up. 

"I swear to God, if I find out someone's left a dead body or something lying around here…" he muttered, then finally,  _ finally  _ found the lightswitch and flipped it on.

Nathan was silent for a moment as he stared at what he'd tripped over, then let his head hit the wall with an audible  _ THUD! _

_ I just had to jinx it, didn't I? _

Lying on the floor, deathly pale with two puncture marks on his neck, was a dead body.

~~~

"And you're sure you didn't kill him?" Alisha asked a short while later.

"No!" Nathan exclaimed. "No, I found him like this! I tripped over the poor bastard!"

Currently, the ASBO shitheads + Klaus were standing over a dead body. This was unusual only in the fact that they weren't the ones who put him there.

"Blimey," Klaus muttered, peering at the two puncture wounds with something akin to awe in his eyes; "It's like that monster from  _ Doctor Who- _ oh, fuck, we're not gonna get sent to the moon, are we?" Nathan rolled his eyes.

"No," he hissed. "Jesus!" He bit his lip and looked around; "What are we going to do?"

"Tell someone?" Curtis suggested, then frowned at the looks he received; "What? This isn't like last time, we didn't actually kill him!"

"And do you think anyone will believe us when we say so?" Nathan snapped, getting riled up. "Oh yeah, look at us, just a bunch of young offenders, none of us killed this poor sod, no sir-ee!"

"It's not like our fingerprints are on him!" Curtis hissed back. "We're innocent!"

"They'll say we're lying!" Nathan responded heatedly. "If it was that easy, we wouldn't have had a problem with the first guy-"

"What in God's name is going on here?"

Oh, fuck.

Nathan didn't even have to think about it before he was shouting; "RUN!" and tearing away from the scene of the crime at breakneck speeds. Panicked, the others followed suit, leaving the probation worker in the dust.

“What are you- oh, fuck- GET BACK HERE!” Nathan gulped and poured on more speed. The probation worker had noticed the dead body, then, joy of all joys.

“Quick, quick, out there!” Klaus hissed, pointing to an exit not too far away. With an extra spurt of speed, they made it, and slammed the door shut behind them.

It wasn’t over yet, though; “Don’t stop!” Klaus snapped. “We have to keep moving, go, go!” 

Alisha worried her bottom lip; “Go  _ where? _ ” she cried, and Klaus threw his hands up in frustration.

“I don’t know!” He replied heatedly. “Anywhere’s better than here, come on!” 

And so, they ran. 

Sirens started sounding about 10 or 15 minutes after the probation worker had found them with the cadaver, but Klaus only gritted his teeth and pushed them harder.

“We have to keep moving,” he kept reminding them. “Can’t let them catch us, come on!”

Eventually they stopped outside a dingy alleyway, and even then it was only because he and Alisha were about to kneel over.

“I… can’t breathe...” Klaus gasped, collapsing on the ground as he wheezed and generally struggled for air. “I think I’m gonna be sick-”

He paled drastically, then doubled over to do just that. Beside him, Nathan sighed and pulled his hair out of his eyes.

“So what do we do now?” He asked over the sound of Klaus’ vomiting. 

Curtis scowled and kicked the wall, then rounded on Nathan; “Why did you run?” He snarled, absolutely furious. “We were innocent! We hadn’t done anything! If we stayed, we could have explained!” Nathan threw his hands in the air.

“I panicked!” He hissed. “Besides, it didn’t seem like you had any qualms with it at the time!”

Curtis’ scowl deepened and he took a menacing step forward. High on adrenaline and incredibly shaky, Nathan immediately flinched away, hands coming up to cradle the back of his skull.

Silence rang around the dingy alley.

Curtis stepped back, a horrified look dawning on his face; “Nathan… you can’t think I’d- I wouldn’t-” Nathan scowled and looked away, a blush rising up on his features.

“Obviously not!” He snapped, winding his arms around his skinny frame. “It’s a learned response, nothing to get excited over!" He coughed. "A-Anyways, what are we gonna do about this new dead body?”

Nobody said anything, and Nathan gnashed his teeth together.

“Oh come  _ on, _ guys!” He cried, jumping to his feet. “You already know my father used to hit us! I told you this back during the baby fiasco! It’s nothing new to get worried about!”

Silence.

“Guys, come on! We’ve got bigger things to worry about!” A pleading note had entered Nathan’s tone, and his eyes were getting that panicked, flighty look an animal gets when it’s backed into a corner with no clear way out.

Kelly took pity on him; “Nathan’s right,” she said quietly. “We have to figure out what we’re going to do about this.”

Slowly, the other Misfits nodded in agreement, and Nathan's eyes gradually lost their panicked spark. 

He fixed Kelly with a grateful look;  _ Thank you, _ he mouthed. 

_ You’re welcome, _ she mouthed back, then realized their circle had gone uncomfortably quiet.

“What…  _ do _ we do?” Alisha asked hesitantly. At her feet, Klaus, now finished vomiting, laughed weakly.

“Don’t look at me,” he said. “I used up my last bit of brainpower getting us here.”

“What if we found the killer?” Simon blurted suddenly, and Nathan gave him a weird look.

“So we can get killed ourselves?” He asked. “Well, that would take care of the police issue, but unlike me and Klaus, you lot won’t come back if you die. Lovely thought, though.”

Simon shook his head; “No,” he said. “If we find the killer, we can prove our innocence. We’ll-We’ll lure them to the police station, unmask them somehow...”

They all stared at him for a moment, then Klaus staggered to his feet.

“It’s been a while since I’ve caught a criminal,” he said. “But sure, why not.”

The others all expressed similar sentiments, and despite the grave circumstances Simon smiled a little.

At least until Nathan asked; “How are we gonna find them?”

Ah. Yes. That would be a slight problem.

~~~

_ Eh, we figured it out eventually, of course. Well, Simon did, actually. More on that next week...  _

_ Toodles! _

_ *sigh* That was Klaus, by the way. Not me. I'm not that annoying. _

_ Yes, you are. _

_ No, I'm not. _

_ Yes, you ar- _

**CONNECTION LOST.**

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Also, hey guys, remember that haitus I went on? How I was supposed to use it to write and stockpile more chapters? Hahahahahahaha I didn't do that at all. Currently I have one chapter of the main story done (not beta'd yet but not worried about that) but other than that... might prepare yourselves for a missed update.


	23. The Halloween Special: Part Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein it's rude to be a moving pillow, some references are made that nobody will understand, and Klaus gives some insight on how psychic powers work. Oh, and there's a vampire.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for murder  
> a'ight lads ima be real: the last chapter of this is not done. also i can't remember if I beta'd this.  
> ...  
> i'm so freaking tired ohmygod-  
> also hey sidenote i was looking through the double trouble folder on my drive (yes i have a folder dedicated to this story shut up there's actually a surprising amount of work that goes into writing it-) and found an alternate version of episode six wherein klaus was virginized instead of nathan... if any of y'alls would be interested in reading it let me know and i'll post it after the halloween special. (legit tho- and don't let this sway your opinion- it would be so bloody brilliant if i could post it because it would give me another week to write proper chapters... but don't let that sway your opinion... but it would give me more time... i'm about as subtle as a brick to the face someone put me out of my misery-)  
> ahem. enjoy the chapter, lads.

**On the 30th of October, a day that was gloomy and overcast, six misfits crouched in an old, run-down, and all-around nasty alleyway. This was unusual only in the fact that they weren’t there for nefarious purposes, but rather to avoid being framed for a murder they didn't commit.**

“I think that was about the worst sleep I’ve ever had,” Curtis complained upon waking up, a sentiment the others were quick to replicate.

Alisha yawned and stretched her arms above her head, then frowned at Klaus and Nathan, the only two who were still conked out; “Who’s going to wake Sleeping Beauties One and Two?” She asked, jumping when Sleeping Beauty One (Klaus) shifted and mumbled a reply; “Aww, you think I’m beautiful? Alisha, I’m touched, really.” 

Kelly squinted at him; “How long have you been up?” She asked. 

Klaus shrugged; “About half an hour,” he answered. “It’s seven, by the way. AM. In case that wasn’t obvious.” Curtis frowned.

“Why didn’t you do anything?” He asked. “Half an hour, you could’ve gotten a lot done in that time.” Klaus snorted.

“Like what?” He asked.

“Breakfast, for one,” Curtis responded, and Klaus rolled his eyes.

“Curtis, buddy, the only breakfast you’ll get around these parts is coke, molly, and if you’re lucky, a wee bit o' heroin,” he drawled, “besides, I’m the pillow. It’s rude to be a moving pillow, or haven’t you heard?” 

He gestured to his twin, who was, as his words implied, currently splayed halfway across him, dead to the world. 

Curtis took a few measured breaths. 

“Wake him up,” he muttered, gesturing loosely at Nathan. “We’ve got stuff to do.” Klaus scowled at the athlete.

“Who died and made you leader?” He asked waspishly.

Curtis met Klaus’ scowl with one of his own; “Just get up already, will you?” He snapped. “Simon thinks he’s got an idea of how to catch the killer.”

 _That_ got Klaus’ attention; “Well why didn’t you lead with that?” He asked, then nudged his brother. “Nate, Nate, wake up.”

Nathan groaned and swatted his brother’s hands away; “piss off,” he mumbled. “It’s rude to be a moving pillow, or haven’t you heard?”

Klaus shot Curtis a look that clearly read _“See?”_ and turned back to Nathan; “Simon’s got a way to find the killer,” he explained. 

Nathan gave a longsuffering sigh and cracked open one eye.

"Y'make such a convincin' argument," he mumbled, then snuggled further into his brother; "Explain. 'm not done sleepin'." 

Simon sighed, but seemed to realize that this was the best he was going to get; “The killer has a method,” he said quietly. “I think those two holes in the man's neck were the cause of death-" 

Nathan raised a hand, and, without waiting to be called on, spoke; “Wha' th' hell kinda weapon c'n kill someone an' leave a mark like tha'?” He asked without bothering to open his eyes.

Simon sighed; “A vampire.” He answered, and they all fell silent.

Nathan groaned, then pulled himself into a sitting position; “See, you just ruined my nap with the pure idiocy that just came out of your mouth," he complained, rubbing his eyes. “So thanks for that. Vampires aren’t real.”

Simon gave him a patient stare; “The storm,” he said simply. “It’s the only explanation.”

Klaus frowned; “Don’t you think you’re moving a little fast there, Simon?” He asked, and the blond hesitated a moment before regaining momentum.

“We’ve had a shapeshifter, a wolf-boy, and a gran who turned into a young lady,” he pointed out. “Is this really so far out of the question?”

Klaus swallowed; “Good point,” he muttered, then waved for him to continue.

“We just need to look for similar crimes,” Simon explained. “Find the common denominator. Then we can intercept them before they kill their next victim.”

Nathan cocked his head to the side; “You know, if this whole psychopath thingie doesn't work out for you, you’d make an excellent detective,” he said at length, then nodded. “Alright- sounds solid. Any idea how we’re going to find their other victims?”

Simon’s expression turned awkward; “I was hoping you guys would have an answer to that,” he admitted, and they all groaned.

Klaus put his hand up; “Why don’t we just ask that guy?” He suggested, pointing to something at the mouth of the alley. “He’s been yelling on about vampires since I woke up this morning.”

They all went silent. Then, very carefully, Alisha said; “Klaus, there’s no one there.” The necroscope frowned.

“What, no, there is too,” he insisted. “He’s been screaming on like anything; I’m surprised he didn’t wake you lot up-”

Nathan cleared his throat; “Klaus, he’s dead.”

“Oh.” It seemed the air had suddenly gotten thinner. “Yeah, that makes sense.”

Kelly leaned forward, a concerned look in her eyes; "Y'alright?" She asked, and Klaus took a few deep breaths.

"Y-Yeah," he said. "I-I'm good." 

Curtis stole a glance down to the mouth of the alley; "Can one of you ask who the killer is?" He asked, and Klaus gave him a flabbergasted look.

"Wha- are you out of your mind?" He hissed, startling Curtis with the intensity in his voice. "You _never_ ask a ghost how they died! That's just asking for a popped eardrum-"

“OI! YOU THERE!” Nathan hollered, scaring the crap out of his contemporaries. “HOW’D YOU DIE, MATE?”

Klaus sighed and kneaded his temples; “I’m not nearly high enough for this,” he muttered, then reluctantly turned his attention back to his brother and the ghost.

Nathan looked like he was regretting his brash tone earlier; “Yeah, mate, look, sorry about that, but could you-” his jaw dropped. “Hey! There’s no need for language like that, you knobhobber!” Klaus sighed.

“I’m sorry about my brother,” he said to the ghost, flinching when it turned his stare on him. “Yeah, I can see you too. L-Listen, d-don’t scream or I’ll… um, cry at you, I guess-” Klaus scowled. “Ok, dead or not, that was just plain rude, man.” Nathan nodded.

“If you were this annoying in real life it’s no wonder you got killed,” he agreed, and Klaus whipped around to glare at him.

“Nathan!” he hissed. “Shut up, we need him to like us!” Nathan met his glare with one of his own.

“No we don’t!” He snapped back. “We only need him to tell us when, where, and who the hell murdered him- would you _shut up!_ Seriously, it’s so annoying! We’re _trying_ to find your murderer, but if you don’t shut up- oh, _now_ you want to behave. Now that we’ve got something you want- fuck you! God, I can see why you were killed- would you shut up for five fucking minutes-”

To anyone passing by, the scene would have struck them as odd, but not particularly unusual- a group of young adults, crouched in an alleyway in the seedier parts of town, with two of them shouting at the thin air- just a regular Friday night, really.

But it wasn’t a regular Friday night, and not just because it was indeed a Tuesday, but because Klaus and Nathan had finally, _finally_ gotten the details from the ghost, and thus, the Misfits were on the move.

~~~

They wound up at a (rather nice, actually) apartment complex.

“You sure this is it?” Curtis asked.

“Yeah,” Klaus answered, then double-checked the address. “This is the place.”

Alisha frowned and crossed her arms over her chest; “How are we going to get in?” She asked. “We don’t have keys or anything.” 

Nathan sucked his lower lip between his teeth, sizing up the building; “Our ghostie friend said his apartment was at the back,” he muttered, then looked at Klaus; “Think you can still scale the wall, Spiderman?” Klaus shrugged.

“Shouldn’t be too hard,” he muttered, then started walking around to the back, gesturing for the others to follow. “I mean, it’s not exactly the sort of thing you forget, is it?”

Nathan shrugged; “I dunno, you tell me,” he said, then, in regards to the questioning looks the others had fixed on him; “Back in the good ol’ days of trauma and tears, Klaus used to scale the sides of the buildings if it was a stealth mission and we didn’t have a layout detailed enough for Five to blink in.”

Curtis blinked; “But- what if he fell? He wasn’t immortal then, so...” he trailed off when he noticed Nathan’s grim expression.

“All the more incentive not to fall, then, right?” He replied wryly, then sighed. “I tried to get Reggie to let me do it- since I was immortal, after all, but I just couldn’t get the hang of it- fell off the practice wall more times than I can count,” he rubbed the back of his neck; “I’ve still got the scars to prove it.”

The others had gone very pale, and Nathan sighed; “Did I do it again?” Kelly made a so-so gesture with her hand.

“Sharing is caring though, right?” Alisha offered weakly, and Nathan pointed at her.

“I like your attitude,” he said, then turned to Klaus; “Well, Parker, what’s the consensus?”

“You’re lucky I weigh ninety pounds soaking wet,” Klaus answered. “Also that there’s a fire escape.” Nathan blinked.

“Oh,” he said eloquently, then rubbed the back of his neck. “Well, that makes life easier. Have at it, then.”

Klaus started towards the fire escape, gesturing for Simon to follow him; “You’re the brains of this organization,” he said in way of an explanation. “Our very own Sherlock Holmes. After you.”

~~~

Inside carried the unmistakable smell of a human gone a few days past its expiration date, and Klaus bent double at the first inhale, heaving on a gasp.

“Fuck me sideways from Friday,” he gasped. “God, that’s unpleasant.”

Simon nodded in agreement, looking a little green himself. “Let’s go find him, then.” He said grimly and forged ahead, Klaus in tow.

They found him in the little kitchenette; deathly pale with two puncture marks on his neck, just like the last victim. 

Klaus winced; “Oof,” he said. “Killed in the midst of a snack run, that has to be the _worst_ way to go.” Simon frowned and hunched over the dead body, careful not to touch him.

“So what do we have here, Holmes?” Klaus asked.

Simon sighed and fell back on his haunches; “He died the way the other one did,” he told Klaus. “But I don’t know when-”

“12 midnight, on the dot,” Klaus said randomly. “Two, three days ago?” Simon stared at him in shock.

“How did you know that?” He asked, and Klaus shrugged.

“His ghost told me,” he answered, then grinned a little cheekily. “Plus, you know, his watch.”

Confused, Simon looked back down at the cadaver, noticing for the first time the watch around his right wrist. It was a real state-of-the-art one, with one to tell the date and time down to the second. The screen was cracked something horrible, and Simon rationalized he- the corpse- must’ve hit it on something as he fell, perfectly preserving the time and date of his death.

“Ok,” Simon said. “So he was killed at 12 three days ago…”

“That other corpse didn’t look fresh,” Klaus piped up. “The one from the other day, that is. I mean- I was mostly a lookout, but I still did my own fair share of killing. That bloke was not fresh.”

Simon fell silent; “So they- whoever they are- attack during the night,” he reasoned, and Klaus nodded in agreement.

“Fits pretty solidly with your vampire theory, doesn’t it?” He replied, and Simon nodded.

“D’you think they pick ‘em up off the street?” Klaus asked, and Simon shrugged.

“Possibly,” he replied. “It definitely seems the route of least resistance- Klaus?”

“Don’t freak out,” Klaus advised, which only gave Simon reason to Freak Out. “But- Mr. Ghostie says his killer is still here."

~~~

 _Ah, yes, of course the killer was still there. Really, we should've guessed- with how predictably horrible our lives are, I'd be more surprised if there_ wasn't _a killer lying in wait._

_Of course, the only reasonable thing to do was run for the fucking hills._

_~~~_

Nathan had been having an… ok, day so far, but all that changed when Simon and Klaus came running out of the apartment, looking like they'd seen a ghost.

"Run!" Klaus hissed. "The killer is _still there!"_

Nathan's eyes widened; _"WHAT?"_

Now, screaming 'what' in a situation like this is completely understandable, if a bit foolish. Understandable because _what the hell,_ but foolish because it alerted the killer of their presence.

A shape black as night with lots of pointy edges flew out the apartment after Simon and Klaus, screeching like a demented siren, and Kelly gasped before collapsing to her knees.

"Kelly? _Kelly!"_ Nathan dropped into a crouch next to her, worry etched into his features. "Kelly what's wrong?"

The blonde groaned and lurched forward; Nathan was quick to catch her. He was alarmed to see blood was dripping from her nose, and turned to the others desperately; "We've gotta get outta here, Kelly's hurt!"

Curtis scowled at him; "And I suppose that great big vampire has nothing to do with it?"

Nathan shot him a glare; "Well, now that you mention it…"

"Guys, now isn't the time!" Klaus snapped. "RUN!" 

_With how much running we've done, you'd swear we were companions of the Doctor, or something._

Together, the six of them tore down the streets, weird-vampire thing in pursuit. 

"GO LEFT!” Klaus screeched, feet pounding against the pavement. He risked a glance behind him and immediately screamed and poured on more speed when he realized _she_ was gaining on them.

_And now the story links back up._

“THERE IS NO FUCKING LEFT!” Nathan bellowed. “IT’S A DEAD-FUCKING-END, DUMBNUT!”

“THEN WE CLIMB!” Klaus screamed back. “WE CLIMB AND HOPE TO _GOD_ SHE DOESN’T FOLLOW US-”

“IN THERE!” Alisha shrieked, pointing to an old, run-down, boarded up shop up ahead. 

It was nasty. It was also their only hope.

Hearts pounding, the six Misfits scrambled inside and slammed the door shut behind them as loud as they dared.

“Won’t she be able to smell our blood?” Simon whispered, and Nathan rounded on him with a glare. 

“I really _hate_ your sunny disposition,” he snarled, paling when a shadow passed in front of the door. 

The six of them pressed themselves closer together, watching the door with pure terror in their eyes. 

For a minute, it looked like they were going to make it.

Then-

“AHH-CHOO!”

Dead. Silence. Nathan gave his brother the evil eye as he slowly paled and shrunk back.

“I hope she eats you first.” He hissed.

The door slowly opened, creaking on its hinges-

And a dull thud came from outside, followed by lots of squawking and hissing, and then, the sound of something flying away.

Slowly, the Misfits straightened up, and hesitantly opened the door.

Nothing was there.

They were all silent for a moment, then Klaus spoke up; "Hey, so, uh, I didn't accidentally take something when no one was looking and hallucinate that gigantic weird-vampire thing, right?"

Simon shook his head; "No," he said. "I think that was real." Klaus snorted.

"You _think,"_ he repeated, then shook his head. "Yeah, that's real reassuring- you _fucking_ wanker, what the _hell_ was that for?" 

Nathan glared at Klaus as he wiped his hand on his jeans; "You sneezed and gave us away!" He hissed, and Klaus glowered at him.

"That's no fucking reason to give me a wet willie!"

"Would you have rathered I _hit_ you? Because the thought did cross my mind-"

"Guys," Curtis interrupted them, a worried note in his voice. "Kelly's not doing too good."

They looked over to him, noticing for the first time that he was supporting more than half Kelly's weight. Her nose was still gushing blood in a steady stream, and her eyes were fluttering dangerously.

Nathan's eyes went wide; "Fuck, I think she's gonna pass out-"

Curtis yelped and stumbled when Kelly suddenly went deadweight on him, Nathan's prediction having come true.

"What do we do?" He asked worriedly. "This hasn't ever happened before."

"Nosebleeds are common in people with powers on the psychic side of things," Klaus said gravely, studying Kelly closely. "She'll be alright."

Curtis glowered at him; "How do _you_ know that?" He asked, and Klaus rolled his eyes.

"Mediumship, remember?" He asked wryly. "Nosebleeds galore over here- and not the fun kind." 

He turned back to Kelly; "She likely overextended herself," he said. "That's what always happens to me- if I try to keep Ben manifested for too long, I'll get a nosebleed- but I'm guessing Kelly had too many voices in her head." Curtis frowned.

"What, us?" He asked, then shook his head. "She's around us all the time and never gets nosebleeds." Klaus frowned, then snapped his fingers.

"She's not around the vampire thing all the time," he said. "That's the common denominator- or, uncommon denominator. I'll bet you anything, when she wakes up, she'll tell us it was the vampire thing's fault." 

"How can one other voice cause such a reaction?" Alisha asked.

"Ever heard of the expression; 'straw that broke the camel's back?'" Klaus asked. "That's what this is. Sometimes the pressure just gets to be too much, and BAM! Migraine and nosebleed." He nodded at Kelly; "We should get her somewhere more secure, somewhere she can lie down- she's going to be dizzy when she wakes up." 

His expression turned wry; "Last time that happened too me, I stood up too fast and passed out. Hit my head off the railing and died. Took forever to get the brain matter out of my hair- do not recommend."

Curtis nodded, face pale; "Alright," he squeaked. "Know any place with a bed?" 

Klaus' expression turned pensive; "There's an old house a few streets over. Nobody goes near it because people say it's haunted." 

"And is it?"

"Oh, definitely," Klaus confirmed wholeheartedly. "I can hear 'em screaming from over here, shall we carry on?" 

~~~

The house was dilapidated and old, with boarded up windows and steps that sagged to the ground.

Curtis stared up at it uneasily; "I know I can't see ghosts, but I've got chills." Klaus grimaced.

"How do you think I feel?" He muttered, then gestured for the rest of them start walking; "Come on, let's go in."

Predictably, when Klaus touched the doorknob, the door shuddered then fell forward, making a loud _BAM!_ when it hit the floor. 

Klaus paused for a moment, then turned to them with a sheepish smile; "So the decor needs a bit of work," he said. "I'm sure the floors won't cave in on us." 

Nathan snorted; "No, but the ceiling'll fall," he drawled, but pushed ahead into the dingy house anyways. The rest of the Misfits hesitated, then followed suit.

Inside was just as drab and dreary as the outside, possibly even more so. The only source of light eaked in through the cracks between the boarded-up windows, and even then, it wasn't that good.

Klaus clapped his hands; "Well! Isn't this cozy!"

"It's going to kill us and you know it," Nathan deadpanned, then sighed and started walking, gesturing for the others to follow. 

"I can't see anything," Alisha complained. "Do any of you have a flashlight?"

Klaus tilted his head to the side as he thought about it; "Not in the traditional sense, no, but-" there was a pause, then a sudden flash of blue as Ben materialized beside them. "-this works better, if you ask me." Ben snorted.

 _"You only want me for my glowing properties,"_ he said, and Klaus nodded.

"That is correct," he said, then gestured to the space in front of him. "Start walkin' Ghost Boy." 

Ben rolled his eyes but forged ahead, the six of them following.

After some poking around, they managed to find a bedroom that wasn't in _too_ bad a state of disrepair, and Curtis laid Kelly on the bed. 

Like Klaus had predicted, when she woke up, it was with complaints that "the room is fucking spinning," and "my head is _pounding."_

Klaus nodded; "Yeah, psychic powers kind of suck," he said airily, but he looked worried. "You alright?" Kelly rolled her eyes.

"I've been better," she drawled, then winced. "What happened?"

"You passed out," Nathan answered, then gingerly sat on the edge of the bed as if worried it would collapse under his weight. Which, given it's dilapidated state, wasn't too unlikely- "That vampire-thing came out and you just collapsed, more or less." 

Kelly winced; "I remember that," she mumbled, picking at a loose thread on the bedspread. "That thing… it had _two_ voices."

They all exchanged glances, and Klaus hedged; "Define 'two voices.'"

"In it's head. It had two voices," Kelly clarified. "They were arguing, fighting for control. One was human, and the other was… not." 

Klaus and Nathan exchanged glances, and said simultaneously; "The Dead Thing In The Ground."

The other four knit their eyebrows; "What?" They asked.

"The Dead Thing In The Ground," Klaus repeated, as if that made things any clearer. "It's from the Necroscope- a book written back in the 80s. The Dead Thing In The Ground, was, well, a dead thing in the ground- a vampire, or wamphyri. Eventually, he gained enough power and took over his servant's body- his servant won the mental battle, I think, it's been a while since I read the book, but yeah. They argued a few times, back and forth, and sort of crowded each other against the corners of the servant's mind," he bit his lip. "Kinda sounds like what you're describing, doesn't it?" 

Kelly nodded, face ashen and pale; "Yeah," she confirmed, voice shaky. "One of them- the voices- was old- ancient, really." 

"Well that's brilliant," Nathan grumbled. "Some bugger read the Necroscope, got caught in the storm, and then grew a wamphyri from their thoughts. Wonderful," he squinted at Kelly; "Did you pick anything up? Any idea when it plans to strike again?" 

Kelly fell silent as struggled to recall. They knew she'd gotten it when her face drained of color and she gasped; "The Halloween Party."

Klaus knit his eyebrows. "What?" He asked.

"The Halloween Party," Kelly repeated. "The vampire is hungry, it wants to eat. The human suggested the Halloween party at the Community Center as east pickings- it's going to strike, tomorrow!"

Nathan muttered some colorful curses in German; _"Scheiß,"_ he hissed. "What- what do we do?" 

"Kill it," Simon answered. His voice was quiet, but everyone heard him. "It's only going to keep killing people- we need to get rid of it." Nathan rolled his eyes.

"I don't know if you've noticed this, Barry, but it's a fucking _vampire!"_ He snapped. "It's not exactly a fair fucking fight!" 

"We don't have a choice!" Simon snapped back. "People are going to get hurt-"

"-there's plenty more to go around-"

"Listen to me!" Simon yelled, glaring heatedly at Nathan. In a rare show of obedience, the brunet shut up. "We have to kill it. We can't let a thing like that just run around freely, it has to go." Nathan sighed.

"Alright, fine," he muttered, accepting that Simon wouldn't change his mind. "Any ideas on how we're going to do that, oh wise one?"

Simon hesitated; "Stake through the heart?" he answered after a moment's consideration. "That should work, right?" Nathan sighed and shook his head.

"No," he muttered. "With the rules of  _ the Necroscope _ \- and I’m betting that’s what this thing is, because it did  _ not _ sparkle like one of those bastards from  _ Twilight- _ a stake will only pin it in place. To kill it you need to chop its head off, or incinerate it.”

Five faces around the bed went a few shades paler.

“‘Ch-Chop it’s head off?’” Alisha echoed weakly. “That’ll kill it!” Nathan laughed a mite bit hysterically.

“Uh, that’s the  _ point, _ ” he said. “We don’t have time to starve it or anything, ergo, choppity chop!”

Klaus coughed into his elbow; “Calm down, Nate,” He muttered, then spoke up; “I hate to say it, but Nathan’s right. There isn’t really a way to kill the vampire without hurting the host as well- at least not by  _ the Necroscope’s _ rules. But…” he hesitated. “The host is usually gone by now anyways. We’re doing it a favor.”

He sounded like he was trying to convince himself.

“So what’s our plan?” Curtis demanded. “Pin it in place with a stake and decapitate it?”

Nathan shrugged; “I mean… if the shoe fits.” He said, and Curtis’ jaw dropped.

“No!” He snapped. “We are not committing murder of another human being-”

“It’s not human anymore, Curtis!” Nathan snapped back. “It’s gone! Wamphyri’s taken over, human has  _ checked out! _ ” He sighed heavily. “Look. I know how you all feel about murder, but, much as it pains me to say, Weird Kid’s got a point- we can’t let it run around unchecked like that, it’s a recipe for disaster.”

There was a long moment of silence, then Alisha spoke up, voice wobbling dangerously; “So… th-that’s it?” She asked. “We-We pin it in place, then cut it’s head off?”

Nathan exhaled. “Yep.” He replied dully. “Welcome to the life of a superhero. Sucks ass, doesn’t it?” 

Another long moment of silence, then Nathan said, sarcastic; “Jeez, guys, cheer up. You look like someone’s told you Christmas is cancelled, or that you’ll have to murder a big scary vampire tomorrow.”

“How are we even going to  _ get _ stakes?” Curtis asked helplessly, and Nathan threw his hands in the air.

“Fucked if I know,” he responded. “We’ll figure it out tomorrow- we’ve got time before the Halloween thing of death.”

_ (We would not, in fact, figure it out tomorrow, at least not in the fashion I’d originally imagined.) _

“Any idea how we'll get in? We're wanted." Alisha asked.

"Costumes?" Klaus piped up. "I mean, it  _ is  _ a costume party, after all." 

Nathan stared at him for a moment, then sighed; "You know what, alright," he muttered. "Costumes and a stake through the heart, plus decapitation. Stranger things have happened."

"So it's decided, then?" Simon asked. "We'll kill the vampire tomorrow?"

_ "Yes,"  _ Nathan answered tiredly. "Fuck's sake, Barry,  _ yes.  _ Happy? Great." He yawned and stretched his arms over his head, arching his back; "Now, I've had a long day of running from vampires and other nonsense, so if you lovelies don't mind I'm going to hit the sack. Goodnight, everybody."

_ Of course, because it was us doing things, things went ass-over-tits almost immediately. But that's a story for another day… _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uhhh yeah so school's been kinda kicking my ass... kiss this upload schedule goodbye because something tells me it won't be here for much longer-


	24. The Halloween Special: Part Three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein some costumes are found, Nathan falls off a building, and the Misfits find some help in the form of a time traveler without a TARDIS.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for mentions of child abuse  
> HAPPY HALLOWEEN! :D  
> For those of you who still go out, be safe! Don't get hit by cars or anything! For those of you who don't, have fun handing out candy.   
> ALSO, psst! Please see the prior chapter because some changes were made :)  
> Happy reading!

**On the 31st of October, 2009, five young offenders + one stood in a shop to buy a halloween costume or two. This was unusual only in the fact that the costumes would be used more for disguise purposes than any sort of festive spirit.**

"I wanna go as a vampiiiire." Klaus whined for what felt like the thousandth time. Beside him, Curtis gritted his teeth.

"We're trying to  _ kill  _ a vampire, remember?" He asked, and Klaus rolled his eyes.

"Exactly," he said. "I'll blend right in- she won't even know it's me!"

Curtis opened his mouth to argue, but Nathan shook his head; "I wouldn't," he said in an undertone. "When Klaus gets an idea, he's not likely to let go of it."

From the resigned look in the brunet's eye, Curtis gathered he spoke from experience. 

"I'ma be a ghost," Nathan announced. "Cost-efficient and spooky as fuck."

Klaus nodded sagely; "A wise idea, brother dear." He said, then hesitated. "Just to be clear though, you're going with a-"

"Sheet over the head?" Nathan supplied, then nodded. "Yeah. While I do have the death wounds in scar form, I'm not anxious to make them look fresh." 

Klaus nodded, looking a tiny bit relieved. "Good choice." 

Nathan took a bow; "Good choices are what I'm known for," he said, then turned to the rest of the group; "What about you lot?"

"Something that disguises your face would be good," Klaus pitched in. "Like lots of makeup, or a mask, even."

Alisha frowned and picked something up off a nearby rack; "Like this?" She asked, not realizing that Klaus and Nathan had frozen.

"Uh-" Klaus coughed. "Yeah, I-I guess."

Nathan nodded; "Wouldn't recommend that one, though," he managed, voice high and reedy. "Er- wee bit o' trauma related to it."

Alisha frowned and looked at the mask again. A second later she dropped it with a gasp, hands flying up to her mouth.

"Oh, God, I'm so sorry!" She said hurriedly, bending over to toss the Umbrella Academy mask back into the bin it came from. "I wasn't even thinking-"

"It's alright," Nathan gave her a tight smile. "Not like any of us have to wear it and go play 'Superheroes and Trauma', eh?"

They all nodded jerkily.

"Well- come on," Curtis said awkwardly, beckoning them further into the store. "We're running on a time limit here, let's move." 

~~~

"We look like complete twats," Klaus announced a short while later, standing outside the Community Center. 

"Do we?" Nathan asked, turning to look at him. "I can't see shit, so…" he shrugged. 

Alisha rolled her eyes; "If you bothered to cut holes large enough for your eyes, you'd be good." She sassed, and Nathan rolled his eyes.

"That's too easy," he said. "It's all about the struggle, haven't you heard?" 

Klaus nodded in agreement; "Life is no fun if you don't suffer," he chimed in, then hesitated. "In saying that- Nate, I've got visions of you tripping and breaking your neck,  _ please  _ be careful."

Nathan rolled his eyes; "I'd come back." He said dismissively.

"True, but you always complained about neck cramps that came from a broken neck." 

Nathan paused. "You know what, fair point," he conceded. "You can be my seeing-eye twin." 

Klaus rolled his eyes; "Alright." He agreed, then hesitated. "One thing, though, before we go in?" 

Curtis turned to look at him with an exasperated look; “Yes, Klaus?” He asked tiredly.

The necroscope bit his lip; "How do we find them?"

That gave them all pause.

"Err… well, it'll be obvious, won't it?" Alisha responded, unsure. "Great big black bat thing, someone's bound to take notice."

"Not if it's a Halloween party," Klaus pointed out grimly. "Everyone'll think they're in costume."

Kelly frowned; "I'll be able to hear 'em," she said. "Double voices, remember? When my nose starts bleeding, you'll know we've got the right person."

Nathan stared at her worriedly; "You're not gonna pass out again, are you?" He asked, and Kelly shrugged.

"Fucked if I know," she answered, and Nathan cursed.

"Well, shit," He said, then turned to his twin. "What sayeth thou, brother mine?"

Klaus thought about it for a moment; "My money's on loss of consciousness," he responded, then gave Kelly an apologetic look. "Sorry. But the pressure'll be too much." 

Kelly shrugged. "Whatever," she said. "Just don't let me crack my head open, yeah?"

"We'll catch you," Nathan promised, then turned back to the Community Center.  _ "Now  _ let's go in."

~~~

Inside was that special kind of darkness found only in shitty high school dances and cheesy fundraisers- like the one they were in now.

Klaus paused at the threshold, looked around, then said, words muffled around the fake fangs he'd just put in; "God, I hope someone spikes the punch." 

Nathan glared at him disapprovingly even though he was thinking the  _ exact  _ same thing, then jumped a mile when one of the staff came over to greet them.

She was dressed in a witch's costume that looked far too authentic; "Great costumes!" She said, smiling widely. "You guys look great!"

Nathan scratched the back of his neck. "Err, thanks," he said awkwardly. "You like… nice." Klaus snorted. 

_ "Sehr beredt, Nathan,"  _ he snarked, then yelped when Nathan stomped on his foot.

_ "Halte den Mund, Klaus,"  _ he said pleasantly, and Klaus scowled.

_ "Lusche meinen arsch-" _

"There's a ballot draw at midnight," the supervisor interrupted, an awkward glint to her eyes. "It costs two pounds to enter, and the winner gets that cauldron of candy-" she pointed to a decently sized cauldron on the other side of the room. "All proceeds go to charity." 

Nathan's jaw dropped;  _ "All  _ that candy?" He asked, eyes wide as saucers. "Jesus." Klaus nodded in agreement.

"There's a joke about a dentist in there somewhere, but I can't find it," he mumbled, and the supervisor smiled slightly.

"I'm sure you'll get there eventually," she said. "Anywho, if you need anything, don't hesitate to ask."

Klaus watched her go; "She seemed nice," he observed, and Curtis scowled.

"She won't be so nice when she calls the coppers on us," he hissed. "Come on, focus!" 

"I'm ADHD, focus isn't really something I  _ do _ ," Nathan quipped, and Klaus elbowed him.

"Hyperfocus," he sang, and Nathan scowled.

"That's different and you know it-"

"Guys!" Alisha snapped. "Come on! We have to find a murderer, can you two keep it together for five fucking minutes?'

"Yes," Klaus responded at the same time as Nathan said; "No."

...

"Anyways," Klaus said, ignoring the murderous glares the others had trained on him and his brother. "I say we do groups of two- cover more ground that way. We oughta be faster, too, minimize the chances of the vampire getting to some poor sucker before we get to them.” Curtis glared at him.

“Was that a pun?” He asked, and Klaus blinked.

“Was that a- oh!” He laughed a little. “Not intentionally, but you didn’t hear me say that. Right-” His smile faded. “Nathan, Kelly, you’re one group. Simon, Curtis, another. And Alisha and I-” he linked their arms together, careful not to let their skin touch. “-form the ultimate dream-team.”

Nobody looked terribly put-out by the pairings, which was a relief. Nothing was worse than a two-person party comprised of people who hated each other.

“Right,” Klaus said. “Err- check back hallways, places out of sight- basically somewhere you’d use if you were to commit a murder. Oh, and use the group chat if you find a bloodsucker or two, yeah?”

Nathan shuddered; “Do not even  _ joke _ about finding two,” he responded, then gave a two finger salute and walked off, calling out  _ “Viel glück”  _ as he did so. 

The others followed suit not long after, and thus the hunt was on.

~~~

“So what’s up with you and Curtis?” Klaus asked as they walked, then laughed at the shocked look Alisha gave him. “What, come on, I’m not blind. I can see something’s up, what happened?”

Alisha sighed and twisted a lock of hair around her finger; “Curtis and I… we broke up,” she admitted, and Klaus blinked.

“Oh,” he said eloquently. There was a beat of silence, then- “You don’t sound terribly put-out about it.”

Alisha shrugged; “Yeah, well, I’m not,” she responded.

Klaus tilted his head to the side; “Why?” He pressed. “Was-”

“Jesus, Klaus!” Alisha snapped suddenly, surprising the necroscope. “Can you focus, for once? We’re trying to catch a vampire! Now isn’t the time to be drilling me about my love life!”

The brunet looked abashed for a moment, then scowled; “Well, alright then,” he simpered. “Touchy.”

There was a beat of silence, then Alisha apologized.

“Sorry,” she said, running a hand through her hair. It got stuck on her curls, and she winced. “It’s just- it’s complicated.”

“More complicated to share with your best mate who isn’t a girl?” Klaus joked, then froze. “Alisha-”

“Well, no, it’s not that, it’s just-”

“Alisha.”

“It’s  _ complicated- _ ”

“Alisha!” 

“What?” The brunette in question snapped, looking distinctly annoyed.

Klaus lifted one shaking hand and pointed to something at the far end of the hallway; “That isn’t- tell me that’s not-” he said weakly, and Alisha squinted for a moment, then gasped.

Far down at the end of the alley was a black, shadowy figure holding a much more humanoid figure, both covered in copious amounts of blood.

They’d found the vampire- the wamphyri.

“Give us your phone,” Klaus whispered, making grabby hands at Alisha until she complied. Without taking his eyes off the vampire, Klaus slowly typed out a message to the others. He hit 'send,' and then immediately regretted every choice he'd ever made that had lead to this moment.

Because Alisha didn't have her phone on silent, and when the others texted back an affirmative, it was received with a loud  _ ding!  _

Which the wamphyri heard, of course.

Klaus tugged on Alisha’s shirt; “Run,” he muttered, then tugged harder when the wamphyri turned to face them, spitting and snarling. “RUN!”

~~~

Nathan and Kelly were having much less luck, having wandered around for a good fifteen minutes without any sign of the vampire.

Not that there was exactly a problem with that- after all, who’d want to go toe-to-toe with a wamphyri, Nathan pointed out?

“If we don’t run into it, it means your brother has,” Kelly responded. “Or that some other person.” Nathan squinted at her.

“You know, with your sunny disposition, it’s a wonder you don’t have more friends.” He said, and Kelly scowled at him.

“Oi, fuck off,” she snapped, and Nathan cocked his head to the side, scrutinizing her.

“You don’t hit me anymore,” he observed, and Kelly whirled around to look at him.

“What?” She asked, bewildered.

“Back before,” Nathan clarified. “Whenever I’d say or do something particularly twattish, you used to club me on the head or something.”

Kelly looked away, uncomfortable. “Yeah, well, I thought what with your-” she gestured vaguely. “-background, maybe that wasn’t the smartest.”

Nathan blinked at her; “I told you it didn’t bother me.”

“Yeah, but it bothered  _ me, _ ” Kelly responded. “I can’t- I can’t hit you, it just feels  _ wrong. _ ” 

Nathan tried for a smirk; “I’ve heard it’s supposed to feel like that with anyone,” he informed her, and Kelly sighed.

“God, you’re such a dick,” she muttered. “Is anything that comes out of your mouth not an insult?”

“No,” Nathan responded immediately. “It’s-” he cut himself off when Kelly’s phone went off and paled drastically; “Please tell me that’s your mum asking why you’re wanted for murder.” He pleaded, and Kelly shook her head, also rather on the paler side of things.

“No,” she responded. “It’s Alisha- she and Klaus found the vampire. In the lower west wing.” Nathan wrinkled his nose.

“Creepy,” he said, then stared at her worriedly. “You’re not- how far can you go before you pass out?” 

Kelly shrugged; “I’ll let you know when I get there.” She replied, then started walking. “Come on, let’s go.”

~~~

Meanwhile, Klaus and Alisha were having a  _ fantastic _ time running for their lives.

“ _ Why _ did you not turn off your ringer?” The necroscope snapped, and Alisha threw her hands in the air.

“I forgot!” She replied as they rounded a corner. A few seconds later there was the unmistakable sound of the wamphyri crashing into the wall with a feral shriek, and Alisha choked on a sob; “It’s going to get us!” She cried, and Klaus gritted his teeth.

“Not today, disco lady,” he muttered, then clenched his fists.

A brilliant blue shine filled the room and solidified; when the glare died down Ben was revealed to be standing in the middle, glaring heatedly at the wamphyri as it screamed and roared.

A second later and the Horrors were released, their own screaming drowning out that of the wamphyri.

“Go!” Ben shouted, strain visible in his voice. “I can’t control them, go!”

Alisha and Klaus ran.

~~~

Nathan and Kelly ran into Simon and Curtis at the junction between the East and West wings.

“You guys got the text too?” Nathan wheezed, leaning on the wall for balance. Simon nodded jerkily, eyes huge.

“Y-Yeah,” he stammered. “What do we do-”

“RUN!” Klaus shrieked, tearing up the stairs, Alisha hot on his heels. His hair was disheveled, and his hands were glowing blue; “IT’S  _ RIGHT BEHIND US! _ ”

Nathan’s eyes went wide; “ _ What?? _ ”

Alisha grabbed his sleeve; “DON’T JUST STAND THERE!” She yelled. “ _ RUN! _ ”

Nathan looked like he had 1,000 questions plus one inquiry, but an inhuman roar from down the stairs made him join the others in their race up the stairs.

They came out on the roof, in the pitch darkness. Klaus slammed the door behind them, panting harshly.

“It saw us,” he managed. “Heard Alisha’s phone go off when you- texted us… back-”

The light went out from Klaus’ hands, and his eyes rolled back up into his head. With an aborted yell of alarm, Nathan lurched forward to catch his brother before his head hit the ground.

“Fuck, what do we do?” He asked, eyes wide with panic.  _ “What do we do?!?” _

“Stay calm!” Curtis snapped, even though he too looked nervous. “We have a plan, we stick to the plan-”

Kelly suddenly collapsed like her strings had been cut. 

“Oh,  _ why _ does the universe hate us?” Nathan beamoned. “First Four, then Kelly- fuck’s sake!” He cast a nervous glance at the door; “How close is that thing to us, Kel?”

“Less than fifteen feet,” Kelly groaned, clutching her head in her hands. “I-I can’t-”

“Don’t let her crack her head open, for the love of God,” Nathan said, shakily climbing to his feet. “Are we clear on the plan?”

The others exchanged glances. “Pin it in place with a stake, then decapitate it,” Simon recited, and Nathan nodded.

“Good lad,” he said, then froze. “Wait. Who has the stakes, again?”

Dead fucking silence as they all looked at each other in horror.

“I thought you brought them!” Curtis hissed.

“Me?” Nathan retorted, then pointed at Alisha. “We said Alisha’d bring them!”

“Simon volunteered!”

“I thought Nathan was bringing them!”

“Fuck’s sake!” Nathan stamped his foot. “Ok! New plan! When that thing busts down the door, we push it over the edge! Fall from this height, on top of the spikes- might do it in!”

“And if it doesn’t?” Simon asked. “And what about Klaus and Kelly? It’ll go after them!” Nathan gnashed his teeth.

“I fucking  _ hate _ your sunny disposition,” he snarled. “We improvise, alright? Push comes to shove, we figure some shit out! And Six-” he clenched his fists, and the ghost in question appeared. “Six’ll keep it off Four and Kelly, at least until we push it off this mortal coil.”

Simon nodded, then jumped when something crashed against the door.

Nathan gulped and shifted to a fighting stance; “Just in case this is the end,” he said. “I want you all to know it’s been an honor doing my community service with you.”

The wamphyri broke through the door, and all hell broke loose.

~~~

“MAKE FOR THE EDGE!” Nathan screeched, running for the ledge. Around him, his friends did the same, the wamphyri in hot pursuit.

It roared and wailed, gnashing its teeth. Nathan clenched his jaw and poured on more speed, hoping and  _ praying _ that this would work.

When he chanced a glance behind him, he realized the wamphyri had chosen  _ him _ to chase, skirting  _ far _ around the Horrors Ben was wielding with scary efficiency. 

The ledge was getting closer and closer- the wamphyri was catching up, there wasn’t another choice-

Nathan jumped.

~~~

“NATHAN!” Alisha shrieked, eyes wide as saucers as the brunet went over the edge, wamphyri following not long after. 

An absolutely  _ bloodcurdling _ scream floated up from the ground, inhuman and ethereal. Alisha shuddered. Somehow, she knew, with absolute certainty, the wamphyri was dead.

As was Nathan.

“He’s immortal,” Simon said quietly, almost as if reading her mind. “He can’t die.”

Behind them, Kelly suddenly sat up with a gasp, eyes wide and unseeing.

“What happened?” She blurted. “Where’s the vampire?”

Wordlessly, Curtis pointed over the edge; “Down there,” he said dully. “Nathan went with it.”

Kelly’s eyes widened further.

“He’s immortal,” Simon quipped tiredly. “Just… in case you forgot.”

From the discreet way Kelly wiped at her eyes, Alisha gathered she must have.

“What… What do we do now?” The brunette asked, unsure. Curtis exhaled and pushed off the wall.

“Check to make sure that thing’s dead,” he answered. He sounded exhausted. “Get Nathan out of here before someone notices that  _ he’s _ dead and then…” He trailed off. “Wait out the storm or something, I don’t know.”

A low groan suddenly reached their ears, and they all whirled around to see Klaus struggling to sit up.

“Ugh, my aching head,” he muttered, clutching at his noggin with both hands. “I- I’ve gotta stop overusing my powers like that, it’s just- it’s just bad-” he paused suddenly and looked around. “Where’s the wamphyri?”

“Dead,” Simon answered. “Nathan tricked it into falling off the edge.” A pause, then- "Nathan went over, too."

Klaus waved his concerns away; "Eight'll be fine, it's the wamphyri I'm worried about," he slurred, before stumbling to his feet. "They're tough motherfuckers, I don't- I don't know if the fall was enough-"

“Sit down before you pass out again, Klaus,” Kelly said tiredly, to which the necroscope stubbornly shook his head.

“No,” he mumbled. “I need to- need to-” He staggered over to the edge and peered down. When he spoke, his voice was breathy with laughter; “Did you mean to impale it on three stakes?”

Curtis knit his eyebrows. What?

“The fence,” Klaus clarified, and the time traveler realized he’d spoken aloud. “By a dictionary, it counts as a fence- and a wamphyri can’t move if it’s pinned with a stake, ergo-”

“It’s stuck there,” Alisha realized, and Klaus nodded, a huge (if exhausted) grin on his face.

“‘Til sunrise,” he confirmed. “Which, coincidentally, is around the time the intense UV will make it burn alive to  _ death. _ ” He breathed a sigh of relief. “Oh, thank God- woohoo, go us!” He flopped down on the ground. “I need a drink.”

Nobody argued with him.

~~~

_ Everything turned out in the end, as I said it would. Klaus and the others, plus me after I’d revived, pretended the dead wamphyri was a decoration- wasn’t that difficult, because someone  _ did _ end up spiking the punch. Drunk people are the easiest people to convince, after all. _

_ (Klaus is shouting that I spiked the punch. I was dead at the time, ergo Klaus is a lying liar who lies.) _

_ It did eventually ‘burn alive to death,’ as Klaus so eloquently put it, when the sun came up. I should know. I was there- it just flaked away into nothing, which… didn’t happen in the book, I don’t think, but then again, it’s been a hot minute since I’ve read  _ The Necroscope, _ so maybe I’m wrong. _

_ The only thing we had to worry about was our innocence, or lack thereof. We did kill a woman, after all, even if she was a bloodsucking, parasitic wamphyri, and were framed for the murder of another bloke. _

_ Turns out we needn’t have worried about that. _

_ ~~~ _

“Cleared of all charges?” Nathan asked incredulously. “How in God’s name did  _ that _ happen?”

Klaus shrugged; “Haven’t the faintest,” he responded, then turned to Simon; “What sayeth thou,  _ Unsichtbar? _ ”

Unsurprisingly, Simon had the answer; “Someone dropped off video proof of our innocence,” he explained, sounding mystified. “I didn’t get a good look at it, but the police seemed to think it was legit.”

Nathan raised an eyebrow; “So you mean someone was watching us?” He asked, then shook his head. “Creepy.”

Simon shook his head; “No, the videos were of the wamphyri doing the murder,” he replied. “Apparently they- whoever  _ they _ are- had cameras taped up throughout the community center. Which... still exonerates us.”

Nathan didn’t look reassured; “That’s still creepy as all hell,” he commented, then took a sip of his drink. “But I digress. The wamphyri itself?”

Simon looked even more troubled; “I have no idea,” he said. “They may have identified it as the killer, but it didn’t look human by the end, so I’m not sure...” he exhaled and straightened his hair. “Something’s weird about all this- our absolvement, the investigation around the wamphyri- someone’s interfering.”

Alisha looked distinctly uncomfortable; “Does it really matter?” She asked briskly. “We killed the bad guy, didn’t we? Let’s just move on.”

Klaus squinted at her.

“Um,  _ I _ killed the bad guy,” Nathan said. “You lot did diddly squat.”

“You didn’t kill the damn thing, you yeeted yourself off the edge and it was stupid enough to follow!”

“Exactly! I mcfriggin’ killed it!”

~~~

_ Ah, what’s that lovely saying, again? ‘Another day, another dungeon?’ Eh, I don’t really care- point is, it’s as Alisha said: we beat the bad guy, and lived to see another sunrise. _

_ All we had to worry about now was a time traveler without a TARDIS and some weird kids who could control dairy and lived in a videogame simulation, respectively, but those are stories for other days. _

_ Fin. _

_ (Klaus was trying to be poetic with that last bit. _

_ Yeah, and it  _ worked _.  _

_ Really? I think it just made you sound like a pompous twat. _

_ Pompous twat- you little- _

_ CONNECTION LOST.) _

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not gonna lie, lads, I wrote the majority of this last night. Almost didn't get it done, but here we are! :D next chapter is, by popular demand, the alternate episode six wherein Klaus was virginized and not Nathan.


	25. Episode Six: Alternate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein there's an overwhelming sense of déja vû.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: for panic attacks, drug usage, mentions of child abuse, and death.  
> A'ight lads, here we are. Y'alls asked for the bonus chapter, AKA the alternate episode six, and ergo I've posted it.  
> A little background, so no one's confused:  
> The beginning bit of the story follows exactly the same, what with Nathan and Kelly rescuing Klaus from the Virtue cultists in the Community Center, ect, ect. They meet up with Simon, as they did in canon, and come up with a plan to rescue/kidnap Alisha, the only difference is that Nathan went with Simon and Klaus went with Kelly, ergo Klaus is the one virginized.  
> This starts shortly after Klaus (Nathan in the alternate version, which is this one) runs into one of the Virtue Cultists. In the original one, the Virtue Cultist said Nathan was a 'gift from God.' In this one, he's got something a little different to say about Klaus.  
> Also- this is two chapters amalgamated into one. I didn't finish the last one originally, and the first one starts from the middle because I used the first half of the first chapter to write the one where Nathan is virginized- I'm rambling. Point is, there's two very small chapters pushed into one normal-sized chapter. Enjoy :)
> 
> Also, just a heads-up- this isn't beta'd as heavily as most of my normal chapters are. It's still good, if I do say so myself, but again- less beta'ing.

**On an undisclosed date in the year of 2009, an ex-superhero snuck into a cult's lair to see his brother. This was unusual only in the fact that this exact scenario had happened before, just in reverse.**

"Oh! I know your brother!"

Nathan's heart thudded painfully in his chest; "Where is he?" He demanded.  _What have you done to him_ was next on the list, but he bit his lip before it managed to get out- this man thought him a cultist, yes, but that particular question would disprove that delusion very, very quickly.

As it was, the man gave him a reproachful look at his tone; "He should be in the toilets, still," he said stiffly, then shook his head. "I'm so very terribly sorry."

Nathan's blood turned to ice in his veins. "What? What's happened to him?" He asked, fearing the answer.

The man gave him a pitying look; "I'm sorry you've a junkie for a brother," he said sympathetically, and irritation swooped through Nathan. 

"Yeah, me too," he answered, annoyed. "Why's he in the toilets?" The man cocked his head to the side, giving Nathan a quizzical look.

"You cannot consume drugs and be a member of the Virtue," he explained slowly, as if Nathan were a very small child. "Currently, your brother is going through withdrawals-"

" _Scheiß."_ Nathan's eyes went wide. Fuck, why hadn't he realized sooner-

"Thanks, talk to you later," he said hurriedly, then patted the man on the shoulder and ran into the bathroom.

For some reason, Nathan's necromancy had never been as powerful as his brother's. Maybe because he'd gotten his from a freak electrical storm, or maybe they'd grow with age, but whatever the reason, Nathan never saw as many ghosts as Klaus did.

Now, though, now he could understand why Klaus turned to drugs like he did. There were ghosts everywhere- all crowding and pushing and yelling.

One word. Just one word. But it sent Nathan's heart plummeting anyways.

" _Klaus!"_

_"Klaus!"_

_"Help us, Klaus!"_

_"Klaus!"_

"I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I don't know how- Dad, _please let me out!"_

And at the center of it all was Klaus, curled up in a little ball, hands clamped over his ears, screaming his lungs out.

"Klaus!" Nathan dropped into a crouch next to his twin, ignoring the fact that his knees landed in a puddle of Unidentified Liquid. "Klaus, fuck, you gotta listen to me-"

"No, no! No, go away!" Klaus sobbed, feebly pushing Nathan away. "I don't know how to help you- Dad, let me out! I'm not afraid anymore, PLEASE _PLEASE_!"

Nathan ran his hands through his hair a few times, eyes wide as saucers. "Klaus!" He snapped. "Listen to me! You're not there, you're here! Sat in the middle of a dirty bathroom going through withdrawals!"

He put his brother's hand on his chest; "See?" He asked desperately. "I've got a heartbeat, I'm alive! It's Nathan! Klaus, snap out of it!"

Klaus cracked open one eye, then immediately shut it again when he saw the ghosts, scrambling away until his back hit the wall; "No!" He cried. "No, no, go away!"

Nathan growled under his breath, and glared at the ghosts. 

"Well?" He snapped. "You heard the man, fuck off!"

A ripple of unease went through the ghosts, and then, much to Nathan's amazement, they quieted down.

 _Oh_ , Nathan realized as they stared at him expectantly. _They're- I've got the floor now, ok._

"Um-" Nathan's voice came out all high and reedy, and he cringed. "Hi. I'm- uh, I'm Nathan." 

" _He can see us?"_ One ghost murmured to another, and Nathan trained his glare on her.

"No shit I can see you," he snarled, suddenly very angry. "Go away!" The ghost from before glared at him.

"Why should we?" She challenged. "You can see us- so can he!" She pointed at Klaus. "You have to help us." Nathan clenched his fists.

"We don't have to do anything," he hissed. "Now piss. Off."

Throughout the commotion, Nathan's hands had been glowing a shade of blue not too dissimilar to the color of Five's teleportation, unnoticed by him. At his words, the glow spiked in intensity, and almost all at once, the ghosts vanished.

Nathan blinked, looking around with wide eyes. Frowning, he rubbed his eyes, then looked again.

Still no ghosts.

What the fu-

"Ok, roll with the punches," the brunet muttered to himself, then turned to his twin; "Klaus, Klaus." Nathan shook the necroscope, frowning when Klaus cringed away from his touch. "Kl- it's ok," he amended his speech pattern to exclude Klaus' name. "They're- they're gone." 

Slowly, Klaus opened his eyes, jaw dropping when he saw the steady lack of ghosts. "Wha-" his voice was hoarse and croaky from overuse, and he coughed into his elbow before trying again. "Where- where did they go?" He did a double-take. And where did you come from?" Nathan jerked his head at the door.

"'Came to see you," he said. "As for the ghosts- no idea. I just told them to quote-on-quote 'piss off-'" he paled suddenly. "Oh, fuck- Ben? Ben!" He yelled. "Fuck, Ben- where are you?!"

Mind hazy with the flashback and panic attack he just went through, it took Klaus a moment to catch on. When he did, though, he immediately started screaming for his dead brother as well, heedless of his sore throat.

"Ben! Ben!" Klaus yelled, pressing the heels of his palms into his eyes. "Oh God, oh God-"

"It's ok. I'm here." 

Two twin sets of hazel eyes went wide. "Ben?" Nathan asked, hardly daring to believe it.

In front of them, the air shimmered like a mirage, then the ghostly form of their brother appeared.

"Hey guys," he said, trying for nonchalant. "Neat trick with the ghosts, Nate."

"Ben!" Force of habit meant the twins immediately launched themselves at Ben, ready for hugs. Force of habit also meant they realized a split second too late that they would fall through said brother and crash onto the floor, probably breaking a nose or two along the way, but much to their surprise, they were met with a solid (if slightly cold) mass.

"Holy fuck!" Nathan gasped, pulling back to look at his brother. "Ben! Holy fuck!" The raven laughed a tad nervously.

"How did you- I'm blue, am I supposed to be blue?" Ben rambled, and Nathan and Klaus noticed that he was, indeed, blue. 

Nathan quickly made the link between their corporeal brother and his still-glowing hands; "Holy motherfucking Christ," he gaped, bringing his hands up to eye-level. "Klaus, Klaus, I'm doing it, I'm making him corporeal-"

As soon as he noticed this amazing feat, however, Nathan's hands went out like a light, and Ben faded back to his usual all-black attire. 

"Oh," Nathan frowned for a moment, put-out, then grinned like a maniac. "Hey! That was pretty good, wasn't it?" Klaus nodded shakily.

"Yeah, it was, bro, good job," he mumbled, and with a jolt Nathan realized that Klaus really didn't look to good. He'd been distracted before, what with the heart-stopping terror of losing Ben plus the elation of finally getting rid of the ghosts, but now that all that was said and done with, he had a brother to check up on.

"Fuck, Klaus, are you ok?" He asked worriedly, then blanched. "Wait, fuck, no, stupid question-"

"Gon' be sick!" Klaus wheezed, and Nathan's eyes went wide with alarm.

"Wha- to the toilet, to the toilet!" He cried, steering his twin over to one of the stalls not a moment to soon. 

"Eugh, that's nasty." Nathan cringed away, but didn't leave his twin's side. 

"S-Sorry," Klaus managed, and Nathan shook his head.

"Don't be," he said, completely serious. "Withdrawal's a bitch." 

Klaus scowled a little; "Don't use that language-" he cut himself off by abruptly leaning back over the toilet bowl again. Nathan sighed and pulled his twin's hair out of his eyes.

"What happened?" Nathan asked when Klaus resurfaced.

His brother sighed; "I can't be a member of the Virtue if I'm a druggie, Nathan," he said, and Nathan frowned.

"So I've been told," he muttered, then shook his head. "But you told me if you were ever to stop with the drugs you'd taper off them slowly." Klaus tilted his head to the side.

"I can't be a member of the Virtue if I'm a druggie," he said, slower, more deliberate, and Nathan's jaw dropped in abject horror.

"They're making you go cold turkey?" He gaped, then shook his head. "That's not- that's not right, you smoked at least 10 blunts a day, you should be tapering off slowly-"

"But I can't be a member of the Virtue if I'm intoxicated!" Klaus whinged, and Nathan glowered at him.

"Fuck the Virtue!" He snapped, and Klaus gasped like he had said something scandalous. "This is making you miserable! You're shaking and having panic attacks- we're talking about that, by the way- and puking your guts out!"

" _And he's got a headache,"_ Ben piped up. _"Was complaining about a migraine before the ghosts showed up._ " Nathan shook his head.

"Klaus, please, I'm begging you," he pleaded. "Come off the drugs slowly- you had a really intense addiction, it's-"

"No, Nathan!" Klaus snapped. "I told you, I can't be a member of the Virtue if I'm drugged up all the time!" 

"And I told you fuck the Virtue!" Nathan snapped. "They hijacked your brain! This isn't you, you're supposed to be wearing eyeliner and obnoxious clothes!" 

"If you dress like a slut people will treat you like a slut!" Klaus fired back, sounding like he was parroting words someone else had drilled into his head. "I looked like a hooker!" 

"You looked like _Klaus!"_ Nathan exploded. "You looked like my idiot brother who loved to knit but couldn't for the life of him figure out how crochet worked! Who spent too long making designs in people's coffees so the lineup went out the door! Who'd purposely needle Louise with me just to get a reaction-"

"I was a horrible junkie!" Klaus cut across him, just as heated. "I whored myself out for money that I later spent on drugs! I stole from all our brothers and sisters! I stole from Dad, for Christ'ssake-"

"Oh no, do not go feeling guilty for Dad," Nathan snarled. "He was an abusive prick who tortured us-"

"Our father is a great man!" Klaus bellowed. "He loves us very much and we never should have left the way we did!" Nathan stared at him in shock, struck speechless.

After a moment, he found his voice; "How can you say that?" He cried. "How? He used to lock you in the mausoleum for _hours,_ Klaus, literal hours! He pushed Five so far he up and ran away! He is not a good person!"

"He did his best!" Klaus snapped. "We were just too difficult and unruly-"

"Klaus, he used to hit you! Used to hit me too! Hell, even Luther got a slap once or twice- he ignored Vanya! Pushed her aside- he forgot her own damned birthday!" 

Desperate, he grabbed ahold of his twin's shoulders and shook him;  _"Please,_ Klaus," Nathan begged. "He's not a good person, don't go feeling sorry for him."

Klaus was quiet for a moment, then spoke up.

"I think you should go," he said icily, and Nathan's heart sank.

"Klaus, no, please-"

"Leave!" Klaus thundered, pushing his twin away. "And don't come back until you've come to your senses!"

Nathan was quiet for a moment, then turned on his heel and left, scrubbing furiously at his eyes.

His brother was gone.

~~~

Nathan ran into Kelly immediately after leaving the Community Center.

“Nathan!” The blonde in question grabbed ahold of him, concern clear in her tone as she tilted her head up to look at him. “Nathan, what’s wrong?”

“They got Klaus,” the brunet hiccuped, tears falling from his eyes in a steady stream. “They got him and he’s gone, Kelly, he’s fucking gone-”

Kelly looked around worriedly as Nathan dissolved into tears in her arms. They were attracting a rather large crowd of Virtue Cultists, and she wasn’t anxious for them to realize they weren’t mind-controlled like the rest of them.

“Nathan, come on,” Kelly whispered in an undertone, eyes shifting around nervously. “They know something’s wrong, and they’re gonna investigate unless we get a move on.”

Nathan didn’t seem very worried; “What’s the point?” He asked morosely. “My brother is _gone-”_

“And if we stay here, then there’s no one to help him!” Kelly snapped, forcing Nathan to meet her eye; “Nathan, if they get us, it’s over, there’s no one who can help Klaus. We’re his last hope.”

Slowly, Nathan seemed to come back to himself. 

“Alright,” he said quietly, straightening up. He hastily wiped a few tears away and asked; “What now?” Kelly bit her lip.

“I don’t know,” she replied, and Nathan sighed.

“Well, we can’t stay here,” he said, looking around at all the Virtue Cultists spread across the grounds. He sighed heavily; “Let’s just go back to your house. Maybe think of a plan.”

Kelly nodded. At this point, planning was all they could do.

~~~

“I think we should give Simon a ring,” Kelly announced as they walked in the front door of her parent’s flat. “I haven’t heard from him since yesterday.” Nathan shrugged lifelessly and collapsed on her couch.

“Do what you will,” he muttered, waving vaguely in her direction. Kelly frowned at him for a moment, then called their blonde-haired friend.

Worryingly enough, Simon’s phone went straight to voicemail.

Kelly looked over at Nathan; “Do you think that means they got him?” She asked, and Nathan shrugged noncommittally.

“Maybe. Maybe not,” he mumbled, staring vacantly out the window. “I’d like to see them catch him with that invisibility power of his, but then again, if they just swarm him like they did with Klaus-” Nathan’s voice broke, and he screwed his eyes shut. A single tear traced its way down his face, and Kelly sat down next to him.

“Nathan,” she said quietly. “I’m so sorry.” Nathan shrugged again.

“What are you gonna do?” He asked, voice thick with suppressed sobs. “H-Hit or miss, I guess they never miss, eh?”

Kelly frowned, and hesitantly opened her arms. To no one’s surprise but her own, Nathan immediately fell forward and buried his face in her neck as the dam broke.

“It’s not fair!” He wailed, tears soaking the sleeve of her shirt. “We survived Dad’s shitty training! All those fucking missions! The mausoleums, the ghosts, the fucking cupboard and the endless-fucking- _dying!”_ Nathan inhaled a huge lungful of air, breath coming in stuttering gasps. “And it was all for fucking nothing! Survived eighteen years under Dad’s inane Umbrella Academy bullshit, made it out alive, and now Klaus is _gone-”_

The rest of Nathan’s sentence dissolved into tears, and Kelly hugged him tighter. Almost desperately, he seized fistfuls of her shirt as if afraid she would leave him too. 

“It’s alright,” Kelly soothed, then thought better of it. “It’s going to be okay,” she amended, and Nathan went dead still in her arms.

Fearing she had misstepped, Kelly went to pull back, starting when Nathan only clutched her tighter; “Nathan?”

“You remembered.” Kelly blinked.

“Yeah?” She replied. “Is that bad?” Nathan huffed a watery laugh and finally pulled away to look at her.

“No,” he admitted. “Not at all.”

~~~

Sometime after the last of Nathan's tears had dried, he turned to her and said; "Well, now you know everything. Congratulations."

Kelly would argue that she most certainly did not know everything- by the dark circles under his eyes and set of his shoulders, she knew there was a lot Nathan wasn't telling her.

But, arguing the point would definitely make Nathan close up, so she held her tongue.

Except for one thing- "You were dead serious when you told me to kill you if they virginized you, weren't you?" Nathan blinked at her.

"Yeah?" He said. "That's my other power- immortality. I'm indestructible, like Captain Scarlet." He shrugged. "Fat lot of good it did me- did you know I've only died accidentally once?"

"That's usually how it works," Kelly said wryly, and Nathan shook his head.

"No, no, I've died like thousands of times," he said instantly. "More times than I can keep track of- only once was it an accident, and that was because I took a header down the stairs when I was five or six." He shook his head. "Woke up in a coffin, afterwards- wish I hadn't. The neck cramps were just awful."

He sighed and sat up straight; "I'd take death in a heartbeat over that fucking cupboard, though," he muttered, and Kelly raised an eyebrow.

"Cupboard?" She asked, and Nathan blanched when he realized he'd spoken out loud.

"Oh, fuck," he muttered, then cleared his throat. "Uh- Dad had this cupboard- if I misbehaved or breathed wrong, he'd toss me in there for a few hours." Kelly's jaw dropped.

"That's child abuse." She gasped, aghast, and Nathan snorted.

"You think I don't know that?" He asked, then sighed. "Klaus used to switch places with me, sometimes- and I'd do the same for him, of course, when the mausoleum was too much." He sighed again. "'Course, the repercussions made me wish he'd chosen cremation over burial all those years ago, but it was so nice to finally pull a fast one on him-" he stopped suddenly, horror filling his hazel green eyes when he realized tears were welling up in Kelly's own blue ones.

"Oh, no, Kelly, please don't cry," he said, instinctively wrapping his arms around the blonde. "It all happened so long ago- so, so long ago, I'm over it-"

"You're a fucking liar," Kelly said thickly, and Nathan swallowed.

"Maybe a bit," he admitted. "But- I wasn't alone. I had Klaus, and… Ben, for a little bit, before he died. Diego too, if you caught him at the right time. Five had his own, weird Five-way of showing support, and…" he trailed off. "And there was Klaus." Kelly huffed a watery laugh.

"You said Klaus already," she said, and Nathan shrugged.

"Well, he's got so much personality I have to count him twice," he said cheekily, and Kelly smiled slightly. 

"I'm sorry, Nathan," she said softly, and the brunet exhaled wearily before tightening his grip on her.

"It's all in the past now," he said distantly, and to Kelly it sounded like he was reassuring himself as much as he was reassuring her. "He's all the way back in America- he can't hurt us, because he doesn't even know where the hell we are. Never told our siblings," he confessed upon seeing the confused look Kelly had fixed on him. "The night we escaped, Allison- our sister- told us not to tell them so Dad couldn't force it out of them and then go hunt us down- oh, Kelly, no, I'm sorry, please don't cry-"

"You had to disappear off the face of the earth in order to be safe from that man," Kelly choked. "Tell me not to cry again, I dare you." 

Nathan sighed, and rested his chin on top of Kelly's head.

He didn't say anything more.

 

**Chapter 19:**

**On an undisclosed date in the year of 2009, a cult received two new followers. This was unusual only in the fact that the two new cult members really had no intention of following the cult’s rules and regulations.**

“I hate wearing a suit,” Nathan hissed in an undertone. Beside him, Kelly plastered on a fake grin.

“Showing up in your flannel would make them suspicious,” she said through gritted teeth, and Nathan snorted.

“What, more suspicious than having a water pistol shoved down the back of my pants?” He asked wryly, and Kelly surreptitiously elbowed him.

“Shut up, Nathan,” she said, freezing when Curtis walked up to them.

“Kelly! Nathan!” He seemed genuinely delighted to see them. “I’m so glad you’re with us now!” 

Nathan tried for a smile. He feared it looked more like a grimace.

“I'm so pleased to be here,” he said. The words felt like sawdust in his mouth. “I was such a loser. The drugs, the sex, all that fast food,” he shook his head as if in dismay. “I was so miserable.” Curtis nodded in agreement.

“I hear you,” he said without looking up from his clipboard. “You were such an annoying idiot.”

Nathan’s smile turned strained. Beside him, Kelly coughed something that sounded suspiciously like a laugh, and Nathan glared at her out of the corner of his eye.

“ _Halt die Klappe, Kelly,”_ he said pleasantly, and something akin to a scowl graced Kelly’s features. 

“ _Lutsch meinen Arsch, Nathan_ ,” she fired back, in perfect German, and Nathan choked.

“Since when do you speak German?” He whispered, and Kelly shrugged.

“Google translate,” she answered, then hesitated. “Plus, y’know… you and Klaus tend to think in German if you’re worried I’m listening. You pick some stuff up.”

In front of them, Curtis gave them a confused look; “I’m sorry, what’s happening?” Nathan started.

“Oh, I, err...” he trailed off, but Kelly came to his rescue.

“Nathan’s been teaching me German,” she interrupted smoothly, and Nathan nodded enthusiastically.

“Yeah!” He agreed. “She’s really good at it, actually, and this way I’ve more people to practice with!” 

Curtis looked a little suspicious, but let the matter go nonetheless.

"Would you sign this?" He asked suddenly, presenting a clipboard to the two of them. Nathan tilted his head to the side as he considered it.

"Sure," he replied. "What's it for?"

"We're campaigning against contraceptives being given out in schools," he explained. "Would you sign it?"

Nathan nodded and took the petition off him; "Of course," he said. "There's only one thing young ladies should be inserting in themselves, and that's knowledge."

Beside him, Kelly choked on a laugh, and Curtis gave her a concerned look. She managed to turn it into a cough, and said; "Cough. Cold." 

Nathan rolled his eyes, scanning the room for Head Virtue Bitch- or Rachel, if you prefer, as apparently, that was her name.

"Klaus been asking about you," Curtis said, and Nathan barely restrained a flinch at the mention of his brother's name.

"Oh yeah?" He replied, aiming for casual. He wasn't sure if he succeeded- "What's he saying?" Curtis shrugged.

"He wouldn't say," he responded. "Seemed right worried, though- did you two have a fight, or something?" Nathan chewed his lip.

"Yeah. Sort of. It's a long story," he muttered, eyes zeroing in on a figure in the back. 

Rachel.

He gave Curtis what he hoped was a kind and understanding smile; "Would you excuse us, for a moment?" He asked, and Curtis nodded and stepped away.

"I found her," Nathan hissed. "Operation Stepladder is underway."

**(Why is it called Operation Stepladder? Because that was the first item the author saw when they looked around the room for inspiration, that's why.)**

Operation Stepladder- named by Nathan, of course- was simple. Nathan would do the threatening, since he had the 'gun,' and Kelly would stand guard outside the door and turn any passerbys away.

In one fluid movement, Nathan plugged up his ears with earbuds and pulled the (frightfully realistic) water pistol from his pocket. 

The game was afoot.

"Change them back to the way they were," Nathan demanded. In front of him, Rachel froze and slowly rotated on her heel, eyes locked on the (water) gun he held in his right hand.

"Just stay calm," she implored him. "What's your name?"

Nathan shifted his weight, unsure. He didn't plan for her actually talking to him- "Your voodoo magic won't work on me," he said instead, gesturing to his earbuds; "I can't hear a word you're saying. Now-" he glowered at her. "whatever you did to them, undo it." Rachel frowned.

"They're better off as they are-" 

Well, fuck. 

"-everyone was teasing me for being a virgin-"

At least she can't mind-control him, right?

"I'm a nice person, and they treated me like a freak!" Nathan rolled his eyes.

"Blah blah blah," he said, then deadpanned; "Change them back."

"I can't!" Rachel exploded. "I can't, even if I wanted to!"

Dammit, did this girl not value her life at all? Nathan hefted his gun further up and said; "I'm gonna shoot you in the face."

"I don't understand how it works!" Rachel pleaded. "Please, you have to understand!"

Alright, plan B.

"Everybody stay the fuck down or I will shoot her in the face!" Nathan shouted as he kicked the door down, staggering out with Rachel's wrist in a vice-like grip. Beside him, Kelly's eyes went wide.

"What the fuck are you doing?" She hissed.

"Improvising!" Nathan replied, dragging Rachel up the stairs to the roof, Kelly in tow- "You, down, down now!" He yelled, waving his water gun wildly. "Stay down! Everybody, stay down! Get back!"

Klaus, someway, somehow, managed to make it up the stairs with them, and Nathan gritted his teeth. 

"Stay back!" He screamed. He really, really didn't want to point a gun at his own brother, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

"Nathan, let her go, please!" Klaus begged, and Nathan clenched his jaw.

"Klaus, get away!" He snarled, pushing the door to the roof open. Unsurprisingly, the necroscope didn't listen, and soon Nathan had trapped himself, Kelly, Klaus, and Rachel up on the roof, with no way out, as Rachel helpfully pointed out. And, it was raining. Heavily.

Brilliant.

"Let her go!" Alisha shouted from the ground, worry clear in her tone. "Please, Nathan!"

The others exclaimed similar sentiments, and Nathan shook his head in disgust.

"Look at you all!" He yelled. "She's got you thinking this is how you're supposed to be!" He shook his head again. "Well, it's not! We're young! We're supposed to drink too much! We're supposed to have bad attitudes and shag each other's brains out! We are designed to party!"

Chest heaving, he looked out over them all, hazel eyes bright with an almost otherworldly intensity; "This is it," he promised. "You and me, we're the future. And yeah, a few of us will overdose or go mental," he shrugged. "But Charles Darwin said you can't make an omelette without breaking a few eggs. And that's what it's all about, breaking eggs! And by eggs, yes, I do mean, getting twatted on a cocktail of Class As." 

He sighed heavily; "If you could just see yourselves!" He cried. "It breaks my heart! You're wearing cardigans, for fuck's sake! We had it all, we fucked up bigger and better than any generation that came before us! We were so beautiful!" 

"We're screw-ups, you and me," Nathan promised, gesturing to the crowd, then to himself. "I'm a screw-up and I plan to be a screw-up until my late 20s, maybe even my early 30s. And I will shag my own mother before I let her or anyone else take that away from me!"

Grinning widely, because that was an amazing speech if he did say so himself, Nathan looked around the rooftop, confused when he saw Kelly shaking her head into her palm.

"Your gun's leaking." Rachel informed him furiously.

Ah.

"So you threatened me with a water pistol!" She demanded, livid, then scoffed and shook her head. "You're just like the rest of them! You'd be so much happier if- 

"I still can't hear you!" Nathan yelled, gesturing to his earbuds, then figured what the hell and squirted her in the face a few times with his water pistol.

Meanwhile, over a little ways away, Klaus watched the scene with growing horror. Beside him, Ben was yelling at him.

 _"He is your brother, Klaus!"_ He snapped. "Help _him!"_ Klaus shook his head.

"But… the Virtue…" he mumbled, and Ben gnashed his teeth together.

" _Fuck the Virtue!"_ He snarled. _"That right there, that's your own flesh and blood! There is no one else on Earth closer to you than him, HELP HIM!"_

As luck would have it, at that very moment, Rachel and Nathan's fight evolved into that of the shoving kind, and Klaus immediately ran over to pull his brother away.

"Alright, stop it!" He snapped, and that's when everything went very, very, very wrong.

The rooftop, slick with rain as it was, made it very hard to stay steady on your feet. And Rachel, in heels, started slipping over the edge.

And Klaus, being nearest to her, was the first thing she grabbed.

"KLAUS! NO, NO!" Nathan screamed, lunging forward to catch his brother. But he was too late, and Klaus toppled over the edge.

Nathan most certainly would have gone down after him, if Kelly hadn't wrapped her arms around his chest to hold him back.

"LET ME GO!" Nathan shrieked, scrabbling desperately at Kelly's arms. "LET ME GO, PLEASE PLEASE LET ME GO-"

"No!" Kelly snarled. "You can't- Nathan!"

The brunet broke free of her hold and stumbled towards the edge, where the sight of his brother's body, impaled on the iron fence, broke him.

Nathan knotted his fingers in his hair and screamed, blue bursting from his hands. Around him, ghosts started materializing, all tinged with the same blue his hands were currently glowing.

"Nathan! Nathan!" Kelly shook him, hard. "It's alright! You said you two swapped powers! He'll come back!" Nathan shook his head, inhaling huge lungfuls of air.

"We never tested it!" He screamed, shoulders jerking with poorly suppressed sobs. "We never fucking tested it! He-he-" With an agonized sound, Nathan bent double, tearing at his hair.

"BRING HIM BACK!" He yelled up at sky. "BRING HIM BACK!"

Around them, the ghosts grew more and more reckless as Nathan's hysteria grew. Slowly, their voices joined in with Nathan's- thousands and thousands of people, all wailing and begging for what they'd lost to _come back_. 

"Nathan!" Kelly grabbed him by the shoulders and forced him to look at her; "You have to calm down! The ghosts-" 

One of them made a swipe at her, grabbing ahold of her ankle and dragging her towards the edge, where a hoard of ghosts were screaming and clawing at themselves, and each other.

Terrified, Kelly kicked it off; "Nathan, please!" She begged, edging closer to the brunet as the ghosts drew nearer. "Stop it!"

"I don't know how!" Nathan yelled back, a note of terror intermingling with the hysteria in his voice. "Go away! Go away!  _GO AWAY!"_

A sort of _pulse_ spread out from Nathan, blue and powerful. It swept across the rooftops, gaining speed with every passing moment, and every ghost it touched disappeared with an agonized wail.

There was silence, broken only by Nathan's hitching sobs and the soft pitter-patter of the rain.

Kelly exhaled wearily and leaned against him; "It'll be ok," she muttered. "It's gonna be ok."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next week starts the beginning of Season Two :)


	26. (Season 2) Episode One: Part One

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Wherein Klaus deals with the aftermath of dying and reanimating, Nathan wonders if he should be in a unit, and another dead body is discovered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for mentions of drug use, child abuse, panic attacks (of a sort) and, well, murder  
> GOD this chapter is not up to scratch and I feel horrible but I didn't want to leave you guys with nothing AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
> I'll try to beta this more later today, but I make no promises; turns out taking an online course is a special kind of hell filled with lots of homework :(  
> I'm sorry, guys.

**On an undisclosed date in the year of 2009, one 20-soon-to-be-21 year-old sat knitting a woollen scarf. This was unusual only in the fact that he couldn't see what the hell he was doing, because his vision was obstructed by tears.**

This person was one Klaus Hargreeves, less commonly known as Number Four, and even less commonly as the Séance. 

The reason for Number Four's frantic knitting was simple: he'd woken up from a particularly bad nightmare, and was scared to go back to bed.

Now, this in and of itself wasn't terribly out of the ordinary for poor Number Four, though usually his nightmares were of the mausoleum variety, and not of the speeding-towards-a-fence variety. 

This nightmare had been of the speeding-towards-a-fence variety.

Klaus exhaled shakily and bit his lip when he dropped another stitch; at this point his scarf was going to have more holes in it than a block of swiss cheese. His hands were shaking like he was going through a particularly nasty set of withdrawals, and his head was foggy and clouded with that specific kind of exhaustion that came from crying and dehydration.

But still, Klaus refused to sleep. He'd nodded off earlier, got an hour, maybe an hour and a half of sleep, and then promptly woken up when the sickening feeling of falling, then being impaled on an iron fence-

Klaus squeezed his eyes shut and flinched away, a whimper dying in his throat. 

 _That._ That was the reason he couldn't sleep. Couldn't risk the nightmares, the night _terrors._ God, the night terrors. While not as bad for Klaus, as he didn't really remember them beyond a vague sense of wrong-ness when he woke up in the morning, they were a special kind of hell for Nathan, who had to watch his brother thrash and writhe and cry out in unadulterated agony as he relived the horror of his death in his sleep.

The nightmares weren't much better, with the added bonus of Klaus remembering them in _vivid_ detail upon waking up.

So, to summarize: no sleep.

This lasted about three days until it all went to shit. 

~~~

"You look like shit." 

While not the ringing endorsement he'd wanted to hear at the godawful time of 6:30 in the morning, it spoke volumes that Klaus wasn't at all surprised by the assessment. 

"Why, thank you," the Necroscope drawled tiredly. "The wonders it does for my self-esteem-!"

Curtis gave him a concerned look; "You alright, man?" He asked, and Klaus felt a muscle in his jaw jump.

"Oh, no, I'm just _peachy,"_ he snapped with venom. "Abso-fucking-peachy. Waking up screaming, waking up crying, waking up with a piece of fucking fence through my chest- yeah, I'm doing fucking _swell."_

Curtis only raised his eyebrows. After a moment, Klaus sighed and muttered a small; "sorry."

"It's alright," the athlete said. "No harm, no foul." 

(It wasn't, really- Klaus had an absolute _vicious_ tongue on him when he was mad, and it worsened when he was sleep-deprived, as they'd come to learn. But, there were Extenuating Circumstances, so they let it slide.)

Simon bit his lip before speaking up; "Does Nathan have any tips on how to deal with… this?" He gestured vaguely in Klaus' general direction; it wasn't hard to hazard a guess as to what 'this' was.

The necroscope's gaze turned weary; "I don't know," he said at length. "Never really had any reason to ask, if you can believe it."

"You should ask him," Alisha pitched in. Kelly nodded in agreement. So did Curtis and Simon.

Klaus rolled his eyes; "And wouldn't that be a pleasant conversation, eh?" He asked sarcastically. "'Oh, hello Nathan, I was wondering if you might share with me the secret of how you got over your brutal murders at Dad's hand?'"

"I wouldn't call it pleasant, but I don't think it'd be the shitshow you're imagining," a voice from behind him drawled, and Klaus whirled around in time to see his brother finish descending the stairs, an odd look upon his face.

"In saying that, I'm not sure it would be a particularly fruitful endeavor, brother dear," the younger twin confessed. "If only because I didn't exactly ever find a way to, er, _cope,_ with Dad's habit of brutally murdering me every other Tuesday."

Klaus rolled his eyes; "It was more than every other Tuesday, you podge," he said, though he looked thoroughly downtrodden. 

Nathan must've been able to see it written on his features, as he slung an arm around his twin's shoulders before saying; "Chin up, Klaus, the world still spins yet. We'll figure something out, I promise you."

Klaus didn't look too convinced, but everyone was too polite to point it out.

"Where is the probation worker?" Nathan asked, squinting around the room as if Sally would magically pop out from behind a door or something. "She's late again."

"And you're complaining?" Curtis asked, and Nathan's stare turned pensive.

"Yes," he bit out. "Remember, we still don't know _why_ she dropped off the face of the Earth. She was digging around our lockers last Klaus saw her, and we _know_ she was looking for evidence against us- what if she found it? what if she's gone to the police and they're waiting with handcuffs, ready to cart us off to prison-"

"I think that's her replacement right over there," Simon interrupted, and they all turned to look as a man walked through the front doors.

He had a perpetual unhappy look to his face, like someone had skimped on the meat in his sandwich. **("Excuse me, barmaid, I'm afraid you've brought me the wrong offspring-" wait, hang on, wrong fandom, whoops-)** His hair was messy, and his eyes were tired.

Klaus decided he hated him instantly.

"Who are you?" Kelly asked, sounding thoroughly unimpressed. 

The man gave her an annoyed look; "I'm your new probation worker." He drawled, and Nathan's frown deepened.

"What happened to the other one?" He asked suspiciously, and the probation worker turned his dead-eyed fish stare on him.

"She's gone." He said simply, and Klaus snorted.

"Very descriptive; what happened to her?" He asked, and the probation worker narrowed his eyes.

"Who are you?" He asked. "They didn't mention a sixth one." Klaus pointed at Nathan.

"I'm his brother," he said, and the probation worker squinted at them for a moment, then nodded grimly.

"Twins," he said distastefully. "I hate twins." Nathan scowled.

"We're not too fond of you either, mate," he snapped, and the probation worker leveled him with a glare, then turned to Klaus.

"Try not to get in the way too much," he said, and Klaus scowled and crossed his arms over his chest.

 _"Beiß mich,"_ he hissed.

The probation worker ignored him; "Now, this is where I'm supposed to make a big speech about you paying your debt to society and making a difference," he deadpanned, sighing. "But, let's be serious. We've all got things we'd rather be doing." 

He looked at Nathan; "See your mates?" Klaus; "A little drug use?" Then to Curtis; "Making love to your beautiful Italian girlfriend?"

They all glowered at him, and he rolled his eyes; "I'm talking about me." He said flatly,  then gave each one of them a look that was equal parts condescending and expectant. "Now, let's just get through it and get out of here, all right?"

Klaus glared hatefully at his retreating figure; "I _hate_ him," he hissed. Nathan nodded in agreement.

"He's a prick," he said, then turned to his twin; "You wanna split, or…?" Klaus shook his head.

"Where would I go?" He asked a little wryly. "Yiayia won't let me work since I've just come back from the dead and all, and I'm not exactly in the mood for any raves, not that any would be on at this time of day…" he trailed off, fingers tapping an irregular yet worryingly familiar pattern against his leg.

Nathan narrowed his eyes; "Klaus-"

"Oh come on!" The necroscope burst out. "It wouldn't be drug use, it'd be self-medication!"

"And then it'd turn _into_ drug use," Nathan fired back. "Come on Klaus, you've been off the heavy stuff for almost a year and a half now-"

"And I'm not sleeping!" The necroscope hissed, absolutely furious. "Look at me! I've got more bags under my eyes than I did when I had the mausoleum to contend with, and I'm miserable for it!" 

"Just one hit, please Nate," Klaus begged, eyes huge. "Just a little- just enough to take the edge off, so I can _sleep-"_

"And what happens when that stops working, mmm?" Nathan asked sharply. "You build up a tolerance _fast,_ Klaus, I've seen it. When the drugs stop working, what then? Take more? And what then? More, again?" Nathan shook his head. "The drugs won't help, Klaus-"

"So what am I supposed to do?" Klaus asked, volume rising. "Because you're just _full_ of helpful tricks, aren't you? 'Don't take the drugs, Klaus,' alright genius, what then? What's your master plan to keep me afloat, eh? Because the way I see it-"

"If that brother of yours is distracting you, he'll have to go!" The probation wanker yelled, and Klaus exhaled shortly.

"See you around, Nathan," he muttered, clapped his twin on the shoulder, then left.

~~~

Currently, Nathan felt like the Shittiest Brother In The World.

His brother, who had literally taken a plunge off a building and reanimated to tell the tale, had come to him asking for a solution, and what does he do?

Lecture him about drug use.

The brunet shook his head. Fuckin' brilliant, Nathan, ingenious, really.

"Who're they?" Kelly's voice shook Nathan out of his reverie, and he looked up in time to see her gesture to the people in front of them, painting.

The Probation Wanker had a pained expression on his face; "It's an art therapy class," he said around a longsuffering sigh, and Nathan knit his eyebrows.

"They're mentals?" He asked, and the Probation Wanker gave him a Look. 

"You want to say that a bit louder?" He asked in an undertone, then gestured to a woman who didn't look to be altogether present; "I don't think the weird-looking one heard you."

Nathan frowned.

 _I should be over there,_ the thought floated across his mind, unbidden. _Along with all the other 'mentals…' God, Nathan, get a grip, you sound like a protagonist in some coming-of-age novel._

"-try and treat them with some sensitivity and respect." Nathan tuned back in just in time to catch the tail end of the Probation wanker's sentence. "Think you can manage that?" Nathan frowned and crossed his arms. 

"So, what do you want us to do?" He asked, and the Probation Wanker gestured at a mural on the wall opposite them.

"For starters, paint over that piece of shit," he said, and Nathan turned around, sizing it up.

"We should get Klaus to paint over it," he said conversationally. "He was always the best artist of us all, and that's saying something, because there were a lot of us." Kelly frowned and looked around.

"Where is Klaus, anyways?" She asked, and Nathan sighed heavily.

"Gone," he answered simply. "We- don't know if you heard, but we got into a bit of an argument."

Kelly whistled; "What was it about?"

Nathan looked away, uncomfortable. "Oh, you know, the usual," he said airily. "Rent, who ate the last cookie, Klaus' desire to dive headlong back into hard drugs."

Kelly choked; _"What?"_

"He's not sleeping, Kel," Nathan said miserably. "Night after night he wakes up sobbing his eyes out and clawing at his chest- thinks he's being impaled all over again." He ran a hand through his hair; "Klaus has always had a propensity for bad ideas, but this one is one of his worst, I think. He thinks going back to stuff in a needle will make him sleep better," the brunet elaborated. "Which I mean, it will, it just won't be the kind you wake up from."

Kelly nodded grimly, then paled; "And you don't know where he is?"

"Ben does," Nathan said immediately. "He's been following him for a while now- pretty damn good deterrent if I do say so myself, since I can manifest him from here. All the same, though," the brunet sighed heavily. "I wish I wasn't so fucking useless."

"You can go after him, if you like," Kelly offered. "We'll cover for you."

Nathan gave her a bitter smile. "And what would I say?" He asked. "I don't know if you've noticed, Kelly, but lately Klaus and I haven't been the greatest of friends."

Better terrible truths than kind lies, a wise (and very dangerous) man once said. Sometimes, though, Nathan found he preferred the kind lies.

Because the terrible truth was that Nathan and Klaus _hadn't_ been getting along, like, at all. Constant bickering, consistent arguing- even a shouting match here and there. The sad thing was, half the time Nathan couldn't remember what they were bickering about- things just escalated, as did their volume level.

And it all manifested itself in a nice little ball of dread nestled inside Nathan's chest.

"I just want to _help,_ but I don't know _how."_ The brunet said hopelessly, and Kelly sighed.

"Just be there for him, Nate," she said tiredly. "That's the best you can do, for now."

~~~

While Nathan and Klaus had their own twin thing to deal with, Simon found himself with an equally pressing issue:

Lucy.

The girl from the psychiatric unit had found him, literally. She cornered him after community service, much to his discomfort.

"I can't believe it's you," she whispered, one hand coming up to cradle his cheek. "You're really here." 

(Intensely uncomfortable, Simon leaned away from her.)

"I tried to see you after you'd left the unit," Lucy continued, uncaring to Simon's plight. "They wouldn't give me your phone number." 

 _And for good reason,_ Simon thought. _I_ asked _them not to._

Lucy cocked her head to the side; "Didn't you get the letters I wrote you?" She asked, and her expression turned stormy, setting off alarm bells in Simon's head; "Why didn't you visit me?" 

The blond finally managed to unstick his tongue long enough to reply; "They said I shouldn't have any contact with the patients." He said haltingly, and Lucy breathed a sigh of relief.

"I knew it," she said. "I knew you wanted to see me."

Simon chewed his lip. What could he say, really? Lucy had been his friend in the unit, yes, but that was a long time ago. Things were different now- _he_ was different now, or so he hoped. 

He couldn't bear to go back to the person he was before, and he knew with absolute certainty, that if she could, Lucy would undo all the progress he had made.

But he couldn't tell her that. He just couldn't. He couldn't hurt her, not for no reason.

(And, also, because if he was being honest, Lucy scared him a little.)

"I think about you all the time," Lucy said quietly, not tearing her gaze away from Simon. He was incredibly uncomfortable with it, and absently wondered if this was how people felt when he maintained eye contact for a moment too long- "Do you think about me?"

Simon nodded jerkily. _Liar._  

"Come see me tonight," Lucy proclaimed, and Simon's brain short-circuited.

"I'm busy tonight." He blurted, hoping it sounded like the truth and not a half-cooked lie.

Immediately, Lucy's face fell; "But you have to come," she pleaded. "There's so much I want to tell you."

Simon shook his head; "I-I can't-"

"Promise me," Lucy interrupted him, a dangerous sort of intensity to her voice, and almost instinctively, Simon nodded.

"I-I should go," he stammered, making a loose gesture towards the door. Lucy's face fell.

"I miss you," she said, and Simon wasn't so stupid that he couldn't hear what she wasn't saying, _I'm lonely, I miss you, please don't leave me again._

"It's good to see you." He said in lieu of anything meaningful, and then left, leaving Lucy alone in a darkened locker room.

~~~

The next day Lucy cornered him again.

"Where were you?" She asked, something heartbroken in her eyes. "I waited for you, you promised!" 

Simon nervously rubbed the back of his neck

"There was something we had to do," he said awkwardly, gesturing to the others. 

(He was lying. There wasn't anything they had to do, he just couldn't bear to see her, couldn't bear to see the echoes of the person he used to be reflected in her eyes.)

Lucy's gaze flickered to the ASBO shitheads behind him, and her eyes narrowed; "You were with them?" She asked, and Simon shuddered at her tone. It was delicate, light, airy… dangerous.

"Y-Yeah." He stammered, and Lucy's eyes narrowed further.

(For a moment he thought he saw murder in their depths, but then he blinked and it was gone.)

"Visit me," she proclaimed. "Tonight."

Simon nodded jerkily; another lie. Lies, lies, lies.

Satisfied with his bastardization of the truth, Lucy walked off, back to her easel, and Simon breathed a sigh of relief, only to tense up again when Nathan came up next to him and asked if he knew her.

"No," he said. (Liar.) Nathan peered at him sideways.

"Are you trying to shag her?" He asked, then shook his head, "She's not that mentally ill." A pause. "Or maybe she is." 

Simon glowered at him; "Shut up." He snapped, and Nathan raised his hands in a mockery of a placating gesture.

"No offence," he said, then, to Simon's growing horror, turned to address Lucy directly; "A lot of people say I'm mentally ill," he called. "Obviously I'm not, cause I'm here, and you're there, with the other crazies."

If Simon were a stronger person, a little less kind, maybe he'd point out that with the traumatic childhood Nathan had, maybe he should be over there too. Maybe he should be in a unit, too.

But Simon wasn't a stronger person, he wasn't a little less kind, so he didn't point any of that out.

(Behind her easel, Lucy painted over Simon's eyes with broad, angry strokes.)

~~~

"It's difficult for me," Nathan confessed to a certain blonde whose name began with a K. "We've got the same powers, yeah, but a totally different application and relationship with them. The ghosts don't bother me, because I didn't spend half my childhood locked in a fucking crypt for 25 hours a day, 8 days a week. In turn, I can't- I can't understand Klaus' PTSD from the fall and dying because I grew up with it. It was a normal part of life for me." He hesitated before adding; "I want to help, but I don't know how."

Kelly was quiet for a moment, considering her answer; "I think all you can do is be there for him," she said. "Like I told you earlier."

Nathan groaned and collapsed backwards across his shitty mattress; "But what does that _mean?"_ He beamoned. "I'm used to dealing with mausoleum horror stories, not this shit."

Kelly rolled her eyes. "Be patient with him, for starters," she said a mite bit waspishly. "Accept that he's going to have off days. And don't give up on him." 

Nathan peered at her, offended; "I would _never_ give up on my brother." 

Kelly nodded at him; "There you have it, then," she said, taking an exceptionally long drag off her cigarette. "Just try and be patient with him." 

Nathan sighed and stared morosely at the ceiling; "You know, when I was younger I used to want to try therapy," he said conversationally. "Now I'm not so sure."

Kelly peered at him sideways; "You'd probably benefit from that." She observed, and Nathan snorted. 

"Klaus and I both," he muttered, then pressed the heels of his palms into his eyes. "Ugh, this is such a mess… what therapist would believe us, anyways?" 

"Pretty sure if you tell them about the Umbrella Academy shite you'd be good." 

Nathan was shaking his head before she'd even finished talking; "No can do, disco lady," he muttered. "Gotta keep on the DL, lest Ol' Reggie find us."

Kelly stared at him for a moment, then spoke; "You're really scared of him, aren't you?"

Nathan tilted his head back to look at her; "What gave it away?" He asked sarcastically. "My abusive childhood, or the fact that Klaus and I ran away under the cover of night?"

Kelly glowered at him; "Don't be a shite."

Nathan sighed; "It's in my blood, Kelly dearest," he drawled, then fell silent. "I wonder if you'd cry at my funeral."

"You wouldn't really need a funeral," Kelly pointed out. "Since you're immortal and all."

Nathan rolled his eyes; "Alright, Touchy," he snarked, then amended; "Would you cry if I died?"

Despite the asinine nature of the question, Kelly paused to give it some proper thought anyways, which Nathan thought was strangely sweet, all things considered.

"Depends on how long you took to come back, doesn't it?" she replied at length. "Eventually I'd have to assume you'd died for real, you know?" 

Nathan snorted and made himself comfortable on his bed; "I never die for real," he said dismissively. "Reanimation's a bitch."

He peered at her sideways; "I think you'd cry," he concluded. "You'd miss me." Kelly rolled her eyes.

"You think so eh?" She asked wryly, and Nathan raised an eyebrow.

"You telling me you wouldn't miss me?" He asked, and Kelly rolled her eyes and shoved him.

"Of course I would, don't be daft," she said, then took another puff of smoke off her cigarette. 

Nathan didn't realize he was staring at her until she asked him what he was looking at.

"Oh, um-" For some reason, his face flamed red. "I- err-"

Kelly seemed to find a significant degree of amusement in his struggle, and Nathan huffed before looking away, cheeks burning; "I'm no good at this serious, girl stuff," he muttered, then elaborated; "Feelings and shite, y'know?"

"Really? I never would have guessed." 

Nathan flushed deeper; "I fancy you," he bit out, and Kelly raised an eyebrow.

"Thanks." She responded flatly, and Nathan chewed his lip. He'd dug his grave, now he had to lie in it.

"And obviously you fancy me," he continued. "So, the question is, when are we going to seal the deal? Because it's going to happen. I know it. You know it. _They_ know it."

Part of the reason Nathan was such an expert when it came to running his mouth was because he never expected anyone to take him seriously. So, with this in mind, it was completely understandable that he abruptly choked on nothing when Kelly nodded and said; "Tonight."

"R-Really?" Nathan squeaked. "Just like that?" Kelly nodded, an amused grin on her face. "We're going to-?" 

Kelly nodded again, and Nathan scrambled to his feet. (He had no idea where he was scrambling to-) "You won't regret it!" He promised, and Kelly raised an eyebrow, in an "oh really?" sort of gesture, which Nathan took as a challenge.

"You do have condoms, yeah?" Kelly asked, and Nathan snorted.

"Do I have- of course I have condoms," he responded matter-of-factly. "If not for my sake than for Klaus'. I just…" he faltered. "Have to remember where I put them."

Kelly snorted. "Good luck," she drawled, taking another drag off her cigarette, and Nathan took off.

~~~

A short while later, everything went to shit, as it was prone to.

It went something like this:

Nathan: "I was just getting some condoms. You know, for later."

Then, Nathan again: "So, are we just doing it just the once, or will we be at it all night? Should I get two packs?"

Then, Kelly: "It depends on how good you are."

Which alright, more or less the snarky reply he'd been expecting. 

What he wasn't expecting was her follow-up; "What have you got?"

Nathan blinked; "Beg your pardon?" Kelly folded her arms and fixed him with a Look.

"Let's have a look," she prompted, gesturing none too subtly at his pelvis. "Get it out."

Nathan blinked again; "Uh- ngk- you... want to see the merchandise?"

Kelly fixed him with an exasperated look; "No shit." Was her dead-pan reply, and Nathan choked on air for the second time in as many minutes.

"I- er-" 

Things devolved further from there, of course, as they were wont to do. 

"Perhaps it wouldn't be a problem if you didn't have a massive fanny!" Nathan hissed ten minutes later when he ran into Kelly again after a (rather explosive) argument about the size of his cock.

Kelly knit her eyebrows; "What are you talking about?" She asked, and Nathan scowled. 

"I'm talking about your jumbo size twat!" He replied, and Kelly's face screwed up.

"I fucking hate you sometimes!" She snapped. Nathan threw his hands in the air. 

"You started it!" He responded heatedly. "I have feelings!And so does my cock!"

He stormed off after that, missing the lost and confused look on Kelly's face when he did.

~~~

"Something is going on with these kids."

The Probation Wanker sighed and reluctantly gave his attention to the police officer opposite him.

"Their last two probation workers have disappeared," he said. "They just vanished."

The Probation Wanker sighed; "Listen, I know these type of kids," he drawled. "They're annoying, lazy idiots. They're not murderers."

The policeman gave him a contemplative look, then said, voice dripping with frustration; "They. Know something. I want to search the building."

The Probation Wanker gave him a look; "Have you got a warrant?" He asked. 

"Do I need one?" The policeman responded, and the Probation Wanker gave a noncommittal shrug.

The policeman gnashed his teeth; "I'll get one," he muttered waspishly, then gave the Probation Wanker a level stare; "You better hope they don't get to you first."

The Probation Wanker rolled his eyes; "I'm shitting my pants." He drawled, disinterested, then turned back to his paperwork.

And Simon, who had been standing outside the door, invisible, came to a heart-stopping realization:

He had to move Sally's body.

~~~

He'd managed to get pretty far, actually, but was ever so rudely interrupted when Curtis punched him on the nose and then backed him up against the wall.

"I should finish you!" He snarled.

Simon flinched away; "I'm sorry!" He gasped, heart thudding in his chest. Oh, fuck, he knew about the blowjob- 

"Why'd you hurt Alisha like that?" Curtis demanded, and Simon balked, confused. 

"I never hurt her." He said, yelping when Curtis slammed his head into the wall behind him. - 

"Don't fucking lie!" He snarled. "Why did you-"

"Get _off_ him!" 

Kelly and Klaus ran into the room, the latter barreling into Curtis to push him off Simon. On the other side, Alisha and Nathan walked through.

"Ooh, a catfight?" Nathan asked, then sat down on the trolly Simon had been wheeling earlier."This is going to be interesting."

Klaus stared at Curtis, then at Simon, who was quite obviously cowering away from him, and asked, in a voice that was Most Displeased; "What the _hell_ are you doing?"

Curtis didn't respond. 

"Oi!" Kelly shook him. "He asked you a question-"

"What happened to all the blood?" Curtis interrupted, staring at Alisha with no small amount of shock in his eyes.

The brunette knit her eyebrows; "What are you talking about?" She asked, and Curtis ran a hand through his hair.

"You- You said he attacked you," he said weakly, gesturing at Simon still cowered against the wall.

Alisha frowned; "No, he didn't," she said slowly, confusion clear in her tone.

Curtis looked over at her, bewildered.

"In the locker room," he said, confusion clear in his voice. "Your face was all messed up. You said he attacked you." Alisha squinted at him.

"What are you talking about?" She asked. Beside her, Klaus frowned.

"Alright, maybe we should just take a step back. Something's obviously going on, we should-" 

"I think he's been wanking over me." Alisha said, effectively cutting across Klaus. The brunet sighed before letting his hand fall limply at his side.

"Or we could keep hurtling accusations left right and center," he muttered as Curtis rounded on Simon with a glare.

"I haven't!" The blond squeaked, eyes wide and panicked and _scared_. "I- honest!"

Nathan snorted; "Well that's very convincing," he drawled, then frowned and started picking at the tarp across the trolley he was sitting on.

No one noticed, though; "She gave you a blow job?" Kelly blurted suddenly. She rounded on Alisha; "I read his mind. He says you sucked him."

Alisha scoffed; "If I was going to suck someone, trust me, it wouldn't be him." She snapped, pointing at Simon. His eyes flickered down to the floor, a flush rising high on his cheeks.

Curtis didn't look convinced, though; "You sucked him?" He demanded, and Alisha rolled her eyes.

"No, you dick!" She snapped. "I already said that, didn't I?"

Poor Simon looked like he wanted to run far, far away. Kelly took pity on him; "Be straight with us," she said gently. "Did she give you a nosh?"

Slowly, under the collective glowers of almost everyone in the room, Simon nodded-

"Is this a fucking _dead body?"_ Nathan exclaimed, scrambling away from the tarp, under which rested a dead body. He looked at Simon wildly; "You killed her?"

Simon's face went ashen and pale; "I-I didn't mean to," he stammered. "She was after us, remember? Y-You told me to keep an eye on her, keep her off the trail-"

"That wasn't an invitation for you to fucking _murder her!"_ Nathan exploded. "What, did you get bored of words and figure a wee bit of killing would get the job done quicker?"

Simon looked like he was going to be sick; "She was engaged to Tony, the first probation worker," he explained, voice trembling. "She found out about us killing him." 

"What, so you kill her?" Klaus snapped. "That's brilliant, problem solved!"

"She was going to the police!" Simon retorted desperately, pleading, _begging_ them to understand. "I didn't mean to kill her, it was an accident!"

Klaus scoffed and shook his head; "You're a weird little psycho, and now everyone knows it." He snapped, then stalked off.

Nathan grabbed him as he walked by; "Klaus? Where are you going, we have to-"

"Get _off_ me Nathan," Klaus snapped, pushing his twin away. "Go away! I have things to do, piss off!"

A hurt expression crashed over Nathan's face- they'd bickered, yes, but not to the point of physical violence; "Klaus? What-?"

But the brunet was already gone.

There was a beat of silence, then Nathan turned back to the others, a lost expression on his face.

"What now-" he began to ask, but was cut off when the door to his right opened.

"Christ on a bike, I don't know what is going on with my guts," Klaus announced as he strolled out. "It's all hot cross buns and Easter Eggs when Jesus gets resurrected, fuck me."

They all stared at him owlishly for a moment, then Simon spoke in a high-pitched voice; "That wasn't Klaus?" 

Nathan shook his head, looking like he'd just downed half a pint if vinegar in one sitting; "No," he confirmed, voice reedy. "But whoever it was, they know we killed our probation workers."

 


	27. Update (don't panic)

So. Um. Here's the stitch, lads. 

I need to put this book on hiatus. A very _long_ hiatus, for two reasons, both of which are related to each other:

One, I've run out of pre-written chapters. The reason I was able to have such consistant updates before was because for a week or two back in May, this story was literally ALL I WROTE. Seriously. I was damned obsessed with it.

And I still love writing it, and it's still so much fun, but... (and this is the second reason) at the moment, I just don't have the time I need to keep those updates coming because surprise, like everyone else I am being suffocated by my workload in school. 

I'm so sorry, everyone, but until a time wherein I have some breathing room, I'm gonna have to take a break.

I will come back, though! Might take me a hot minute, but this story is not abandoned! Not by any means! As soon as I either have less work, or figure out how to balance the work I have, I can guarantee the chapters will come back because dammit I refuse to not finish this story! I'm too invested and have too many plans for it to give up on it!

See you later, chaps, whenever that later may be.

-kjm126316

PS- when the next chapter goes up, I'll delete this note just so everything flows nicely again XD

**Author's Note:**

> Alright alright alright! So, here's the story morning glory (literally, in this case) this work was entirely inspired by s0ng_0f_st0rms story "Four and Seven," which you all should definately go read. I've also been trying to get into the habit of writing linger chapters, so that might mean a while without updates when I run out of pre-written chapters... but that wont be for a while hopefully XD anywho, see you guys next chapter.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [All The Wealth Between These Walls (Will Never Buy The Thing Called Love)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/20987423) by [Smiley5494](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smiley5494/pseuds/Smiley5494)




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